Much Needed FTM Advice

oniboo · May 2015

I'm 23 years old and a FTM. This was an unplanned pregnancy. I have a somewhat supportive partner, bless him, he tries but I don't think his priorities are in order. I'm seeking any kind of advice that you all can offer. I feel so overwhelmed and confused with everything.

MissusTexas · May 2015

Get counseling together before the baby comes and plan on going back in the baby's first year. It may save you some heartache.

cosplaymom · May 2015

Get counseling together... but he should also have an older mentor he can talk to about being a dad... Does he have a good father figure in his life? Or even a mom who can keep him accountable?

Make sure you have your own support too, your mom, aunt, whoever you can lean on for mom advice.

littlemizstar · May 2015

I've come to the conclusion that men will always have different priorities than us. If he is supportive & helping out then I personally think this is enough. For our first baby I wanted everything done at least a month before the baby was due but nope the husband kept putting off things. Let's just say he put the car seat in the day we went home. He's amazing father though so I'm not too worry this time around for the nursery to get done.

carriebelle77 · May 2015

It's not "real" for men until they SEE & HOLD their baby! It's real for you b/c of all of the changes you're going through. Your partner will never do exactly what you think he should...that's why you're the Mommy. If he's there and trying, that's all you can ask. Good luck!

kat+1 · May 2015

I have posted this before but the best advice I would give
Firstly
to let daddy help and "talk" him through things rather than taking over when he asks for help. If you take over he will feel like he is not able to do things. I had to sit on my hands( for real) and talk my hubby through a big messy poopy diaper, bath time and many other time where It would have just been easier for me to take over and do it. My hubby has thanked me a few times for not just pushing him out and doing it all my self. And it boosts his confidence and bond with baby.

Secondly
take some time for you, where hubby or you mom or who ever you trust to baby sit and go have a bath or wash your hair or go for a coffee. Anything to make a bit of time for your self. It can be hard for find a balance but you need it.

Thirdly
Your the mom and he's the dad. Take advices from others but do what is right for your family. BUT..... dads input is just as important as your. so chances are if he speaks up its worth a talk or just going along with it.
For example my hubby pretty much just lets me parent and never has an issue but when our son started eating he did ask me not to give DS any form of processed sugar, but to rather use honey or maple syrup instead. To me that was not a big deal and we just change the sugar in our house to honey and syrup. But when he raised the concern about giving medicine during teething, we sat and had a talked and I told him what I knew, and he told me what he knew, and then we did some research and talked to family and we decided to give Motrin when needed and to use an amber teething necklace but I also try to avoid giving meds daily and use cold cloths before giving meds.

You dont want you partner to feel like he can't chime in and say "hey why do you do that, that way?"

Fourthly
If your birth doesn't go according to what you wrote in your birth plan, it's going to be ok. It might not feel like it right at the time or just after but in time the wounds will heal, mental and physical. It's ok to be sad and upset even angry But please talk about it with hubby or a councillor because it can be hard to over come on your own.

ann_jeremiah · May 2015

"I don't think his priorities are in orderl is a VERY vague statement....

Thj417 · May 2015

I don't know the whole story to your situation, however, the best thing you can do is be prepared. Have your support group lined up (not just baby's dad but friends and family). Prepare and freeze several meals to feed yourself after baby is born (do this like a week or two in advance, think casserole, spaghetti, easy) and get easy access snacks (protein bars, dried fruits, healthy but won't spoil as fast). Make sure you have the baby essentials (clothes, diapers, wipes, swaddle blankets, car seat - all that decorative stuff is just stuff and not really necessary). The most important thing in your life is going to be your little baby and you are going to be number 1 for that baby for a good bit. You cannot bet on how your SO will respond in the future, but you can avoid issues by talking things through (identify his and your expectations openly and non-confrontational, otherwise you will continue to question his priorities). Let your SO know your needs (I was scared the first time and am this time too, but I told my SO specifically what I needed from him -with me at the hospital offered baby classes, with me in the hospital- I didn't want or trust anyone else in my situation, and to make sure I ate as I was nursing too). If you are planning to nurse, check with your insurance for a free electric breast pump and get it (when you are super engorged in the first several days/weeks and baby is asleep you'll be so happy you got the pressure off!!) Finally, all of the baby books say the same things, so just get 1 and start reading it now - this will give you tools and help you to be more confident (same goes true if you plan to nurse, get The womanly art of breastfeeding). Okay one more! Remind yourself - women have been having baby's for centuries!!! You can do this too!!!

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