Any Motherless Moms-to-be out there?

Nycbk · May 2015

So I was wondering if anyone else is a motherless daughter in this group? I lost my mom when I was 16 and I always knew this would be one of the hardest times in my life to go through without my Mom. My Inlaws are coming to visit us this weekend and my DH wants to tell his mom for Mother's Day which I am totally fine with. But it just makes me sad that I can't do the same thing. I know my Mom is watching over me and the bean but I just would love her to be here to ask her questions and see her smile. These hormones aren't helping the situation.

I'm so excited to tell my dad and his wife when we see them in a few weeks but I know it will be hard for him too wishing my mom was there to join in on the celebrations. I was just wondering if anyone else was going through this too? Thanks. Xo

keemee10 · May 2015

I lost my mom on Valentines day when I was 8. I also knew it would be one of the hardest days when I became a mother. My wedding was a bittersweet day too. I have always thought I could feel her with me on those really hard days so I know she'll be watching over me again when I give birth to my first child. Losing a mother at such a young age is something that has shaped us and I think will make us that much better moms. Good luck, I'll be praying for you!

BabyOnBoard1215 · May 2015

I also lost my mom at a very young age. Even though I never really knew her, I do miss her a lot sometimes. I wish that I could ask her all the questions that others get to ask their mom like did you have morning sickness and all that. My dad has remarried but it is just not the same. I really have no desire to share much with her since she can be very judgmental. I am still pretty close with my grandma though, (mom's mom), which is good so I am sure that I will be able to talk to her about things when we finally announce.

killike17 · May 2015

I lost my mom young and my dad a few years later. I have a close family mainly my dads side but it's times like these I wish I had them both around to share this experience with.

LinMmmm · May 2015

I lost my mother when I was 25 before I was married or had LOs.
Hugs to you all

BostonBaby1 · May 2015

I am very fortunate to still have my mom. She is a two-time cancer survivor and fighting it for the third time now. I did lose my dad in December, so I have an idea of how you feel. It is extraordinarily difficult to go forward knowing that he won't ever be able to physically hold my baby or love it the way that he would want to. It can be a very sad situation, and my heart goes out to you.

Two of my best friends lost their mothers. It's so difficult to think of becoming a mother without having your mom there. They were both extremely worried about it and everything worked out, but that's not to say that they are not sad that this is how the situation is. One of my BFFs heated Mother's Day and only celebrated it for her children. Her mom past 13 years ago but she is started coming around a few years ago and liking it. Both have expressed sentiments of extreme nervousness to have a baby without their mothers telling them what they need to do. Both of them managed to get by and are excellent mothers themselves.

I'm so sorry that you all lost your mothers. However, I am sure that they were wonderful and taught you what you needed to know about how do love your baby. May all of their memories be a blessing.

MamaMcD · May 2015

I lost my mom last year. She was a special Ed preschool teacher for over 40 years and she would be over the moon if she know I was pregnant. She always sent special packages to my friends with kids at each holiday - felt storyboards, finger puppets, books, and cd's of her kids songs with her class. Luckily, my best friend saved several things my mom sent and set them aside when she died last year. It made me cry when my best friend told me that she would be sending some gifts to my bean from Nana. I miss her everyday and this past year has been the most difficult time of my life. Wish we could all call our moms on Sunday to share our happy news!

3rdtimecharm& · May 2015

I'm sorry for all your losses! My mom hasn't passed but she has never even been kind to me. We don't speak, we have no relatio ship and she's completely insane. I've already told her she will never meet my kids. I can relate to your feelings though. I always wished I had a mom who loved and cared about me! Luckily my best friends mom is very caring and fills the void in some ways. My heart and prayers are with all of you. At least you've got each other!m

eam9 · May 2015

I lost my mom 4 years ago--and having a hard time imagining having a baby without her love and support. I am so jealous of all of my friends that have had their moms at their sides during their pregnancies and when their babies are born.

erikaalzet · May 2015

I lost my mom in January and my husband lost his mom a week after we got engaged two years ago. I was very close with my mother and I have had moments when I am alone and think about it and cry a little. I'm sure it will hit me at times from now until the end of my own life. my husband is the oldest of six, and the oldest is ten years older than him (he is six years older than me), and his sisters are like my sisters and mommy role models which helps. My mother's best friend isalso very close to me as well and she is a mom.

No one can replace our mothers and none of these women have tried but I take comfort in having them and knowing that my mother would be elated.

In fact, my dad told me she would mention it a lot before she passed away.

mellybelles · May 2015

@nycbk I lost my mom 8 years ago when I was 20. I was the only girl with three brothers. My mother and I had a very special bond. I too have started having trouble, just missing her and wishing it could be the way it used to. Nothing's quite as good without her. Since I have been pregnant I have been wearing her diamond studs as good luck and haven't taken them out... I can already feel the emotions welling up in anticipation of when I meet my first child, it will be hard but I'm sure it will also bring me closer to her in a lot of ways. Going through what she did in the way of motherhood. Feel free to private message of you ever want to chat!

dneitzel09 · May 2015

I also lost my mom at 16, and I also lost my dad at 8 years old. It's definitely hard to get through but just know they're watching down on you and your baby. You'll definitely remind yourself of your mom when you have your baby..you'll see her traits come out!! Feel free to pm me if you need someone to talk to!! ☺️

cristinapage72 · May 2015

I'm so glad you posted this. I was thinking of doing the same. I just lost my mom in February, very suddenly. She was my very best friend. We stopped trying that month, because I didn't think I wanted to do this without her. But then I remembered how excited she was that we wanted to have another baby, and the thought of possibly having a daughter/ having the kind of relationship I had with my mom, it really pulled me through. I'm still grieving, but God gives and God takes away.

tgaskin12 · May 2015

I'm not a motherless mom to be. However, I'm a fatherless mom to be. I've always been close with my dad more so than my mom and after he passed it made me and my mother create a wonderful bond. We want to wring each others necks some days but for the most part its rainbows and butterflies. He passed when I was 6 years old from colon cancer. Now me & the babys father are talking of marriage and its just a big adjustment. Mainly so because I won't have my father to be here to witness the birth or growing of his grand child or to walk me down the isle.

I think no matter how you look at it, its a very hard experience to lose a parent. Wether it be your mother or father. You want both of them to experience their grandchild and not only do you feel cheated but you feel like your child is cheated as well. I hate so many of us have to experience not having one or the other here, or maybe even both. Just remember their smiling down on us from heaven and are proud to see this grand child. They may even know things about it that we don't. Always think of the greater, ladies. At moments I know its hard. Days are real hard for me. August is just the hardest month in all reality. But, we're here. We're strong. And we're all having beautiful healthy babies come December.

Much love & many prayers to you all wonderful women!

ZucchettoBaby · May 2015

3rdtimecharm& said:
I'm sorry for all your losses! My mom hasn't passed but she has never even been kind to me. We don't speak, we have no relatio ship and she's completely insane. I've already told her she will never meet my kids. I can relate to your feelings though. I always wished I had a mom who loved and cared about me! Luckily my best friends mom is very caring and fills the void in some ways. My heart and prayers are with all of you. At least you've got each other!m

I can completely understand that, I haven't spoke to my mum in the since 2003. We don't have a relationship (nor does she care to have one), and she missed out on my wedding and now my first bub because of her being insane (to be the nicest about it)! It's hard, I wish I had a mum that could share in the joys of his pregnancy and provide me advise. I lost my grandmother (my dads mum, whom I was really close with) in Nov 2013 (just 3 months before my wedding)... I'm more sad that she isn't here now to see the her first great grandchild, it's something she was always looking forward to! I understand the feeling your going through ladies! I'm lucky I have a very loving MIL, Sister and Aunty would are all providing me the support they can! I'm grateful they are in my life and the bubs!

Nycbk · May 2015

Wow. It's nice to know I am not alone. I am sorry for everyone else loss or feeling of loss from a parent. I too have many of my Moms close friends and my aunt (my moms sister in law) and moms sister who I know keep the memories of my mom alive. I look just like her so I am hoping at least a few trait are passed along to our little bean. I am part of a motherless daughter group I started on meetup which is great. If any of you ever feel you need a little extra support meetup has motherless daughter groups all over the world! And if you can't find one, start one.

I also plan to read Hope Edelmans Motherless daughter mothers.
One thing I really want to do is reach out to all of my moms family and friends and have them write their memories and stories of my mom so I can put together a book so her grandchildren get to know her. I know my mom is over the moon and used to talk to me a lot about how amazing it is to be a mom. So I obviously am so excited too (like all of us

rpaddis24 · May 2015

I lost my mom in November of 2014. She suffered a heart attack. She recovered really well and was about to head to therapy. 15 days after heart attack she died. I miss her so much with my first baby on the way. I've cried so much over her not being here.

MMHinma · May 2015

I knew I wasn't alone in this and it's so nice to hear all of your experiences. I lost my mom when I was 21. She want there for when I got married. And now I find out I'm pregnant and there will be struggled ahead! I think I've of the many hard things about this is not only the emotional side, but never having the chance to ask her what her experiences were like. Im going in completely blind on this one.

On a wonderful note though, my first offered appt. For the first check up is on her birthday. Talk about a clear sign that she's there for me!

MrsMangis · May 2015

I lost my mom when I was 20 years old. She died of a massive heart attack so it was totally unexpected. We were also fighting at the time so I hadn't spoken to her for a week or two and then she was gone. Every major life event has been very hard for me, and this life event is no exception. I've already cried several times (damn hormones) about her not being here to experience this with me. This Mother's Day will be very bittersweet, but I'm hoping my husband will make it a little easier by pampering me because I'm a soon-to-be mother.

I'm pretty close with my mother-in-law so it helps, but it's still not the same. I feel your pain and I pray that everyone has a wonderful, happy, and beautiful Mother's Day! :x

atrapp1976 · May 2015

I lost my mom 2 years ago to cancer, my sister and dad 7 years ago and my brother 24 years ago. This is my 4th child and it can be very lonely especially when you see close friends or relatives with their families. Fortunately, my husband, my extended family and in-laws are very supportive and caring. If there is family in your life that can support you, give a listening ear and be excited for you, lean in those people. It's not the same but it is the next best thing.

olofdrofn · May 2015

I lost my mom June 2013. She was present for my first 3 births and I can't imagine having to go through labor and delivery with out her. I have stayed up nights crying about having to do this final birth with out her help and support. I feel so orphaned because my relationship with my dad is nowhere near as close as with her. While she was always a breath of fresh air and so much help he needs more than he gives. I haven't even told him yet even though if mom were alive I would have told her weeks ago. That makes me feel bad. He wants to be a help he just doesn't know how.

TomekiaB · May 2015

I was very close to my mother, she was absolutely amazing. I am very sorry that some of you were not blessed with good relationships with your mother, I can't imagine how hard that must be.

My mom died after a long battle with cancer when I was 15 years old. All of my milestones have been hard without her. While many milestones fill most people with tremendous joy, for me as a motherless daughter, it also the times I feel the loss the most profoundly. All my major milestones were very bittersweet, this one is really scary without mom. My mom had 5 very close friends that are all "second mom's" to me but of course it is NEVER the same but she did leave me with a great support network. I am very thankful for the 15 years I had with my mom and all things she taught me (many of which I continued to learn after she died because I didn't really understand some of them until I got older).

@Nycbk Motherless Daughters helped me a lot! I will have to check out Motherless Mothers thanks for mentioning it.

I appreciate being part of this thread, thanks for sharing ladies.

Trinasteg · May 2015

My mom has alztheimers so in a lot of ways I feel like I've lost her even though she is physically still here. This is my first pregnancy and it has been extremely difficult with sickness and high anxiety.

chooknbocc · May 2015

So sad to hear of all your losses including lack of relationships with mums. My mum is currently losing her cancer battle, the doctors have given her 6 mths, so it's devastating to grasp the fact the she may never meet this long awaited little miracle. I'm in two minds to tell her yet, I know it will break her heart, but I also know she will want to know and share this special time with me. I am pretty anxious at the thought of not being able to ring her at 2 in the morning to tell me what to do. I'm so lucky I have an amazing husband to support me. Good luck to you all and may you all find peace in knowing your mummas are all watching over you. And to those who's mummas have let them down, I hope you have surrogate mums in your life, I understand what it's like to feel completely unloved by your mum, it's heartbreaking when they are there but they are not there. X

mtinmia · May 2015

While my mother is living, she has a serious personality disorder and has been abusive my whole life. So although I can't relate to the terrible grief you all must be feeling, I do understand the sense of loss of being able to go through this exciting time with a loving and supportive mom.

What has helped me is reaching out to other mother like figures - a mentor, my MIL (who I am close with). Nothing replaces a mothers love, though.

Hugs all around.

ariyanas1mom · May 2015

My mom is here, but an alcoholic, I would never be able to trust her to babysit and would be scared to even let her hold the baby. I'm not married to my baby's dad, but he's 40 and has always wanted kids, he's very excited. Since I'm not married, I know my mom's reaction when I tell her I'm pregnant won't be great, her mood swings are terrible and I'm actually dreading to tell her. My mom isn't the same anymore, it's very sad. I'm sorry for the loss of your mother, I hope you have great memories of her that you can share with your new addition.

Jess0813 · May 2015

I also lost my mom at 16 (I'm 30 now) my dad was also never really in the picture. I'm expecting my 3rd and it still makes me sad that my mom wont be there. Sometimes when im having a rough day with my kids or could just use some motherly advice and love i actually get mad at her for not being here. Its really hard to watch my friends with their mothers and knowing my kids wont ever know my mother. My dh's mom is still alive and we lived with her until my second son was 7 months. But she is just different and not a typical grandma. She loves our kids but doesnt really spend much time with them. Its makes me sad because my mom would have been a great grandma. And as old as i get i still need and want my mommy. You always feel like a piece is missing but having children gives you that parent child bond back.

CArden74 · May 2015

I lost my mom when I was 11 so I get it. I also find that because of that, I am not very good at letting myself be vulnerable so when everyone wants to dote on me the way they do right now, it makes me want to retreat and hide.

MSwan77 · June 2015

I lost my mom at 19. It's very tough going through this without her, she would have been elated! I pray that I will become as good of a mother to my own children as she was to us.

amw2133 · June 2015

I lost my mom at 25 it will be 3 years the end of this month. She never knew my husband, nor was she at my wedding which is hard. I'm very sad that she won't be here for the birth of our first child.
@ariyanas1mom before my mom passed she was a serious alcoholic. I don't know your exact situation but I know how hard it was for me. I'm very sorry that your going through this. I really miss my mom now that she's gone however due to her being am alcoholic for years before that I felt like I lost her a long time ago. I'm here for you if you need anything.

Nycbk · June 2015

Hi ladies. I knew sadly I was not alone in this boat but seeing all of your responses really makes me sad than any of us have to be hear. This week was a hard one for me as I had my 12 scan which I was a little nervous about. I had sent my dad (who just had his first week of chemo last week) an email about something that obviously really upset him (not intentional at all!!!) and so for the day leading up to the scan and after the scan he wouldn't take my calls. Everything at the scan went great and I couldn't wait to share it with my one parents but he wasn't able to put his emotions aside and be a parent. We still haven't spoken and he just sent me a email saying I'm a spoiled brat and have gotten everything handed to me on a platter. I want to scream and tell him I would have much rather had my mom around then her insurance money that got me through college. It's just so hard to know my mom would have been waiting for that phone to ring and my dad couldn't even pick it up. Ughhhh. Sorry for the rant. Just feeling alone and confused. My DH wants to email him his feelings about what a good daughter I have been but once again I just want to sweep it under the rug and not deal with it. Trying to just stay as calm as possible and take care of the baby and myself. Xo

laceyglowacki · June 2015

I've never had a mother, my moment is when I was about 3 and came back off and on until I was almost in kindergarten. This is my 3rd pregnancy without her though she does try to reach out on Facebook. My dad is awesome and so is my boyfriends mom, we've been together for 9 years so his mom is like my mom.

LukeJsmom · June 2015

I lost my mom when I was 24 in 2006..miss her every day. I know she's looking down on my ds and I, so proud of him. My MIL just passed the day after Christmas, and we're due Dec 18th.

megamommy32 · June 2015

U are not alone! My Mom died when I was 24 almost 8yrs ago and I still have my moments. She was amazing and we were very close. My Father has never been in my life and although I have aunts and female cousins it isn't the same. I think about what my Mom would be like at this time everyday. I wish she could be in the delivery room with me and also around to see her first grandchild. It hurts but this is life. My mother in law is almost the same age as my Granny and she is very sweet...but she is not my mother. We just aren't that close. I don't feel the connection with her and nobody else has the insight and wisdom my Mom had. I miss her immensely.

kristinashleyhung · June 2015

Nycbk said:
So I was wondering if anyone else is a motherless daughter in this group? I lost my mom when I was 16 and I always knew this would be one of the hardest times in my life to go through without my Mom. My Inlaws are coming to visit us this weekend and my DH wants to tell his mom for Mother's Day which I am totally fine with. But it just makes me sad that I can't do the same thing. I know my Mom is watching over me and the bean but I just would love her to be here to ask her questions and see her smile. These hormones aren't helping the situation. I'm so excited to tell my dad and his wife when we see them in a few weeks but I know it will be hard for him too wishing my mom was there to join in on the celebrations. I was just wondering if anyone else was going through this too? Thanks. Xo

Thinking about you! I lost my mom at 15 to breast cancer and can't help but wish she was here. I can definitely relate to what you're going through. My heart and prayers go out to you during this time!

tiffany21901 · June 2015

I feel the same way, I lost my mom at 17. It's been a tough 10 years without her. Even my family are talking about how they wish she was here for me during this pregnancy. Keep your head up and know that she's proud of you and will always watch over that baby of yours!!! ❤❤❤❤

sharonholck28 · June 2015

I totally get you. My mom passed away by doctors error when I was 15. It's been hard and I've been wanting to talk to her so much lately. My maternal grandmother just passed away in April as well who I was just as close with. Totally wish I had a mommy figure these days as I head into becoming one.

megamommy32 · July 2015

You are not alone! Praying for us ALL! My mom passed away in 2007 at 45 from diabetes...she just slipped away. We were very very close and I never imagined becoming a mother for the first time without her. I always thought she'd be with me and get to hold her grandkids. My MIL is nice but we are not close and it just isn't the same. My Grandmother and I are close but she lives In Mississippi and I live in Maryland, she does not travel. Becoming a mother brings back all the feelings of mourning the loss of my own again 8 years later. It's tough and unfair.

lesmanly0506 · July 2015

I lost both of my parents in August 2014. My mom was very unexpected. My dad passed away 11 days after my mom. He passed away of a broken heart. I miss them very much and wish they were here with me today. I know they would be very excited that they were having another grandson.

nbobbette · July 2015

I'm sorry to hear about all your losses. I lost my mom this past December which her and I became really close. I was her caregiver and took her to all her cancer appointments. It's crazy to think this December I'm going to have her first grandson and she won't be here for it. I feel so emotional lately thinking about how much has changed and how I wish she was here with me for things in this pregnancy that my brothers were able to have her for.

erikaalzet · July 2015

I didn't want to start a new thread for this question: has anyone grown up grandmother-less? It's just a thought that has been swimming around in my head recently, seeing as how our little girl will have no grandmothers. I was simply curious if anyone who experienced that was ever acutely aware of it growing up.

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