idk if I have a right to have my feelings hurt (long read)

crazeekates · May 2015

so a long time ago... I was a freshmen in college, there was this guy I was seeing that I was over the moon about. He broke-up with me only to find out 2 weeks later that I was pregnant. We both were in shock and scarred. He instantaneously started on the plan that I had to abort. That my parents would be furious, it would mess both our school plans, ect. Not to blame him, I was a legal adult and I could have stood up to him and said no. I was just so unprepared and clearly he did not want to be a dad yet. So the next day still in a world of scared and shock we got up at 6 am, went to a clinic, and got the abortion pill. I willingly swallowed it and have regretted ever since.

Now here is what I'm upset about...

It's been 12 years since then. We were still friends after all of that, but recently I've been thinking more about him and the baby that might have been. It's hard not to when I'm pregnant and feeling all these first amazing things I gave up all that time ago. I went to go click on his Facebook to check in. Possibly leave a message or something, idk what exactly, only to find out that not only are we not friends anymore, but I have been blocked by him. In his profile pic he has a baby with his wife (who has the same first name as me). In the past we have said happy birthday to each other. I congratulate him when he got engaged and again when he got married. I've never harassed him, stalked him, or sent inappropriate messages in the past, so I don't completely understand why I'm persona non grata. It really hurt my feelings. I just can't decide if I have the right to be upset as I am. I can't help but to both feel very silly on one hand and very hurt on the other. It's not like we didn't both go threw this. Ugh! I just wish I hadn't clicked into this weird emotional minefield.

PlainJane8350 · May 2015

I think you have a right to feel however you feel. It was his idea, but even if it wasn't, he wouldn't have experienced the loss as profoundly as you did. I'm sure having another baby himself has reminded him off it, may be that's why he deleted you? Or may be his new wife made him, that happens a lot! Either way, I'm sorry that happened. Sucks.

maryanne007 · May 2015

I wouldn't take it too personally. Maybe he was thinking about it and decided that he wanted to move on from those memories? In any case it probably doesn't do you any good to get upset about it. Perhaps it is better to close this chapter in your life as well.

Mousemama · May 2015

I'd be hurt, too. There could be a ton of factors in play and it sounds like you didn't do anything wrong. His wife may have felt threatened by his friendship with you; that happened to me once. I'd remained friends with an ex from college, we chatted pretty regularly over email, nothing remotely inappropriate, but he told me one day that his wife wasn't comfortable with the friendship and he'd have to say goodbye. It hurt, but I understood that he had to do this for her.

I'm sorry you didn't get an explanation. That must really sting.

eah325 · May 2015

I agree that you have a right to feel how you feel, but I want to offer a different perspective. I have unfriended most of my exes from Facebook in the last few years. My husband has never asked me to do so... In fact he doesn't know that I've done it. But in my mind, why would I remain in contact with them? None of them are friends... They're ghosts of my past. What we had was in the past and I'm more focused on my present and future... Relationships are too precious to risk old flames popping back up during rough patches with your partner. And these things happen ALL the TIME. So I decided to be proactive and not allow the risk into my own relationship with my partner. I'm just trying to illustrate to you that his decision may be nothing personal against you--- just a decision he made to honor his own relationship like I did.

WDDCH · May 2015

Perhaps his wife wasn't comfortable with him being FB friends with someone who had such an intimate connection in the past. It sounds like you both have your lives to live and families to love. He shouldn't have an emotional connection with you anymore anyway.

I'm really sorry you are struggling with the choice you made 12 years ago. I wouldn't take his blocking you personal. I'm sure he has reasons that are more to do with protecting himself and his family (like PP said; old flames getting back together via PMs or whatever) than because of anything you said or did.

caityrose · May 2015

Maybe it was too hard for him to see you pregnant and he was having similar thoughts of 'what could have been'

runner636 · May 2015

You have every right to feel upset. He was part of a very huge thing in your life and you had eAchother to lean on through that. Is there a social services agency in your area that specializes in grief? It sounds like there's stuff that you haven't processed yet that this pregnancy has brought up that may be good to talk to someone about. As for the ex-BF, Maybe being friends on FB reminded him of something he was very sad about as well and his way of coping with that is to disengage and unfriend you.

jenboston22 · May 2015

I agree with many of the previous respondents -- If he's now married and has a baby, he likely (and hopefully) wants to focus on his family and not on his exes. I know that I've "unfriended" many people over the years; not because of any ill will, but simply to keep my contact list a bit up to date. Also, personally it would bother me a little if an ex of my husband kept up communication (even if infrequent), so he may have unfriended you simply to protect the feelings of his family.

cait040415 · May 2015

As much as I hate to put ANY stock in Facebook, I can kind of see where he (or his wife) is coming from. Shortly before we got engaged, I asked my husband to delete his ex (that he was with for EIGHT YEARS, we got married after 15 months) off Facebook. I didn't think he had any lingering feelings, but certain things made me think that she was using his Facebook to keep tabs on him. Not that this is true in your case at all, but I think Facebook keeps people like that present in the forefront of our minds, when the person we are in a relationship with should be the only one there. I don't have any long term exes on mine, but sometimes I will creep on them and something I see or if they have deleted me will put me in a funk which is absurd because I love my husband a million times more than any of them. Maybe all the milestones in your life made him feel that way? Just a thought...but I totally get where you're coming from!!!

kvilla4 · May 2015

I think ! You should try to let it go
His married and I did something like that I blocked all my ex's as soon as hubby and I got together
Ether that or he told his wife and she made him block you
But ether way both of you have moved on
I think you should enjoy this moment and don't live in the past
It will only bring up pain

My ex always told me I was the love of his life yet he always treated me like crap he didn't change until I moved on and once that happened everything I had asked for he had done with another girl so sometimes think don't work out your way for a reason if I would had stayed I would have never met my hubby and I can honestly say I've never!!!! Been so happy in my life
He makes me laugh and smile everyday and his the best father to our son
Just look forward

you got a lot to look forward to in a couple weeks you'll have a new born

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idk if I have a right to have my feelings hurt (long read)

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