Who is going to be there the day you give birth vs. visitors the next day?

momming247 · May 2015

I know we already had a thread about the delivery, but I am moreso asking...who will you have in the waiting room waiting to pop in and see the new LO after he/she is born?

And then who will you allow to visit the following anf subsequent days while in the hospital?

Who are you making wait longer?

I am leaning towards just my immediate family immediately after birth, in laws the next day and that's all. But it's definitely subject to change.

britlee in love · May 2015

If I get my way, there will be no one in the waiting room. I'd like a little bit of time for DH and I to bond with baby before feeling like I have to "entertain."

Basically, in my ideal labor situation, we plan to go to the hospital quietly and after baby arrives call and text our immediate families and bffs. Family, in laws, and bffs are welcome to visit any time after that. I don't really know of anyone beyond that who would care to come to the hospital.

erinboehme · May 2015

I am keeping things quiet while I'm at the hospital and would rather not have visitors, but I also don't have family within thousands of miles. I appreciate that people want to show their love, but my hospital time is my recovery time, not my baby-showing-off time. There's lots of time for that later. Since my husband works at the hospital, realistically some of this will likely not be followed.

texasmomma84 · May 2015

We're very close with all of our family so we will likely have both our parents, more than likely grandparents and probably an aunt along with any siblings and their spouses that would be able to make it. All our immediate family lives within 20/30 min of us and the hospital. We had this many people with the births of both of our sons and I loved having all our family there to meet our boys after they were born!

The days to follow will more than likely just be family and friends from church.

deanna1313 · May 2015

I'm not too picky, but about an hour or so after the birth our parents are welcome to stop by along with our siblings. After that, my grandparents, aunts and uncles and etc can stop by the hospital the next day. I'd like visitors at the house to be kept at a minimum the next couple of weeks so it's easier if they stop by the hospital.

Honestly, I wasn't very tired after giving birth, but most people are and the constant visitors can get annoying. I found it hard to have the nurses check me, breastfeed and just eat a meal while people were visiting.

nrocke129 · May 2015

This is how it usually goes for my family. Immediate family is in the waiting room. Just husband in the delivery room. When the new parents are ready the immediate family comes in a few at a time see the baby for a few minutes and then they go home. They usually come back the next day for some more snuggles. That is a bit of a longer visit.

I don't think it is right to have your immediate family there on the first day but his on the second day. You may of done the work but your husband is also a new dad so that means his parents are new grandparents just like your mom and dad.

kalsleben · May 2015

Probably a bit different because I'm planning a home birth...my MIL will be watching my 3 boys and all will be welcome once baby and I are settled. All my boys were born in the evening, so it was easy to have everyone else come the next day. My family is out of state and generally plan to come a week plus after the due date anyway.

With my first, my MIL, FIL and SIL were all in the waiting room. I wasn't thrilled, but got over it (hubby made them wait to come in until we were nice and settled).

alexisg777 · May 2015

I plan on my 3 older kids going with my sister, and only my husband and I in the delivery room. The next day the kids and others can visit us so there's no entertaining going on and we can enjoy our baby & start to establish our breastfeeding relationship

tate62610 · May 2015

My mom and dad will be waiting to pop in and my husband will be with me through it all. The next day we have a few friends that really want to come by and daughter is welcome anytime after delivery

MrsPopey2014 · May 2015

I would just like my hubby in delivery with me, no one in waiting room to allow us to bond with baby upon arrival. Our parents & siblings can then visit later that day :-) We aren't finding out the gender & don't plan on telling them until they visit :-P

smlowe9311 · May 2015

We won't have anyone in the waiting room. My parents live 30 minutes from us and will also be watching dd for us when we are waiting for this lo to be born. Depending on when this one is born will determine if we want dd and my parents visiting that day or the next (dd was born at 11:49 am so I had no problem with my parents stopping by that afternoon). We THINK we want dd to visit us in the hospital first but haven't really decided that yet. As for dh's family they all live out of state. With dd his dad and grandmother flew in a few days after she was born. I'm not sure if they'll do that again or not.

megewy · May 2015

Just my parents and his parents in waiting room. Anyone else will get a text/call late that day or the next (depending on time of birth)

aah1013 · May 2015

I'll be having a rcs, so there won't be much waiting. I'll just check in and have a baby basically within the hour. I know my mom will have my daughter in the waiting room. My dad may wait or may just come that evening. Not sure about my in-laws. My FIL runs a larger business and my MIL watches my 5 nieces and nephews... Not sure they'll be able to break away. I'm sure they'll visit that evening though. My brother will likely come at some point while I'm in the hospital. SIL's are questionable. My 2 best friends will come, too and my favorite cousin. I think everyone else will filter through over the following 2 weeks at home.

jefinley1 · May 2015

We will be at a birth center, so we have decided that in order to bond together and with our baby, we won't be seeing any family for at least 24 hours. We will call any out of town parents when we head to the birth center. Then we'll send out an email to everyone including family in the area after we get home, which will include some details and reassurances that everyone is healthy, and the day and time frame in which our family can come and visit. For parents and stepparents, it will be about 24 plus after. The logic being to aim for the next day, but give us enough time to relax and adjust in our home for a full day first. Then siblings and other family members will be a couple of days after that, also within a specific time frame. We want to keep it low key. My husband will be taking one week off and have a couple weeks after that where he won't need to travel. After that, he will likely be traveling 60-70% of the time for work again, and with no ability to schedule or manage that time whatsoever. So the time we have together just the three of us is pretty precious. Baby isn't going to go anywhere for all of our family to visit throughout the years, but the little time we have together to remember it sure will!

The only caveat is my right to have my mother, who plans on coming in from out of town early to help prep, come over to help at anytime. My mom and I consider these to be God given mother/daughter rights.

She went through the process of carrying and birthing me, and this gives her certain privileges that she earned through all of the blood, sweat, and tears that she experienced and I will be experiencing in the coming months. It's an indisputably special bond, and it isn't just so that she can get the first glimpse and coo, it's so she can bake frozen meals, help me with breastfeeding if I need it, and assist in anything else that may be sending me and my husband into first time parent panics so that we can actually enjoy the process. As she and my dad live out of town, we decided that by default he will be included in that as soon as he gets in (again, this will be the glamorous experience of running to the grocery store or of being the "we need...." guy). My husband is in complete agreement with this arrangement.

As long as you and your significant other are on the same page with who is there and who isn't and when everyone gets to partake in seeing baby, you're all good. No one else knows the weird ins and outs of your family, which parents and extended family members respect pre-set boundaries and which don't, what kind of dynamics (weddings, births, and funerals can often bring together family members from one side or the other that are tricky to temper when they have to be in the same room vying for the same attentions, especially when divorce and remarriage is involved) are in play with your particular situation, or the insanity level of your life as a couple. At the end of the day, it's an incredibly special experience for you and the person who will be raising your new child with you. That nuclear group has to come first, and anyone who loves you will understand and respect that.

Peony1982 · May 2015

I would be careful saying your parents can be there a day before your inlaws. They are all equally grandparents to the baby, and that's just asking for resentment and fights.

Sbrouwer0706 · May 2015

My husband will be the only one in the delivery room.

I'm sure my Mom will be in the waiting room. Maybe my sister and Dad. I am not sure about my husband's Dad and step-mom. They are welcome to come wait if they want to but I already told them it isn't anything we expect since you never know how long labor and delivery will be.

After the baby is born we will let in any family and a few select friends. My husband is going to set certain visiting hours though because the hospital I am delivering at lets visitors in all day long and there is no maximum time, or maximum visitors for the most part.

momming247 · May 2015

@jefinley1 I was kind of leaning on the mother/daughter support thing too. I just assume ny dad and sister would come with. My in laws would definitely want to visit the baby but they wouldn't be any support so I juse felt 12-24 hours to rest would be nice before visitors outside of my supoint system came. But It's also important to keep DH feelings in mind so I may have to suck it up!

momming247 · May 2015

Excuse my lovely phone typos.

spraklepea · May 2015

No one in the waiting room. Visitors welcome at the hospital later. Not sure when I'll want to have people visit my house.

MamaOwl15 · May 2015

When my son was born, both sets of grandparents and a couple of his aunts and uncles came to visit the day of his birth and the next day. Honestly, I was still drugged from my c-section so I don't remember who was there the first day.

This time, however, my parents live 500 miles away and we've moved 2.5 hours from my inlaws, so I don't know who will be there. I'm thinking maybe we can arrange for DS to stay with the inlaws, either here at a hotel or at their home (pref here). I don't want anyone who wasn't involved in making this baby and isn't involved in the delivery to visit till I've had a chance to shower!

I do want DS to be able to come visit his little sibling as soon as possible (after I've showered, lol), but I also don't know how long I'll have to stay in the hospital. It was 4 days with DS, but I think it would be less with a VBAC.

jefinley1 · May 2015

@mariagie7 That's why I was especially specific about my husband being totally on board with our plan. If someone's significant other isn't OK with the arrangement they have in mind, that would be a problem. They are the equal partner (in most relationships) and a consideration of both partners' feelings and opinions is absolutely necessary, so kudos to you for taking him into account in spite of your preferred experience. That would be hard. A lot of women seem not to.

I don't consider myself as having more rights to dictate the experience than my husband, so I don't think of it as me making it different for or excluding my in-laws by 24 hours. It is us, together, making a decision about the different people factors. While being parents to a child provides equal rights and opinions on all things surrounding baby, being grandparents does not. I was trying to skirt around this tactfully, but sometimes, regardless of whose parents or whose in-laws, people's consistent behavior, good or bad, leads to them gaining or losing privileges. You have to set boundaries to protect yourselves. Maybe this is the case with the OP, which is why I wouldn't make a judgement call on that. I know it is what my husband and I considered in our decision.

StephN310 · May 2015

We won't have anyone waiting and the first few hours after birth are ours. I want time to bond, nurse, and shower before my mom brings my two children to visit. My dad and a friend or two may stop by. I have always left after 24 hours so there really isn't much time. This is my last baby so I am going to be more protective of those first precious hours/days than I was before.

Boonhilde · May 2015

If people want to visit while we're in the hospital that's their prerogative. When we had our first son our hospital didn't allow visitors who were under the age of 12, apart from siblings. However I know not all hospitals have that rule and the one we go to with this son might not, but I think we'll keep the rule, regardless. Or at the very least we'll make sure everyone there is up to date on their vaccinations.

I'm hoping my parents will be in the waiting room and will be able to come in shortly after his first nursing, and bring our first son too.

Dreamingmommy4 · May 2015

With my first we had originally planned on just having my support team at the hospital when I delivered, DH (of course), SIL and my mom, but when we let the rest of the immediate family know I was in labor (my dad, DHs parents and our brothers) they all showed up to hang out and wait. It actually turned out great. I had a giant corner room and they all hung out in there and talked while I was still in early labor and took turns walking with me out in the hall to get labor going. I actually was really appreciative of the whole supportive environment and the fun experience it brought, but that's just me. Once things got serious I kicked everyone but my support team out.

and then everyone was there to meet our daughter within an hour of her being born (but after I had nursed her for the first time). We didn't allow any other visitors while we were at the hospital so we could sleep and recover. Then we had a few people over each evening following when we got home so it wasn't too overwhelming. We probably will do something similar this time around.

momming247 · May 2015

You guys have given me a lot to think about! I'd originally felt support there thr whole time visitors after I am all settled. I know it will be a LOT more stressful knowing the inlaws are waiting as I labor but then again marriage means thinking of the other person. My sister told me that I aside from my parents I will definitely feel the need to sleep, rest and clean before visitors come but maybe I can skip the rest and just clean up quickly so that I am more comfortable with them in the room.

momming247 · May 2015

I'm clueless about this entire process...

StephN310 · May 2015

Sometimes that's better than obsessing over all the details! With my first I was unsure how I would deal with labor and didn't really want anyone to see me like that. Except my DH. And he wanted it to be our moment! Then he saw the birth and he didn't deal very well with seeing me like that and so my sister came for the second birth. But it was precipitous and I was only in the hospital for 20 minutes before he came so it really didn't matter to me who was there. As long as the dr made it!

After having my first I realized how much I loved the first few hours of just us with our brand new little family. And I want that with each baby.

It also has to do with breastfeeding for me. Newborns have a very alert period right after birth and then become very sleepy for the next 8-10 hours. Getting a good, long nursing session in right after birth is important. Newborns are content to starve, and it is very easy to miss the first, subtle clues that they are hungry. A newborn who is wrapped like a burrito and passed from person to person will not show these cues or they will be easily missed.

Peony1982 · May 2015

mariangie7 said:
You guys have given me a lot to think about! I'd originally felt support there thr whole time visitors after I am all settled. I know it will be a LOT more stressful knowing the inlaws are waiting as I labor but then again marriage means thinking of the other person. My sister told me that I aside from my parents I will definitely feel the need to sleep, rest and clean before visitors come but maybe I can skip the rest and just clean up quickly so that I am more comfortable with them in the room.

Please take this is the light hearted way that it's intended - you WILL NOT care how you look to your in laws. You will have just spent hours with your lady bits exposed to the world, including the guy who come into the room to empty the trash. Modesty goes out the window after childbirth and the last thing your in laws will give a crap about is how you look. It's all about their new grandchild

Mine saw me in recovery after long labor then emergency C, all drugged up with my hair a mess. I think they like me even more now

jefinley1 · May 2015

Make sure your husband knows how much them being there will stress you out... My understanding is that the ability for your body to stay relaxed is one of the biggest determiners in having a smoother birth, so personally I would work it out so that he gets what he wants in the experience too, but that above all else you can enjoy (or at least focus on) the process. I just feel for you, cause while people are right, you have to try to be as fair as possible, there is no right way to do all of this, and everyone here is as clueless to your process as you are, since there is no patent "how to politely bring a child into the world and introduce it to humanity." Each person's situation is unique and our needs and experiences all differ. At the end of the day, your body is going to go through one of its more physically demanding experiences in life. By default, not everything surrounding that is going to be a wonderland of fairness and equality, smiles and perfection, and people should be able to understand that. My point is: just do what is best for you and your husband, own it, and everyone else can choose how they want to deal with it. Good luck!

gerbies · May 2015

I only want my husband in the delivery room and would prefer no one come to the hospital. That first week is exhausting, so I would prefer people come to see the baby at our home maybe a week or two later, when I am feeling better. This isn't a first grandchild, so there shouldn't be a need to come in the first few days.

StephN310 · May 2015

And remember this isn't something you have to have set in stone. You can change your mind! Ask people to leave, or make your nurse do it.

Us L&D nurses are a tough bunch! Or ask people to come even though you said no before. It's your party!

komorebi · May 2015

I care how i look. I hate pictures of myself before I'm cleaned up. The only pictures i loved were my last birth because i had showered literally ten minutes before the baby was born, and i managed to brush my hair. Lol. I don't like visitors even my mom. I get intensely private after birth which is like my normal introvert self. Honor those feelings. You don't owe anybody those first days and especially those first hours. It's a time you never get back. Id rather eat, let my children meet the baby and feel all the lovey feels i get towards my SO once the baby is out, while nursing non stop aka boobs out.

beckles112 · May 2015

After birth will probably just be immediate family and my best friend. The next day will be extended family. Everyone else can wait.

Peony1982 · May 2015

komorebi said:
I care how i look. I hate pictures of myself before I'm cleaned up. The only pictures i loved were my last birth because i had showered literally ten minutes before the baby was born, and i managed to brush my hair. Lol. I don't like visitors even my mom. I get intensely private after birth which is like my normal introvert self. Honor those feelings. You don't owe anybody those first days and especially those first hours. It's a time you never get back. Id rather eat, let my children meet the baby and feel all the lovey feels i get towards my SO once the baby is out, while nursing non stop aka boobs out.

To each their own, and that's fine. I'm an introvert, too, but FOR ME, mY priority is loved ones. I'd rather have memories of being surrounded by love and support. My favorite photos of my first birth are of all the grandparents with baby. I've never seen them so happy. I could give a rats behind if my hair is washed - I couldn't even roll over in bed! I don't think taking others feelings into account is a bad thing, ever.

komorebi · May 2015

Definitely to each their own which is why i shared my opinion. I have inlaws that overstepped their boundaries after my second DD was born and they lost privileges in my opinion. We still get along and i let the grandma's in as soon as I'm okay with it,then certain family members, but having done it several Ways i realized it was best for me to not feel exposed and vulnerable and have to kick people out. Also, i have my babies at home and people often think that means instant visitation so i had to figure out how to Mahe sure that didn't happen. My mom still thinks sheis going to be there when the baby is born, no matter what i say, so one again i won't call until the baby is born and my guy knows that means his family too.

momming247 · May 2015

I'm glad I posted...all the advice is very helpful.

Mrsg305 · May 2015

Aside from my husband and my mom, in not sure who will be in the waiting room. Possibly my brother and maybe my best friend, who will be the baby's godmother. I wouldn't want a lot of people there.

dajeume · May 2015

I know it will be my husband and my mom I have a lot of health issues and my know them all so she will be there for that. Other than that I don't want any one for at least an hour or two then anyone who wants to come to the hospital can come as long as they are not sick.

eat111315 · May 2015

Just dh at the hospital, like we did with the other two. No visitors or hanging out in the waiting room. We told everyone well in advance these are our wishes, and thankfully they were honored (with some grumbles I'm sure).

The kids will be home with the grandmas so they'll all meet this lo when we get home from the hospital. After a few days home we open the flood gates and let visitors in. They have all been very respectful in the past to keep visits short and clustered so it hasn't been a problem.

Carmofrap · May 2015

I won't allow anyone from either side for the first several days. Preferably a week or more. With my son everyone showed up the three days following his birth. I had him at home and it was just a lot of people overwhelming me and then someone came sick and I got horribly sick. Then two weeks later people flew in and come to find out they all had a stomach bug and we're kissing all over my newborn, no one washed their hands and my oil 2 week old got diarrhea. If I can keep people away for a month I would. I was so user at the lack of care about being sick and washing hands everyone showed.

cindykinnear · May 2015

My husband, my mom, my mother in law and my sister were in the room with me when I had my second baby! They will all probably be in there again this time. My dad will bring my kids in afterward to meet their new sister. It's a family event for me lol. I don't mind a lot of visitors the next day as well!

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