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Any moms who have decided not to breastfeed?

alyciamrsalyciamrs member
in August 2015 Moms
Just curious if there were any moms out there who have decided that they are not going to breastfeed? What are your reasons for not doing so? I'm a FTM and am really struggling to decide. I feel like I know all the pros and cons. I am even going to take a breastfeeding class to educate myself more. Anyone else undecided like me? Never imagined it would be this hard of a decision for me...
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Re: Any moms who have decided not to breastfeed?

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  • cookiedough22cookiedough22 member
    I'm kind of in the same boat. I'll probably take a class to educate my self more but I'm really unsure.
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  • AshleyM0125AshleyM0125 member
    I bf'd my daughter for about 3 months. I plan on bf'ing this LO for about a month or so before switching to formula. BF'ing is not easy for some people. I think it is definitely worth a try. It is so much better for baby and for you! Just remember that it may not be for you. It is painful in several ways and it is awkward for modest people like me. It limits when you can go out if you aren't comfortable bf'ing in public. My daughter also was very small at her 3 month check up and has stayed small (12%). She is healthy and I don't regret for a moment that I bf'd her but I do wonder sometimes if I should have done it for that long. Maybe it would have been healthier for her to have switched her to formula sooner. All babies and all moms are different. Do what is working for you. Don't make a decision now. Just see how it goes.

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  • amybabbayamybabbay member
    I have decided not to breast feed, nothing bad with breast feeding. But my partner wants to help feed from the get go. I also have nipple piercings. And I just to be honest don't feel comftuable to breast feed in public if I did choose to breast feed I probably wouldn't leave the house in case she needed a feed while out. For me bottle feeding is just a hole lot easier and less painful haha. But that is just for me I still do think breast milk is the best for babies but then all the babies I know who had formula are 100% fine
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  • amybabbayamybabbay member
    And don't forget it is your decision! I have gotten alt of shit for choosing not to breast feed but in the end I know what's gonna work best for me :)
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  • Kelsie07UlmerKelsie07Ulmer member
    With my son I didn't breastfeed. Honestly it was bc I was being selfish. Breastfeeding is a lot of work in the beginning and pumping seems time consuming. I knew I had to go back to work and being a manager in retail means my hours are awful. I felt like breastfeeding just wasn't something I was ready to commit to. This time around I'm probably going to be staying home so I'm planning to try it out and see how it goes.
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  • hclzmm14hclzmm14 member
    I made it six weeks with my DD. I have flat nipples so it was very difficult for her to draw out my nipple. There are ways to see if your nipples are flat/inverted and you can google this so you at least know ahead of time if you'll have that obstacle. I think it is pretty common. I had to supplement with formula from the get go. I encourage educating yourself on BFing, but don't forget to educate yourself on formula just in case. I had no clue about bottles or brands or even how to make it properly, so it was overwhelming when I suddenly had to supplement.

    I'm going to try BFing with this baby now that I know what I'm doing. But if it doesn't work out, I'm not going to feel guilty or bad about it at all. My DD is perfectly healthy, and all that matters is that I could feed her, not so much how.
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  • jlsweetsjlsweets member

    Don't put so much pressure on yourself to have to "decide" now- there is no need to have to decide that until the baby is here. It will just cause you more anxiety about doing it or not doing it.  Just go in with an open attitude and everything will work out

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  • stow2009stow2009 member
    amybabbay said:

    I have decided not to breast feed, nothing bad with breast feeding. But my partner wants to help feed from the get go. I also have nipple piercings. And I just to be honest don't feel comftuable to breast feed in public if I did choose to breast feed I probably wouldn't leave the house in case she needed a feed while out. For me bottle feeding is just a hole lot easier and less painful haha. But that is just for me I still do think breast milk is the best for babies but then all the babies I know who had formula are 100% fine

    If your partner would like to help and you are modest with actual breastfeeding, you can always choose to pump! That way, your baby gets the benefits of your breast milk, you can feed her from a bottle, and your partner can help, too. 
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  • neludeluneludelu member
    I'm torn. Part of me wants to part of me doesn't. I'm going to give it a try and if it isn't too bad I'm going to stick with it. I know the benefits far out weight the bad so I will try it out.
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  • Baby2HGBaby2HG member
    I personally LOVED bf my first. I bonded with her more by doing that and nothing else. It was hard at first but stood by it and it worked out in the end. Planning on bf my ds to for as long as I can.
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  • bpwife&mamabpwife&mama member
    CaliforniaDream87 said:

    sschwege said:

    Why do you have to decide right now?  Why not just give it a try and see if it's for you? 

    This. Even after all the classes and help from an LC BF'ing didn't work with my son. However, I couldn't imagine just NOT trying at all. The pros outweigh the cons on so many levels. With DD, I'm going into this totally willing to give it another shot with even more education.

    I just couldn't imagine not attempting to BF just because. Again, to each their own.

    I had a similar situation. Breast feeding was pretty terrible for me with DS. However, I can't imagine not trying with this baby as well. That being said, it's your decision and no one else's. Come to the conclusion yourself and don't let anyone make you feel bad for which ever way you decide to go.
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  • buckleykbuckleyk member
    You may be surprised with how your feelings about breastfeeding may change once the baby is here. Before my son I thought I'd give it a try- why not? It's cheeper and it's supposed to help you lose weight! And if it doesn't work out- no biggie!

    We both struggled to get the hang of it partially because of his NICU stay and pumping so early messed up my supply. I was miserable- like crying to the LC's at the hospital over the phone for days. I blamed myself for not being able to do what my body should be able to do - it was bad and depressing. Even my husband questioned if it was worth it because I was so miserable. And before he was born, I didn't really think I cared. My mom never bf'd and I'm fine!

    But each day I woke up thinking "if I stop now, will I regret it I a week/ month/ year? Will I feel like I quitter? Can I make it one more day?" And each morning the answer was yes so I took it day by day. It took a while before it became easier and eventually effortless. (I was back at work so I had the normal pumping/ supply issues but it was manageable). Eventually I came to treasure our time nursing and loved that could easily comfort him when he needed it. Especially with working, I loved our quiet time together and nursing him to sleep each night (that was the hardest session to wean for ME because by 13-14 months he could have cared less).

    My point is, keep an open mind. I never would have thought breastfeeding would have become so important to me but it did.
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  • morbid007morbid007 member
    I didn't with my first, I was a single mom at the time and it was the best decision for me. This time around my husband and I aren't sure we will either, he wants to be a part of everything and I need him to be too. There's nothing wrong with admitting that. I have no problem with breast feeding! It just isn't for me.
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  • amk013amk013 member
    I'm going to try. My short term goal is 4 weeks. I really want to last 6 months to 1 year though. But I'm not going to guilt myself if it doesn't work out! Totally your decision and you shouldn't let anyone make you feel bad about your choice either way.
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  • ambahambah member
    When pregnant with my first I made the decision not to breastfeed....to be honest the idea of it stressed me out and I wanted to enjoy my baby and the newborn phase without having to be stressed with feeding.
    We are going to be bottle feeding our second as well.
    I honestly LOVED bottle feeding...I felt that first week I was able to get a good recovery and rest since my husband and other family members could help me with the feeds. I then had more energy to spend with my little one. My husband also loved that we bottle fed cause we both felt it was very important for us both to have that bonding time with our daughter. Since we knew we were bottle feeding we started putting money aside right away to help with formula cost while I was on mat leave.
    If you do go with formula, I would suggest NOT stocking up on formula, cause you may end up having to switch - we had to switch 3 times.
    My daughter is now 2 and is a very happy, healthy toddler!
    Whatever way you go, there is no right or wrong, just be happy with your decision. It truly is up to you and what works for your family!
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  • ambahambah member
    bpwife&mama said:

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    bpwife&mama said:

    I really hope this doesn't come off judgy as I'm not meaning it to, but I don't understand the "my husband wants to be fully involved" reasoning. There are added benefits to breastfeeding (as science has proven) and I can't imagine making the decision not to breastfeed because my husband can't do it too. He would never suggest not doing it for that same reason.

    *not taking it as judgey - just explaining my point* - I think it is important to have husbands involved and think it is an added benefit...during my mat leave I was one of the very few who bottled fed and my daughter was the least clingy  - all other babes were glued to mom, and I think they need to have that connection with mom and dad.
    I won't argue that breast milk has antibodies and such that you cannot get in formula, but don't think it is so much better than formula. My sister in laws sister had a baby girl 4 hrs after me...my daughter was 100% bottle fed and hers 100% breast fed and if you stuck the two of them in the same room, you would never know which one had which...they both also developed at the same pace and one was not sick more than the other.
    I think at the end of the day, both ways produce happy and healthy kids - and there are def pros and cons to both - for us, we felt a pro was having husband be included in the feeds.
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  • cubbersscubberss member
    I *love* BFing. (I've been pregnant and/or nursing for over 6 years straight now). It was so, so difficult in the beginning with #1, and I pumped and finger-fed for three weeks, and bottle fed for one before I was finally able to get her to latch. I'm so, so thankful I stuck it out because it was always something that was important to me.

    DH always had his special time with each kid, even without bottle feeding. He still does all the baths and the kids honestly prefer him most of the time... haha.

    That said, before BFing #1, I was totally judgey towards moms who didn't BF (aren't we just the best parents until we actually have our own!?), but my difficult experience made me realize that nursing isn't for everyone.

    I suggest you try and see what happens. If it becomes important to you, seek out help. If it doesn't, that's great too. Don't feel guilty and don't let anyone make you feel guilty.

    I'm also really modest and have no issues nursing in public. You do what you have to do!
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  • puccagirl77puccagirl77 member
    Just chiming in to say that breast-feeding my 2nd is one of the things I am MOST looking forward to with Baby #2. My first was the world's best nurser and I was SUPER lucky not to have any difficulties except a little soreness in the beginning. It was truly one of the most amazing and cherished experiences of my life. I really hope to have such luck this time around as well.

    If you buy a hooter hider, no one will know you are nursing in public. There are plenty of ways for Dad to bond with the baby without feeding, but there is also the option to supplement with either formula or pumping if he really wants to give a bottle.
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  • emmacake08emmacake08 member
    I applaud you all for being so civil and level headed! I've seen bump boards get pretty nasty over this topic. I have PCOS and was warned that a small percentage of those moms aren't physically able to BF. I felt so lucky and fortunate to be able to that I never thought about not putting in the effort to do it if my body would let me. I know a lot of moms of FF babies talk about the shaming, so I always have made an effort to not push an agenda or make anyone feel weird.
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  • Snooches07Snooches07 member
    I was EXTREMELY uncomfortable with the thought of breastfeeding with my first and got incredibly stressed out about it. I did all the research I could, talked to numerous women in my family that breastfed and was fearful of not being able to provide enough for my child.

    With that said, my DD was 5 weeks early and as soon as I showed interest to the nurses of wanting to try to breastfeed they had me on a rigorous pumping schedule! All to help my supply come in. My DD wouldn't latch properly and I ended up exclusively pumping for about 2 months until I finally got used to actually breastfeeding her with a nipple shield to help latch. Breastfeeding was uncomfortable in a lot of ways, ironically it didn't feel natural but I knew what I was giving her was better than anything that could come from a form of powder. And luckily I really didn't have any major issues like mastitis or bleeding nipples, etc...

    I was proud that I was able to breastfeed since there are so many moms who want to and just can't for many reasons. I set mini goals for myself, 6 weeks, 10 weeks, 15 weeks, 6 mo, 9 mo and we made it all the way up to 13 mo of exclusive breast milk. I never ended up having to supplement and I was damn proud of myself for making it past my goal!

    My hubby was involved the entire time whether it be burping her or feeding her a bottle I just pumped.

    Just try it out, set mini goals for you both. It took me 6 mo to actually breastfeed in public, including around my husbands family and some of my family members. With this next baby, I know it'll once again be awkward at first and rough getting into a routine but it truly is some of the best bonding time you can have. I'm actually looking forward to it this time around!!

    Good luck with your decision.
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  • thesportsgalthesportsgal member
    I don't understand saying bottle feeding is easier, either. It was much easier for me to breastfeed in the middle of the night then get up, do downstairs, mix a bottle, etc.

    I don't care how you feed your kid but I do think everyone should at least try. If you can't or it's not for you then fine. But after you get the hang of it, I think you would be missing out on what can be a wonderful experience.

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  • WDDCHWDDCH member
    @CaliforniaDream87 I struggled bad with my first and second. Heck I didn't even know I could pump for them or I would have. I just went to formula because I knew nothing... BUT I exclusively breastfed my youngest three for over a year each. I just wanted to encourage you that if you have an earnest desire to nurse that there's hope. The inability to nurse one doesn't mean you may not be able to accomplish your goals with this one. I set mini goals: make it to two weeks, then four weeks, then six week, then 3 months, etc. I also didn't keep bottles or formula in my house at all (that's a personal choice and I don't care if someone does keep those things but it helped ME to focus on my goals).

    Anyway much love and luck!!!
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  • WDDCHWDDCH member
    OP - I think it's great you're taking a class. It sounds like you have interest but just don't know all it entails. I've formula fed two of my kiddos and exclusively breastfed three. Definitely pros and cons to each.

    I am extremely modest but I just felt so feminine when nursing, the milk was ready and the perfect temp, no bottles to clean but I did sometimes feel like a milk machine because I nursed on demand and during growth spurts it is seemingly never-ending.

    I felt a bond regardless of how I fed my kids. Before having babies we think of breasts and sex synonymously so I think some women may feel a little weirded out by it? But I can assure you there's nothing sexual or arousing or whatever about nursing. It's a different experience than that with your SO.
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  • ambahambah member
    edited May 2015
    I do agree there are def other ways for a father to be involved with babe...my husband from day one always did either bath time or story time (we would switch it up). But speaking from him, feeding a baby is such a peaceful, quiet time and he loved having that time with her being that we bottle fed. I wouldn't say bottle feeding is an easier solution either, it either works for some or it doesn't. For us it worked and we enjoyed it! We just personally found more pro's with bottle feeding than breast feeding. I don't agree with the statement "give it a try first"....some women know from day one whether they want to do it or not...for me I did not want to breastfeed. I don't feel bad about it and I don't feel I neglected my child from anything...she is a thriving,happy, intelligent 2 year old and I wouldn't change a thing! 
    However, I give credit to breastfeeding and formula feeding mothers...feeding can be a stressful time for any mom, so as long as baby and families are happy and healthy that is all that matters.
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  • CaliforniaDream87CaliforniaDream87 member
    WDDCH said:

    @CaliforniaDream87 I struggled bad with my first and second. Heck I didn't even know I could pump for them or I would have. I just went to formula because I knew nothing... BUT I exclusively breastfed my youngest three for over a year each. I just wanted to encourage you that if you have an earnest desire to nurse that there's hope. The inability to nurse one doesn't mean you may not be able to accomplish your goals with this one. I set mini goals: make it to two weeks, then four weeks, then six week, then 3 months, etc. I also didn't keep bottles or formula in my house at all (that's a personal choice and I don't care if someone does keep those things but it helped ME to focus on my goals).

    Anyway much love and luck!!!

    Love this! Thank you. This is one of my goals and I've already put a lot more time into making sure I'm much more educated this go round. I appreciate your words of encouragement :)
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  • laurasuzanne2006laurasuzanne2006 member
    thesportsgal said:

    I don't understand saying bottle feeding is easier, either. It was much easier for me to breastfeed in the middle of the night then get up, do downstairs, mix a bottle, etc.

    I don't care how you feed your kid but I do think everyone should at least try. If you can't or it's not for you then fine. But after you get the hang of it, I think you would be missing out on what can be a wonderful experience.

    Granted some women have issues bfing. But my experience was very much like this. Way easier to bf than it would have been to ff. and way cheaper
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  • Shine2015Shine2015 member
    I was unable to BF my son and will be unable to BF this baby as well. I am on a medication and all of my doctors have recommended I not BF while on it. I struggled with it during and even after my first pregnancy because I felt like the decision was not mine to make. I felt incredibly guilty about it for a long time. But then I realized that I would not be a healthy mom without the medication. Being healthy so I could be the best mom I could be became more important than BFing. I am very greatful that no one else made me feel guilty for bottle feeding, I just wish I could have felt better about it sooner. I still sometimes wish I would be able to try it, but I am trying not to dwell on it this time around. I say continue to educate yourself and after that if still not sure, try it. You won't regret trying but you may if you don't.
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  • houndskeeper09houndskeeper09 member
    I don't see why choosing not to breastfeed is such a bad thing to people. I personally just don't feel comfortable with the whole process so I'm choosing not to with my little one. I have no want to do it nor do I think that my little guy will lose anything from being formula fed. Before being pregnant I never realized how many people judge you for not wanting to breastfeed and honestly it's tiring! Each person should be able to choose what is best for them, no judgement.
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  • Starynightsky24Starynightsky24 member
    edited May 2015
    I'd suggest doing your research then if you decide to try to BF (which I obviously think is best) give it a REAL try. There's no way I would have made it to 3weeks without a real commitment to my child and what was best for him,

    After terrible latch, thrush, a hard letdown, and nursing strike, looking back breastfeeding for the first 8 weeks was one of the biggest accomplishments I ever made.

    Do your research and know about the problems that may arise. Also, know who to go to to ask for help. If you need to switch, at least you are educated about it and doing what you know is best. Not what is easiest at the time.

    Edit to say I ended up BFing for 15 months. I am actually excited to do it this time and feel much more confident. Not worried at all this go around.

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  • SashaDenn25SashaDenn25 member
    So im a FTM as well and I have pretty much decided what many have suggested, giving it a go and just seeing how it goes. I understans that its a natural thing, but for now it doesnt feel very natural to me, but im aware my feelings may change once baby arrives. I dont want to put any added anxiety of being a FTM to deciding whether to BF or not. I just decided the best way for me to know is to try it out and if for some reason I cant or I become very uncormfortable then no sweat, because we are fortunaye enough to live in a time when formula is an option.
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  • mrswiebe09mrswiebe09 member
    I will not be breastfeeding this time around. I tried and "failed" with the first two and I know it's best for me and new baby and the rest of my family to formula feed from the start this time around.
    There is no shame in trying and failing or not trying at all if you think it's best. I know my body, my mental health, and stress levels better than anyone else. You know yours better than anyone else. Don't let anyone bully you into thinking you are a bad mom for ANY reason.
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  • stow2009stow2009 member
    I'm really hoping I will be able to breastfeed with my first. I was born with severely inverted nipples (runs in my family), that were deemed not able to be drawn out. I had surgery six years ago to bring them out both for cosmetic reasons and in case I ever did want to breastfeed. However, there is a chance I will have a harder time breastfeeding or won't be able to at all due to the surgery. I wouldn't have gotten it, but according to the doctor it gives me a better chance of BFing than if I hadn't gotten it. 
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  • CaliforniaDream87CaliforniaDream87 member
    houndskeeper09 said:

    Before being pregnant I never realized how many people judge you for not wanting to breastfeed and honestly it's tiring! Each person should be able to choose what is best for them, no judgement.

    Oh, this is just the beginning. Mothers are judged for almost everything. Also, I don't really know why you're on the defense here as no one in this thread has any judgemental tones. If this were the old bump however, this conversation would have an a entirely different tone.


        DS born 8-16-2013
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  • thesportsgalthesportsgal member
    CaliforniaDream87 said:

    houndskeeper09 said:

    Before being pregnant I never realized how many people judge you for not wanting to breastfeed and honestly it's tiring! Each person should be able to choose what is best for them, no judgement.

    Oh, this is just the beginning. Mothers are judged for almost everything. Also, I don't really know why you're on the defense here as no one in this thread has any judgemental tones. If this were the old bump however, this conversation would have an a entirely different tone.


    No kidding. Such a shame, there are definitely some flameworthy comments in this thread - and deservedly so.

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  • puccagirl77puccagirl77 member
    thesportsgal said:

    I don't understand saying bottle feeding is easier, either. It was much easier for me to breastfeed in the middle of the night then get up, do downstairs, mix a bottle, etc.

    THIS!!! Cleaning and sanitizing all the bottles is a giant PIA. Making sure you have everything whenever you leave the house versus having your boob ready to go. And Formula is very expensive!
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