Pregnant and bed-sharing with a 4 yr old...

caitrae90 · May 2015

I am a stepmom to a wonderful 4 yr old girl (she will be 5 by the time the baby arrives) and I am currently just over 8 wks pregnant with me and my husbands first child together. My step daughter sleeps in the bed with us and although it kind of irritated me previously I just dealt with it because she had always slept in the bed with my husband and her mom. Now that I am pregnant I am waking up in the middle of the night incredibly agitated and frustrated (possibly due to hormones?) and can't go back to sleep because I don't have enough room, can't get comfortable, keep getting kicked and hit, etc. I have moved to the couch a few times lately just so I could get some sleep. I know my discomfort is only going to increase ad i get farther along in my pregnancy and need more room in the bed so my question is have you been in the same situation? If so what did you do? Suck it up and continue bed-sharing because that's what the child is used to? Started the process of moving the child to their own bed? Perhaps you started sleeping elsewhere? I tried to talk to my husband about having her sleep in her own bed before I got pregnant but he pretty much just blew it off. Should I try again now that I'm only going to get even more uncomfortable?

gracefulruby33 · May 2015

I have never bedshared with my daughter, so I'm definitely a bit biased here when I say to kick the poor girl out. She will sleep better in her own bed and you definitely need all the sleep you can get right now. If you plan on having the baby in your room, that will be a nightmare if you're still bedsharing with a 5 year old. Get it done for everyone's sake!

rrr222 · May 2015

I agree with @gracefulruby33 your sleep is the most important right now!

I was having trouble because of my SO snoring - I woke angry until I had a plan. It's just not fun trying to be creative on how to fall asleep at 3 am when you're pregnant.

Quickest solution: Can you sleep in your stepdaughters bed? <-- should be temporary and might still be stressful

The last thing you need is more stress! What is your stepdaughters motivation style?

Could you set up a chart where she gets a sticker for every night she goes in to her bed for the night? Maybe after 5 stickers, she gets to pick a reward from the dollar store? This style works well with my 5yo son.

You could also talk about it and say "one of the ways your going to be such a good big sister is by setting a good example for the baby. Can you help me come up with a good bedtime routine for you that will also be good for the baby one day?" I.e. Brush teeth + sip of water + story + song + night light + lights out

Also, during the day reinforce any independent behavior your stepdaughter exhibits. Tell her how proud you are that she put her dishes away or put her dirty clothes in the hamper all by herself.

I feel for you and wish you best of luck!

Ya Never Know · May 2015

I agree with graceful for the same reasons. When the new baby comes, it will be even more difficult to deal with the situation then.

mamaskittles09 · June 2015

You are a sweet and loving step parent! I think it's sweet that you allowed her to continue this as she transitioned into a new family dynamic. However, at four years old I definitely think it's time she moves to her own bed. You need your rest being pregnant and although I'm sure she will be upset at first, once it becomes routine it will be a thing of the past and she will adjust. Your clearly not putting yourself first here-- and that's very motherly! But, it's time to take care of yourself now though, at least for your new little one. Congrats!

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