Seriously?? DH turned me down!

jmak5 · May 2015

My DH didn't want to have sex this morning because he knows my fertile window is approaching and he said,"lets save it for then since I know you'll want to do it everyday" I tried again later and got turned down again. He's afraid if we do it now he won't be able to do his thing when I'm ovulating. We never had any problems in this department until we started TTC. I'm trying to not add pressure and that's part of the reason I'm encouraging sex when it's not to make a baby. I failed and he's already worried about this next try.. :-S

Mel90412 · May 2015

Perhaps you could have him search info about sperm. Assuming there are not fertility issues, or low sperm count, etc., it doesn't actually make sense to "save up" sperm. It can also be good to release old sperm (for some couples!)

I, too, put some pressure on my H and last cycle he felt like it was a job. we have never had any performance issues ever until last month. So, I've let that go and we've had no baby-making discussions or talks about having sex for purpose. Instead we just hump all the time now. I've got my thermometer and OPKs, and he's got his clueless, gorgeous ass.

I turned off the TTC and turned on the sexy, and it has helped me a lot in the bedroom!

allieinbetween · May 2015

Mel90412 said:
I turned off the TTC and turned on the sexy, and it has helped me a lot in the bedroom!

Totally agree with this! We've had 0 department in the mattress mambo department except when he knew the "window" was approaching, and then it started feeling like a chore. We agreed that this time around he'll be aloof to what's happening to keep things fun.

jmak5 · May 2015

@Mel90412 You are right, I should have never told him when I'm expecting our next FW to be. We both naively expected TTC to be a shorter/easier process and he has had a lot of anxiety about it. After our 4th try, he read online that some studies showed decrease in sperm count, fertility, and sex drive with a medication he was taking for hair loss. My doctor said most of the time the medicine is okay for TTC but that if he's more comfortable not taking it, he can stop and ease our worries. He got off the medicine and this will be our 2nd month TTC without it. I think just reading about the horror stories of the medicine spooked him and we have had a few times he couldn't perform because of his anxiety over it. It breaks my heart to see him so worried. After this time, I won't tell him when the FW is! Hopefully that helps!

cattlebride · May 2015

Lol I get turned down on a weekly basis. I know you did he was "saving up" so to speak, but if you have this problem during your fertile window, I've found out discussion is overrated

I've found if I don't let dh know when the fertile window is and just show up naked, everything is quite a bit more fun and there doesn't seem to be any performance hesitation.

that's been my experience, good luck!

Mel90412 · May 2015

jmak5 said:
We both naively expected TTC to be a shorter/easier process and he has had a lot of anxiety about it.

I think this is true for most couples TTC. I have anxiety about it too! I just keep it to myself more. And, of course, share with all of you lovely ladies on TB.

And who would have ever thought our men would turn us down? I thought that was a right reserved only for the wives!

Hopefully his anxiety will calm down and you can just go back to normal, with you being the only one "in the know" when it comes to your FW!

TheBorg7of9 · May 2015

It's actually healthier for sperm if you regularly ejaculate.

tigerfish227 · May 2015

TheBorg7of9 said:
It's actually healthier for sperm if you regularly ejaculate.

This. Before we started TTC I found out that it is actually better to have sex about every other day throughout your cycle as opposed to just during your fertile window to keep sperm healthy. I use this as an excuse to make sure he keeps up with my drive.

27alex · May 2015

Just try to have sex every 2-3 days. Because I want him to ejaculate every few days, if he's not up for sex I take one for the team and give him a BJ. We had this problem a few cycles and ultimately it was on me for even telling him my window. He likes to know now that we're at the point we are, but I leave an OPK out or send him a screenshot of fertility friend. I mention it once and then leave it alone.

Just don't make it a chore. It should be about your relationship and because you both want sex. Make each other and you wanting each other because you love each other the priority.

hope+joy+love · May 2015

I walk a thin line between telling him about my fertile window and risk messing with his mojo and not telling him and risking him not being in the mood. It is a struggle for sure. He is pretty on board this cycle with trying to hit it eo day. But I realized that even before ttc I was always the initiator so getting him to initiate more sex will probably never happen...

mikaela20 · May 2015

I let my DH stay pretty clueless about my window and details on fertility info. I dont hide it but I don't tell him either. We have sex everyday or EOD all month since deciding to TTC. I do my opk's in the privacy of a bathroom visit or at work and he doesnt get details. But he knows when I come home with a fresh brazilian, it's gonna be a really great sex week

.

DontMakeMeAdult0903 · May 2015

Yea...I mentioned ovulate to DH and he said, "that's not sexy at all. Keep the technical stuff to yourself." #wompwomp

sunflower071913 · May 2015

I think the men feel like they're being used not desired sexually.. I realized this when my DH just looked at me one night and said "you're just ovulating, you don't really want me" in my experience DH likes to feel like I'm attracted to him all the time, not just during ovulation.. My advice would be to have fun with your sex life! After all we won't have this much time to ourselves to have fun once we do get our BFP

jmak5 · May 2015

All your comments make me wonder.. Imagine this same TTGP community with all the males venting and supporting each other... "Every morning I wake up to that annoying beeping thermometer," "I barley step in the door from work and she's holding her ff app - it's time, let's go!" Or " there must be $100 worth of negative tests in our garbage!" "Not another pregnancy announcement, can I hide this from my wife!"

PS- I'm exaggerating, I'm not really like this but the idea is so comical! Lol

Quazel · May 2015

Is he on Propecia, by any chance? I dated someone on that for a long time and it REALLY diminished his drive. As in, more than twice a week was just not possible. I know it is a common side effect. Ditto everyone else but also, if you guys feel it may be inhibiting his performance when you both need and want it, I agree with the doc about going off it.

Jizzill · May 2015

sunflower071913 said:
I think the men feel like they're being used not desired sexually.. I realized this when my DH just looked at me one night and said "you're just ovulating, you don't really want me" in my experience DH likes to feel like I'm attracted to him all the time, not just during ovulation.. My advice would be to have fun with your sex life! After all we won't have this much time to ourselves to have fun once we do get our BFP

My husband is always down for sexing...but when he knows that window is open, he acts all worn out and says 'let's not make this a chore'. I think it's purely psychological. Next cycle I'm not even going to tell him, and I'm sure we'll sail right through without any rejection. FX.

loveymay · May 2015

I'm not actively TTC yet (starting in August) but this cycle I started taking prenatals and temping. I discussed all of the deets of temping with my husband and temperature spikes/ovulation/ CM, etc...he seemed interested (or or at least he made the effort to listen to me talk about it, haha) and has asked me if I've seen a temp spike yet. I don't talk about it all the time or anything, but I definitely discussed it with him and when we start TTC I'm sure he will want to know when my FW is. I told him that we are in this together, and I don't want the full responsibility to fall on me and all he does is show up cluelessly for sex. I decreed that since we both want a child then we both will be equally involved in the process ( as in, I want him to know when the FW is, I don't plan on talking about CM or anything, lol)..... Of course after reading everyone's experiences here, I will be sure not to talk about it ad nauseum once we actually start!

sunflower071913 · May 2015

Jizzill said:

sunflower071913 said:
I think the men feel like they're being used not desired sexually.. I realized this when my DH just looked at me one night and said "you're just ovulating, you don't really want me" in my experience DH likes to feel like I'm attracted to him all the time, not just during ovulation.. My advice would be to have fun with your sex life! After all we won't have this much time to ourselves to have fun once we do get our BFP
My husband is always down for sexing...but when he knows that window is open, he acts all worn out and says 'let's not make this a chore'. I think it's purely psychological. Next cycle I'm not even going to tell him, and I'm sure we'll sail right through without any rejection. FX.

Maybe he's afraid of failure.. I know my husband bragged about being able to knock me up to his friends before we got a BFP. He just "knew" i was pregnant and here we are still trying. It was kind of embarrassing for him at first.. He didn't want to try and then he got deployed and now we're trying again.

jmak5 · May 2015

Quazel said:
Is he on Propecia, by any chance? I dated someone on that for a long time and it REALLY diminished his drive. As in, more than twice a week was just not possible. I know it is a common side effect. Ditto everyone else but also, if you guys feel it may be inhibiting his performance when you both need and want it, I agree with the doc about going off it.

Yes! He was on a generic form of Propecia. He feels it did lower his sex drive. To clarify, he didn't want to "save up" his sperm, he just wanted to save up his drive so he can perform when I'm ovulating. Reading about this drug really freaked him out and got him nervous. It concerned me too but I was very calm about it when taking it over with him- no use for us to both panic! Then I called my doctor to get more information. He got off of it the first week of April but I've read it can take a few months to fully get out of his system. Who knows if this impacted us or not but in the words of my DH, "I'd rather have a baby than have hair." I love him so much, I could care less if he's bald but in the past he was insecure and this drug did prevent him from losing hair.

pulling2gether · May 2015

jmak5 said:

Quazel said:
Who knows if this impacted us or not but in the words of my DH, "I'd rather have a baby than have hair." I love him so much, I could care less if he's bald but in the past he was insecure and this drug did prevent him from losing hair.

This made me cry... so sweet.

Quazel · May 2015

I figured you meant conserve his drive, not his sperm. He definitely needs to be physically able to perform at specific times so I think he needs to be the guide on what he can do. Hopefully it will pick up soon.

My ex HATED that it held him back so much. We maintain a great friendship and I've recently noticed his hair thinning a ton. I suspect he and his DW either hate the lowered drive or are TTC. I wish them, and you guys, the best in getting through this!

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