My breasts are pretty enormous to begin with when not breast feeding and my nipples too so if I'm feeding my child without a cover you'll be seeing a lot of boob and nipple for sure. I personally choose to cover not only to be courteous to others but more for myself I really don't want someone looking at my boobs and people unfortunately can't help but look. I have seen much smaller chested women feeding without covers and you can't see anything but it's not always the case with each woman.
@LiveNLove44 On a non-breastfeeding note I too usually remove myself from situations I'm uncomfortable with but sometimes I do feel compelled to say something when I feel people are behaving badly. For example a couple weeks ago I took my boys with me to the salon to get myself a pedicure and there were two ladies sitting next to my kids cussing up a storm! I was so upset that they totally disregarded the fact they were using this language in front of kids and I so badly wanted to say something but I had to take a step back and think it out, here I am pregnant and alone with my kids and by the looks of these ladies they will probably come back at me and possibly things could get out of hand. I didn't want to have my kids in the middle of that so I chose to move my kids away from them but I was fuming for the better part of the day but I was mostly angry at myself for letting them get away with that behavior. I believe we have to pick our battles but sometimes we do have to speak up for what we feel is right
Depending on the context, but generally, would you mind a bit of discretion as I'm in the process of explaining respect for the human body to my child. He still gets confused thanks to all of the exposure and demeaning behavior seen everywhere towards women.
Absolutely not. I'd be telling you loudly where you can shove it if someone said that to me while I was feeding my child.
I suppose this raises the question though. Is there a way to communicate that I am uncomfortable with a breastfeeding mother's level of nudity in a polite way?
It feels like it would be fine for her to tell me to shove it but there is no way too approach it if it makes you uncomfortable
@csy2947, I thought about this for awhile, and I really don't think there is a social protocol for this. I think of things that make me uncomfortable (things that other people do in public), and I often choose to remove myself from the situation if it's something I cannot tolerate. I'm not saying that this applies to how I feel about public breastfeeding, but I'm trying to relate to asking a stranger to change their behavior due to my comfort level. To give a non-breastfeeding example, if I see people wearing things that expose them in ways that I find inappropriate, but it also isn't illegal, I've never felt morally or personally obligated to voice my concern for their choices.
PPs (@Knottie16832459, I think, and maybe others feel this way) mentioned that children seeing breastfeeding makes for a discussion that they want to have on their own terms, and while I absolutely respect this, I also think we have to remember that our children will not grow up in a vacuum. Part of learning and growing is being active in the world and exploring, and with that experience comes learning planned and unplanned lessons about people and life.
This is a good point. That I concede totally. I think maybe where this originates from is the attempt to dictate my opinion on it. Like if I see that and have the same reaction to a girl wearing a shirt that kind of see through and I see her nipples like that's ok.
@komorebi I feel like you keep thinking it's cause breasts are sexual. That's really not it. I mean I suppose you could make the argument that my discomfort is a product of society's obsession with breasts bUT I just generally don't like seeing people's parts.
Depending on the context, but generally, would you mind a bit of discretion as I'm in the process of explaining respect for the human body to my child. He still gets confused thanks to all of the exposure and demeaning behavior seen everywhere towards women.
Absolutely not. I'd be telling you loudly where you can shove it if someone said that to me while I was feeding my child.
I suppose this raises the question though. Is there a way to communicate that I am uncomfortable with a breastfeeding mother's level of nudity in a polite way?
It feels like it would be fine for her to tell me to shove it but there is no way too approach it if it makes you uncomfortable
@csy2947, I thought about this for awhile, and I really don't think there is a social protocol for this. I think of things that make me uncomfortable (things that other people do in public), and I often choose to remove myself from the situation if it's something I cannot tolerate. I'm not saying that this applies to how I feel about public breastfeeding, but I'm trying to relate to asking a stranger to change their behavior due to my comfort level. To give a non-breastfeeding example, if I see people wearing things that expose them in ways that I find inappropriate, but it also isn't illegal, I've never felt morally or personally obligated to voice my concern for their choices.
PPs (@Knottie16832459, I think, and maybe others feel this way) mentioned that children seeing breastfeeding makes for a discussion that they want to have on their own terms, and while I absolutely respect this, I also think we have to remember that our children will not grow up in a vacuum. Part of learning and growing is being active in the world and exploring, and with that experience comes learning planned and unplanned lessons about people and life.
This is a good point. That I concede totally. I think maybe where this originates from is the attempt to dictate my opinion on it. Like if I see that and have the same reaction to a girl wearing a shirt that kind of see through and I see her nipples like that's ok.
@komorebi I feel like you keep thinking it's cause breasts are sexual. That's really not it. I mean I suppose you could make the argument that my discomfort is a product of society's obsession with breasts bUT I just generally don't like seeing people's parts.
The solution is mind-blowing: just don't look. Avert your gaze. Done.
I NIP my 2 year old (extended BF *gasp*) & I really don't care what anyone else thinks. You are responsible for you & your eyeballs.
I'm responsible for myself & the needs of my child. It's not my (or any other nursing mother's) job to get herself worked up over all the "what if" that someone might find offensive.
I have large breasts, but I can cover mostly everything but the nipple. Guess what? My son dislikes this idea. You'll soon learn that some things really don't matter in the grand scheme of things.
Well breasts are sexualized big time in society. And I'm not sure how they can make a person uncomfortable and that not be related to the sexual nature of them. Like, why would you be uncomfortable with a breast and not a leg or arm or back? And it's valid to feel that discomfort and either not feed in an open manner or avoid individuals who do. It's just strange to me that people can't understand that other women should be able to nurse in a way that suits them and their baby. And many of my thoughts are from my experience in general, not just your specific posts. Obviously I'm super opinionated on the topic! !!
@PrimRoseMama i feel like large breasted women really get the brunt of the attack. I could totally nurse most times while showing less than many of my going out tops. If your breasts are big is automatically tougher to be discreet and i know i would just end up saying screw it and doing what needed to be done. I can't do cover ups either. Not that any of my kid would allow that.
Well breasts are sexualized big time in society. And I'm not sure how they can make a person uncomfortable and that not be related to the sexual nature of them. Like, why would you be uncomfortable with a breast and not a leg or arm or back? And it's valid to feel that discomfort and either not feed in an open manner or avoid individuals who do. It's just strange to me that people can't understand that other women should be able to nurse in a way that suits them and their baby. And many of my thoughts are from my experience in general, not just your specific posts. Obviously I'm super opinionated on the topic! !!
Breasts are sexual, and so are legs and backs . . . But they're also non-sexual. They are not exclusively sexual. It used to be that women wearing dresses that showed their knees was considered scandalous, but now kneecaps are normalized in our society. When breastfeeding is fully "normalized," I don't think it will be as much of a big deal to see a breast being used to feed a child.
That being said, I understand the reservation about breastfeeding openly. I don't wear tops that show cleavage, even at the beach, so exposing my breast, even to feed my child, isn't something I'm comfortable with. I totally get that.
Well breasts are sexualized big time in society. And I'm not sure how they can make a person uncomfortable and that not be related to the sexual nature of them. Like, why would you be uncomfortable with a breast and not a leg or arm or back? And it's valid to feel that discomfort and either not feed in an open manner or avoid individuals who do. It's just strange to me that people can't understand that other women should be able to nurse in a way that suits them and their baby. And many of my thoughts are from my experience in general, not just your specific posts. Obviously I'm super opinionated on the topic! !!
No I really appreciate the opportunity to have an actual dialogue about it. It seems to be something people have a tough time discussing rationally. I think I've been really respectful (or I'm trying to be) and think it's interesting.
I suppose the best comparable example to what I think I feel about this is seeing a man at the beach in a speedo. That isn't discomforting because I'm sexualizing men's thighs lol. And it's not because they're ugly or whatever. It's more a feeling of 'whoa that's a lot of person on display there.'
To @LiveNLove44 s point though I'd never go tell that guy that. And I would in fact avert my eyes. So I guess I agree that no one should tell women they can't breastfeed in public and agree that I should be polite and avert my eyes if I see it. But I also think that an effort towards discretion should be the goal and isn't that much to ask.
@PrimRoseMama this was a pretty civil discussion. Not sure why my expressing a different opinion in a respectful way deserved that level of grrr in a response but you do you.
Well breasts are sexualized big time in society. And I'm not sure how they can make a person uncomfortable and that not be related to the sexual nature of them. Like, why would you be uncomfortable with a breast and not a leg or arm or back? And it's valid to feel that discomfort and either not feed in an open manner or avoid individuals who do. It's just strange to me that people can't understand that other women should be able to nurse in a way that suits them and their baby. And many of my thoughts are from my experience in general, not just your specific posts. Obviously I'm super opinionated on the topic! !!
No I really appreciate the opportunity to have an actual dialogue about it. It seems to be something people have a tough time discussing rationally. I think I've been really respectful (or I'm trying to be) and think it's interesting.
I suppose the best comparable example to what I think I feel about this is seeing a man at the beach in a speedo. That isn't discomforting because I'm sexualizing men's thighs lol. And it's not because they're ugly or whatever. It's more a feeling of 'whoa that's a lot of person on display there.'
To @LiveNLove44 s point though I'd never go tell that guy that. And I would in fact avert my eyes. So I guess I agree that no one should tell women they can't breastfeed in public and agree that I should be polite and avert my eyes if I see it. But I also think that an effort towards discretion should be the goal and isn't that much to ask.
@PrimRoseMama this was a pretty civil discussion. Not sure why my expressing a different opinion in a respectful way deserved that level of grrr in a response but you do you.
I think it has a LOT to do with what we are used to seeing in our culture. When 90% of the guys on the beach are wearing board shorts, that one guy in a tight speedo stands out. When 90% of the breasts are covered, it's startling to see one. And of course, we live in a society where VS models are on display larger than life, but breastfeeding moms are still not "the norm."
But what if we lived in a culture where women walked around topless? To use the beach example, in Europe, you'd see a lot more men in speedos and on some beaches, women go topless. The same person who seems to have a lot on display here in the U.S. wouldn't stand out there.
I personally agree with exercising a level of discretion when breastfeeding (or anything that exposes a body part is normally cover), but at the same time, I think people are just not used to seeing BF as "normal."
My UO is when people post breatfeeding pictures (that show everything, often the other breast too) on instagram. I found it very hard to keep 100% covered when adjusting while breastfeeding so I understand that there are slips. And I dress very modestly (it's my comfort zone) so I have not found the best balance with BFing in public yet. My problem is for the permanency of the pictures. It feels like the individuals are looking for attention and not thinking about how their kids might feel in later years. Sorry in advance, if this is offensive to some but some of my friends do this and I just scroll through quickly but I feel awkward anyway.
Why would a kid care? They come out of vaginas 2/3 of the time, whats a little breastfeeding. Lol. I post bfing picture's. They're lovely. I would never post nudity online so i keep it discrete.
Yea, this is apparently not an open discussion if we're comparing and pitting kids against each other. As I'm reminded why I don't have any social media accounts, I withdraw my comment.
OMG, how hard is it to say, if your son sees a woman breastfeeding her baby and asks you about it, "She's feeding her baby." Kids don't need lengthy explanations. You are WAY overthinking this, and making it harder than it needs to be. And shaming other mothers while you're at it.
You have absolutely NO right to say anything to a mother BFing her baby in public, because the breastfeeding mother has the law on her side. You have NO right to not be offended while out in public. Instead of shaming her into hiding away with her baby the entire time it takes the baby to eat, why don't YOU leave?
DS1: BFP 04/03/11 | EDD 12/02/11 | born 11/21/11 DS2: BFP 02/09/13 | EDD 10/26/13 | said goodbye 06/02/13
Depending on the context, but generally, would you mind a bit of discretion as I'm in the process of explaining respect for the human body to my child. He still gets confused thanks to all of the exposure and demeaning behavior seen everywhere towards women.
Absolutely not. I'd be telling you loudly where you can shove it if someone said that to me while I was feeding my child.
I suppose this raises the question though. Is there a way to communicate that I am uncomfortable with a breastfeeding mother's level of nudity in a polite way?
It feels like it would be fine for her to tell me to shove it but there is no way too approach it if it makes you uncomfortable
No. She is legally allows to breastfeed in public, and no amount of modesty (which is completely subjective anyway) is required. So you can look somewhere else where your delicate sensibilities won't be offended.
DS1: BFP 04/03/11 | EDD 12/02/11 | born 11/21/11 DS2: BFP 02/09/13 | EDD 10/26/13 | said goodbye 06/02/13
Depending on the context, but generally, would you mind a bit of discretion as I'm in the process of explaining respect for the human body to my child. He still gets confused thanks to all of the exposure and demeaning behavior seen everywhere towards women.
Absolutely not. I'd be telling you loudly where you can shove it if someone said that to me while I was feeding my child.
I suppose this raises the question though. Is there a way to communicate that I am uncomfortable with a breastfeeding mother's level of nudity in a polite way?
It feels like it would be fine for her to tell me to shove it but there is no way too approach it if it makes you uncomfortable
No. She is legally allows to breastfeed in public, and no amount of modesty (which is completely subjective anyway) is required. So you can look somewhere else where your delicate sensibilities won't be offended.
I think you can be as nice about it as you want but if someone came up to me and asked me to cover up while I'm breastfeeding I would simply say "No." I don't think there's a need for jumping down someone's throat, initially.
If your kid has questions about breastfeeding, that's a good opportunity to teach them! It doesn't have to be awkward.
The other day I was at a mommy-and-me event with DS and just as we were getting ready to leave, DS spotted a couple moms nursing their babies and wanted to go see them. Because, babies. I said, "now isn't really a good time to talk to those babies; they're having their lunch." One of the moms heard me and chuckled, but hey, it's true!
A while back one of the neighborhood kids who is a few years older that my son stopped us while we were taking trash to the dumpster and started asking questions about DS, like "does he use a bottle, etc." I'm not sure how breastfeeding got into the conversation, but it did . . . I explained that sometimes babies get milk or formula from a bottle and sometimes they get their Mommy's milk from a boob. This might've sounded strange to a 5-year old boy, but his reaction was not that much different than that of the little boy who came up to me on the playground today and says he was afraid of ladybugs. (I told him ladybugs are nice bugs and don't bite).
If it's an older kid (one PP mentioned a 15-year old boy), I can see how there might be a little awkwardness about seeing a woman's breast. But it doesn't have to be . . . Personally, that would be one time I'd take extra measures to cover up or be modest, but it can still be a teachable moment. "Hey, no need to feel uncomfortable. She's feeding her baby not trying to embarrass you."
My UO is my mother and her comments towards me as a FTM. For example- She said I'll prob get a lot of extra stuff for the baby at my shower, and I said "that's ok I'll save it for the next baby," and she said "oh we will see what you say after you have this first one!!!!" And I said "what? I'm planning on having more...?" And she said "sounds like you've convinced yourself that labor is easy!"
No, I haven't. But I'm also not going to live this pregnancy in fear and worry. I'm excited and am enjoying it. Thanks for the negativity mom! Blah!!!
My grandmother breastfed all of her children so my Dad is a huge supporter of breastfeeding and says it was never awkward because my grandma didn't treat it like a taboo subject. When he asked what she was doing she said "feeding your sister." Just tell your kid what's going on.
My UO is my mother and her comments towards me as a FTM. For example- She said I'll prob get a lot of extra stuff for the baby at my shower, and I said "that's ok I'll save it for the next baby," and she said "oh we will see what you say after you have this first one!!!!" And I said "what? I'm planning on having more...?" And she said "sounds like you've convinced yourself that labor is easy!"
No, I haven't. But I'm also not going to live this pregnancy in fear and worry. I'm excited and am enjoying it. Thanks for the negativity mom! Blah!!!
My MIL was/is bad about that. After we had DD we briefly mentioned in passing having another one a couple/few years down the road. Her response was to laugh condescendingly and say "well, we'll see how you do with this first one. Don't make any solid plans."
When my husband told her I was pregnant again she said "well it's still really early, so, if it stays that way then congratulations." Lol wtf?! WHO SAYS THAT?!
From Dec15, I know dirty lurkers are an UO for some of you buuuut....
I was actually just looking for thread ideas to control all the repeat posts from my months' board. Then I saw your UO post, as we just started ours, and thought it would be entertaining for a moment!
You guys should check out our, Mean Girls Gif Party and Use The Search Function threads, they are hilarious!
My unpopular opinion also is I do not like seeing women breast feeding in public. I also don't understand why the women that do feel everyone else should just deal with it. To me that should be an intimate time between a woman and child. Being polite isn't about you. It's about respecting others. If others are uncomfortable with it they should leave? That's not the way the world works.
@przemosbabe So since I choose to feed my child with my breast, which is exactly what it is intended for, rather than feed them with a store-bought formula, I now have to hide in shame over doing so? That is absurd. I've read this entire thread over the past few days and your comment is one of several expressing a similar opinion, but the way you phrase it is just bizarre. Where do you feed your baby? Why should I have to do it differently? And, why exactly does it make you uncomfortable? And, the way the world works is that there are laws to protect certain human rights - one of which is the right to feed a child. Societies have laws and those laws protect breastfeeding - that's how the world works.
I personally think I will use a cover because of my own personal comfort level, but surely not for yours. I am a polite, respectful individual but your expectation is rather shallow and demeaning.
Totally off subject but....... I don't like when large women for example like the comedian Jenny McCarthy can call women "skinny b***hes" and other women do it and they think it's okay. But as soon as you point out the obvious. ...your fat shaming. You can't even use the word fat to describe a person anymore. But yet you can call somebody else a skinny "everything in the book".
I apparently have a very unpopular opinion with the whole Santa thing. We've decided we're not going to do santa with our kids and people flip out when they hear that. Most of these people have no kids. Evidently I'll be squelching their personalities, stifling their creativity, and taking all the fantasy out of childhood. Oh please! Someone even said to me "well, your little brat better not ruin it for my kid." I hope my little "brat" does simply because you called him a brat.
They will know St. Nicholas was a real person and will know that other kids believe in Santa and they are not to ruin it for the others. It just really irks me. I'll raise my kids the way I see fit and you can butt out. Go have your own if you don't like it.
My unpopular opinion also is I do not like seeing women breast feeding in public. I also don't understand why the women that do feel everyone else should just deal with it. To me that should be an intimate time between a woman and child. Being polite isn't about you. It's about respecting others. If others are uncomfortable with it they should leave? That's not the way the world works.
Lurking
I would like to point out that is exactly how the world works. If I don't like someone's behavior in public , I ignore it or leave. Not to mention, a baby does not care where you are or what you are doing when it's hungry. if it is acceptable for a baby to be bottle fed, then why can a baby not be breast fed? Why does the process need to be an "intimate time"? It is done more out of neccasity, is eating your food an "intimate process".
People need to get over boobs, BF is purely a way to feed a child. When the baby is crying and upset because it is hungry the only concern should be satisfying the child's need, not whether or not they are showing too much breast for one's delicate sensabilities.
My unpopular opinion also is I do not like seeing women breast feeding in public. I also don't understand why the women that do feel everyone else should just deal with it. To me that should be an intimate time between a woman and child. Being polite isn't about you. It's about respecting others. If others are uncomfortable with it they should leave? That's not the way the world works.
And in my opinion this is what causes women to feel the need to exhibition nurse!! To prove a point that shouldn't have to be proven.
And is bottle feeding not bonding with your child? Perhaps that should be done in private too! Maybe I find it offensive! (BTW I don't, this is just for showing a point)
@beckles112 it's nice to see I'm not the only one who doesn't plan on believing in Santa. People make me feel like no Santa will ruin my child's life, but my parents told me about St. Nicholas and I didn't have a freak out when I found out the truth like some of my friends.
Bitching daily about money problems and then spending your weekends dining out and getting tattoos is a great way to get a big eye roll from me. Pardon me for not donating to your GoFundMe.
Honestly, I hate GoFundMe. It's got a lot of noble causes on it. However, the "little Susie needs money for college" and "help me afford a car so I can work" pages really rub me the wrong way.
@akfbookworm, same here. My MIL was the one that said I would stifle his creativity. I never believed in Santa and I had quite the imagination. I don't think mine will have any problems.
Can I please repeat for the umpteenth time that BF as a concept was not my gripe to all of the mothers who have chosen to repeatedly criticize my child and parenting choice. Please take the time to assess the words used carefully before retorting, as it leads to uneccesary insults and anger that quite frankly we, as expected mothers, don't need. My gripe was women who do not possess modesty or respect while doing it. It's the thought that you can take your boob out and let it hang while you get your stuff together just to make a point. Boobs are sexual. I worked for years for an institute that was devoted to sexual health. Straight men have an involuntary physical reaction to the sight or thought of breasts thanks to evolution. To a man, they are essentially without function, so why do they like them? Boobs are nurturing and the chemical reactions we have as women that are associated with pleasure that is released from them. There are many theories based off of reputable studies from PhDs that all share the common finding that finding a women's breast sexually arousing is directly associated with her maternal physiology, therefore she is good for reproducing. Do men have sex with no desire to reproduce? Yes. But the involuntary physical reaction comes from the same place. Look it up, I spend years studying this, it's all a good read. Breasts, in every single way, both for us and a men, are sexual. If this confuses you, look up the biologically correct definition of sexual.
My biggest question for the anti Santa's... Do you plan on trying to get them to keep the secret at least for other kids? I don't really care if you don't teach Santa and there will be Jewish kids who don't get Santa so its not unprecedented but will you at least try to tell them not to spill the beans?
How do breasts having a sexual connotation make then automatically taboo? That is the part of this I just don't get. I understand thinking being as discrete as the situation allows is probably preferable, but that can mean LOTS of different things based on the circumstances. I would disagree with breasts being universally sexual (I've done some studies on this too ), but in our culture they indisputably are. But why does any hint of sexual connotation automatically translate to dirty? That is just sad to me. Very American puritanical. I'm sure we all want to be tasteful and respectful, but my understanding, and correct me if I'm wrong, is that children aren't really born with our social norms built into their brains and really won't give a crap if their basic needs (hunger) make people uncomfortable. Unlike adults who are capable of realizing, at least most of the time, that maybe it isn't best to poop in public...
I'm pretty private and have no desire to breastfeed publicly if I don't have to. But I realized something while my three year old niece was wrapping her head around the idea of me having a baby (touching my belly "you eat her?!"). She was chatting and asking questions, then started pulling my shirt down. "This where her eat?" It was like she was doing an inspection to make sure everything would be in working order for her new cousin. It caught me off guard, but I quickly realized that for her, breast feeding was totally normalized and something mommies do to care for their babies. It made me so relieved for humanity frankly. She doesn't have any of the bs cultural baggage that we have to deal with, and I would like to keep it that way as long as I can, for her and my babies! So my take is that any confusion, discomfort, or shame that our kids would have over seeing women breastfeed comes from values and perceptions that we have put on them. A little more grace for our fellow women and moms would be really nice in American culture. And if men and husbands can't see another woman breastfeeding with out automatically jumping to seeing that woman as a sexual object, I'm pretty sure that's on him, not the woman trying to feed her baby to the best of her ability.
To me this seemed like the thing people are getting stuck on with an issue they otherwise are pretty much in agreement on...
If that doesn't serve as an UO, my belief that the needs of parents come before the desires of any other family members or persons involved isn't always well received!
My biggest question for the anti Santa's... Do you plan on trying to get them to keep the secret at least for other kids? I don't really care if you don't teach Santa and there will be Jewish kids who don't get Santa so its not unprecedented but will you at least try to tell them not to spill the beans?
Absolutely! They will know that other kids may believe in Santa and they shouldn't ruin the secret for them.
@jefinley1 I couldn't agree more! That's my point, and the fact that this is in debate by grown adults in here right now, in my opinion, proves that it isn't the easiest concept to teach and fully understand. Posts here debate that they aren't sexual and, correct me if I'm wrong, that's in part due to the common misconception that sexual is taboo or dirty. This is a difficult topic and let's leave it at that.
I was really hoping this morning to read about a variety of topics...I think that BFing has consumed this thread. Look, I'm overweight, and even if I wasn't big tits run in my family, so now with pregnancy we are talking E-G size (was Double D before preggers). I'm already having anxiety about breastfeeding b/c Of my huge f****ing boobs.
There is no way in hell I am going to "be comfortable" BFing in public, but I'm going to suck it up and do it because f*** you--my baby is hungry and he/she is really the only person I care about making happy. (FTM, find out gender in 2 weeks). The plan is to try to use some sort of wrap/cover/thingamabob to make ME feel more comfortable, but let's be honest--I don't think I would like eating in a hot dark closet and I can't imagine my kid will either...so I'll just have to see what works for ME. Even my DH has made some comments like he would like me and other moms to try to cover or be modest and that has me worried--what if I am not able to do it discreetly? Even females can't help but looking at my extremely large, all natural chest.
I'll give him the same answer I would give you guys and anyone who approaches me as I try to feed my baby in public: "excuse me, I can't talk to you right now about YOUR issue, I'm trying to feed my baby. I'd be happy to discuss this with you when I'm done." And when I'm done: "look I'm just as uncomfortable as you, but a kid's gotta eat so if you don't like it, sorry not sorry."
So, maybe that's my UO but I got some other stuff to do now so if you're looking to disagree with me I'll be back in a couple days when I have time to check boards again and might (let's be honest, I probably won't cuz I don't give a flying flip about your view on my opinion, you random stranger you) respond then.
@Knottie16832459 I think people were more concerned with communicating that the act of breastfeeding isn't inherently sexual or obscene and therefore in no way a shameful act. Women are so bombarded with judgement on how to handle their bodies, especially in regard to reproductive processes that it can be a sensitive topic. Any hint of "you're not doing it right!" is going to hit those nerves.
I come from a pretty conservative extended family and have very opinionated in-laws, so I constantly feel like I'm fighting for the right to exist as the woman, wife, and mother that I want to be. At the end of the day, seeing a woman in a restaurant pop her boobs out without a care in the world while I'm on a date night with my husband would probably catch me off guard. Whether that is an ingrained response for me personally or a learned one, I don't know or really care. What I do know is that after the initial shock, my husband and I would probably look at each other, simultaneously laugh, then say it takes all types. If I had a son or daughter who saw it and was confused, I would just explain that she's just feeding her baby too, and some women just do it differently than Mommy does. I would never ever question another woman on how she chose to handle breastfeeding, especially publicly. In fact no matter how blasé I thought the woman breastfeeding was being, if I saw such an exchange I would call the judging woman out and defend the breastfeeding mom's right to do what she deems appropriate. A tricky subject indeed though, especially in a culture in which the role and place of women and motherhood is changing so quickly.
Totally off subject but....... I don't like when large women for example like the comedian Jenny McCarthy can call women "skinny b***hes" and other women do it and they think it's okay. But as soon as you point out the obvious. ...your fat shaming. You can't even use the word fat to describe a person anymore. But yet you can call somebody else a skinny "everything in the book".
Jenny McCarthy? She isn't large, unless I'm missing something. Melissa McCarthy (Mike and Molly, Bridesmaids) may be who you're thinking of.
The whole body acceptance movement is flawed, period. I think its like communism- great theory, but does not work, simply because humans are all different.
I wouldn't say that preferring BF in public be done modestly is only an American concept. I am from South Africa and have seen PLENTY of the black mamas walking around topless with a baby latched on, or with a baby on their back and breast flung over the shoulder where possible. Some of the black population also have very different sexual norms. Meaning many of them have multiple partners and sometimes sexual relations don't take place behind closed doors (think bonfire orgies - and no I'm not making this up). The part of the population with higher socioeconomic status, education, who generally end up in monogamous relationships, etc, all chose to BF discretely (even in a country where majority of the population is black and bare breasts and nurse completely topless) and it was that way since before globalization readily allowed the idea of Social norms to cross borders.
I was used to seeing bare public nursing as a child. It didn't bother me to see those breasts or babies drinking from them. The difference to me is that as a culture they view things differently. The more privileged populations in Africa (amongst themselves) and the culture here does not support women walking around topless It just is what it is. As a culture we don't bare all (not talking about the few people who leave little to the imagination or ads, I'm talking about most people in general) and chose modesty for the most part. I honestly think that is what makes people feel uncomfortable to see whole exposed breasts in public. Normally we don't expose our breasts to strangers, so it is strange to see it happen even if it is for the sole purpose of feeding a hungry baby.
Until our culture is comfortable with people walking around topless (thus somewhat desensitizing the sexual aspect of breasts, because like it or not breasts do solicit sexual responses from most straight males, as that is part of genetic makeup, even if the arousal only lasts a few milliseconds) there will always be people who are uncomfortable with seeing an exposed breast in public, especially unexpectedly. Does that mean anyone should have to cover? No. But just because it is a natural function of the breast to feed a baby, does not mean it won't make most people uncomfortable to see a mama whip out a boob without an ounce of modesty. I will always nurse in public, but I will always do so discretely because I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. Maybe I am too nice. I prefer not to see a stranger's bare breasts for any reason whatsoever, but I won't go shaming a nursing mother, I will look away. But it WILL make me feel uncomfortable, and I won't be the only uncomfortable one. It is what it is. Anyone who wants to bare all is welcome to, but just don't expect people to get over it and not be uncomfortable, that is all. What you want strangers to see is totally up to you and I will never judge you for it - you are a great mommy no matter how or where you chose to feed your baby.
Re: Unpopular Opinion
@LiveNLove44
On a non-breastfeeding note I too usually remove myself from situations I'm uncomfortable with but sometimes I do feel compelled to say something when I feel people are behaving badly. For example a couple weeks ago I took my boys with me to the salon to get myself a pedicure and there were two ladies sitting next to my kids cussing up a storm! I was so upset that they totally disregarded the fact they were using this language in front of kids and I so badly wanted to say something but I had to take a step back and think it out, here I am pregnant and alone with my kids and by the looks of these ladies they will probably come back at me and possibly things could get out of hand. I didn't want to have my kids in the middle of that so I chose to move my kids away from them but I was fuming for the better part of the day but I was mostly angry at myself for letting them get away with that behavior. I believe we have to pick our battles but sometimes we do have to speak up for what we feel is right
This is a good point. That I concede totally. I think maybe where this originates from is the attempt to dictate my opinion on it. Like if I see that and have the same reaction to a girl wearing a shirt that kind of see through and I see her nipples like that's ok.
@komorebi I feel like you keep thinking it's cause breasts are sexual. That's really not it. I mean I suppose you could make the argument that my discomfort is a product of society's obsession with breasts bUT I just generally don't like seeing people's parts.
@komorebi I feel like you keep thinking it's cause breasts are sexual. That's really not it. I mean I suppose you could make the argument that my discomfort is a product of society's obsession with breasts bUT I just generally don't like seeing people's parts.
The solution is mind-blowing: just don't look. Avert your gaze. Done.
I NIP my 2 year old (extended BF *gasp*) & I really don't care what anyone else thinks. You are responsible for you & your eyeballs.
I'm responsible for myself & the needs of my child. It's not my (or any other nursing mother's) job to get herself worked up over all the "what if" that someone might find offensive.
I have large breasts, but I can cover mostly everything but the nipple. Guess what? My son dislikes this idea. You'll soon learn that some things really don't matter in the grand scheme of things.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
Breasts are sexual, and so are legs and backs . . . But they're also non-sexual. They are not exclusively sexual. It used to be that women wearing dresses that showed their knees was considered scandalous, but now kneecaps are normalized in our society. When breastfeeding is fully "normalized," I don't think it will be as much of a big deal to see a breast being used to feed a child.
That being said, I understand the reservation about breastfeeding openly. I don't wear tops that show cleavage, even at the beach, so exposing my breast, even to feed my child, isn't something I'm comfortable with. I totally get that.
I suppose the best comparable example to what I think I feel about this is seeing a man at the beach in a speedo. That isn't discomforting because I'm sexualizing men's thighs lol. And it's not because they're ugly or whatever. It's more a feeling of 'whoa that's a lot of person on display there.'
To @LiveNLove44 s point though I'd never go tell that guy that. And I would in fact avert my eyes. So I guess I agree that no one should tell women they can't breastfeed in public and agree that I should be polite and avert my eyes if I see it. But I also think that an effort towards discretion should be the goal and isn't that much to ask.
@PrimRoseMama this was a pretty civil discussion. Not sure why my expressing a different opinion in a respectful way deserved that level of grrr in a response but you do you.
But what if we lived in a culture where women walked around topless? To use the beach example, in Europe, you'd see a lot more men in speedos and on some beaches, women go topless. The same person who seems to have a lot on display here in the U.S. wouldn't stand out there.
I personally agree with exercising a level of discretion when breastfeeding (or anything that exposes a body part is normally cover), but at the same time, I think people are just not used to seeing BF as "normal."
DS2: BFP 02/09/13 | EDD 10/26/13 | said goodbye 06/02/13
It feels like it would be fine for her to tell me to shove it but there is no way too approach it if it makes you uncomfortable
No. She is legally allows to breastfeed in public, and no amount of modesty (which is completely subjective anyway) is required. So you can look somewhere else where your delicate sensibilities won't be offended.
DS2: BFP 02/09/13 | EDD 10/26/13 | said goodbye 06/02/13
Way to read the rest of the conversation.
The other day I was at a mommy-and-me event with DS and just as we were getting ready to leave, DS spotted a couple moms nursing their babies and wanted to go see them. Because, babies. I said, "now isn't really a good time to talk to those babies; they're having their lunch." One of the moms heard me and chuckled, but hey, it's true!
A while back one of the neighborhood kids who is a few years older that my son stopped us while we were taking trash to the dumpster and started asking questions about DS, like "does he use a bottle, etc." I'm not sure how breastfeeding got into the conversation, but it did . . . I explained that sometimes babies get milk or formula from a bottle and sometimes they get their Mommy's milk from a boob. This might've sounded strange to a 5-year old boy, but his reaction was not that much different than that of the little boy who came up to me on the playground today and says he was afraid of ladybugs. (I told him ladybugs are nice bugs and don't bite).
If it's an older kid (one PP mentioned a 15-year old boy), I can see how there might be a little awkwardness about seeing a woman's breast. But it doesn't have to be . . . Personally, that would be one time I'd take extra measures to cover up or be modest, but it can still be a teachable moment. "Hey, no need to feel uncomfortable. She's feeding her baby not trying to embarrass you."
No, I haven't. But I'm also not going to live this pregnancy in fear and worry. I'm excited and am enjoying it. Thanks for the negativity mom! Blah!!!
When my husband told her I was pregnant again she said "well it's still really early, so, if it stays that way then congratulations." Lol wtf?! WHO SAYS THAT?!
From Dec15, I know dirty lurkers are an UO for some of you buuuut....
I was actually just looking for thread ideas to control all the repeat posts from my months' board. Then I saw your UO post, as we just started ours, and thought it would be entertaining for a moment!
You guys should check out our, Mean Girls Gif Party and Use The Search Function threads, they are hilarious!
I personally think I will use a cover because of my own personal comfort level, but surely not for yours. I am a polite, respectful individual but your expectation is rather shallow and demeaning.
They will know St. Nicholas was a real person and will know that other kids believe in Santa and they are not to ruin it for the others. It just really irks me. I'll raise my kids the way I see fit and you can butt out. Go have your own if you don't like it.
I would like to point out that is exactly how the world works. If I don't like someone's behavior in public , I ignore it or leave. Not to mention, a baby does not care where you are or what you are doing when it's hungry. if it is acceptable for a baby to be bottle fed, then why can a baby not be breast fed? Why does the process need to be an "intimate time"? It is done more out of neccasity, is eating your food an "intimate process".
People need to get over boobs, BF is purely a way to feed a child. When the baby is crying and upset because it is hungry the only concern should be satisfying the child's need, not whether or not they are showing too much breast for one's delicate sensabilities.
And is bottle feeding not bonding with your child? Perhaps that should be done in private too! Maybe I find it offensive! (BTW I don't, this is just for showing a point)
There is no way in hell I am going to "be comfortable" BFing in public, but I'm going to suck it up and do it because f*** you--my baby is hungry and he/she is really the only person I care about making happy. (FTM, find out gender in 2 weeks). The plan is to try to use some sort of wrap/cover/thingamabob to make ME feel more comfortable, but let's be honest--I don't think I would like eating in a hot dark closet and I can't imagine my kid will either...so I'll just have to see what works for ME. Even my DH has made some comments like he would like me and other moms to try to cover or be modest and that has me worried--what if I am not able to do it discreetly? Even females can't help but looking at my extremely large, all natural chest.
I'll give him the same answer I would give you guys and anyone who approaches me as I try to feed my baby in public: "excuse me, I can't talk to you right now about YOUR issue, I'm trying to feed my baby. I'd be happy to discuss this with you when I'm done." And when I'm done: "look I'm just as uncomfortable as you, but a kid's gotta eat so if you don't like it, sorry not sorry."
So, maybe that's my UO but I got some other stuff to do now so if you're looking to disagree with me I'll be back in a couple days when I have time to check boards again and might (let's be honest, I probably won't cuz I don't give a flying flip about your view on my opinion, you random stranger you) respond then.
The whole body acceptance movement is flawed, period. I think its like communism- great theory, but does not work, simply because humans are all different.
I was used to seeing bare public nursing as a child. It didn't bother me to see those breasts or babies drinking from them. The difference to me is that as a culture they view things differently. The more privileged populations in Africa (amongst themselves) and the culture here does not support women walking around topless It just is what it is. As a culture we don't bare all (not talking about the few people who leave little to the imagination or ads, I'm talking about most people in general) and chose modesty for the most part. I honestly think that is what makes people feel uncomfortable to see whole exposed breasts in public. Normally we don't expose our breasts to strangers, so it is strange to see it happen even if it is for the sole purpose of feeding a hungry baby.
Until our culture is comfortable with people walking around topless (thus somewhat desensitizing the sexual aspect of breasts, because like it or not breasts do solicit sexual responses from most straight males, as that is part of genetic makeup, even if the arousal only lasts a few milliseconds) there will always be people who are uncomfortable with seeing an exposed breast in public, especially unexpectedly. Does that mean anyone should have to cover? No. But just because it is a natural function of the breast to feed a baby, does not mean it won't make most people uncomfortable to see a mama whip out a boob without an ounce of modesty. I will always nurse in public, but I will always do so discretely because I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. Maybe I am too nice. I prefer not to see a stranger's bare breasts for any reason whatsoever, but I won't go shaming a nursing mother, I will look away. But it WILL make me feel uncomfortable, and I won't be the only uncomfortable one. It is what it is. Anyone who wants to bare all is welcome to, but just don't expect people to get over it and not be uncomfortable, that is all. What you want strangers to see is totally up to you and I will never judge you for it - you are a great mommy no matter how or where you chose to feed your baby.