Postpartum depression? Feeling like a terrible mother

marcellalou78 · May 2015

little benny arrived last week a few weeks early and a preemie by c section. I was completely overjoyed in the hospital and was doing well breastfeeding my little guy. My mom came to stay with us to help out for a week as I was dealing with recovery from surgery and breast feeding was falling apart. I became so engorged my little man wouldn't nurse and because we were supplementing already due to his low birthweight, he was struggling with taking to my breast. I was struggling with the guilt of not nursing as my milk supply dwindled and cried everyday. Now my mom left and I am literally a mess. I want so badly to feel that happy, overjoyed feeling but I just can't stop crying. I'm not sure if it's hormones or some postpartum depression. Any thoughts or support would be greatly appreciated for this weepy mom.

lecolby1 · May 2015

Hang in there. Things will get easier. I struggled with engorgement with my first. Extremely painful. Try to hand express some milk off, or even pump some off before you feed your lo. What really saved me was the nipple shield. It allowed my lo to latch. I used it for about 6 weeks and breastfed for 2 whole years!! You can do it. Don't give up on the breastfeeding yet. Things will get better in the next few weeks. The first few weeks are definitely the hardest.
Also, try cabbage leaves for engorgement and ice packs. Send me a private message if you feel overwhelmed. My mom stayed for two weeks ... She isn't from here so I understand when your mom isn't there. You can do it. Hang in there.

seethebaker · May 2015

I'm sorry your going through all that. With my first I didn't have any complications like u have and I still cried a whole bunch so don't be too hard on yourself. If u have a good pediatrician they will be asking about your mental health at checkups. Let them know how u feel maybe they can help. My pediatrician has a lactation consultant in house that was a great help to us. Good luck. Don't feel bad that u r not overjoyed with motherhood yet. Just take care of LO and yourself k.

khaleesi123 · May 2015

It could be post natal depression and if so you need to go speak to a doctor right away I had a friend who left it and her depression got really bad better safe then sorry.

nursej519 · May 2015

I am experiencing the same thing.. I find that mine is more hormonal though and feel I can appropriately manage it with my support system and resources. It is also getting better as time passes. If you're concerned at all, please call your OB.

TheEA · May 2015

Your hormones are still pretty out of wack at this point. With my DS I cried multiple times as day for the first two - three weeks. It gets easier when your hormones even out. As far as engorgement... I second using cabbage leaves. Keep the cabbage in the fridge and put a whole, cold leaf in your bra. Omg it will feel much better. Also don't wear underwire bras, they make the pain much worse!
Now that your mom is gone do you have anyone else who can help? Even if they can just sit with the baby while you shower will help more than you think. Taking just a tiny amount of time to shower or relax will help you feel human which will help your emotions. Also try to get some sleep. People always say sleep when the baby sleeps... This is great advice, especially for the first month or so. Hang in there mama!

cece3d · May 2015

I get the feeling. Twice I had to stop breastfeeding against my will. But I was so out of it from gallbladder surgery with my first, I didn't have time to mourn it. With my second a nurse in the hospital suggested supplementing and that made me cry so hard. In the end it was a painful case of thrush that got us and now just 3 days out of the hospital I had to have a CT scan and had to pump and dump for 24 hours. Just 24 hours and that had me in tears for several hours. I'm still in the hospital because of an infection due to this third c-section and I had a complete breakdown only hours ago and a mini one only recently. I miss my other two babies, this hospital bed sucks and the antibiotics are making me so nauseated I have no appetite. Chin up, sugar. Call your doctor. Talk to your baby. If you're engorged, pump and freeze.

ali0608 · May 2015

Being a mom is so tough. It's a huge switch now that your are in charge of another life.

With that said, there are a lot of hormones going through you right now that makes each decision so much harder than normal. It's really not fair how that works.

I would definitely talk to your ob. This may be more than the baby blues.

Good luck and try to get some help!

jmorneau09 · May 2015

I went through this with my first. Literally this exactly. I promise it will get better But you need to find a support person. A friend who has breast fed, or even if they haven't, just another mom. Like people said your hormones are on overload and if your not careful it will turn into postpartum depression. I hid mine and refused to believe that I was struggling. It made my son's first year very hard on me and had my hubby been a lesser man I believe it would have ruined my marriage. I don't mean to scare you, just keep an open conversation about how your feeling with your doctor and your hubby.
You can do this! Motherhood is natural, but it's not always easy. It's okay to feel the way you do. The fact that you're on here asking for advice is a good thing...take every bit of support from anywhere. It will get better You can do this!

manacita · May 2015

Hella yes that is post-partum depression! Talk to your ob. I had it with dd. I didn't take the meds. Per her recommendation, Instead I went to a tanning bed for 5 min a day 3 times a week. The light and huge dose of vitamin D released huge amounts of seratonin and dopamine. I hadn't felt that good in years. So there are non-medicine options. But talk to your ob asap.

Xoxo

TheEA · May 2015

If you are still struggling with your emotions in a week you should defiantly call your OB.

sn2b3 · May 2015

After having a baby your emotions are all over the place and this is totally normal. With my first I was super engorged and dealing with nipple confusion because baby was in the NICU. Using a breast shield really helped for a better latch or pumping first and then nursing after pumping for about 5 minutes. Such an emotional time and your whole life has changed in a matter of moments. Give yourself some time to adjust. You're already an amazing mama!

soofttie · May 2015

lecolby1 said:
Hang in there. Things will get easier. I struggled with engorgement with my first. Extremely painful. Try to hand express some milk off, or even pump some off before you feed your lo. What really saved me was the nipple shield. It allowed my lo to latch. I used it for about 6 weeks and breastfed for 2 whole years!! You can do it. Don't give up on the breastfeeding yet. Things will get better in the next few weeks. The first few weeks are definitely the hardest.
Also, try cabbage leaves for engorgement and ice packs. Send me a private message if you feel overwhelmed. My mom stayed for two weeks ... She isn't from here so I understand when your mom isn't there. You can do it. Hang in there.

This is spot on, pump the excess off And use a shield for a preemie. I also had PPD with my first and it did not pass.... After a month I had to go on meds and they worked wonders!! (No it didn't effect my supply) my point is that if it doesn't pass to not be afraid to reach out. Until then lean on friends for some "me" time, even It's just a nap

beaseg · May 2015

I didn't have post partum, but I remember trying to nurse my daughter on the couch and both breasts were so engorged I was leaking/spraying all over her- shooting her in the eye and ears and everything. She couldn't latch and when I'd be able to sneak my nipple in her mouth, she'd gag on it bc she was so tiny and also if I had a let down- it would be so strong she'd choke! And hearing her struggle to cough it out and catch her breath not only scared me- but it made me feel like a monster!

Breastfeeding is SO FREAKING HARD. I was lucky. That's all it is. I got lucky and I got through it and I now tandem nurse her and my newborn son. And now, I do the same thing to him. And it still sucks. And hormones are raging and I sob and spill my tears along with my milk on him. It sucks. It's so so hard. And you should not feel ANY mom guilt if you need to stop nursing. Go see a lactation consultant once. And if it doesn't help and you're feeling like you're drowning- put yourself first! I promise, your baby will love you just as much. You got sawed in half to deliver your precious angel here. You have sacrificed enough and the fact that you care so much tells us you're gonna make the best mom. So don't worry if you need to just make the switch to formula. You're a great mom. Just put yourself first. And talk to the OB! If you have post partum, she can help!

Best of luck mama!

kristaelaine86 · May 2015

I totally agree with the nipple shield! My second had trouble nursing because I was too encouraged. I literally had to lay flat on my back to feed her, and she was still choking! The nipple shield saved us because it controlled the flow. It was a nightmare for a good three months( I felt like I was in the hospital bi weekly for IV treatments because of mastitis) and then my supply regulated and all was well. Breastfeeding can be difficult the first little while, but you will be so glad you stuck it out. Reach out to any support that is available, if your hospital has a lactation consultant or a la leche league group you can join. Sorry you're not doing so well emotionally . Like PPs mentioned, the first week postpartum is a ton of out of control hormones. Definitely meant ion t to your doctor, there are things that can help and you aren't alone.

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