First time mom to be (me) getting annoying advice from Moms

knolliepollie · May 2015

Ok is anyone else experiencing this? I for one, have made comments about how I don't see how some parents just let their kids play constantly on iphones, ipads or TV's. I for one think it's lazy parenting and I don't plan to use that a ton in our parenting style. And my sister in law (granted I'm not talking about anyone in particular, just people out in public) is like "wait till you're a mom." Like once I'm a Mom I'm just going to have to use that form of baby sitting and entertainment... I don't get it. Then my Mom adds, she also says she won't feed her kid McDonalds as she adds "write that one down" It's just annoying! I won't feed my kids McDonalds. Hubby and I eat very healthy all organic whole foods. I just don't like how everything ends with "just wait." Like I understand if your kid is throwing a fit and you give them your phone to mess with. That's not what I'm talking about, I'm talking about the parents that use it just to keep their kids quiet the easy way. Any thoughts?!

I know being first time Mom is probably hard, but I don't like when everyone acts like everything you've envisioned just goes to crap. Does that make sense?

cdepperschmidt · May 2015

I said the same thing to my sister. We were are Lowes and some parents had their kids just standing there in the garden section with their iPads. I'm like, really? Teach your kid to entertain themselves sometimes. There are so many neat things to see when you go to the hardware store. Leave the iPads in the car and teach your child how to act in public instead.

knolliepollie · May 2015

That's what I'm saying!! I'm going to teach my kid to entertain themselves... you don't always have to be completely engrossed in something 24/7. I'll save the technology for when I really need it

Emma&Shayne · May 2015

Just wait... is the best advice your getting out of all that lol you can't say for sure what your going to do in every situation right now because you have no idea what your child is going to be like. For example when your child is sick and u have a 3 hour wait to see the doctor you may be more lenient on giving your child a tablet to watch a movie on while you wait. its not lazy parenting sometimes it's about conserving your sanity. And I guarantee your child will eat mcdonalds at some point but they will survive

knolliepollie · May 2015

As I said, I see the use for it in some situations. Incase you couldn't see that in my original post.

bworm80 · May 2015

Knolliebug said:
Ok is anyone else experiencing this? I for one, have made comments about how I don't see how some parents just let their kids play constantly on iphones, ipads or TV's. I for one think it's lazy parenting and I don't plan to use that a ton in our parenting style. And my sister in law (granted I'm not talking about anyone in particular, just people out in public) is like "wait till you're a mom." Like once I'm a Mom I'm just going to have to use that form of baby sitting and entertainment... I don't get it. Then my Mom adds, she also says she won't feed her kid McDonalds as she adds "write that one down" It's just annoying! I won't feed my kids McDonalds. Hubby and I eat very healthy all organic whole foods. I just don't like how everything ends with "just wait." Like I understand if your kid is throwing a fit and you give them your phone to mess with. That's not what I'm talking about, I'm talking about the parents that use it just to keep their kids quiet the easy way. Any thoughts?!
I know being first time Mom is probably hard, but I don't like when everyone acts like everything you've envisioned just goes to crap. Does that make sense?

It's very easy to judge other people's "lazy" parenting styles when you are childless. Until you are in their situation, I wouldn't make such statements. I never thought I would do some of the things that I'm doing now with my LO, but it is about adapting to your new child. If I were you, I would keep these thoughts to myself.

knolliepollie · May 2015

If using technology as a baby sitter is a "parenting style" count me out. I have plenty of friends who make a point to not constantly feed their child technology. They get some cartoons during the day and use an ipad during times they really need it... like breathing treatments, long waits in public or in the middle of a temper tantrum. I just don't think it's necessary to use all of the time and I plan on making it part of our parenting style.

Fojobaby · May 2015

I agree with you. I'm about to be a first time mom and I hate some of the things people say to me. So many people immediately dismiss things I say because I haven't been a parent. I think it's disrespectful to assume I know nothing. I understand that I am not yet a parent, but I know my thoughts, beliefs and my personality. There are some things that I have an opinion about that I don't need other people bringing me down on. How about some support instead of rolling your eyes??

elittler · May 2015

Your world is about to be turned upside down. Ever hear of the terrible twos? Three is worse.

LizQ2 · May 2015

I used feel the way you do...and then I actually had kids. I hate to say it but what you envision motherhood to be will (mostly) go to crap.

Your kid doesn't need to be on an iPad at the hardware store by any means but a toddler won't be entertaining themselves there and checking out all the 'neat' lumber and tools without breaking stuff or injuring themselves. Being a mom is far beyond hard and sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to sanely get through the day

kmd91 · May 2015

To be honest it really bothers me when people without children witness something other parents are doing and say "I will never do that" or "my kids will never be like that." It's easy to say when you're not the one in that position. I think it's good to have ideas of what you want, but to be so hard and fast about what you will do when you don't know what your children will be like is a bit silly to me. You say you do see where giving a child a phone as a distraction has its place. I'm not saying it will or it won't happen, but I will say that that one is a very easy slippery slope. Once they see the phone as a fun play thing, they will want it, and want it all the time, and a lot of times it is easier to give in and give them that entertainment, especially in public (where you tend to see all the kids playing on tablets and phones).

lulamagoo · May 2015

I said I would never do a lot of things before having my son.

The only time you have all the answers for parenting is when you are not yet truly a parent.

Basically most parents are doing the best they can at that particular moment. The delivery of the advice might not be want you want to hear, but they are trying to help you have a more realistic view of being a parent.

knolliepollie · May 2015

Lula, that is the most constructive advice I've gotten. I appreciate that. It might be my views might not be completely realistic but I'm apt to change and adapt. I just have a vision of how we want to raise our kid and as expected it's not going to line up with everyone else's.

katiedhunter · May 2015

I want to comment on this so badly, but I can not think of anything to write that isn't just down right nasty. So all I'll say is, it's easy to judge when your not walking in their shoes.

kmkrushi · May 2015

Knolliebug said:
Lula, that is the most constructive advice I've gotten. I appreciate that. It might be my views might not be completely realistic but I'm apt to change and adapt. I just have a vision of how we want to raise our kid and as expected it's not going to line up with everyone else's.

Actually it probably does line up with what most parents envision for their children, its just not what actually happens. No one plans to feed their kids McDonald's or let them watch TV more than an hour a day. We all plan to be perfect Pintrest moms, but then you have them and it all goes to shit.
Try cooking a nice homemade healthy dinner with a toddler hanging off you and screaming at you that it's "icky" looking.
Your SIL has already been through it and your mom raised you. It's incredibly rude of you to assume you know more than these women.

elbou · May 2015

Knolliebug said:
If using technology as a baby sitter is a "parenting style" count me out. I have plenty of friends who make a point to not constantly feed their child technology. They get some cartoons during the day and use an ipad during times they really need it... like breathing treatments, long waits in public or in the middle of a temper tantrum. I just don't think it's necessary to use all of the time and I plan on making it part of our parenting style.

I get what you're saying, but I want to point the irony of what you said here.

The bolded is the reason why MANY of the kids you see are using that technology out in public in the first place.

It is totally possible to achieve your goal of mostly technology free kids, but it takes a lot more effort, and sometimes, you end up in a situation where you find yourself doing what you promised you wouldn't. I think that most of us are trying to say that it is impossible to know the backstory of the people you see while you're out in public, and without that information, it is very easy to jump to an inaccurate conclusion. Just try to keep an open mind.

magnolia0212 · May 2015

You will quickly learn the more you say "I will never...," the more crow you will eat. Just sayin'.

knolliepollie · May 2015

I don't think I've ever said that I would never do anything. Never is a strong word. And I don't assume that I know more than them. I'm just stating how I envision raising my kid and they completely shut me down (like some of the ladies here) I thank the ones with the positive constructive comments. They are helpful and have opened my mind and heart to other options and possible experiences. To those of you being rude, you're exactly what I'm complaining about in my post. Maybe if my mom and SIL would have been constructive instead of giving me a snarky remark I could take it better.

ashley_k43 · May 2015

I don't ever recall myself saying " I will never..." Mostly because my youngest sibling is 20 yrs younger and I knew the struggle lol. BUT my husband uttered the words "my daughter will never act like that..." To my mom about my then 6year old sister. Of course my mom was offended and he got an earful.. He had envisioned his daughter and how he was going to raise her was going to be all roses . Needless to say we got annoying advice, we thought we knew , but we had no clue. Now we're on #2 and I'm sure we're in for another rude awakening! lol but all in all don't take it too personal u will live n learn and but to keep peace with other moms I would avoid the word "never" and saying what u "think " you're child will do because reality is we just never know how they will be we can only guide them in the right direction

knolliepollie · May 2015

Love this advice

and I'll be sure to never use the word never lol. I also won't say " my child won't act like that" because I feel that's kind of out of my control. I only try to comment on things I think I can control haha

thefithuntress · May 2015

Fellow control freak FTM here. We're probably in for very rude awakenings. Children have moments of making zero sense and being relentless, horrible little human beings. We can only do our best and hope they turn out okay (which they probably will). As for the small glimpses strangers get, it's probably embarrassing and rough on them when they even feel slightly judged. I know I'm self conscious and aware when eyes are on me. I do my best to reserve judgement now because it'll probably all come rushing back when I'm in their position, having a kid who throws shoes at me until I take them to McDonalds like I once did many moons ago. See? I was the relentless, horrible little human being all along!

rubirubi89 · May 2015

thefithuntress said:
Fellow control freak FTM here. We're probably in for very rude awakenings. Children have moments of making zero sense and being relentless, horrible little human beings. We can only do our best and hope they turn out okay (which they probably will). As for the small glimpses strangers get, it's probably embarrassing and rough on them when they even feel slightly judged. I know I'm self conscious and aware when eyes are on me. I do my best to reserve judgement now because it'll probably all come rushing back when I'm in their position, having a kid who throws shoes at me until I take them to McDonalds like I once did many moons ago. See? I was the relentless, horrible little human being all along!

Did your mom whoop your butt for the shoe thing? I wouldn't have even dared do that to my mom.

thefithuntress · May 2015

Bahaha it was my poor aunt, @rubirubi89. She was driving and I was in the back seat.

I probably deserved a whooping but now they just continue to tell that story out in public to embarrass me. Fair trade, I think.

oliarnmom1517 · May 2015

One of my friends raises her kids and uses minimal stuff like that and one of her kids is terribly behaved and her daughter is super clingy and cries and screams when she's not next to her...compromising and limiting how offen they use the devices like giving them time limits they will be just fine...just don't depend on it and they will be fine...my friends problem is she doesn't compromise for anything and her kids act out and throw tantrums all the time because of it..

melanieJF · May 2015

Everyone does things differently, it's about what's right for you and your family, also what you believe is the right thing to do. Never let anyone tell you what you should/ shouldn't do with your child/ children. mothers instinct is always best. As long as it works for your family then that's all that matters

missemmawoodhouse · May 2015

God bless the electronic babysitter, amen.

mnunga · May 2015

Well as a first time mom you will quickly find out that your child will likely not eat like you. Kids are picky eaters and yes sometimes if you can get a chicken nugget in them then you have successed. As far as electronics you probably won't have to worry about that until about year two. By then I hope you cherish your sanity and accept some use of electronics is simply part of the world we live in. Just limit use. You will soon find out what is means to be a mom. Good luck.

Pontot31 · May 2015

Never say never.
And be careful what you say to a board that is full of second and third time moms.
Just wait... That's all I will say

And to be person who said three is worse than two. Amen! Why did no one warn me of that!?

dsty1213 · May 2015

I think my hardest day of parenting was July 4, 2010. My daughter was 2 and so into projects. I had the day off from work so we went through Pinterest and picked out a bunch of different projects to do. Her star hairbow looked like a rats nest, her glitter play dough was so sticky that it ruined my table etc. etc. etc. My point is, we as moms get pressure to do the best we can and strive to perfection in so many areas. I absolutely think that teaching good morals and values and having goals for our kids is important, but, sometimes, things just don't go according to plan. Removing the pressure from yourself and just knowing you will do your best at any given time is the best response that I can give. And, ps, my kids don't get phones or iPads to entertain them when they should be learning to interact with people or heaven forbid, wait for something either. It is possible.

helsbels222 · May 2015

From a former control freak over here, I just have to say that I also had this image painted of how perfect my child will be and how they will eat healthy and everything... NOPE! Unless you never allow anyone other than you or your husband watch LO, you cannot control what happens. Your SIL and mom probably already have the first visit to McDonald's planned. Try to be open minded to what your mother tells you. After all she's already been through this.

splaughter · May 2015

I've been parenting my stepson since he was 1. This is my first biological child. My husband and I allow him to earn video game time but it does not exceed an hour a day. He is now 7. Occassionally if he has earned his game time he is allowed to play on our phones while we wait for dinner. He uses a tablet on long car rides. I agree with you. Some kids are too enmeshed with technology. My nephew is one of them. He would rather play video games all day tha go out and play or speak to people. He is also 7. You're parenting style is your decision. We feed my stepson McDonald's but it's rare. We also do things very different with him bc he has ADHD. Do what you feel is right for your child, but be prepared to adapt to their learning styles and what they respond to best for discipline. Just ignore their advice and don't compare yourself to other parents. You never know what has gone on in that day or if it's just a rare occasion for that parent to allow their child to be playing on a phone or tablet.

Ohashfo · May 2015

I am a nanny for three kids so I constantly am seeing things I wouldn't do to or for my kids. I will be a first time mom as well, and I plan to raise my child like I was raised. I think kids rely too much on electronics and not enough on verbal communication. I'm only 23 but it kills me to see how socially awkward kids are these days because they rely solely on iPods and iPads! My kids will play outside and use their imagination for things.

Peony1982 · May 2015

Bless your hearts.

soberrysweet · May 2015

katiedhunter said:
I want to comment on this so badly, but I can not think of anything to write that isn't just down right nasty. So all I'll say is, it's easy to judge when your not walking in their shoes.

This. So much sanctimony from those who know clue.

LizQ2 · May 2015

Ohashfo said:
I am a nanny for three kids so I constantly am seeing things I wouldn't do to or for my kids. I will be a first time mom as well, and I plan to raise my child like I was raised. I think kids rely too much on electronics and not enough on verbal communication. I'm only 23 but it kills me to see how socially awkward kids are these days because they rely solely on iPods and iPads! My kids will play outside and use their imagination for things.

My kids play outside and use their imagination all the time. My daughter also has an I pad and an hour and a half of TV time per day. Unlike being a nanny, parenting is more than a 40-50 hour per week job.

Pontot31 · May 2015

LizQ2 said:

Ohashfo said:
I am a nanny for three kids so I constantly am seeing things I wouldn't do to or for my kids. I will be a first time mom as well, and I plan to raise my child like I was raised. I think kids rely too much on electronics and not enough on verbal communication. I'm only 23 but it kills me to see how socially awkward kids are these days because they rely solely on iPods and iPads! My kids will play outside and use their imagination for things.
My kids play outside and use their imagination all the time. My daughter also has an I pad and an hour and a half of TV time per day. Unlike being a nanny, parenting is more than a 40-50 hour per week job.

This. My daughter would stay outside all day. She also loves the iPad. And it comes in handy when we need to keep her busy and quiet.

lulamagoo · May 2015

Ohashfo said:
I am a nanny for three kids so I constantly am seeing things I wouldn't do to or for my kids. I will be a first time mom as well, and I plan to raise my child like I was raised. I think kids rely too much on electronics and not enough on verbal communication. I'm only 23 but it kills me to see how socially awkward kids are these days because they rely solely on iPods and iPads! My kids will play outside and use their imagination for things.

Being a parent is FAR different than being a nanny. Nannies are wonderful people but they are not parents. I worked in early childhood education for quite some time before becoming a parent. I also have my masters in ECE. Nothing could truly prepare me for becoming a parent. I was used to helping parents, not being one.
Edited for autocorrect

prettyincamo87 · May 2015

Well, I am not a first time mom. I actually have 3 children (ages 7, 7, & 6). We don't have a whole lot of extra money (we dairy farm).. I don't even own a tablet & my kids watch TV occasionally when it's raining & they can't be outside. If they complain about being bored, I give them a chore. My kids don't touch my phone because it's expensive. Your parenting ideas may not be popular but don't let anyone tell you it's impossible. I usually take coloring books or highlights magazines to doctors appointments. McDonald's playplace is considered a treat or reward. I believe that the key is consistency. If you give in once during a meltdown your child learns tantrum=getting what I want. Then you'll have a whole lot more meltdowns..
My husband's nephew literally does not talk at family functions. I have never seen this kid without an iPad in front of him. I've never had a conversation with him. This is why we chose the parenting style we did.
So everyone saying "you just wait.."
Well, I'm an experienced mom and it is possible. My kids go to the grocery store and everywhere else with me almost every time I go and they're completely tech free.

Pontot31 · May 2015

Bottom line is: we are all doing the best we can with the tools we have. It's not fair to judge another mom. You don't know her back story.
So even if your kid never has McDonald's or touches an iPad it doesn't mean they are any better or worse than mine.

DrMommaDVM · May 2015

OP, sounds like you have parenting pretty much figured out. Awesome for you. But just remember..... if you are super judgy about parenting before you even have a child, baby karma is going to come get you for sure!

The best laid plans of mice and men....

knolliepollie · May 2015

prettyincamo87 said:
Well, I am not a first time mom. I actually have 3 children (ages 7, 7, & 6). We don't have a whole lot of extra money (we dairy farm).. I don't even own a tablet & my kids watch TV occasionally when it's raining & they can't be outside. If they complain about being bored, I give them a chore. My kids don't touch my phone because it's expensive. Your parenting ideas may not be popular but don't let anyone tell you it's impossible. I usually take coloring books or highlights magazines to doctors appointments. McDonald's playplace is considered a treat or reward. I believe that the key is consistency. If you give in once during a meltdown your child learns tantrum=getting what I want. Then you'll have a whole lot more meltdowns..
My husband's nephew literally does not talk at family functions. I have never seen this kid without an iPad in front of him. I've never had a conversation with him. This is why we chose the parenting style we did.
So everyone saying "you just wait.."
Well, I'm an experienced mom and it is possible. My kids go to the grocery store and everywhere else with me almost every time I go and they're completely tech free.

Yes! I have cousins that at family functions they seriously don't say a word. It's crazy, when we were their ages we were interacting with all the other kids our age and playing. Also (God forbid!) having conversations with adults. Now it seems they are completely engrossed in their technology and are lacking normal social skills. Your post and many others here give me hope. I mean, we were raised with no technology and our parents made it through. Thanks for this post!

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