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June 2015 Moms
britneythebridexo
member
PSA for Family? *Venting
britneythebridexo
member
So what I'm about to show you is the PSA i have to put on my Facebook. I know I know that it makes me look like a controlling b*. But sadly if I don't all these things will happen. Let me explain myself..
1. If I don't make it clear that the only people allowed during L&D is Me, DH, MIL, and my mother. My whole family will show. My mother will drag along my 14 year old brother and 8 year old sister. My grandma will be running after the nurse for the epidural (I'm the only one in my fam who delivers naturally and they freak out when I have BH) The whole family will show if I don't tell them to go.
2. My whole family is a big cloud of smoke. They chain smoke. Baby gifts or any gifts for that matter are covered in smoke and nicotine. Last gift took me 5 washes and two drys with 6 dryer sheets. My family is also notorious for wearing the same outfit for 2 days in a row. Also DHs sisters are big soccer players and are often covered in sweat but usually they know to clean up before holding baby.
3. Why do I even have to mention this one? It honestly should be common sense. You just walked through a germy hospital up into my room and expect to hold my baby.
4. For some reason my grandmother and MIL and the SILs love kissing on the little ones. So much as to kiss them on the mouth. No please no. I don't even kiss my newborn babies on the mouth.
5. Once again I come from a family where I'm the only one who breastfeeds and they think it's disgusting. My MIL was an avid breastfeeder with DH so she's a lot more understanding and even helpful at times. I even had breastfeeding issues with my 1st so quiet and focused breastfeeding sessions are a must.
6. Last time I had a girl whom I went to school with, I had one class with this girl. She showed up to the hospital with her mom... Most awkward moment ever for me. My wedding my moms friend (whom I don't quite know well) showed up to my wedding... uninvited.... She would prob do the same with baby at the hospital.
7. Advice. As a quiet and reserved girl ( which you prob can't tell via this post) I let a lot of people really push their advice and ways on me. I cry sometimes looking at my son's newborn pictures because I wasn't strong enough to stand up. But this time I'm obviously ready and not afraid to well tell people to shove it...
For the note at the bottom last time my family got all bothered because I mentioned the whole not smoking,clean shirts, and washing hands like I was being stuck up awful B for that one thing I asked and they made a big cry on Facebook about it.
1. If I don't make it clear that the only people allowed during L&D is Me, DH, MIL, and my mother. My whole family will show. My mother will drag along my 14 year old brother and 8 year old sister. My grandma will be running after the nurse for the epidural (I'm the only one in my fam who delivers naturally and they freak out when I have BH) The whole family will show if I don't tell them to go.
2. My whole family is a big cloud of smoke. They chain smoke. Baby gifts or any gifts for that matter are covered in smoke and nicotine. Last gift took me 5 washes and two drys with 6 dryer sheets. My family is also notorious for wearing the same outfit for 2 days in a row. Also DHs sisters are big soccer players and are often covered in sweat but usually they know to clean up before holding baby.
3. Why do I even have to mention this one? It honestly should be common sense. You just walked through a germy hospital up into my room and expect to hold my baby.
4. For some reason my grandmother and MIL and the SILs love kissing on the little ones. So much as to kiss them on the mouth. No please no. I don't even kiss my newborn babies on the mouth.
5. Once again I come from a family where I'm the only one who breastfeeds and they think it's disgusting. My MIL was an avid breastfeeder with DH so she's a lot more understanding and even helpful at times. I even had breastfeeding issues with my 1st so quiet and focused breastfeeding sessions are a must.
6. Last time I had a girl whom I went to school with, I had one class with this girl. She showed up to the hospital with her mom... Most awkward moment ever for me. My wedding my moms friend (whom I don't quite know well) showed up to my wedding... uninvited.... She would prob do the same with baby at the hospital.
7. Advice. As a quiet and reserved girl ( which you prob can't tell via this post) I let a lot of people really push their advice and ways on me. I cry sometimes looking at my son's newborn pictures because I wasn't strong enough to stand up. But this time I'm obviously ready and not afraid to well tell people to shove it...
For the note at the bottom last time my family got all bothered because I mentioned the whole not smoking,clean shirts, and washing hands like I was being stuck up awful B for that one thing I asked and they made a big cry on Facebook about it.
Re: PSA for Family? *Venting
If your not wanting a flood of visitors, stagger your announcements. That's what we are doing but people don't need to know that's what your doing.
Prior to the family that smokes visits just put in your text if it's okay to hold off having a ciggi until after meeting the baby. Or you could buy cute "grandma" "grandpa" t shirts ad ask that they change into them prior to
Holdig baby for photos?
Don't release every detail on Facebook about your birth then you won't get everyone visiting and handle kissing/bfing issues when they arise.
I tend to take a last minute approach to my guidelines. "Can I hold the baby?" No, I don't want him exposed to smoke, maybe some other time when you haven't been smoking." Or "yes, but can you please wash your hands first? He's so young and vulnerable, and please don't kiss him yet, I'm not quite ready for that." or ."So great to see you, girl whose name I'm not sure I know, thanks for thinking of me, its so kind of you. I am exhausted and the baby needs to nurse, perhaps we can catch up some other time." They aren't recorded in a written way and they are delivered privately to those that need to hear them.
ETA figured this would be a good one to QFP
Also don't refuse advice. You never know what you don't know and what could be useful. Just use your own initiative and apply/disregard what may not suit
A direct conversation is always the best way to go so there's no miscommunication or hurt feelings on either side.
I wish I could post it like that on fb but I don't want to create dramas!
It's clearly in my notepad but I will be removing the emoticons.
I wish sometimes I could just say no visitors but that's impossible due to the explanation of number one. I honestly wish my family could be more mature in their own ways when visiting a newborn in the hospital. But they will show up covered in smoke, get mad when I push them out before I breastfeed, and not wash their hands before they hold the baby.
Hopefully I can find a mature way of handling these situations with my immature family.
It's all about improvement and better ways I can handle my situation. I really really don't have a high horse head. If the rest of my Facebook doesn't care about the birth of my child then it honestly doesn't effect me. My family sits hours and hours upon Facebook daily which is why I've decided to put it there. I do have people I'd rather not come but will probably hear from someone else. I'd rather not deal with that again this time. Along with the smoke covered clothes, the resisting to wash hands, and the smothering of kisses on my son's mouth when I wasn't looking.
Hopefully I can find a more mature way of handling these issues. Thank you
Because they know she and DHs family don't smoke and support breastfeeding while mine does smoke and think breastfeeding is disgusting but would feel alienated if they were never invited to the hospital.
At this point, it doesn't really seem like you're looking for honest feedback as much as you're looking for people to tell you that you're making the best decision in your scenario. I'm not a person who can honestly give that to you... So I guess the best I can offer, beyond what I already have, is good luck and I genuinely hope this doesn't blow up in your face.
If you do have to put it on FB, it doesn't have to be the minute you give birth. Wait half a day and mention that things have been a little rough and that visitors will need to call/text/FB message before visiting. Also, mention that since babies lungs are so new that you want to limit smoke exposure and germs...
Like other PP have said - your family may be on fb more than any other contactable form of communication, but just don't announce on fb until you are ready for visitors. And - you could have a personal conversation with EVERY SINGLE MEMBER OF YOUR FAMILY outlining your wishes and they can't think they are being attacked, because everybody got the same directives.
Also, a fb post like that has the feel of a public shaming. Maybe some family members might feel burnt because you speak with them about habits they may have in relation to your baby and how you want it handled, but this way you are basically taking that conversation out and having it in front of EVERYBODY that you know. Just like I wouldn't argue with my husband in front of everybody at a social event, I wouldn't criticize possible actions of family members in front of that girl I'm friendly with enough to have on fb but don't really hang out with on the norm - or the girl from hs you had one class with but otherwise don't remember. Because since she is specifically mentioned here, I'm assuming you have her as a fb friend.
The way I do things - family matters are private. It just seems like a huge airing of personal information about your family and yourself that your whole fb world will see. Almost a social media equivalent of hanging your kids soiled bed sheet out the window when you are struggling with overnight accidents - trying to shame them into solving a problem, your way. Not my style.
Good luck with your family and visitors
I've experienced all of those things which is why I even address them. If not I wouldn't say anything.
I do think we all have a say in who sees us with our "mushrooms" exposed.
Is there any way you can send this in a text only to family members? ......
People are likely to lash out on Facebook. Even ppl you don't know that well might comment. Ppl behind computers will say things they wouldn't say to your face.
Like other posters say keep it a secret and off of Facebook. I completely get that if your family doesn't respect boundaries at all this is hard for you.
I was the one that said old smoke smell on clothes f ing grosses me out!
Social media just may not be the way to go.
I would not post this. I would speak individually to the people who concern me about the things that concern me. I get that you aren't generally confrontational, but you're a grown woman about to have your second child. I would refrain from making any FB announcements about the birth of my child and contact those who want to visit on my own with reminders not to smoke and to please wear clean clothes if I felt that was necessary.