Feels like my world is upside down

LalanChris · May 2015

I went to the er at 3 am Sunday morning and discovered I could be headed for a miscarriage. This morning I woke up, and knew it was happening. All the emotions are so raw right now, I think I'm still in some kind of denial phase. I made it to 10 weeks, so I thought this pregnancy was going to make it. My 3 other miscarriages happened super early on, just a few days after missing my period so I didn't have the chance to feel excited about a new baby. My DH doesn't want to talk about it, I understand he's dealing with this in his own way, but I need to talk about it. Some moments I'm fine and others I can't hold it together. I had to go to the store and the first thing I see when I walk in is a pregnant woman. I lost it and went straight to the restroom as quickly as possible. I know it's going to be a while before I'm okay with it all. Glad I have a place to go to let things off my chest especially since no one besides my DH and our oldest daughter knew about the pregnancy.

jessicalacey1226 · May 2015

So sorry you're going through this! Sending you lots of love and peace.

ivfmommy1228 · May 2015

I'm sorry for your loss. I completely understand. Seems like everything in the world is related to pregnancy, babies or children. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

kimey1 · May 2015

I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope this space helps for you to vent & get support!

MVCL7788 · May 2015

Prayers for you, I absolutely understand feeling like everyone is pregnant around you. I hope you are able to get the support you are needing.

BostonBaby1 · May 2015

I am so sorry for your loss! I basically have not left my house since my D&C except to go to the hospital for complications, but I completely understand where you're coming from when you say that seeing a pregnant woman is so upsetting. Even when I'm watching them on television or reading the news, it is reminding me of what is no longer there.

I'm so so sorry that DH doesn't want to talk things out with you. Hopefully you'll feel that this is a place that you can come and get the support that you need. (((Hugs)))

Again, I am so sorry for your loss!

twointow83 · May 2015

(((HUGS))) and prayers. It will take some time but it will get easier. You will never forget your angel but eventually it does get easier. Food for thought- You might consider giving your angel a name (there are lots of gender neutral names). For me it helps to give them names because A: who wants to say "the baby we lost ___insert time frame__" all the time B: That baby was a life, no matter how long they were with you and giving a name, in a hard to explain way, makes them more tangible, so to speak. Like they made a mark on the world. It's healing in a way. C: If they had been born they would have received a name so why shouldn't they still get one? Just the way I look at it, you don't have to agree. I don't think I could have healed without giving them a name. It's nice to be able to say "I miss ____", "I am thinking about ______", etc.

As far as hubby, my hubby is doing the same thing this time. Our previous loss he grieved right along side me, but this time I honestly can't tell if he is grieving or not because he doesn't show it and won't talk about it... I give him the benefit of the doubt that he is, in his own way, but I get what you are saying completely. I think before a certain point, like when they feel the baby kick for example, the baby is an abstract idea to men. We feel pregnant, we bond in a way men just can't before that point. So, while it may still hurt them, I don't think it hurts them in the same way as us. This is all speculation, of course, but it seems to be the case for my hubby. Like I said, last time he grieved right along side me.... but I was halfway through my preg that time and he got to feel him kick and such. This time, not so much, but I didn't even make it to 8 weeks.

I hope something I said helps. Just know that you aren't alone. ((HUGS))

LalanChris · May 2015

Thank you ladies so much for your kind words and understanding as well as your advice, and hugs. It's still pretty hard for me today. It's the first day I am alone, my DH works out of town. I was fortunate enough to have him around these past days, it's not easy for him to get time off. During the time I had with my DH he finally opened up to me about his feelings. He was so distraught with the loss of our little one he didn't know what to say, or how to act. He had already gotten it in his head that this time we were going to get to have our baby. We've suffered 4 losses, I don't know if I mentioned that before. He like me was very excited about having another child. We were scheduled for an ultrasound in a couple of weeks, he was able to take time off for that. Instead of going to see our baby we are going to have a burial, which I think will be good for both of us. I would definitely like to give our baby a name, obviously not the ones we had picked out because they weren't gender neutral.

Feels like my world is upside down

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