Also, if you're out there judging me at all about what I said i'm begging you to keep it to yourself because that loss was excruciating and I cant deal with criticism around it yet. thanks.
@CMDD My heart is breaking for you right now. I'll admit openly that I have a very strong fear of ancephely and I think it's amazing that you are able to be open about your loss.
It's alright. I knew I would get a bunch of people knocking what I said about my faith. What I said was out of respect and was addressing those that were asking where God was in their previous posts.
I don't think it's right to knock someone for what they are expressing. This is a public forum and whether I'm atheist Buddhist or Christian, and I should be free to express that. Anyway, I say that all not to start an argument.
I respect anyone's faith or decision to do what they want. I will tell you this. I related to both views. Before my first pregnancy, I was like the women saying they wouldn't do it, relying on faith, no amount of testing would change anything. After losing my daughter though, I became a different person. "Why didn't I prepare myself?" Completely traumatized and forever changed. Even if she had survived, how much she would have been loved but I would have seen her suffer.
It's not about knocking your faith but it's SO much more than just faith or what you believe in.
Due 11.16.17 Baby Girl 12.9.15
MC 2.1.15 @ 5 W - Chemical MC 4.7.14 @ 21 W - Turners Syndrome
Take God or faith out of the picture. I cannot stand, just like @CMDD mentioned in another post, how people are jumping straight towards "I'm not doing it because I'm not going to abort." Do you really think that's the main reason why women get it done? I don't know stats but I bet you the ones who do (and were put in a VERY difficult position to decide that) is a small percentage. I don't care if you do or don't but quit saying the no, because I would love him/her regardless & wouldn't abort bullshit because all of us would too!
Thank you! Well said. I guess I am the only on on this forum who will admit that openly. I will terminate pregnancy with any trisomy defect.
@peevpee we let our baby go last time at 14weeks because she had 1/2 of her brain missing and the area was filled with fluid. She wouldn't have survived birth and it was the hardest decision DH and I have ever made but we decided not to put her through suffering one moment and just to let her go then. She had triploidy and my doctors later told me she was already dying in the womb. I'm still in therapy for this and don't usually tell people why we lost our baby because it's hard to understand what it's like to have to make such a f'd up decision. Every single day I wonder if I should have let myself miscarry or gone into labor only to lose her. I guess that's why it's so frustrating to me when people write that they would never do genetic testing because they'll love their child no matter what. I loved my child too and if she could have lived with half of a brain and 69 chromosomes I would have been blessed, but she couldn't.
Hey ladies, I say this with complete respect and I'm trying to be sensitive. I respect people of all types of faith but just wanted to speak up, as a Christian.
I've noticed a bit of tension between trusting in God for everything to work out and the doubt and confusion that comes when things don't work out.
I understand fully what it's like to trust God for something and for your heart to end up broken. You question Gods love and mercy and even his existence. I've walked through that and it's awful. But that doesn't mean that God wasn't there. God mourns for us and our babies more than we do.
It's okay to get angry with him and ask him the tough questions. He can handle it and it's his desire to be the comforter in times when you don't understand.
I've personally had a miscarriage and it made me so angry with God. But he walked me through it and I trust him now more than ever. We named the baby, and their name means wisdom, because we gained so much of it. She got her miracle. She might be in heaven, but she is made whole and she is happy.
I have learned to speak life over this pregancy. I trust it will go well. But no matter what, I can say that my God is a good God and a Father who loves me more than anything.
I just had the genetic testing done yesterday, results in 10 days. We chose the Free Cell DNA blood test which is way more accurate and only has a 0.1% chance of false positives unlike some of the more traditional tests- but since it's new, it's not covered by insurance, Only $100 through our doctor though. Our thought process (if it will help anyone else to make the decision):
We will NOT terminate the pregnancy regardless of the outcome, however knowing in advance will allow us to prepare in two ways:
1. It will give us time to work through our own emotional issues so that when the baby comes, we're ready to be fully engaged parents- not panicking over what we're going to do or mourning the change. I don't mean the word "mourning" to be negative at all, just acknowledging that when reality is different than the expectations, there's often some sadness that things didn't work out as planned- even if it ends up better in the long run!
2. We live on the other side of the country as our family and a positive test would probably be enough to move us back east to be near a support network. Getting that all sorted out before baby comes will be so much easier.
We tend to be very spontaneous, laid back and adaptive and tend to avoid excessive medical interventions so we almost chose not to do the testing (because, "hey, we'll just roll with it!") but in the end, we decided doing it was best choice for our baby and that trumps any thing else in my mind.
Also, we're not finding out the gender- they just omitted that in the test so there's not even the risk of us unintentionally seeing it. Just because you can determine the gender through these tests, doesn't mean you have to do it. Don't let that be a deciding factor if you do or don't do it.
I just had the genetic testing done yesterday, results in 10 days. We chose the Free Cell DNA blood test which is way more accurate and only has a 0.1% chance of false positives unlike some of the more traditional tests- but since it's new, it's not covered by insurance, Only $100 through our doctor though. Our thought process (if it will help anyone else to make the decision):
We will NOT terminate the pregnancy regardless of the outcome, however knowing in advance will allow us to prepare in two ways:
1. It will give us time to work through our own emotional issues so that when the baby comes, we're ready to be fully engaged parents- not panicking over what we're going to do or mourning the change. I don't mean the word "mourning" to be negative at all, just acknowledging that when reality is different than the expectations, there's often some sadness that things didn't work out as planned- even if it ends up better in the long run!
2. We live on the other side of the country as our family and a positive test would probably be enough to move us back east to be near a support network. Getting that all sorted out before baby comes will be so much easier.
We tend to be very spontaneous, laid back and adaptive and tend to avoid excessive medical interventions so we almost chose not to do the testing (because, "hey, we'll just roll with it!") but in the end, we decided doing it was best choice for our baby and that trumps any thing else in my mind.
Also, we're not finding out the gender- they just omitted that in the test so there's not even the risk of us unintentionally seeing it. Just because you can determine the gender through these tests, doesn't mean you have to do it. Don't let that be a deciding factor if you do or don't do it.
That is exactly the reasoning why we are doing the testing. As I mentioned earlier, my DH has a best friend with a 1.5 year old little girl with severe epilepsy and potentially some additional issues they haven't been able to diagnose yet. They consider her an anolomy. Every test tells them she shouldn't have her seizures. They cannot find the cause. They have no idea what's going on. But her condition is very very serious ... lots of medications, hundreds of seizures a day, developmental delays, cannot eat (has a feeding tube), and so many other things. They didn't find out about her condition until she was 2-3 months.
Their (the husband and wife) reactions to her diagnosis were very very different. You may think you're both on the same page about how you would handle something like this but you really don't know until you've been through it. They had a really really rough year. They were trying to care for their child and her needs while also coping with the fact that their daughter would likely never walk, talk, be able to feed herself, etc. They had to come to terms with what that meant for them as individuals, as a couple, as parents, as family members, as friends. It changed their world and they both handled that very differently and it tore them apart. It's been over a year since her diagnosis and they are JUST NOW feeling like they are on the same page as one another.
If there is any way that DH and I can give ourselves time to prepare, plan, understand each other's emotions and feelings we are going to do it. We both find it incredibly important to have the time to come to terms with a particular diagnosis, agree on a game plan, open up to each other, find support resources, and whatever else is necessary to support not only our baby and their needs but also ourselves as individuals and as a couple. We've watched his friends go to hell and back and if we can avoid some of that, we absolutely will.
Yes, false positives are possible and yes, they could potentially cause undue stress and worry. But, as a PP stated, I would much rather go through the ringer preparing myself for a particular diagnoses and then joyfully find out our child is fine than find out our child has a disorder and have to live the life our friends have lived for the last year.
I completely understand everyone's right to make their own decision on this very very personal topic. I will never judge anyone on their decision and what they feel is best for them. But for us, what's best for our child (especially if they are diagnosed with any sort of issue) is to have parents who are a united front and are 100% physically and emotionally ready to handle their needs ... and for us, that only comes from knowledge and the ability to prepare.
I don't really have a problem with genetic testing. If someone wants to do it that's great. If not that's great too. There are certainly some situations that warrant the testing. I just have a problem with people dehumanizing people with disabilities. Of course there would be preparations and work but every child is a unique gift and has the right to be thought of that way.
Parenting is hard in general! We can never fully prepare for what will happen with our kids. We can have healthy babies who end up with health problems down the road or behavior problems during teenage years. We just never know. There are some people who would say that their children with disabilities ended up being less work than their "normal" children. Every child is a blessing no matter what happens. Genetic testing or not I wish everyone healthy pregnancies and I pray for you all.
Also, if you're out there judging me at all about what I said i'm begging you to keep it to yourself because that loss was excruciating and I cant deal with criticism around it yet. thanks.
I seriously can't imagine anyone judging you for this. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that.
I don't want to quote anyone, but just pointing out to those who said the test was positive or negative, there is no such thing with these tests. It is only a measurement of risk. Only a diagnostic test like the CVS or amnio can give a yes or no answer.
I don't want to quote anyone, but just pointing out to those who said the test was positive or negative, there is no such thing with these tests. It is only a measurement of risk. Only a diagnostic test like the CVS or amnio can give a yes or no answer.
To their credit, when you look at some of the tests websites they do come back with a "positive" or "negative" result, but those results are quoted as positive or negative for a particular probability. They don't guarantee it, but they give a positive for having a high risk for the issue or a low enough risk to consider it negative.
I don't like using those terms either because they sound finite but some of the companies actually use those terms I've included a link to the Maternit21 test information page. Definitely not the terminology I would use.
Genetic testing doesn't mean doomsday, or potential pregnancy termination of something isn't what is expected. I believe it's better to know early on, and have time to start the grieving process if needed and be prepared a little better for the struggles that may be ahead of you. We have MR/DS on both sides of our family and we got genetic testing done with our first 2 and are going next week for this baby. It's all about what you think is best for you and your family and also does your insurance cover it, a lot of insurances require paper work/preauthprizations and some have high company's for the testing.
Re: To do genetic testing or not?
I don't think it's right to knock someone for what they are expressing. This is a public forum and whether I'm atheist Buddhist or Christian, and I should be free to express that. Anyway, I say that all not to start an argument.
Baby Girl 12.9.15
MC 4.7.14 @ 21 W - Turners Syndrome
:x
Parenting is hard in general! We can never fully prepare for what will happen with our kids. We can have healthy babies who end up with health problems down the road or behavior problems during teenage years. We just never know. There are some people who would say that their children with disabilities ended up being less work than their "normal" children. Every child is a blessing no matter what happens. Genetic testing or not I wish everyone healthy pregnancies and I pray for you all.
I don't like using those terms either because they sound finite but some of the companies actually use those terms