Dad's going out

alyssamarshall · May 2015

Does anyone else get mad when there bf/hubby goes out or even to a friends on the weekends and your stuck at home because your pregnant. Idk if I'm being selfish or have a right to be mad. We're both having a baby, we should both make sacrifices..shouldn't we?

CaliforniaDream87 · May 2015

So that means he can't have any fun?

I'm different I suppose. My husband rarely gets a chance to go out and enjoy himself. I see nothing wrong with it every once in a while and I actually try to convince him most times to go. I don't think he needs to be stuck in the house because I'm pregnant. IMO, you sound a bit selfish but maybe there's more to the story....

missmychard · May 2015

It's hard to ask for advice in a forum like this because it totally depends on your relationship. My husband and I generally spend time either together or with other couples, and on the rare occasion that he wants to do something with the boys, I don't mind. That being said, it's very infrequent and he would never leave me alone just because I'm pregnant.

kettlekitten · May 2015

I don't mind if he goes out once in a while (he works hard and studies hard so doesn't get much opportunity). He is a great husband and dad so I have no problem with it. However, if it was every weekend, I would be getting pretty pissed off and would expect him to spend more time at home with me!

love4yourlocks · May 2015

I never mind when my husband goes out but it is RARE so I doubt it will even happen while I'm pregnant. He is going on a mans camping trip though. We all have to be our own people still.

Baby2HG · May 2015

My husband works two jobs. One is part time on the weekend. So I don't mind him winding down with friends from time to time. I also miss him. It's only me and DD spending time together. He gets home at midnight so if I have the energy I stay up with him. At that time its just me and him. He rubs my belly because baby #2 is always awake that late. If you miss him tell him so, ask for a weekend just you and him enjoying each other and pregnancy.

fionalouise007 · May 2015

My husband still goes out.. But by out I mean out with friends, to the football or ice hockey - not really going out and getting drunk and coming home and being a loud drunk pest. So I think it depends which 'going out' you mean.. He's at the ice hockey right now and I stayed home and had a bath and made chocolate rum balls without the rum so I could eat the mixture (no raw egg!) while watching reality TV. So I'm quite happy at home by myself.. Haha. I enjoy the down time and he's really present and wonderful when he IS home, and I think that's what's important to me. If I wanted to go out with him I could as I'm usually invited, but to be honest I'm so tired I mostly choose to stay at home and avoid the late nights.

Seed0824 · May 2015

It depends. My husband rarely goes out so I encourage it but I usually go out too because I feel great so far. If I didn't feel well and he kept leaving me or if he was out all the time spending no time whatsoever with me, I would probably have an issue.

vtgoodspeed · May 2015

I get mad right now, but its mainly because we are having major relationship issues. He works long hours and I maybe get to see him two hours during the week and then he takes off. My situation is more extreme right now, but if it was where it was with the first, I'd have been okay with it as long as it wasn't every Friday and Saturday and that I had some quality time with him.

bpwife&mama · May 2015

CaliforniaDream87 said:
So that means he can't have any fun?

I'm different I suppose. My husband rarely gets a chance to go out and enjoy himself. I see nothing wrong with it every once in a while and I actually try to convince him most times to go. I don't think he needs to be stuck in the house because I'm pregnant. IMO, you sound a bit selfish but maybe there's more to the story....

This. My husband is very dedicated to his family and rarely goes out. I don't mind when he decides to go out and I am at home with DS. He also works at a federal prison so I understand that he needs to unwind and have a beer with friends occasionally. I'm not sure I understand why you can't go out either. Obviously as long ashore not drinking you could go out as well.

GirlOnTheBeach · May 2015

The idea of each of us going out separately is kind of a foreign concept to me. It's not something that even crosses our minds to do. DH and I have the most fun when we hang out together with our friends. He was the last of his guy friends to get married and he and I had been very close friends for about 6 years before we even started dating, so maybe those factors are part of why we are the way we are.

I think in the almost four years of our marriage, he's gone to a movie once with our guy friends while I was at work. It was a movie I didn't want to see but he really did and I had to push him to go (he planned on just staying home). I wouldn't mind him going out now and then but I think it would be weird for one of us to go out with friends while the other is bored at home. That's just how we are though, and everyone's relationships are different.

nakoppel · May 2015

Like the poster above me my husband and I don't typically go out alone. When we both have plans with our separate friends we ALWAYS invite each other however we don't always both wanna go. For example, last night my hubs was going out with his best friend for his bday. I was invited but I was too tired/sore to go. So they went to dinner and a movie and I stayed home and frankly I was happier that way. My husband has also gone away twice for the weekend since I've been pregnant. It didn't bother me, once was to see his dad who he NEVER sees. The other was for training in his side business he really needed. Just because he's going out without me doesn't make him not supportive. But like others have said it really depends on the relationship.

cg0112358 · May 2015

Are you on bedrest? I guess I don't understand the "stuck at home because you're pregnant." I have no problem with DH going out but I also get time do the the same. I have a girl's night every few weeks and DH watches the kids while I go out. I'm definitely not out as long as I would have been before pregnancy but being pregnant doesn't mean I can't go out and have some fun.

EmEeGee · May 2015

I agree... This seems relationship specific. My husband works a stressful job at the state department and if he wants a night out, I assume he needs it. He usually always invites me but I know sometimes he just needs a guys night. I guess my question is why OP feels stuck at home? If you're wanting to go out too, say so to him or call some girl friends and do the same.

Joie80 · May 2015

DH rarely goes out. In fact, I wish he'd got out occasionally. So, no, I wouldn't mind if he hung out without me periodically. I agree it depends on your relationship. I'd need more details to make a call.

sarahmu7 · May 2015

I just don't understand. I got out all the time with my husband. We still go to bars and everything, I just have a water. It's not that bad. Very rarely does he want to have a boys night, and if he does, I usually go out with my girlfriends. It all works out.
That being said, I also see the other side of the coin. I had no idea one of my husband's friends was married until his wife and 16 year old daughter came to our engagement party. There's all types of people I guess.

missmarissa711 · May 2015

My SO drives for a living, so he is gone 2 weeks and home 2 weeks. When he is home, we spend lots of time together. My poor hubby works so hard and deserves a night out with his buddies. He often asks me if I want to come with him, but I usually have no interest in going to the bar for a drink at 10 at night, lol. And besides, just like I want to spend time with my girlfriends, he wants to spend time with his guy friends. Now, if It was a situation where he was going out every night and coming home wasted, that would be a different story. I would have zero tolerance for that. So I don't know what your situation is exactly, but if he is just going out once in a while, I wouldn't harp on him too much. Just keep an open communication with him and just tell him how you feel.

Miz_Liz · May 2015

I'm not trying to be mean or sound rude, but I honestly think that you and your SO need to have a serious talk or seek counseling. The reason I say this is because this is the third or fourth time you have posted about being upset when he goes out - and one of those posts went into more detail about him smoking/drugs, etc. Clearly there is a lot more back story here than any of us can understand and it is obviously bothering you a lot based on how often you have posted about it. Without knowing the entire situation, it is very hard for any of us to say that you are overreacting or that he is in the wrong, but it is not healthy to have something that is bothering you this much constantly looming over your relationship. I am sorry you are going through whatever the two of you are going through, hopefully you can work throuth it now before baby gets here. Good luck!

babycurrysmom · May 2015

I'm in the same boat. And it doesn't help that I'm unemployed and am always home alone.

SashaDenn25 · May 2015

@Miz_Liz agreed....my H never goes out. He plays softball on Wednesdays which is a beer league but I know I cant go whenever I want. On the RARE occasion in our entire relationship hus friends have ever asked him out they typically ask the both of us and I usually invite girlfriends and we kind of split off in guy and girl groups. Wednesdays are his outlet right now though since I dont ever really feel like being up and out anywhere past 10 or 11 anyways! Everyone needs an outlet but you sound very lonely and need to stick up for yourself by just letting your partner know, but you have posted a couple other times on the matter. You need to do whats best for your mental health right now so you can have a happy and safe pregnancy...

heidiwylie · May 2015

Almost any chance my hubby gets to go out I make him go. He is a bit of a homebody so I try to force him to get out when he can! Plus I really like me time and having some space. We spend plenty of time together but it's so important to have time apart too. I would go crazy if he was around me 24/7

jesicabrennan · May 2015

I kind of like it when my husbands goes out. I can make whatever I want for dinner, watch what I want on TV, go to bed at 9pm with no one snoring next to me. As lots have said, it's rare that he goes out but I actually enjoy the time alone!

LittleFox2015 · May 2015

I have issues with my hubs going out late at night. I don't see a reason for a married man to close out the bars. On the times he wants to go out and do something with his buddies on a weekend, I don't get mad but i feel non priority. A lot of that has to do with me working 5am-2pm and him working 3pm-11pm. He is also a reservist and is gone one weekend a month and at least one more weekend day to see his parents. But i acknowledge that he needs time with his friends and that while I personally might not like it, that is my personal problem. If i wanted to go somewhere without him he would most likely be fine with that.

Saratiff · May 2015

Miz_Liz said:
I'm not trying to be mean or sound rude, but I honestly think that you and your SO need to have a serious talk or seek counseling. The reason I say this is because this is the third or fourth time you have posted about being upset when he goes out - and one of those posts went into more detail about him smoking/drugs, etc. Clearly there is a lot more back story here than any of us can understand and it is obviously bothering you a lot based on how often you have posted about it. Without knowing the entire situation, it is very hard for any of us to say that you are overreacting or that he is in the wrong, but it is not healthy to have something that is bothering you this much constantly looming over your relationship. I am sorry you are going through whatever the two of you are going through, hopefully you can work throuth it now before baby gets here. Good luck!

Lol @Miz_Liz I was like for Pete sakes haven't we seen this post like three times? Then it's the same OP. My answer has not changed since the pervious three posts.

Miz_Liz · May 2015

Saratiff said:

Miz_Liz said:
I'm not trying to be mean or sound rude, but I honestly think that you and your SO need to have a serious talk or seek counseling. The reason I say this is because this is the third or fourth time you have posted about being upset when he goes out - and one of those posts went into more detail about him smoking/drugs, etc. Clearly there is a lot more back story here than any of us can understand and it is obviously bothering you a lot based on how often you have posted about it. Without knowing the entire situation, it is very hard for any of us to say that you are overreacting or that he is in the wrong, but it is not healthy to have something that is bothering you this much constantly looming over your relationship. I am sorry you are going through whatever the two of you are going through, hopefully you can work throuth it now before baby gets here. Good luck!
Lol @Miz_Liz I was like for Pete sakes haven't we seen this post like three times? Then it's the same OP. My answer has not changed since the pervious three posts.

I thought I was having deja vu too, so I had to go back and look, and sure enough....

TheWhitfields · May 2015

Miz_Liz said:
I'm not trying to be mean or sound rude, but I honestly think that you and your SO need to have a serious talk or seek counseling. The reason I say this is because this is the third or fourth time you have posted about being upset when he goes out - and one of those posts went into more detail about him smoking/drugs, etc. Clearly there is a lot more back story here than any of us can understand and it is obviously bothering you a lot based on how often you have posted about it. Without knowing the entire situation, it is very hard for any of us to say that you are overreacting or that he is in the wrong, but it is not healthy to have something that is bothering you this much constantly looming over your relationship. I am sorry you are going through whatever the two of you are going through, hopefully you can work throuth it now before baby gets here. Good luck!

It's hard to say it more clearly than this. It's obvious that you are going through things both internally and with your SO. It would be best for everyone, namely the little one that's coming, for you two to work through things before she/he gets here. Personally, I don't like to be left alone for extended amounts of time either, however my SO is the same way so we work well together. This doesn't seem to be the case for you, so the best thing you can do is to seek counseling.

NBMerriman · May 2015

Is there a reason you are stuck at home (ie on bed rest?) I was very surprised to read how many people here rarely go out without their DH's (by "out" I don't mean bars - I mean just getting out of the house and doing things). DH and I are both very active people and play on different sports teams and volunteer on different board, so we are generally each out a few times a week for activities (which we are cutting down on in the Fall - but not completely eliminating). And while all our friends are each other's friends, it's nice for me to have some girl time or for him to have some guy time without each other every now and then. Last week I was away with girls at a bachelorette party, and the week before he was away for a bachelor party. I would never think twice about him going out with his buddies - but at the same time, he generally doesn't go to bars (unless it's a pub for a few beers with the guys after hockey, etc). I have full trust for him and would never get mad - and we respect each other and enjoy spending time together, so we would never leave each other home alone to go out with friends on a regular basis. It sounds to me like you have other issues in your relationship that you need to work out..

lilhoek · May 2015

I on bedrest and my husband is a SAHD. He goes out every Tuesday night bowling and maybe once or twice a month with his friends for other stuff, like movies. He seriously waits on me and our kids hand and foot while he is home, so I am happy when he gets a chance to go recharge and not think about the craziness at home. I also like being alone (as some have already said) and if my friends want to hang out, they come over here. We have always done things separately (he hates musicals, I hate horror movies- we go with our friends to these things), but we come together for our babies and church and most meals.

As others have said, if he was going out and shutting down the bars, I would have a REAL problem- but he is going to the drive in or to a friend's house and always comes home safely and arranges for anything I need before he goes. I know where his heart is- even when he is not physically with me.

alyssamarshall · May 2015

Lol wow woman like you make it hard to vent on here. If you wanna make comments like that you should really just not write on the post, easy as that

EmEeGee · May 2015

alyssamarshall said:
Lol wow woman like you make it hard to vent on here. If you wanna make comments like that you should really just not write on the post, easy as that

I'm not sure who you're referring to, but I think you got some good honest advice. If your intention was to "vent" and receive zero feedback then I would recommend taking your own suggestion and not post. Obviously you feel that something is off in your relationship so did you want us to tell you the opposite?

Miz_Liz · May 2015

alyssamarshall said:
Lol wow woman like you make it hard to vent on here. If you wanna make comments like that you should really just not write on the post, easy as that

When you start a thread with, "Does anyone else get mad when there bf/hubby goes out or even to a friends on the weekends and your stuck at home because your pregnant. Idk if I'm being selfish or have a right to be mad. We're both having a baby, we should both make sacrifices..shouldn't we?" you are asking a question, this is not venting. Venting would be posting something like, "I am so sick of DH going out all of the time while I stay home, I feel like I am the only one making sacrifices," on the Monday Bitchfest, Tuesday Twatwaffle, WTF Wednesday thread. But when you specifically ask a question, one that you have now asked multiple times, people start to think that there is something deeper going on, and believe it or not, people feel bad for you or worry that you are in an unhealthy situation. Everyone gave you advice based on what you posted and what you have posted on the same topic multiple times in the past. It is not good etiquette to post a question on a public forum and then get mad because people obviously didn't tell you what you wanted to hear and so as a result you say they just shouldn't post.

CaliforniaDream87 · May 2015

alyssamarshall said:
Lol wow woman like you make it hard to vent on here. If you wanna make comments like that you should really just not write on the post, easy as that

The quote button is your friend.

If you don't want HONEST feedback then don't post your relationship business on a public forum. Easy.

bpwife&mama · May 2015

alyssamarshall said:
Lol wow woman like you make it hard to vent on here. If you wanna make comments like that you should really just not write on the post, easy as that

Stop venting to internet strangers then and have a talk with your immature boyfriend.

cg0112358 · May 2015

alyssamarshall said:
Lol wow woman like you make it hard to vent on here. If you wanna make comments like that you should really just not write on the post, easy as that

If you don't want people to answer your questions then don't post a question, easy as that.

Once you post a question, or anything honestly, you cannot control the responses. Some people may agree, some disagree, everyone is different and will have different opinions. If you can't handle that then you should post on an open forum.

candicejeff2013 · May 2015

Yes. You have a right to be upset/hurt if he goes out every week without you. I'd be the first getting upset and would def let him know. With that being said, my husband plays water polo recreationally 3xs a week and I don't mind that AT ALL. He's usually gone for 2hrs each time. You should def express your concern to your husband/bf. I don't believe it's fair.

sjra1028 · May 2015

My husband used to go out allll the time. An hour would turn into 8 hours. We used to live close to his friend's house and they would drink all the time. It almost led to a divorce, honestly. One time he forgot his house keys and banged on my window at 5 am bc he shat himself. Lesson learned. Lol I took my precious time letting him in the house that morning.
Thankfully we've moved and he doesn't do that anymore. But I feel your pain. It can be very upsetting given the circumstances.

lizzierider · May 2015

Just because you're pregnant doesn't mean you can't go out to dinner with friends. I would never tell my Husband he can't have a life because I'd rather sit at home.

candicejeff2013 · May 2015

^^ I don't believe the original poster' was telling her husband/boyfriend he can't have a life....yikes.

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