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October 2015 Moms
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Loving second baby as much as first

Rachel623Rachel623 member
in October 2015 Moms
We have a DD who just turned two. She's my world. She's so sweet, smart, funny, etc. I could go on and on. I can't imagine loving another child this much.

This whole pregnancy it's felt like I'm having a boy. We picked out a boy name and picked out the changes for our nursery. I even had a shopping cart at target.com ready to buy for after we got confirmation at our anatomy scan.

We found out yesterday that we are having a girl. I am thrilled to have a healthy baby and that DD will have a sister. But I can't shake this feeling that I will have a hard time feeling the same toward another girl. If the next were a boy, I feel like there is a different kind of relationship between moms and daughters vs moms and sons. Not just as a baby, but as they get older.

I know it's silly, but I just keep thinking of the practical things. I can't tell DD that she's my favorite girl in the whole wide world. I tell her this every day and she tells me the same.

Any moms of two out there that can help me shake this feeling? I don't want my second to always feel like second and I just can't get my head around this. Or maybe I'm just a crazy hormonal pregnant lady.
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Re: Loving second baby as much as first

  • MrsNichols14MrsNichols14 member
    It's just hormones. As soon as your second little girl is born you'll get that overwhelming feeling of love! My first was 2 1/2 when my second baby girl was born, it honestly didn't feel real until she was in my arms. Then seeing them together was the icing on the cake! ❤️

    Also, now we're expecting baby girl #3. I know that feeling will hit me as soon as this little one is in my arms.
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  • jenn2132jenn2132 member
    From what I hear this is a very normal feeling and from what I'm told you will be surprised how much more your heart can expand to love a new child. I'm sure for you and I both the love will be instant as soon as we have our little ones in our arms
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  • hspangler12hspangler12 member
    My friend who has 3 girls will say your my favorite 5yr Old or favorite bailey (daughters name) in the world. I've always thought that's a cute way of still making them feel special after other sisters come along :)
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  • ashfen426ashfen426 member
    As a mom of twins, I can tell you that you can absolutely love two children just as much! It is amazing how your heart can grow. I am just as in love with this new little one as I am with the first two, I can't wait to find out what we are having in a week!!!
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  • MrsL32MrsL32 member
    I have 2 boys and I felt exactly the same way that you're describing when we found out that #2 was a boy.  I think it's totally normal, and I can also tell you that as soon as she's born, the love you'll feel will make those feelings disappear.  I was always thinking that I already 'knew the drill' with having a boy, and that #2 would be like a repeat of my experience with DS1.  But...my 2 boys are such polar opposites of each other, it's just so much fun to watch DS2's personality develop and see what a great relationship he's developing with his brother.  
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  • kalslebenkalsleben member
    We have 3 boys. It's a normal feeling and you'll be blown away by how much you can love each of your children!
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  • mrsdhouse89mrsdhouse89 member
    I'm pregnant with my second and share these same feelings daily. They get pushed to the back and I make myself excited like I was with my first but it's still hard for me to believe that I will love #2 as much as my Wyatt (we do the favorite thing too). Mk tear up just thinking about him, I can't imagine being this way about two kids... I don't know if I can handle the emotional over load. I told this to my mom and she laughed and said she felt the same way but you love them both just as much, it's just in different ways.
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  • jem89jem89 member
    I had the exact same concern when I had my second DD. Honestly, they are so unique that I would say I love them equally but differently. I love how hilarious my first is and how peaceful my second is. I differentiate with my "big girl" and "little girl" or I tell them that they are my favourite Lily or Blythe, instead of girl. You just get creative with words but I have accidentally said that each of them were the best baby ever (even though I truly believe that they each are, I realize that I need new vernacular lol). I thought I needed a different gender/sex to have a unique relationship at first but now I realize how unique every person is and if anything, my love for one increases my love for the other!
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  • BoonhildeBoonhilde member
    I'm having a second boy and I totally relate! I take comfort in what my sister told me. She has two boys and worried the same thing with her second, then she had this boy who is just the cutest and sweetest thing ever and the second she held him in her arms she was overcome with love for him. We'll be fine. ;)
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  • BoonhildeBoonhilde member
    jessjoelmasse said:

    I had the exact same concern when I had my second DD. Honestly, they are so unique that I would say I love them equally but differently. I love how hilarious my first is and how peaceful my second is. I differentiate with my "big girl" and "little girl" or I tell them that they are my favourite Lily or Blythe, instead of girl. You just get creative with words but I have accidentally said that each of them were the best baby ever (even though I truly believe that they each are, I realize that I need new vernacular lol). I thought I needed a different gender/sex to have a unique relationship at first but now I realize how unique every person is and if anything, my love for one increases my love for the other!

    I love this. :)
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  • double2roubledouble2rouble member
    I know a lot of second time moms have this fear.  I've been told that when the 2nd baby does come you will love them just as much.  When i think before DD I didn't know it was possible to love someone as much as I love her, so I imagine it will be the same with this one.

      
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  • amberrmariee20amberrmariee20 member
    I have a son, and we find out tomorrow what this baby is ... I was wondering the same thing, I can't imagine me loving another little boy the way I love my first.
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  • aah1013aah1013 member
    I don't think you will love the second the same. I think you will love that child completely differently. The child will, after all, be different. You will love with the same intensity and just like with your first, your love will take time to grow. I think there are so many different layers that play into a mother's love and there is plenty to go around. Of course you don't love the second as much yet because you don't know that child. I'm sure you will feel love you never thought imaginable.
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  • eat111315eat111315 member
    It just happens like in the grinch- your heart grows three times the size. I don't know how, and I was worried about it too but once that little one comes into the world it's a whole different game.
    I also worried I was destroying my first child's life taking away from her one on one time, etc. Turns out the opposite has proven true and we gave her her best friend.
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  • Rachel623Rachel623 member
    Thank you so much. All of you. I posted this and only got to read a couple responses before I left for work. Had a crappy day and came home to all of your kind and sincere responses. You've made me feel so much better :)
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  • MamaOwl15MamaOwl15 member
    I find out next Friday if we're having a girl or another boy. I haven't really thought much about how my relationship would be different (except as my girl would get older), but I know I'd have to stop saying DS is my favorite boy or the most beautiful boy . . .

    Anyway, I'm the oldest of 3 girls and my parents would say things like I was their favorite oldest daughter or their favorite 33-year old (or whatever age I was).

    Every child is unique and will relate to you in her or his own unique way. And two of a kind may be best friends or may be competition for each other, but hopeful best friends!

    a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Parenting Tips"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt1c2dc3.aspx" alt=" Pregnancy Ticker" border="0"  /></a>
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