My intro

nrocke129 · May 2015

This past Friday my husband and I went in for out 20 week appointment and to go over anatomy ultrasound results. All the results came back normal. We went into the ultrasound room to find a heartbeat. I had an anterior placenta so sometimes heartbeat had been hard to find. Well in the room we discovered there was no heartbeat. 3 hours and 3 more conformations later we were admitted to the hospital to deliver my son. Medications were started at 5:30pm and at 5:45 am I deliverd. We had barely discussed names so he will not be named and we are comfortable with that. It is now Tuesday and today has been one of the worst days emotionally. I am also recovering physically from the delivery. Taking things step by step and day by day.

MamaBish · May 2015

I am so sorry for the loss of your little boy. It's such a hard thing to have to go through! Just be kind to yourself and take things one moment at a time. It's so, so hard. Know that we are here for you and we know what you are going through.

((hugs))

msunshine123 · May 2015

@nrocke129 - I am so sorry for the loss of your son and to welcome you to this board. My heart breaks for you and your husband and all that you are experiencing. Learning your child does not have a heart beat causes your own heart to break. I received the same news at 39 weeks day of labor starting (my son died of a cord accident). The first few days, weeks and even months are so hard. Be patient and kind with yourself. You did not want or do anything for this to happen - you would have done anything for your son. Your son knows nothing but the love you and your husband had for him. Even if he does not have a name now you can always choose one later if you want. There are no set rules in this process and you are doing the best you can during an impossible time. Take each moment and day one at a time. Just getting out of bed is an accomplishment in the beginning. This board and my local hospital's perinatal loss group have been very helpful for me. So many hugs to you.

nrocke129 · May 2015

Thank you for your kind words. I know I will always have times that are rough emotionally. It is the physical healing that I wish I could be done with. It is a constant reminder. I went to the store with my husband and walked around for 30 minutes and had a quick lunch. By the time we got home I am very crampy and the bleeding is slightly heavier. I shouldn't take any more meds for another hour and a half. I am struggling with how much my life is stopping right now. I wish I could just start finding my new normal without the physical limitations. I know I can't rush this but swollen breasts and cramps without a baby seems cruel to me right now.

MamaBish · May 2015

Ugh, the physical reminders are awful. I totally get it. I'm 2 months out from my loss and I am still spotting every day. I just want my body to return to normal.

msunshine123 · May 2015

So may hugs. The physical reminders and the pain that you deal with physically after loosing your child is cruel. I wish there was an on/off switch that nature could use to stop the physical pain in the case of a loss because it hurts even more.

MCH77 · May 2015

I'm so sorry for you loss. ((Hugs))

tpete12 · May 2015

I am sorry for your loss. I was in a similar situation last June. We went in for an ultrasound at 22 weeks to learn that our baby girl was no longer with us. The whole delivery was a blur to me, but I do remember feeling relieved when it was all over and baby was here. The next couple months were really hard for me, especially when I was leaking milk through my shirt. I thankfully did not bleed for long, but the cramps lasted quite awhile longer. As you heal, please remember to cry when you need to, get angry when you need too, but don't forget to feel happy when you can. My husband and I healed in different ways, he wanted to "forget" and move on, where I wanted to keep remembering and move on. It did cause some stress on our marriage, but we really did come out stronger on the other side. There will be days where you are able to take 10 steps forward, but there will also be days where you just want to run away and hide. Time will pass, and although you don't forget, you learn to manage. On June 20 we will have successfully survived 365 days since we lost our little girl (who we did not name) and I still have days where I want to crawl into a hole and cry, but those days are getting fewer and fewer as time passes. You and your husband will be in my thoughts and prayers. Feel free to ask me anything! Sending love your way!

OSUWifey09 · June 2015

I've become more of a lurker, but I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry for your loss. *hugs*

nrocke129 · June 2015

Thank you ladies. I am definitely having a bad day today. A couple simple errands did not go smoothly today and I have emotionally lost it. I now have my husband worried about me because I called him at work crying. I am now in bed snuggling with my dog. Trying to relax so hopefully the rest of the day gets better.

tpete12 · June 2015

I remember having many of those days. Thank heaven for dogs and beds! I found as long as I accomplished something in my day - groceries, laundry, getting dressed - I was doing okay. If you find yourself not moving forward, I hope you can find the right person to help you out. I found myself laying in bed one day wondering if I would ever be "okay" and then one day, I just was. I hope your "okay day" comes soon.

ikrystal · June 2015

**ticker warning**

I am so sorry for your loss. It never gets easier to hear that someone else has lost a baby. If you ever need anything, this board is a wonderful support system. Sending strength and love.

stefuge · June 2015

I am so sorry for your loss. These ladies are an amazing source of comfort.

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