Not feeling any connection towards baby

KenyaLA · May 2015

hi mommies
I'm almost due in a month & since I've been pregnant I haven't felt that mother child bond, I'm not sure if it's because it's becoming surreal that I'm going to be someone's mom or I'm nervous. Please tell me some of yall are feeling this way.

kherman14 · May 2015

Don't worry...I'm FTM I have felt that way!

katyertl · May 2015

Ditto! I've had a few people ask my if I've cried at our ultrasounds just out of sheer happiness or whatnot. And I feel like an ass when I look at them and go ahhh no, should I have? I'm sure we will all be fine!

lovejnl · May 2015

I'm due in about a month also, and I feel like my family has more of a connection with my fetus than I do. I just kind of feel him and feed him. I don't talk or sing much to begin with, so I feel bad if that's why.. I just hope he responds better when he's out and that he likes me.

KonaCoffeeBean · May 2015

Same with me. I'm very excited about the baby, but I don't feel like a mom yet.

SarahBaby87 · May 2015

It took me 2-3 weeks after my son was born to really start feeling that bond. I've heard several other women make similar comments. I wouldn't get too concerned. I know it can have you second guessing youself and wondering what's wrong, but don't worry. You're not alone.

courtyowl427 · May 2015

Agree with above posters. I am super excited about the baby and becoming a mom. At this point, I feel like this lo is my sidekick, coming with me where ever I go. No real maternal bond yet. I also did not cry at any scan or appointment. I don't think its a bad thing, people bond at different time and in different ways.

AmeliaBedelia1119 · May 2015

I am so glad you posted this! I was starting to worry I was the only one. It's like I know I am pregnant and what is coming up but there isn't that emotional bond yet. Glad to hear it from other women. Now I don't feel like I'm on a deserted island.

Sammy K · May 2015

I think it's common but we're all too afraid to say it out loud and be judged for it. I'm just now starting to get excited about this one but I don't feel the same as I did with DS. It's OK, we're all normal. Someone told me once if you're worried about being a good mom, you're already there. Shitty mom's don't even think about it.

KaLikeAWind · May 2015

The rational part of my brain acknowledges baby will come soon in the next several weeks, but I don't feel a bond and I'm not really excited, either. I'm scared and spent a lot of yesterday mentally checked out. I'm glad for this thread to see some other ladies aren't over the moon with happiness, either.

angiekay84 · May 2015

This is totally normal and OK! I was the same with my first DD. I literally didn't start to worry about her or things until I was in labor and even then, (I ended up with a c/s, spinal headache, and difficult breastfeeding experience) it took me a good few weeks to really make a connection because of the constant pain from the spinal headache and c/s recovery.

This is awful, but even when I heard her cry in the OR and they showed her to me I was like Ok. I didn't cry or tear up!!! After they sewed me up I went to her and DH in the recovery and he was doing skin to skin with her and crying. I felt like a terrible mom, he was more emotional than me! But the bond came within a few weeks and now, three years later, I am obsessed with my little 3 year old girl and love her more than anything. I also am more connected to this baby because I literally SEE what will be in time. It will be OK!

KarasTwin · May 2015

I wouldn't say I don't feel a bond with my baby, but there are definitely days that I feel more worried than excited. I wanted a baby so bad and was so excited the day of BFP but I'm not enjoying this pregnancy the way I thought I would. DH is always wondering why I'm not happy all the time but we've had several scares and every time something happens I just know that's it. I'm 34 weeks this Saturday and in my head I know all is well, but I am ready for him to be here so I can enjoy him and not worry so much.

MrsCaliRN · May 2015

Thank you for starting this thread. FTM over here, also, and I'm happy everything's going well, but in some respects it's more surreal than anything. In fact, I keep having dreams that LO is already here and I've completely forgot about him, leaving him in a car or under a floorboard for days and being like, "Oh yeah, I have a baby." My DH always looks a little worried when I tell him about these dreams, but keeping them to myself makes me feel guilty for some reason. I think it might all be because I was not planning to have babies for another year or so and this LO was 100% unexpected! However, the thought of holding the product of my and DH's love for the first time and knowing that he is a part of me is probably going to change all of these feelings of indifference and I'm sure I'll be head over heels once he's here!

OnWayto3 · May 2015

I can relate. For my first two pregnancies, I was attached from the minute I knew the babies were in my tummy-- completely and totally enamored. Classic, made-for-tv movie.

With this one? Not a bit. I feel her wiggling around in me and there are moments when I get happy, but overall, I just find it annoying. I'm waiting for that magical spark, and I'm confident it'll come-- just after she's been in my arms.

I just can't imagine loving someone as I love my two 'babies' that are already here. In fact, last night I told this baby in my tummy that I love her (for the first time), only to be completely overpowered by guilt as I thought about my boys. It's like I'm cheating on them or something.

I don't know what my point is, but rest assured, you aren't alone nor does this make you a bad mommy/person/woman. Of course there are times that medical help is needed, such as if you want to harm the baby, but overall, you'll have plenty of times to feel like you aren't doing or feeling enough...don't let this be one of 'em.

upandbelow · May 2015

I feel like I can relate to this too. I think for me it's because of my feelings towards pregnancy. I am so excited to meet this LO, and DH and I were 'not not trying' so we knew that getting pregnant was a likely possibility (and we happy with that) but it all happened very fast for us and to be honest I've not enjoyed being pregnant, honestly not a minute of it. I will love my LO, and am so excited to have her here, but I can take or leave the whole pregnancy thing and that's impeded my ability to feel connected with LO.

britneythebridexo · May 2015

With this baby I feel a lot less attached and it was bothering me a lot at first but I realized it's just because I've already been through it. My 2nd pregnancy ended up in miscarriage also and I almost died so it was hard for me to become attached to this one. At the birth of my first my husband cried but I didn't. He also cried at the first ultrasound but I didn't. I'm just not a person who really cries in joy.

dancegurl1118 · May 2015

Sometimes I cry thinking about giving birth and finally meeting this baby, but I don't talk to it or sing to it..or have ever cried at a scan. I don't feel a connection per-se, but I know that will change at some point after birth and I'm ok with that!

HoosOnFirst · May 2015

I'll jump in too. Although I now think of LO as a person (mostly now b/c I can feel her limbs and stuff... when she kicks me) it took a while to feel that way and I still don't necessarily feel attached or excited.

And I still basically act like I'm not pregnant most of the time. It drives DH crazy that I have essentially made no changes to my weekly habits or schedule and pretend like I'm not having a baby in 3-4 weeks. I suppose that means I have not really come to terms with it yet. Frankly the stress around money and daycare and work have been aggravating and while I'm excited to meet LO, it's obvious life would be simpler without a child. I think until I see her, I will feel that way. but once I see her, that feeling with change.

I've cried a lot this pregnancy but never over the baby herself (not at ultrasounds or anything like that), and I get embarrassed when people want to talk about the baby - like I feel guilty, because why should people care about our baby anyway?

So all this to say that I am feeling very, very weird about having a baby and being a mom. And so no, you are not alone!

devyns2nd · May 2015

I felt the same with DD and now I feel like I might not I might not love this baby as much as I do her. I know once he is here that will all go away. It did with DD! I think its a fear of being responsible for giving another life everything it needs including the proper balance of love and support yet not screwing the kid up for life. Shew. Now I'm afraid of balancing two lives but I know it all works out once baby is here.

I've not been hype over any of this pregnancy. I even decided not to have a 3D ultrasound just because it costs money. The good sstuff starts after all this misery is over

virginiaunicorn11 · May 2015

In Judaism, there is the tradition of not speaking the baby's name until birth, and not bringing any baby items into the house until baby is born. Also, the baby is not really considered a person until birth. I am not so traditional or religious, but I identify with this approach - and felt this way before I even knew it was "traditional." I am enjoying pregnancy and its magical moments, but I do not feel like a mother yet.

I have zero concerns that I won't bond with my LO. I bond with every baby I meet, and have loved babies since I was 2 years old. For me, personally, my kid just needs to be on the outside of my womb for me to breathe easy and get pumped about the baby in my arms.

Cateash77 · May 2015

Dont worry! It's hard to think of the baby in there and form a real bind because it's so surreal to think that soon you will have a little one....it's very common I think. It will come.

KenyaLA · May 2015

I cried when I first heard her heart beat & ultrasound but after that I've just haven't had that connection, my husband talks to her & kisses my tummy but even then I don't feel much connection

LaurenAnn0405 · May 2015

I don't feel as much of a connection with this one as I did with DD and I think that for me it's because this isn't a new exciting experience I've already gone through it plus I'm really worried about not giving all my love to DD because we are so close now and I know having a baby will change that relationship. I know that when I hold him for the first time my live will multiply not have to be divided but still this is different and it doesn't make you a bad person!

laurendutch · May 2015

I remember with my twins, I quit work early at around 25 weeks and I had nothing else to do except think about them constantly. With this one, I'm so busy caring for my boys needs that I don't really think about it. I do know that as soon as she is here things will "click"

savalita · May 2015

I'm feeling equally excited and scared for our baby to arrive -- and I think these are normal FTM feelings. I know I already love her, but I'm sometimes like, what if she arrives and I don't love her right away??? (Doesn't make sense, but that's how anxiety goes!) My midwife and I were talking about my anxieties and she reminded me that some women feel a bond immediately when they get pregnant; some feel a bond when they see the baby for the first time after labor; and some need to get to know their little one (just like you need to get to know a grown up) before they feel in love and deeply bonded.

She also pointed out that, from nature's perspective, being bonded "enough" in the early stages means caring for your baby -- feeding her, holding her, keeping her alive and a peaceful as you can in a safe and loving environment. Nature doesn't require that you feel instantly head-over-heels madly in love; it requires that you meet your baby's needs for food, shelter, and comfort. So if that's what you can manage at the beginning, that's ok -- you will feel that bonded love for her/him as you get to know each other!

(And I think just the fact that you're wondering about whether this is normal suggests you are more attached to the baby than maybe you realize!)

CurlyMom78 · May 2015

Great discussion! I wonder that myself and don't feel much connection. I have wondered if I'm normal or will be a good parent because of this. I didn't cry when we found out we were pregnant (we're IVF) nor at her first heartbeat ultrasound at 10 days or at any other of them. I find them more interesting at the science level.

My MIL keeps asking us if we are excited about our baby...I guess we do not show enough "excitement" for her but we are! Which I want to answer back, I wouldn't put my body through the hormones and shots and we weren't of spent the $$ if we didn't want to have a baby! I'm sure once I see her, I'll have that connection though!

aliciaspinnet · May 2015

I'm excited but I don't really think it's fully sunk in that I'll have a baby here soon. I'm not worried, there's plenty of time to bond once he gets here.

nikiaPSU · May 2015

I'm not sure if I feel connected yet. Some days I get so caught up at work or catching up on sleep, I feel guilty for not talking to him or rubbing my belly. And I often worry that my anxiety and worries about SO and I working out will interfere with a proper bond. I don't ever want to look at my son and feel negative because of something his father did in the past. Guess anxiety, in all forms, is normal this close to our due dates.

HKbaby1906 · May 2015

I have mixed feelings. One moment I can be excited and talk to her and next im totally opposite..nervous and scared and feel like it's not real...I tried to tell myself that if I need time its OK! But it's easier to say then to do. So you are not alone with these feelings!!! Im ftm and a word mom even sounds so weird still...im sure it will be all good though after some time

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