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June 2015 Moms
klkonwi
member
Internal thoughts
klkonwi
member
DH " I'm bringing home a little Caesars pizza for lunch."
Me " don't get that deep dish stuff it gives me heartburn and I'll die."
DH " water gives you heartburn"
Me IN MY HEAD " just shut the f up because I don't want that crust and I'll die regardless...... Everything hurts and I'm dying......don't you get that?!?!?! "
Thank goodness I don't say this shit outloud.
Any other internal thoughts with no filter that people would like to share?! I'm getting bored with these threads again and need some humor.
Me " don't get that deep dish stuff it gives me heartburn and I'll die."
DH " water gives you heartburn"
Me IN MY HEAD " just shut the f up because I don't want that crust and I'll die regardless...... Everything hurts and I'm dying......don't you get that?!?!?! "
Thank goodness I don't say this shit outloud.
Any other internal thoughts with no filter that people would like to share?! I'm getting bored with these threads again and need some humor.
Re: Internal thoughts
Internally - "OK, bitch. How the hell is it my responsibility to purchase more medications when I am not even allowed to take them, and besides, how the eff was I supposed to know you took the last of them? I haven't seen the Excedrin bottle since September. And lastly, like you don't know where the store is?"
Externally - "well I guess you'll have to buy yourself some more before you head to work then"
And did he buy more? Nope.
Internally - "You lazy ass mofo"
Me: Ohhh I'm feeling really pregnant.. just truckin' through these final tough weeks + waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel. Did you see my email requesting to work from home starting June 1st" (background, my commute is over 90 mins each direction. dont want to deal with 3 hours of subway/train/walking/driving for much longer)
My boss: Oh not yet but you know staying active is the best thing you can do for yourself at this point!! *BIG SMILE*
Internal thoughts: GO F*#& YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'd prefer to pace around my house, ya stupid bag of dicks.
What I wanted to say: "YOU HURT?!?? I'm carrying around a child plus an extra 20ish pounds more than I'm used to and YOU hurt?!?? Don't F-ing talk to me about hurting. I can't even get in a comfortable position to rub your back!"
What I actually said: "of course babe"
Men are such babies......
(In his defense he did rub my back and hips and ankles afterwards-like he does almost every night...but in the moment I was very bitchy in my head)
Scene : sitting around with my brother in law and sister in law (also pregnant and due 9 days after me)
MIL " have you two thought about buying "baby" vehicles or SUVs ?! "
SIL " I'm trying to convince Brent to buy a SUV but he's just not on board."
Me - what I actually said " no I hadn't considered needing a different car with just one baby."
Me internal thoughts " what the f%#* why would I need a new/different vehicle?! Is my Hyundai sonata not safe or large enough for one tiny ass baby ?! ...... WTF again. I'm not made of money and neither is your son! Thanks!!!!! "
DH told his mom that the cleaning lady we just hired has offered to be our nanny/cleaning lady when the baby is born. At my shower, i had to listen to a 20 minute soliloquy from MIL about why we should let this woman be our nanny...because otherwise we will be sending our child to **gasp** daycare.
What i actually said: we can't afford a nanny. daycare costs $185/week. A nanny costs between $500-600/week.
What i wanted to say: LOOK WOMAN i know you think daycare is the devil, and is terrible, and you actually talked your own daughter out of going back to work because you didn't want her kid to be in daycare, but even though we could actually afford a nanny, i wouldn't use one. i like the fact that daycare socializes children early, builds their immunity, and teaches them about sharing attention at an early age. Sorry not sorry.
For real...my mom and sister DO NOT UNDERSTAND why i'm not insisting on an SUV right now. "Just one of the small ones!" they say. and when they say that, they mean the Infiniti ot the Lexus.
In fairness, i still drive the 1999 Chevy Cavalier coupe that my parents bought me in high school, so OBVIOUSLY we are car shopping. but we decided months ago that we wanted a wagon, because i would prefer a smaller more car-like vehicle to a gas guzzling SUV, especially given that my commute is 25 miles each way. and whenever i tell them about the wagon, they're like "no you need this SUV." SPOILER ALERT: the small SUVs have NO MORE SPACE than a wagon does, and yet they have much worse gas mileage. WHY WOULD I DO THAT?
I just really don't give a flying fuck what car i'm driving (which should be obvious given what i drive right now) and i'm just saying, a used Jetta Wagon for under $20k with a diesel engine (nad nearly 40mpg highway) just sounds better to me than a fancy new tiny Lexus SUV that would make me "look rich" i guess but cost 2-3 times as much both initially, and in gas costs. Pass.
So DH and I are looking into buying Jeep Cherokee because my car I have now is total crap and I need it.
So my DH says to his mom, we're gonna go out car shopping this weekend.
MIL reply: do you think you will be able to swing the payment if Jess doesn't go back to work.
DH reply: mom she's going back to work.
MIL: You know it's gonna be hard to leave the babies.
What I was thinking: of course it's going to be hare leaving my newborn twins! I'm not a monster for not being a sahm like you! Sorry that we both need to work to live the life that we have already. Ugh. Sometimes I just wanna yell shut up its 2015 women work! The biggest kicker that upsets me so much is that they will either be with DH or I or another family member, how can I be upset about that?!
Oh and the other day she asked me if I was afraid to leave the girls home alone with DH, NO HE IS THIER FATHER HE'LL BE FINE!
Then I simply replied with no.
@karaelaine1991 My friend drives a 2-door Honda Civic. They have a Subaru Outback as their primary vehicle, but occassionally she does need to put their son in the Civic. While she says it's moderately annoying, she doesn't think oit's bad enough to go buy a different car. I think it's all about the driver's level of acceptance of the situation.
When i told her we were worried that the wagon we were considering would only work for a few years because we knew it could fit one kid in it but were nervous about the next one, she basically laughed in our faces and told us that she wasn't even planning to get a new car when she gets pregnant again. So i guess it's not as bad as people make it out to be! Which makes sense...i mean when we were kids, my mom didn't get an SUV until we were teenagers. Until that point, she had a Honda Accord and it was more than enough space (granted we didn't need bulky car seats for as long back then, but still).
Me: Feeling well. I'm looking forward to being able to sleep on my stomach and my back soon.
MIL: Ha, you think you're going to sleep? I can't wait to see how this goes after the baby is born.
Internal thought: SHUT THE F*** UP BEFORE I JUMP ACROSS THE TABLE AND SMACK YOU! I'M SICK AND TIRED OF YOUR UNSOLICITED ADVICE AND RIDICULOUS COMMENTS!
My response: Well, being a NICU nurse i have a lot of experience with babies. I know it will be a little tough in the beginning but I think I will figure it out.
What is it about MILs? Actually, what is it about people in general making comments about how we will never sleep again? Anyone else want to slap those people silly? Lol
Husband: "Hey babe, how do you feel today?"
Me: "I'm exhausted and ready to have this baby already."
Husband: "You wanted this, remember? You were the one who pushed and said you were ready"
Me internally: "I FUCKING know that ASS FACE!! If we waited until YOU were prepared to, we wouldn't have any kids until we were 45!! DICK FACE... All I said was I'm tired!!"
One more...
Husband: "For the NFL Draft I really want to go to the bar and watch it with you during dinner"
Me: "Ok that's fine. Can we make sure we leave by 10 though? I'm almost 8 months and tired by 9:30 usually"
Husband: "Sure, we'll absolutely leave by 9:45 and I'll finish watching it at home"
Meanwhile at the bar................ It's 11:15 and I have to be up for work at 6. Nagged him twice to leave and it never happened WHATTHEFUCKKKK.
I left with his sister who bailed at 11:15. He stayed at the bar with his mom until who knows when. I sure don't because I went right to bed when I got home. I laid on the bed starfish style thinking "HAHA good luck finding a good spot to sleep!!" ... lol.
Man, pregnancy has changed me haha.
No, they baby isn't here yet, you effing cow. I'm only 33 +4. I know you're old as hell and apparently don't remember what it was like being pregnant, but babies still take 9 damn months to get here. Yes, I know I look tired and I'm probably waddling but I really don't need you to tell me. That doesn't do me a bit of good! Oh you slept all the time when you were pregnant? Must be nice, but I work full time and spend over an hour each way commuting to work so I'm sorry I can't just nap whenever the mood hits me.
Externally: oh, I still have about 6.5 weeks left and he needs to keep cooking. I'm ready to meet him, but I'm doing great, just a little tired!
I finally yelled at my phone after I got a text from my dad asking how I was(no one was on the phone and no voice text just me getting pissed at my phone) I feel like shit! I am 34 weeks pregnant contacting daily, nauseous, and migraines and you keep asking me how I feel makes me remember how shitty I really feel. So stfu!
Them: hey! How you feeling? How much longer do you have to go?
Me: feeling good just tired. Got 6 more weeks.
Them: oh wow very close! You look great!
And meanwhile I'm thinking do I really? Is this the standard thing people say to really pregnant women or do I honestly look good? Cause I could really use the confidence boost if it's the truth but I'm too hormonal to believe you
Just having a really hard time lately with patients who did not educate themselves about birth and also expect it to be a completely painless experience and lose control at the first cramp. Humph.
I feel like people are just trying to be nice which i appreciate but why must our appearance be what they comment on. If you ask me how far along i am and i respond, you don't need to say YOU LOOK SO GREAT.. how about "Oh you must be so excited to meet your baby!"
I'm just a really big advocate of educating ones self especially with your health and find it hard when people don't and then are unprepared and expect us to pick up the pieces in their moments of panic.
Ex:
(Pt goes to an obgyn practice that only does c-sections and tells pts to just "show up at XYZ hospital and the MFM team will take care of you")
Patient: I don't want any resident or intern Laying a hand on me in labor and birth.
My internal thought: welp then have fun delivering alone because MFM IS ALL RESIDENTS AND INTERNS AND IF YOU RESPECTED YOUR BODY AND CARE ENOUGH TO RESEARCH THIS YOU WOULD KNOW!!!
My out loud thought: Ok! Our MFM team on tonight is great!
MIL: You'll have your hands full with DS at home and a newborn to take care of.
Me: DS will still be going to daycare. We thought that was the best for everyone.
MIL: But daycare is so expensive! He'd be better off at home.
Actual reply: We have to pay $100/week to keep his spot so it really wouldn't save us much money anyway.
In my head: Stfu, our finances are fine and if you really want to criticize me for working, just come out and say it.
My mom: Do you have help lined up after the baby comes?
Me: DH will be done with class and cleared his summer schedule so he'll be home as much as I need him. (He's a professor)
Mom: So do you have help lined up?
Me: We'll be fine.
What I wanted to say: Gee, you're right. We're both incompetent and need a third adult to properly care for a newborn. You're still not invited.
Me internally : who the ef is going to pay my bills ? The magic money fairy, because I sure as hell can't afford not to come back to work. I'm not born a billionaire having my first kid! What world do you live in !?
Me Externally : yeah hopefully I'll be back on my feet quick (with a huge sarcastic smile)
Her: Wow you finally look proportioned (as she glances at my ass), your belly is getting so big.
Me: Thanks.
Internal thoughts: Are you effing kidding me right now? You just basically said that my ass has looked huge for a while now and now that I'm in my 34th week my belly has balanced out the look?! Take your GD baby jealousy and shove it up your ass. I am making a baby and I'm not all the damn concerned with my ass proportions. I will loose this weight eventually, that honestly is none of your concern. Obviously you have pregnancy amnesia and you forgot that your ass got huge too in the end! Suck it!
Mine goes like this....DH and I were laying in bed about to go to sleep. He's trying to lay his head on my shoulder, which I'm fine with....IF I'm already comfortable. He keeps moving and moving, making me super uncomfortable and then he has the nerves to complain he can't find his "comfy spot".
Oh I'm sorry....because sleeping is SUCH a hassle to you right !? *sarcasm*
Internal: I don't give a f*** if you aren't comfortable!! I am NEVER comfortable and I can barley sleep at night now with this big belly in front of me!!
External: .....I have no filter so my external is exactly what my internal was lol I was so pissed that all he could think of was himself and his sleep that I couldn't keep it in.
Ohhh pregnancy hormones...gotta love them !
Her: I bought some new crib bumpers that I think you will like better because they are a little thinner and match your crib set perfectly (mind you this is the FORTH set of bumpers she has bought for me)
Me: Okay, thank you.
Her: Are you gonna use them?
Me: Honestly? No, I'm not.
Her: my goodness child!! You are reading too much and your doctor is too caught up in those same articles if he is honestly telling you he recommends against using them. That is crazy! I know what I'm talking about! Bumpers are necessary to not endanger your baby! Did you forget that I raised four perfectly healthy children?!???
What I said: and you did a wonderful job raising them
Internally: yeah 40+ years ago!!!!!!! Things change in forty years and now it's MY TURN to raise a child so stop acting like I'm endangering my child because I'm doing something that is proven by multiple doctors and many statistics. And YES MY DOCTOR IS MORE EDUCATED THAN YOU!!!!! grrrrrrr.....SO over this conversation with her....
Internally: off course I know what the hell happened to the brownies! My fat, pregnant ass happened to the brownies!
Me: yup.
So she turns around and looks at me saying, "oh, they're having a boy. She's all in front. Are you having a boy?"
I replied, "we're not sure, we're not finding out".
Her: "well sorry to ruin the surprise, you're having a boy. Actually, let me look at your ass (checks out ass) - hmm, actually it could be a girl".
Me: (politely laughs)
Internally: First, why the f do strangers think being pregnant gives them the freedom to comment on my body? Secondly, yes, we're pretty sure it's one or the other but thanks for your expert advice. And lastly, if you're saying it *might* be a girl because my ass got big, it's always looked like this, thanks.