Community› The Bump Month Clubs› September 2015 Moms
September 2015 Moms
New Discussion

Who are you thinking of having at the birth?

hopeful87-2hopeful87-2 member
edited May 2015 in September 2015 Moms
Who are you all thinking will be present at the birth? I know people have mixed feelings about this and just wanted to hear everyone's thoughts about who they are thinking will be present. STMs any input about good/bad of having sisters, mothers, or mother In laws present?
Report Reply to Post
«1

Re: Who are you thinking of having at the birth?

  • sarahlindesarahlinde member
    This is my fourth and my mom has been in the room for every one. We offered for my MIL to be in there but she didnt want to. My husband needed somebody else in there for support...lol. We didnt ask anyone else to be in the room bc we didnt want a bunch of people just standing around watching. Having my mom with us has been a huge help every time!
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • MufflerloveMufflerlove member
    Just my husband. I would never have anyone else.

    I can't even imagine having anyone else in the room. Last time I laboured in the hospital 4 hours then pushed two. I could not tell you what on earth my husband was doing. He was with me obviously and kept cooling off my wash cloth and handing it to me but beyond that I have no recollection. If someone had tried to talk to me or touch me I would have either lost it or ignored them. I was basically in the fetal position for the whole time. I was also induced so I think the whole thing was different for me.

    I had an unmedicated birth so I can see how people might want company if they have an epi or something but I wouldn't want anyone.
    Report Reply
  • PrincessPiperPrincessPiper member
    It'll just be the hubby and I. From experience that's the best for us! I had an allergic reaction to the pain medicine with my first, and I felt so horrible I kicked everyone out! We just called everyone the next day last time. Worked out so much better!
    Report Reply
  • LaurenNewphLaurenNewph member
    My husband obviously and my mom. My husband isn't always the most compassionate and understanding guy! He also freaks out when I'm upset and there is nothing he can do about it. So I need my mommy to be there to tell me it's okay!
    Report Reply
  • blondehairblueeyeditalianbabyblondehairblueeyeditalianbaby member
    With my son I had my husband and my mom in the room. I had a very fast labor so I was unaware that there were around 15 people waiting right outside my door. I felt a little pressure to let my MIL be there because my mom was but luckily she really didn't get there in time. This time it will depend on when I go into labor. We will need someone to watch my son. My mom is the easiest to get ahold of so it may just be my husband. If other family is available I would like to have my mom there again. She is pretty calm in the situation and it helps. It is really a personal decision and depends on exactly what you want.
    Report Reply
  • mrscate88mrscate88 member
    FTM and really just want my husband in there. I don't have any family in state, but my MIL has been a huge support. She said she'll be ready to stay with me if I need her, but she doesn't impose, which I really appreciate. I'm very independent and honestly wouldn't even mind just being by myself, but of course hubby wants to be there, so I guess I'll let him ;-)
    Report Reply
  • cjstats87cjstats87 member
    I'm debating on just having my DH and mom..and not calling anyone to tell them we are in labor until we have the baby.
    Report Reply
  • giftbcgiftbc member
    My husband and my mom. My husband gets really anxious when I'm in pain or angry (which I was first labor). He kept thinking he was doing something wrong, and he would tell the nurses I think she needs something for pain even though I want a natural birth. My mom has some doula training and will help me with pain during labor to make my husband more at ease. ((:
    Report Reply
  • callistosmilecallistosmile member
    FTM here and I really don't want anyone in the room besides my boyfriend. My mom is already talking about taking time off and being in the room because when she was giving birth all she wanted was her mom there with her. I couldn't tell her I really don't think I'll want her there (this was yesterday and I didn't want to start a fight on mother's day). I'm not super close with any of my family, and I tend to be pretty selfish about stuff like this. I know it's not my greatest quality but I really think with this one I'm going to have to put my foot down. I barely want anyone to visit us at the hospital but I know I'm not going to be able to pull that one off. My boyfriends' two sisters both live here in town, so his parents (who are both retired) will probably plan to be here for a couple of weeks around my due date. He doesn't seem to get how overwhelming it's all going to be at first, and that having other people around might not make it any easier.

    Sorry. That got way rantier than I intended, haha. 
    Report Reply
  • jmacd22jmacd22 member
    STM and it was just my husband for first. Will be my husband and my mom this time around. My mom was out of state for first time or she would have been there for first time. I wouldn't want anyone else there.
    Report Reply
  • BrianaJ0917BrianaJ0917 member
    I'll be having my BF and my mom. BF and I disagree on my mom being there (he doesn't think she should be) but I need her there and I just told him when he's the one birthing a child and going through the hell I'll be in he can decide who will be present. He's not always the most supportive (more the just suck it up and get over it type) and I need someone there who will truly understand and also be there when he passes out because I really don't think he's gonna make it through it (he has even admitted as much)! But I would never have anyone else there. I'm a very private person and really don't want anyone seeing that...really don't even want them witnessing that but it is what it is!
    Report Reply
  • smiversensmiversen member
    I guess I never thought about having someone else in there. Just always thought it'd be me and my man. We will call everyone of course and let them know when I head to the hospital and after he is born, but they'll just wait in the waiting room. I just asked my mom if she would be in the birthing room with me just to see what she would say and she said, "ugh......only if absolutely no body else is around when it comes time." Lol!
    Report Reply
  • squigles28squigles28 member
    I want just me and my husband, but want MIL and/or my aunt there just in case I freak out!
    But my MIL who is all about the natural birth (and I'm not), has been warned that due to some other issues I may be having a csection and so if she is going to be there, she needs to be in support of my birth plan (or lack thereof at the moment).
    Report Reply
  • GrowingapepperGrowingapepper member
    Just my husband. My mom is definitely a little disappointed, but I would never in a million years allow anyone other than my husband in. That is way too personal and I think it should be a private special moment for us. I'm not even going to allow any non-essential medical professionals in (such as students.) Labor is not a show. I don't feel comfortable being naked around anyone, I even get self concious around my husband sometimes.
    Now if I didn't have a husband or if my husband couldn't be there for some reason I would definitely have my mother. But she would not be allowed to look down lol
    Report Reply
  • hrossi253hrossi253 member
    I had my mom, MIL, hubby, and best friend in the room (Bestie took pictures for us). Loved it and hope to have the same experience this time, but have my sister there too. 
    Report Reply
  • MousemamaMousemama member
    It was just me and my husband last time and that was perfect for us. My mom is an amazing, supportive woman but I know she'd be uncomfortable seeing her little girl in pain and I don't want to do that to her. Also, she didn't even manage to give me the sex talk because she was too embarrassed, so it'd be extra awkward!
    Report Reply
  • MawmeeMawmee member
    Me.

    Seriously.
    Report Reply
  • kehagskehags member
    My husband & kids will be here, and hopefully my mom will make it in time. She's been my doula for my other 2 births & she's a huge help! I would rather die than invite my MIL.
    Report Reply
  • joannerowsjoannerows member
    Me and DH! We make the best team
    Report Reply
  • chelseajeanenechelseajeanene member
    My husband to hold one hand and my mother to hold the other
    Report Reply
  • krose92krose92 member
    During early labor, I'll definitely have hubby (duh!), mom, and MIL.  I'm also willing to let 2 of my sisters come, but they're both nurses (heck, one might pop in during her shift, depending on the timing!) so I'm not concerned about their reactions.  MAYBE SIL.  She lives out of state, so if she wants to come down for it, I'd welcome her as well.

    During the active delivery, I'll probably just have DH.  I MIGHT consider letting MIL stay. She used to be a doula, so I might appreciate her presence. 
    Report Reply
  • J0C0TXJ0C0TX member
    My mom lives 4,000 miles away. So that's never been an option. :(
    With my first my bff did visit for a few minutes - she joked she was representing my family :) I was on an epidural do it was nice and relaxed. I never even thought of inviting my inlaws and had it been mentioned I'd have shut it down. We don't have that kind of relationship...
    With #2 and the dude its c-sections so just husband which is perfect :D
    Report Reply
  • bpv101283bpv101283 member
    We are only allowed to have 2 people in the room I think. I don't remember. Last time my husband was the only one there. My mom hung out during labor but left for pushing. I don't think we discussed it much as to whether she was going to stay or go. She just did. Maybe this time I would entertain my mom or sister since last time went well. My MIL is in England so not around to invite.
    BabyFruit Ticker



    Report Reply
  • berticus87berticus87 member
    First time was just my hubby and we plan to do the same again. For us it's such a special time that we as the parents get to meet and spend with baby before anyone else.
    Report Reply
  • BoobopgirlBoobopgirl member
    I planned to have just hubs for my first birth, but after 20+ hours of unmedicated labor I let my mom in because I needed one person to hold the heating pad on my back and the other one to fan/spray my face and feed me ice chips between contractions.  Two sets of hands can be helpful especially if you're trying for unmedicated.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Pregnancy Ticker
    Report Reply
  • PregNancyClarkPregNancyClark member
    Husband and mom :) I'm excited that my mom is willing because she was nervous about my VBAC and natural birth choice at first. But she changed her mind after doing some research. She's totally on board now! Yay!
    Report Reply
  • lisadoninellilisadoninelli member
    Last time it was just my husband and it will be that way this time too. If my mom had some strong desire to be in there with us I would allow it but she has no interest in doing so. It's such an intimate moment that I think it's best to just be shared with your significant Other. For me at least. I would never judge someone though it they wanted their whole family in the room. It's a really personal decision.
    Report Reply
  • GoodyCobbGoodyCobb member
    My husband and my mom! :) I don't want to have an epidural and if I am in a lot of pain he may just talk me into getting one so I need my mom to be the one encouraging me not to!
    Report Reply
  • cchaney8214cchaney8214 member
    Husband only
    Report Reply
  • WDDCHWDDCH member
    edited May 2015
    Other than the medical staff...

    First baby - just hubby
    Second and third - hubby and MIL
    Fourth - hubby, MIL, SIL (photographed) and our eldest DD
    Fifth - just hubby

    This time it will be just hubby and his sister (again to photograph; she was supposed to be there for #5 but didn't make it). And depending on what time of day my kids can come in (it's a homebirth and they want to be there but with our fifth birth they slept through it lol!).

    I didn't mind MIL at our second birth, she was really quiet. Third birth (first non-epidural birth) I got agitated a little but she stayed quiet most of the time. At our fourth birth she was way more hands-on and vocal and taking on a more active role that I didn't tell her she could have. It made me not invite her to our fifth birth. Her heart was good and she only wanted to help but it distracted me and irritated me.

    My SIL photographed one birth and I forgot she was even there because she stuck to her job and didn't try to butt in.

    I think it boils down to your personality. Some women really need other women in birth. I want my husband and I loved having my daughter (she was 6 at the time) at one of the births. They're mostly quiet and I NEED quiet for non-medicated birth.
    Pregnancy Ticker
    Report Reply
  • ForeverEverAfterForeverEverAfter member
    STM, with moms and sister out of province. With #1 I really wanted my mom, but I delivered before she flew in. Unmedicated birth with only DH was difficult for me. This time my mom knows she won't be able to make it, and is paying for my doula :) so it'll be DH and my doula.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • emmamohn21emmamohn21 member
    FTM here and I'm planning on my hubs, mom, and best friend who's been with me for 12 years and was my maid of honor- I know a lot of people wouldn't want non relatives, but I literally can't imagine doing this without her by my side. But honestly, if I was back home in mn where my entire family is, I wouldn't hesitate to let everyone in! (Well, the ladies of the family lol). I'm just incredibly close to everyone and so is my husband, so its actually been hard to tell people no, haha :)
    Report Reply
  • shelbyddshelbydd member
    edited May 2015
    Husband, sister, mom, and best friend. My step-dad, maybe.
    image
    Report Reply
  • NavyBaby928NavyBaby928 member
    My husband will be away in the military. The hospital said they would send for him the minute I go into labor. So, ideally my husband will make it in time. My family all lives about 5.5 hours away so the only person I can plan on having in there is my MILSO friend.
    Fingers crossed husband makes it in time, it's our first ! (:
    Report Reply
  • theglitteredpterodactyltheglitteredpterodactyl member
    I've been going back and forth on this. My mom asked she would be in there and it was actually adhered the first time it came up (I was a couple weeks pennant but neither of us knew, and I didn't have a filter to tamp down the "what? Nope!" reaction.).

    I do, however, really want my sister there. She's my best friend and has always been my go to when I need help with anything. After my first really bad bipolar episode she was the one who basically spoke for me to our parents, and did all the work getting me the treatment I need. I know she can handle it and be the right kind of distraction, and we've even talked about her bowing out when the baby arrives so David and I can have one on one time with baby. She's pretty much the only person I know who would handle that not just gracefully, but with no bitterness.

    My mom is also a great support, but in a "I know best" way, and I assist hero my blood pressure rising as I picture it. I know she'll be loving and helpful but I also know it will be about her and how well she manages everyone. I saw it at my sister's wedding and I just want to avoid that. My mom and I haven't talked about the birth plan yet, not since the original ugly awkwardness, and I haven't told her my sister is going to be there. I think she suspects but I'll admit, I'm being a bit of a coward about bringing it up. I keep telling myself I'm not even in the third trimester, I have time!!
    Report Reply
  • 29jmicks29jmicks member
    Just my husband.
    Report Reply
  • trj724trj724 member
    I only allow my husband in the room. I cannot imagine having anybody else in there at one of the most vulnerable and personal times of our lives. I also feel like it is a very private time for husband and wife and that it should be a special moment between them and baby. But with that said I know plenty of people that have their moms in the room for moral support or whatever. To each their own!
    Report Reply
  • awells189awells189 member
    FTM - Planning on just my husband and me. I did ask my mom (who has 3 kids herself) if she wanted to be there and her response was, "I've been through it 3 times, I don't need to see it again". I couldn't stop laughing when she told me that!
    Report Reply
  • mbrower08mbrower08 member
    Obviously my husband, but I am thinking that I will call my Step mom, MIL, and Dad to be in the waiting room.  That way if my husband needs to switch out for a few or something like that, I will have my step mom come in.  She might be able to calm me down more then my husband will at some points.  

    I am glad you created this thread!  Interesting to read people's thoughts. 
    Report Reply
  • jlcoueyjlcouey member
    With my first, I wanted my mom there too but being military, we live a couple states away. My son also decided to come earlier then we thought. So it was just DH. Which was actually really nice. I labored for 17 hrs and can't remember a huge chunk of it because I would fall asleep between contractions. I was admitted around 1 am so hubs took a nap whenever I wasn't apparently 'sounding like a gremlin'. Lmao. I ended up getting an emergency csec so only hubs could be in there at that point anyway. I didn't have any visitors at the hospital either until my mom and sister flew in 2 days later. It's super sweet to have that intimate family time.

    This time, I'm having my mom come a little early since it's a scheduled csec. She won't be able to be in there, so it'll only be hubs. But she'll be able to come in after. Plus, this way she's here to watch our son. :)
    Report Reply
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"