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August 2015 Moms
ckennett62814
member
baby shower...
ckennett62814
member
So my mom and grandma are planning my baby shower and I know what date it's going to be because I didn't want to be too surprised (so I made sure I dressed up and looked good) anyways, the shower is about a month and a half away and my mom called my mil to give her a heads up so she doesn't make other plans. Well, she isn't coming because she already has something that day. She is a judge at horse shows (pretty much every weekend of the summer) She kind of made a big deal about it to my mom because it wasn't convenient for her, but what I don't get is I looked at her horse show calender...she is busy EVERY single weekend of the summer! Am I crazy to think she is rude for not making other arrangements for someone else to judge that day? I am so upset and hurt by this...it's not like my mom didn't give her enough heads up!!! As it is, I doubt very many of my husband's family will even come, a lot are out of state or they live over an hour from where the shower is being held. If she doesn't end up coming, I will be pissed and I probably won't be talking to her much. It really sucks that my in laws live right across the street from us! And I should mention that my me and my mil aren't very close, but I still want her there!
Re: baby shower...
I think you hit the nail on the head when you said "there are just some things in life you shouldn't miss out on," but not in the way you think. I don't think most people view a baby shower as a "do not miss under any circumstances" event. The "do not miss" event is actually coming to see the baby when it arrives. It honestly is not a big deal if someone can't be at the shower, and I would never expect anyone to rearrange their life or back away from prior commitments because they had a conflict. This is especially true given that you aren't very close. It's ok to be a little bummed that she won't be there, but it would be out of line to stop talking to her over it or to hold a grudge.
You have to remember - the baby might be the most important thing ha ppening in your life, but it's probably not the most important thing happening in anyone else's. Life goes on as usual for other people in spite of your major life events. Have fun with the people who can be there, and celebrate with your in laws another time.
Just a side note, many horse shows are scheduled a year in advance. They have special passes, hotels, and other things that have to be approved months before hand. The judges are typically published online 4-6 months ahead of the show, and there is rarely a weekend that a judge won't be booked out for a show.
Formerly known as Kate08young
August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Married: 7/22/14
Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms
Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms
TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017.
Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.
This sort of reminds me of the post from a woman a while back who was devastated because her gender reveal plans were thwarted by an ultrasound tech who spilled the beans by accident. Things like this are really just not worth being upset over. They just aren't real problems, and they aren't a big deal unless you make them into a big deal.
Also, if it was so important to you that she be there, why didn't you run the date by her before the venue was booked and paid for? Some people might consider it rude if someone planned an event without clearing the date with a guest whose attendance is viewed as mandatory. Your MIL might justifiably be annoyed that you didn't even give her a chance to weigh in before booking something, and now expect her to move all her plans around to accommodate. Maybe this particular show is important and can't be moved, but she could have cleared another weekend. This, more than anything, is what makes me feel like you're creating drama out of nothing. Your behavior here wasn't perfect either.
You asked for opinions and you got them. Sorry if you don't like them.
You posted on a forum. There are rules but none, I repeat, NONE of them say anything about having to automatically agree with everything.
Formerly known as Kate08young
August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Married: 7/22/14
Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms
Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms
TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017.
Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.
Honestly, I think women on the boards are very empathetic and understanding when someone has a real problem - just look at the posts for people who are having issues with their pregnancies or are in pre-term labor. The issue here is that this is not a real problem. I'm sorry that you feel ganged up on, but you're over-reacting and getting bent out of shape over nothing (2 nothing's, actually: the shower itself and not getting the responses you were hoping for). Everyone does crazy things when pregnant and it's easy to get emotional over nothing. All anyone is saying is that when you take a deep breath and think about it you'll realize that none of this was worth being this upset over.
I think you sound selfish. It's a baby shower. You're saying, you are so mad that she won't be able to go that you won't speak to her? Yea. That's way too extreme. Hopefully, you realize that in the grand scheme of things this is not worth breaking relationship over.
Also, you're being incredibly dramatic because people aren't coddling you.
I agree with @californiadream87, I feel bad for your MIL. You didn't give her a chance to tell you what dates would work for her, but you're going to hold a grudge over it anyway? That's a terrible way to treat someone.
Also, calling someone a horrible person is so much more hateful than telling someone that they might benefit from counseling if they over-react to minor disappointments with devastation. My takeaway from this is that you think it's fine for you to be rude and thoughtless to others, but God forbid anyone behave in a way that you perceive as rude and thoughtless towards you.
Sorry, but I can't let this go. There is NOTHING wrong with getting help if you need it. Life is hard, shit happens, and sometimes people have a hard time dealing with it. If you really are struggling with anxiety/depression, you should get help. Because I can promise you it will be worse with a newborn. The advice would be the same if you had cancer or the flu: see someone and make it better. Her suggestion was one out of concern for you and your health, not looking down on you. Also, I find the women on this board to be incredibly supportive, but also very honest. I expect my friends (especially my good ones) to tell me when I'm acting like a spoiled brat or being dramatic. To me, that shows they care enough about me to tell me the truth instead of just telling me what I want to hear. It does me no good. I admire that the women on this board will tell me if I'm being overdramatic or rude if I need to hear it. If you feel like you're in the right in this situation, my advice would be to just keep telling people until you find people who agree with you. This world is a big place, I assure you that you will find someone. But if that place isn't here, there is no need to bash any posters for telling you the truth. We all need a dose of reality sometimes.