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Family at the hospital

somdaesomdae member
edited May 2015 in May 2015 Moms
Not sure if it's just me being irrated or what. I really don't want anyone at hospital but my husband and mother. Is this wrong? My family can be super annoying and I want to be peaceful and focus on birth and rest before coming home to the rush. Is that selfish? They make me feel so obligated to do things the way they want , so tired of it I cry. My family isn't normal by the way, so many issues.
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Re: Family at the hospital

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    TheEATheEA member
    If you don't want them at the hospital, that is your choice! You shouldn't feel selfish! Don't give them your room number and let the nursing staff know you don't want any visitors other than your DH and mom. They'll help keep people away if you ask.
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    ldmwldmw member
    It's your choice, do what you want. Do what makes you feel best.
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    saric83saric83 member
    That's totally fine.  Neither DH nor I want anyone at the hospital, and while I don't think anyone would try to show up, we're not even going to risk it and have no plans to tell anyone until it's time to go home. 
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    MrsS728MrsS728 member
    I'm allowing my family to come see me in labor for a few minutes (hospital is 15 minutes away from mom and MIL and 25 from dad FIL passed away almost 7 years ago when we first started dating), but I've already told everyone that I don't want them waiting around for me to have the baby. The only person in the room will be my husband. If my family wants to be at the hospital when I'm in delivery they can be, but no one is going to see the baby for AT LEAST 2 hours. They keep you in L&D for 2 hrs post  before moving you to your PP room. We are only allowing family to see the baby in the PP room.   In my opinion there's no point in family waiting in the waiting room because it's going to be hours and hours before they even see the baby. 
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    rosannewildrosannewild member
    I will have my DH and support person who's done four natural births (my cousin) with me and have the moms wait at home until baby arrives, then my cousin will go get them, leaving us three alone for the first few hours to bond.
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    hollanr3hollanr3 member
    I'm in the same predicament. I don't think you should feel guilty for wanted time to bond with your baby! I feel the same way...unfortunately my in laws are NOT understanding of this at all...started complete drama over my husband telling them our wishes you have time with her before the circus comes in. I don't have any words of wisdom but I totally get where you're coming from. I'm going to do what I feel is best for my baby and if they don't like it than so be it! Easier said than done.... :-w
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    MrsS728MrsS728 member
    Tell the nurses when you are admitted your wishes. They won't have a problem being the bad guy. 
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    sbride68sbride68 member
    DH, my close friend, and our photographer will be the only ones in the room with me for delivery. I want my parents to come up and be there while I'm in labor to visit a little bit but not for long. I don't want DH's family to come and wait around AT ALL before baby arrives. His family is super annoying and pushy and I don't want that for my environment. Mil is a nurse so she thinks she is a know it all and FIL is just a know it all jack a** and they are just annoying to me. DH wants to have them all be in the waiting room but like someone else previously said, I don't want a bunch of people waiting around for me to have the baby. I think that would just stress me out too much.
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    kcohee5927kcohee5927 member
    somdae said:

    Not sure if it's just me being irrated or what. I really don't want anyone at hospital but my husband and mother. Is this wrong? My family can be super annoying and I want to be peaceful and focus on birth and rest before coming home to the rush. Is that selfish? They make me feel so obligated to do things the way they want , so tired of it I cry. My family isn't normal by the way, so many issues.

    You can do whatever you want!  My mom said that her dad was an alcoholic and embarrassed her sister, my aunt, at the hospital when my aunt had her first so she didn't let her parents know about her delivery until the next morning when she knew her dad would be sober.  
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    cheyenne1322cheyenne1322 member
    This is exactly me! I feel the exact same way! You have absolutely no reason to feel bad
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    somdaesomdae member
    Lol thanks ! Just so irrated I guess it's the baby too . Monday us our induction
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    somdaesomdae member
    Ha ! I know I just don't understand people at times lol
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    somdaesomdae member
    Ugh the Mil being a nurse , I couldn't take that one either !
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    somdaesomdae member
    @rosannewild now that's a great plan! You guys must be really organized!
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    somdaesomdae member
    @saric83 I thought about that as well, they would be crushed . Lol
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    kimmeenoellekimmeenoelle member
    I see my self being a pain in the ass during labor. Ftm and attempting completely unmedicated.. So we decided only s/o in l&d plus the first two hours just us. Then we'll let family know that baby is here and theyre welcome to come up, but we'd like only two visitors at a time.
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    Chichi93Chichi93 member
    I'm definitely in the same boat! My grandma is sooooo rude and mean all the dang time. She's always been that way. I think it's because she's just way too opinionated. Like my last Dr's appointment she bitched at me because I didn't want her in the room when the dr did my cervical exam. "You're gunna have to throw your modesty out the window little girl or you won't be able to have a baby" ... um ... Pregnancy does not make me automatically want to show everyone my vagina. Smh. So she's mad that I don't want her in the room when I have my baby boy. >_<

    But anyways, my hospital has a list that you write the name of who you want to go and be back in the room. At any point. You can't get back in the room unless you've got a wristband with my room number on it. I think that's a fantastic system and all hospitals should do that if they don't already!
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    hannahhassonnhannahhassonn member
    I'm having a home birth so if I have visitors it's a big ordeal. At a hospital, you can ask a nurse to tell visitors to only stay 30 mins. At home?? It's hard to tell out of town visitors to leave your house. My biggest concern is that I want to learn how to breastfeed in private! That's why I'm begging my husband to keep baby secret for 24 hours. It'll be so hard for him though...
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    annerioannerio member
    You should decide what is best for you and your family. My sister invited herself to the birth of my son and I firmly told her that it was just going to be my husband and myself. She cried and was upset but I don't regret it. I had a positive birth experience and everyone deserves that! I also told my family after he was born so I could recover after delivery. We got a few naps in before visitors-which was super helpful. Good luck and remember, this is about you and your family, not anyone else:)
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    brookew86brookew86 member
    I've informed my doctor (and will inform my nurses) that no one except those designated are allowed in before and immediately post labor. It's a part of their job description to help my birth be as healthy as it can be, and last time I had too many people in the room. My anxiety was through the roof, my blood pressure constantly off according to the nurses, and I couldn't communicate what I wanted because I was afraid then of hurting everyone's feelings.

    My DH will be in the room with me, and either my mom or sister-in-law. I told them they could switch out to give each other a break if they wanted, and my sister-in-law has told me that she'll be on "crowd control" and keep the in-laws out. My MIL, as much as I love her, came in right after I gave birth last time and snapped over 100 god-awful pictures of me and my DD. Flashes were going off every two seconds right in front of in DD's face and I was so irritable with her for it.

    So I'm definitely planning on pushing to keep most of my family out of my business. I might even wait until after the birth to let DH call them, but we'll see.
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    jewels1273jewels1273 member
    I'm the same way. I don't want any visitors atall except DH any my kids who are 17 and 4. My DH doesn't understand why I don't want visitors (which would be all of his family since mine all live 1300 miles away) but he doesn't understand and didn't witness how when my 4 year old was born they would not call to see if it was ok to visit and just barged in without announcing themselves andv with no regarding I was asleep of breastfeeding. Not to mention that I'm a big germ freak and with colds going around I don't want to risk it nor has DH family asked how I'm doing or even cared I'm pregnant nor even offered to throw a shower or anything while my family has bought clothes, sent gift cards, etc.to the point where we haven't had to buy anything for our new LO.
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    kt1244kt1244 member
    It's just going to be me and my husband. I'm not even telling anyone I'm at the hospital because I don't want a bunch of people showing up. It's your choice!
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    bean8213bean8213 member
    With my first, I thought I didn't want anyone to visit at the hospital. My mom and MIL both disobeyed our wishes and showed up. It turns out that it was actually a good thing they came to the hospital - they got to see the baby and the nurses kicked them out after 2 hours. It made me not have to see them at my house for a few days and not have to be the bad guy telling them to GTFO.
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    kjps0528kjps0528 member
    My DH just told me he wants his best friend there (this just days after us having a conversation about me not caring for his best friend too much) since they feel like they're drifting apart. I haven't said anything to him yet because he got pissed off when I told him I didn't really like his friend. I'm civil to the guy and have never been rude to him but we all used to live together and his character and personality are not something I get along with (and apparently not many others from what DH has told me). I don't even want my sister and mom (who I actually like) there let alone his best friend. DH was fine with it being the two of us the entire time until his friend started in on "we don't see each other anymore... We used to hang out all the time... I want to be there for the birth of your child" and so on. Honestly the guy's whining like a teenager and is making DH feel guilty about it. But the guy he has three kids of his own one of them a 3 month old and the entire time we all lived together ONCE did we all do something together. It pisses me off that he has the audacity to even suggest coming up to the hospital and intrude in on our family moment because he's lonely and has no friends, let alone repeating it every time you talk to him to the point that DH feels guilty that he didn't think to offer. If he didn't act like a know it all prick who thought his opinion matter more than someone else's, maybe he'd have friends.
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    jessicazimmerjessicazimmer member
    Just left the hospital with my baby, only visitors allowed the whole time we were there were my parents and my toddler. It was perfect. My husband and I had time to bond with my new daughter and I had time to recover. Having a baby is all about the mama and the baby, everyone and everything else can wait till you're ready!
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    MrsS728MrsS728 member
    We will only have parents and my brother visit. Extended family can visit at home after a few days of rest. 
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    shannonkordackshannonkordack member
    Thank god I'm not the only one! Only having my mom and SO during labor and my sister and dad can visit after birth and also my best friend ...besides that my grandparents and extended family I don't want anywhere bear me til I have at least a week to recover and make sure baby is perfect and healthy
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    sakafasakafa member
    I was feeling guilty about not wanting family members in the room. MIL, mom, sister etc wanted to be there but I am not comfortable. I finally realized they all have no problem telling and making me feel obligated to do what they want. So I'm going to do want I need to do to be comfortable. When I told that to them it shut the whole conversation down.
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    redsocks59redsocks59 member
    Whoa. His best friend?! That's ridiculous.  What is the friend thinking? It'll bring them closer together to watch you go through something so painful? It is not about your husband's friend,  your husband or really even the baby. It's about you. You have to do all the work and will need your husband's support. Having his friend there will mean his attention is not on you. The friend is crazy for suggesting it. 
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    babyblue0501babyblue0501 member
    I don't plan on telling anyone I've given birth until the next day. I would love to have time with my husband, and our baby to bond, and time to learn breastfeeding. We will also need time to decide on a name since we have 0 that we love.

    The more people who visit us at the hospital, the less who will stop by the house after we're home.. That's my thinking. I don't really want company until a couple weeks later. I need to get adjusted at home before I can handle baby, dog, and visitors all at the same time.
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    MrsElizabethPlanoMrsElizabethPlano member
    I understand perfectly and do what feels right. I felt obligated to let my entire family be there the first time and it did me nothing but emotional harm and had me bottle feeding when i wanted to breastfeed cuz they wouldn't leave and we aren't THAT close. This time around I'll have nobody but my husband, his mom, my dad, and my sister.
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    kjps0528kjps0528 member
    @redsocks59 yes, his best friend. I finally talked to DH and said look, it's out there that I don't like him but that has nothing to do with this. he's your friend but he's making you feel obligated to invite him up now that you two are trying to hang out more but the birth of our daughter is not the time or place. You two wanna go out and grab a quick celebratory drink once my mom and sister are there visiting, sure, but he will not be there before them and he's not going to make you feel guilty about having your own life.

    For a second I thought DH was going to be mad but he agreed and even said he'd call his friend when he felt like we we're both ready. He doesn't show it but I don't think DH wants to share his little one with anyone just as much as I don't want to be bothered. Lol.
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