Thanks Borg... I will take that into consideration if I ever change my mind on temping. I'm not opposed to temping in general just don't feel like it is a good idea for me. BTW how is your bed time temp experiment going?
Eta because why should I look at what I'm typing and not trust that swipe knows what it's doing?
I did not say it caused "infertility". He simply said it was a factor for someone with my history. That it wouldn't be good for my overall general health. Sorry if I didn't specify that clearly. Im not at all against temping. I did it for months. But as I said earlier-to each his own.
I can't even with the "stressing isn't good for fertility." Dude...how do think people who are starving, being raped, etc get pregnant? You think they aren't under extreme stress? The only thing stress does is sometimes prevent ovulation.
Any doctor who tells you to relax or not stress is a fucking idiot.
@angelique0209 I feel similarly. I've been temping but I have an obsessive personality that I am kind of fixated on that and testing my OPKs. We haven't even started officially TTC since my husband is out of town until June. I'm already wondering if I should continue or not. I know I ovulated via temping last month which is a relief to know I am definitely ovulating, and I have fairly short cycles (26/27 days). So I almost wonder if for my sanity and mental health I should just BD every other day and put it in God's hands or if the unknown may cause me to stress just as much. But setting the alarm every morning to temp is definitely stressful and I feel I don't sleep as well because I am scared I'm going to miss my alarm/chance to take my temperature. I'm a nut, I'll admit.
I feel it also helps making the BD a lot less of a "job". (Personal feelings/opinion) My doc said that stressing over it will bring down my chances of conceiving so, at least in my case, it was better not to temp. Good luck!
Your doctor sounds like a quack. Stress is not going to bring down your chances of conceiving and for him to say so is offensive. For most women who choose to temp, it's actually less stressful because you know that a) you did in fact ovulate and b) when you should expect your period. No stress over wondering if you're in the TWW, if you're actually late, or if you even ovulated. You are taking what little control you have over the situation. Temping does not mean sex becomes a job. It just means I can confirm whether or not the sex I've had has been well timed in relation to when I ovulate.
As I stated previously; the BD becoming a job was a PERSONAL FEELING AND OPINION. Also stated before, I have a long history of severe anxiety therefore the stress of temping was too much for me. Im sorry you feel offended but please don't insult my physician as I quite like him a lot. Temping doesnt HAVE to be for everyone.
She wasn't referencing temping. She was meaning the idea that stress causes infertility is incorrect and places blame on infertile women, therefore being offensive. I question any doctor that thinks stress causes infertility for this reason.
Yep, thanks for clarifying for me @firebaby688. I was calling the doctor a quack based on the statement that stress could bring down chances to conceive. I would question anyone who says that, most especially a medical professional. That's great that you like him a lot, but that has no bearing on the fact that he's giving you really lousy information. As to the whole sex as a job/temping being stressful, I'm sure I can't truly appreciate it causing more stress for anyone as I (and I'm going to go out on a limb here and say most women on here) find it does the complete opposite, so I was just trying to explain that in perhaps another way to help you see that you don't need to see it that way. Many women have come here claiming temping is stressful, having sex turns into a job, etc... and really, that's all about perception and how you look at the whole process. You take your temp. It is what it is. You plug it into FF. At some point your temp goes up and ovulation is confirmed. I struggle to see how this can be stressful or something to fixate on, but clearly there are people who find that it is.
Thanks Borg... I will take that into consideration if I ever change my mind on temping. I'm not opposed to temping in general just don't feel like it is a good idea for me. BTW how is your bed time temp experiment going?
Eta because why should I look at what I'm typing and not trust that swipe knows what it's doing?
You can see my temping experiment in the charts in my signature. The nighttime temping is shown on my April 2014 chart and my real chart is April 2015. My nighttime temping chart did show ovulation, just a day later than my morning chart. Which is weird! You would think it would be a day earlier if it showed it. But I don't trust it because my thermometer broke and I had to replace it around CD 13. So, we'll have to try again next month. But I also have to caveat that I do have quite a routine in the evening. I take my temp after eating dinner and siting on the couch for an hour, then I brush my teeth, wash my face and take my temp. So, it would probably not work as well if you did not have such a constant routine. But we'll wait and see for next month.
I must say, when I was going through infertility, I stressed SO MUCH about stress causing my infertility. Then one day I read an article saying that stress does not affect conception. I felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. It was suddenly "ok" to feel stressed and that actually reduced my stress a lot.
Thanks Borg... I will take that into consideration if I ever change my mind on temping. I'm not opposed to temping in general just don't feel like it is a good idea for me. BTW how is your bed time temp experiment going?
Eta because why should I look at what I'm typing and not trust that swipe knows what it's doing?
You can see my temping experiment in the charts in my signature. The nighttime temping is shown on my April 2014 chart and my real chart is April 2015. My nighttime temping chart did show ovulation, just a day later than my morning chart. Which is weird! You would think it would be a day earlier if it showed it. But I don't trust it because my thermometer broke and I had to replace it around CD 13. So, we'll have to try again next month. But I also have to caveat that I do have quite a routine in the evening. I take my temp after eating dinner and siting on the couch for an hour, then I brush my teeth, wash my face and take my temp. So, it would probably not work as well if you did not have such a constant routine. But we'll wait and see for next month.
I must say, when I was going through infertility, I stressed SO MUCH about stress causing my infertility. Then one day I read an article saying that stress does not affect conception. I felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. It was suddenly "ok" to feel stressed and that actually reduced my stress a lot.
Thank you for this. I stress over even the smallest things, and get fixated really easily. Once I have my heart and mind on something it can be hard to relax and focus on something else. While I've obviously read that stress doesn't impact fertility it doesn't make me feel any less stressed about my stressing. For me when I temp I don't sleep really well (which I have actually read that getting a good night's sleep is helpful when TTC, if that is true or not I am not sure) because all night I'm worried about waking up at the same exact time to take my temperature (even though I have an alarm) and I stress about using my OPKs and each negative I get I stress that I have missed my surge. I think both are extremely useful tools and I certainly understand why people use both, but for me personally I'm not sure that losing sleep over it is the most positive TTC experience. I'm not saying this to offend anyone or hurt anyone's feelings, but it just takes the fun out of the experience because of how I personally handle stress. I'm going to continue doing both for now and hope for the best (and that all this stressing will eventually pay off) but I can see why for certain people this may just may make it an overall unpleasant experience.
To give you an idea of how it used to be, to get on the leaderboard for the week, you used to have to have thousands of points, not hundreds.
There's a leaderboard? Why have I not seen this?
i am curious also!!!
I don't think it shows up on mobile. But on desktop, to the right hand side near the top is the "leaderboard" of posters who have the most "points" (I think posts/love its/whatevers) for the week.
To give you an idea of how it used to be, to get on the leaderboard for the week, you used to have to have thousands of points, not hundreds.
There's a leaderboard? Why have I not seen this?
i am curious also!!!
I don't think it shows up on mobile. But on desktop, to the right hand side near the top is the "leaderboard" of posters who have the most "points" (I think posts/love its/whatevers) for the week.
I've been wondering how those points are calculated, but I couldn't find an explanation anywhere.
Me: 30 DH: 35
TTC #1 - Jan 2015
BFP on 5/13/15 DD born 1/24/16 TTC #2 - Jun 2017 BFP on 8/24/17
Eh, it depends on how much of a hurry you're in and if there's any other time constraints.
Like you, I'm in school and feel like it's a little crazy to TTC during that, but then again I don't really want to wait to finish and then stop working, either. So, I would really like to have a summer baby, both because I am in school and because H is a teacher. That means getting pregnant in the fall. So I don't want to miss that window.
I don't anticipate having any problems getting pregnant. I'm young, healthy, and have always had a regular cycle. Still, I want to maximize my chances of hitting that window, and if we do have problems I want to have those records to look back on. Something like a miscarriage could be attributed to a short luteal phase or low progesterone which is often a simple fix, and there's no way to know that without charting. Plus, knowing the conception date is helpful- otherwise, it's assumed you conceived on day 14 which is often way off, even if you have a ~28 day cycle.
So, yeah. No one's going to make you temp but I don't really see why you wouldn't. It's so easy with the FF app. I check my cervix when I'm in the shower. I log it when I first take out my iPad. It literally takes no extra time at all- I lay in bed a few minutes before getting up anyway, I shower anyway, and play around on my iPad anyway. It's good info to have.
LFAF/Nov 16 challenge: Bad TV moms that shouldn't be celebrated
BFP #1 10/30/15 MMC found 11/30/15 D&C 12/11/15 EDD 7/9/16
healing comes in waves, and maybe today the wave hits the rocks and that’s ok, that’s ok, darling. you are still healing, you are still healing- Ijeoma Umebinyuo, be gentle with yourself BFP #2 3/21 EDD 11/28/16
I have a couple tips for temping for the anxious. After you've been temping a few cycles, if you see that you never ovulate before day 12 (for example), you can start temping on cycle day 10 and then only temp until you get 3 higher temps to confirm ovulation. If you scroll through my charts, you can see several charts like that.
Another thing you can do is to write down your temps instead of putting them on the chart. Then put them on the chart after you think you have already ovulated. That way you don't obsess over your chart.
I really like these suggestions, thanks for sharing! Especially the first one.
I can definitely see both sides of the debate. I temped the first 5 cycles of TTC, and I won't say it was stressful for me, just annoying. This is probably because I have insomnia and wake up a LOT during the night/early morning and it made my temps go all over the place. Plus I like to sleep in on the weekends and didn't like having to wake up early on a Saturday to temp (even if I got to go back to sleep after). So I took a break for the last two cycles. That said, I did really liked knowing when I ovulated and missed having that data. So essentially I have to pick my poison and have decided to go back to temping again. The biggest motivation for me at this point is that if we end up needing to see an RE in the future, I'd rather come armed with lots of data.
January Siggy Challenge: Winter where you live
10/2014 - Started TTC #1 8/2015-Clomid with TI - BFN 9/2015 - Clomid with IUI #1 - BFN 10/2015 - Clomid with IUI #2 - BFN 11/2015 - Clomid with IUI #3 - BFN 1/2016 - Gonal-F with IUI #1 - BFN 7/2016 - Laparoscopic surgery - stage 1 endo removed 9/2016 - Gonal-F with IUI #2 - BFN 10/2016 - Gonal-F with IUI #3 -BFN. Diagnosed with elevated anti-sperm antibodies. 12/12/16 - Egg retrieval w/ICSI - 4 5-day embryos (2 grade A, 2 grade B.) 12/17/16 - Fresh transfer of one embryo; 12/27 beta = 141; 12/29 beta= 285. EDD 9/4/17 - MC 1/26/17
I have been temping for a few months ... I was really surprised when I saw my charts. I skipped this month and it has driven me crazy lol
I did not start out temping but wanted to see if I was "regular" I found out that I'm ovulating about 2 days later than I originally thought.
It's worth playing with if ur curious, but you really need a few months of regular data, so be prepared to not want to stop when you start.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." Philippians 4:6
I have not ventured into the temping world yet. DH and I are almost a month out from a MC and "trying but not trying". When we were TTC in February, having sex on a "schedule" did make it a job and put a stain on our relationship. We've decided to take it easy and let things run its course for a few months and if we arem't having luck on our own then we will take further action with temping, OPK's etc.
To give you an idea of how it used to be, to get on the leaderboard for the week, you used to have to have thousands of points, not hundreds.
I always wondered what happened.
TB changed the TOUs and then began using the ban hammer on anyone who asked questions about the change. Including long time moderators. Then they handled the backlash very badly and it became clear that much of the changes and bans were intended to make this place friendlier to butt hurt newbs who wanted glitter and rainbows and someone to tell them they're totez preggo every time they have a twinge.
To give you an idea of how it used to be, to get on the leaderboard for the week, you used to have to have thousands of points, not hundreds.
I always wondered what happened.
TB changed the TOUs and then began using the ban hammer on anyone who asked questions about the change. Including long time moderators. Then they handled the backlash very badly and it became clear that much of the changes and bans were intended to make this place friendlier to butt hurt newbs who wanted glitter and rainbows and someone to tell them they're totez preggo every time they have a twinge.
Everyone went over to the Dark Side after that.
Ooooooh okay. Well I guess that clears things up.
LFAF February Siggy Challenge - "Favorite TV/Movie Couple"
I'm not temping. I'm on my second cycle TTC. Last month I used an app and we had sex every other day (ish... whether or not I should have been ovulating). This month we tried an OPK, and I'm in my wait. I know a lot of people on here use it, but I'm not really willing to at this point. Even a month and a half in to TTC, I feel like I've seen how much the thinking about it and talking about it, and planning and testing has taken its toll. We decided that since we're not high risk to have any infertility issues that after this attempt we will stop testing at all and let it happen. We would love to be pregnant like now, but it's not worth all the extra pressure in my opinion.
To give you an idea of how it used to be, to get on the leaderboard for the week, you used to have to have thousands of points, not hundreds.
I always wondered what happened.
TB changed the TOUs and then began using the ban hammer on anyone who asked questions about the change. Including long time moderators. Then they handled the backlash very badly and it became clear that much of the changes and bans were intended to make this place friendlier to butt hurt newbs who wanted glitter and rainbows and someone to tell them they're totez preggo every time they have a twinge.
Everyone went over to the Dark Side after that.
Ooooooh okay. Well I guess that clears things up.
Ahh I thought things seemed super slow on other board and things were a lot different then when I was here in 2014
To give you an idea of how it used to be, to get on the leaderboard for the week, you used to have to have thousands of points, not hundreds.
I always wondered what happened.
TB changed the TOUs and then began using the ban hammer on anyone who asked questions about the change. Including long time moderators. Then they handled the backlash very badly and it became clear that much of the changes and bans were intended to make this place friendlier to butt hurt newbs who wanted glitter and rainbows and someone to tell them they're totez preggo every time they have a twinge.
Everyone went over to the Dark Side after that.
Ooooooh okay. Well I guess that clears things up.
Ahh I thought things seemed super slow on other board and things were a lot different then when I was here in 2014
Yea I remember this board & 1st Tri board constantly having threads moving around like crazy. It was hard to keep up some days.
LFAF February Siggy Challenge - "Favorite TV/Movie Couple"
Serious question: everyone seems pretty strong in the "stress doesn't affect fertility stance." How can stress change your menstrual cycle but not have any other hormonal affect on something like ovulations?
Serious question: everyone seems pretty strong in the "stress doesn't affect fertility stance." How can stress change your menstrual cycle but not have any other hormonal affect on something like ovulations?
It's one thing to say stress may delay ovulation by a few days and quite another that it causes difficulty in actually having a baby.
Serious question: everyone seems pretty strong in the "stress doesn't affect fertility stance." How can stress change your menstrual cycle but not have any other hormonal affect on something like ovulations?
Stress can delay ovulation (change the length of your follicular phase), but it doesn't make you infertile.
Serious question: everyone seems pretty strong in the "stress doesn't affect fertility stance." How can stress change your menstrual cycle but not have any other hormonal affect on something like ovulations?
It's one thing to say stress may delay ovulation by a few days and quite another that it causes difficulty in actually having a baby.
This. As in you might O a few days later than "normal" but just because you have a test coming up and you're stressed about it wont make you infertile.
I can see the difference. Just a little devils advocate, though: it seems like stress can affect your cycle, and despite all of the personal stories here, some people do actually have very regular cycles. What's working for someone shouldn't be so offensive to everyone else. Me having additional stress in my life only makes my patience strained and adds strife to my marriage. Additionally, I don't have a schedule that would allow for temping even if I had a personality that would work for it. I've only been lurking about a week but I've seen a lot of stuff that makes this board seem super unwelcoming. I thought it would be something like talking to a best friend, but I've yet to see any post actually related to the process of TTC be welcomed with open arms and without judgement.
I can see the difference. Just a little devils advocate, though: it seems like stress can affect your cycle, and despite all of the personal stories here, some people do actually have very regular cycles. What's working for someone shouldn't be so offensive to everyone else. Me having additional stress in my life only makes my patience strained and adds strife to my marriage. Additionally, I don't have a schedule that would allow for temping even if I had a personality that would work for it. I've only been lurking about a week but I've seen a lot of stuff that makes this board seem super unwelcoming. I thought it would be something like talking to a best friend, but I've yet to see any post actually related to the process of TTC be welcomed with open arms and without judgement.
I'm going to be as nice about this as possible - can you give examples of someone being unwelcoming? I'm relatively certain that the only people we've asked to leave are those who have been incredibly rude (i.e. name calling). There's been no flaming, no name-calling, no insults. Referring someone to the guidelines for the community and suggesting that they read through some of the threads from the last day or so to find an answer to a very VERY common question isn't rude or unwelcoming, it's doing our best to help you fit in with an established community that operates a certain way.
I expect my best friend to tell me when I'm acting the fool. I expect her to judge me for my stupidity. That's what a best friend is for. This community does have open arms - but we're not going to blow glitter around and squee with every single person who shows up thinking they might be pregnant but wont take a test (or has taken a test but refuses to believe it's true). We deal in straight forward facts and science.
Some people don't want that. And that's cool. But why should we have to change for new people, when we like things the way they are?
I can see the difference. Just a little devils advocate, though: it seems like stress can affect your cycle, and despite all of the personal stories here, some people do actually have very regular cycles. What's working for someone shouldn't be so offensive to everyone else. Me having additional stress in my life only makes my patience strained and adds strife to my marriage. Additionally, I don't have a schedule that would allow for temping even if I had a personality that would work for it. I've only been lurking about a week but I've seen a lot of stuff that makes this board seem super unwelcoming. I thought it would be something like talking to a best friend, but I've yet to see any post actually related to the process of TTC be welcomed with open arms and without judgement.
That's strange. Have you read any of the Chart Question type posts? As a quick example try clicking on my profile, clicking on my discussions. You'll see that all of my discussions I've started have resulted in me getting a ton of help from these ladies.
I can see the difference. Just a little devils advocate, though: it seems like stress can affect your cycle, and despite all of the personal stories here, some people do actually have very regular cycles. What's working for someone shouldn't be so offensive to everyone else. Me having additional stress in my life only makes my patience strained and adds strife to my marriage. Additionally, I don't have a schedule that would allow for temping even if I had a personality that would work for it. I've only been lurking about a week but I've seen a lot of stuff that makes this board seem super unwelcoming. I thought it would be something like talking to a best friend, but I've yet to see any post actually related to the process of TTC be welcomed with open arms and without judgement.
That's strange. Have you read any of the Chart Question type posts? As a quick example try clicking on my profile, clicking on my discussions. You'll see that all of my discussions I've started have resulted in me getting a ton of help from these ladies.
Exactly - this is why I seriously cannot understand why we keep getting posts about how unwelcoming we are. People intro, we all say Welcome and good luck. Someone posts a question about a chart? Six or seven people jump in and give input. Hell, even if the question's been answered, we still chime in and agree with the answer. Had a loss? Support instantly. Got pregnant? Jumpin' for joy over here.
It's like people latch on to the few times that we're irritable because someone asks a question that's been answered a few times THAT DAY and decide that's all we are.
I can see the difference. Just a little devils advocate, though: it seems like stress can affect your cycle, and despite all of the personal stories here, some people do actually have very regular cycles. What's working for someone shouldn't be so offensive to everyone else. Me having additional stress in my life only makes my patience strained and adds strife to my marriage. Additionally, I don't have a schedule that would allow for temping even if I had a personality that would work for it. I've only been lurking about a week but I've seen a lot of stuff that makes this board seem super unwelcoming. I thought it would be something like talking to a best friend, but I've yet to see any post actually related to the process of TTC be welcomed with open arms and without judgement.
I'm going to be as nice about this as possible - can you give examples of someone being unwelcoming? I'm relatively certain that the only people we've asked to leave are those who have been incredibly rude (i.e. name calling). There's been no flaming, no name-calling, no insults. Referring someone to the guidelines for the community and suggesting that they read through some of the threads from the last day or so to find an answer to a very VERY common question isn't rude or unwelcoming, it's doing our best to help you fit in with an established community that operates a certain way.
I expect my best friend to tell me when I'm acting the fool. I expect her to judge me for my stupidity. That's what a best friend is for. This community does have open arms - but we're not going to blow glitter around and squee with every single person who shows up thinking they might be pregnant but wont take a test (or has taken a test but refuses to believe it's true). We deal in straight forward facts and science.
Some people don't want that. And that's cool. But why should we have to change for new people, when we like things the way they are?
I totally understand being straightforward. This thread is a great example though -- if everything is so straight forward (the collective voice seems to be anyone not temping is holding themselves back) and all the information can be googled or look back on previous threads then what exactly is the point of the board?
I'll also explain why I came here. I'm TTC, and I honestly believed that it would be fast and simple. It didn't happen the first month and I was heartbroken. I had no idea I would feel that way, but I honestly believed I was pregnant. My friends aren't at the TTC stage and my mom conceived me basically as soon as they started trying. I wanted to come here and ask people how they deal, what they suggest, etc. The first post I saw was one about things you wish people know coming on the board and it basically just flamed up my experience like I was an idiot for having phantom symptoms or being hurt after a month. That's not welcoming.
The only things I've seen that haven't just directed people elsewhere or given those "straightforward" answers is people posting pictures of their pets, and equally unrelated stuff.
Also, just because you read it on the Internet doesn't make it true. People should engage in these questions and determine what's best on them both by scientific evidence and by anecdote. Fertility isn't the most well developed of sciences and still has a way to go. I'm not here for scientific information cause y'all aren't doctors. I'm here to hear about what others are going through.
I can see the difference. Just a little devils advocate, though: it seems like stress can affect your cycle, and despite all of the personal stories here, some people do actually have very regular cycles. What's working for someone shouldn't be so offensive to everyone else. Me having additional stress in my life only makes my patience strained and adds strife to my marriage. Additionally, I don't have a schedule that would allow for temping even if I had a personality that would work for it. I've only been lurking about a week but I've seen a lot of stuff that makes this board seem super unwelcoming. I thought it would be something like talking to a best friend, but I've yet to see any post actually related to the process of TTC be welcomed with open arms and without judgement.
I'm going to be as nice about this as possible - can you give examples of someone being unwelcoming? I'm relatively certain that the only people we've asked to leave are those who have been incredibly rude (i.e. name calling). There's been no flaming, no name-calling, no insults. Referring someone to the guidelines for the community and suggesting that they read through some of the threads from the last day or so to find an answer to a very VERY common question isn't rude or unwelcoming, it's doing our best to help you fit in with an established community that operates a certain way.
I expect my best friend to tell me when I'm acting the fool. I expect her to judge me for my stupidity. That's what a best friend is for. This community does have open arms - but we're not going to blow glitter around and squee with every single person who shows up thinking they might be pregnant but wont take a test (or has taken a test but refuses to believe it's true). We deal in straight forward facts and science.
Some people don't want that. And that's cool. But why should we have to change for new people, when we like things the way they are?
I totally understand being straightforward. This thread is a great example though -- if everything is so straight forward (the collective voice seems to be anyone not temping is holding themselves back) and all the information can be googled or look back on previous threads then what exactly is the point of the board?
I'll also explain why I came here. I'm TTC, and I honestly believed that it would be fast and simple. It didn't happen the first month and I was heartbroken. I had no idea I would feel that way, but I honestly believed I was pregnant. My friends aren't at the TTC stage and my mom conceived me basically as soon as they started trying. I wanted to come here and ask people how they deal, what they suggest, etc. The first post I saw was one about things you wish people know coming on the board and it basically just flamed up my experience like I was an idiot for having phantom symptoms or being hurt after a month. That's not welcoming.
The only things I've seen that haven't just directed people elsewhere or given those "straightforward" answers is people posting pictures of their pets, and equally unrelated stuff.
Also, just because you read it on the Internet doesn't make it true. People should engage in these questions and determine what's best on them both by scientific evidence and by anecdote. Fertility isn't the most well developed of sciences and still has a way to go. I'm not here for scientific information cause y'all aren't doctors. I'm here to hear about what others are going through.
I'm sorry that you were disappointed that after one month you werent pregnant yet. But you also reallllly shouldn't be surprised that a bunch of women - many of whom have been trying for many months and even years longer don't have a ton of pity for you. It's sort of like when I see my students (high school) sobbing in the hall because the "love of their life" broke up with them. I understand they are feeling a real emotion, but that doesn't stop me from not feeling THAT bad for them. I mostly just want them to shut up and do their work. I think it's a lot like that.
I'm not sure which specific things you think science can't answer about fertility/conception.
I can see the difference. Just a little devils advocate, though: it seems like stress can affect your cycle, and despite all of the personal stories here, some people do actually have very regular cycles. What's working for someone shouldn't be so offensive to everyone else. Me having additional stress in my life only makes my patience strained and adds strife to my marriage. Additionally, I don't have a schedule that would allow for temping even if I had a personality that would work for it. I've only been lurking about a week but I've seen a lot of stuff that makes this board seem super unwelcoming. I thought it would be something like talking to a best friend, but I've yet to see any post actually related to the process of TTC be welcomed with open arms and without judgement.
I'm going to be as nice about this as possible - can you give examples of someone being unwelcoming? I'm relatively certain that the only people we've asked to leave are those who have been incredibly rude (i.e. name calling). There's been no flaming, no name-calling, no insults. Referring someone to the guidelines for the community and suggesting that they read through some of the threads from the last day or so to find an answer to a very VERY common question isn't rude or unwelcoming, it's doing our best to help you fit in with an established community that operates a certain way.
I expect my best friend to tell me when I'm acting the fool. I expect her to judge me for my stupidity. That's what a best friend is for. This community does have open arms - but we're not going to blow glitter around and squee with every single person who shows up thinking they might be pregnant but wont take a test (or has taken a test but refuses to believe it's true). We deal in straight forward facts and science.
Some people don't want that. And that's cool. But why should we have to change for new people, when we like things the way they are?
I totally understand being straightforward. This thread is a great example though -- if everything is so straight forward (the collective voice seems to be anyone not temping is holding themselves back) and all the information can be googled or look back on previous threads then what exactly is the point of the board?
I'll also explain why I came here. I'm TTC, and I honestly believed that it would be fast and simple. It didn't happen the first month and I was heartbroken. I had no idea I would feel that way, but I honestly believed I was pregnant. My friends aren't at the TTC stage and my mom conceived me basically as soon as they started trying. I wanted to come here and ask people how they deal, what they suggest, etc. The first post I saw was one about things you wish people know coming on the board and it basically just flamed up my experience like I was an idiot for having phantom symptoms or being hurt after a month. That's not welcoming.
The only things I've seen that haven't just directed people elsewhere or given those "straightforward" answers is people posting pictures of their pets, and equally unrelated stuff.
Also, just because you read it on the Internet doesn't make it true. People should engage in these questions and determine what's best on them both by scientific evidence and by anecdote. Fertility isn't the most well developed of sciences and still has a way to go. I'm not here for scientific information cause y'all aren't doctors. I'm here to hear about what others are going through.
The point of this board is to get (and give) support to people going through the same thing as you. To share information, and sympathize. That's why we have threads like WTO and TWW. And why we give each other chart stalks. And no one said you can't ask questions that could be googled - the point is that we're not your personal google machine. Simple questions don't always deserve their own thread, particularly if a thread 5 posts from the top is asking virtually the same question. There's a difference between asking "When can I take a test?" and "My prenatals give me heartburn - anyone have a recommendation for one that won't?"
And honestly? The few times I've seen people tell someone to look elsewhere or google it are when someone comes to us and says "Oh my, I have (list of symptoms). Anyone else had these symptoms before their BFP?" Telling you we have or haven't isn't supportive, in our opinion. What we see as supportive in that case is to tell you either a) it's not possible for you to have symptoms yet or b) you're far enough along that if you have symptoms you'd turn a test positive. We don't dispense false hope.
But seriously - people intro and everyone says Hi and welcome and good luck. People have a loss and everyone's there for them. People get a BFP and we're over the moon with joy. Need someone to talk you down from the TWW crazies and remind you it's too early to test? We've got your back. Need someone to console you on CD1? We're here. Need advice on a good prenatal vitamin? Got a list a mile long.
Want everyone to tell you're definitely pregnant, or you're some sort of special case who should totally take powerful fertility drugs after only trying for 3 months? That's not us. That's one of a thousand other "getting pregnant" communities. The best thing about this place is that no one gives out false hope, just facts and realistic support.
So, if that makes us unwelcoming, fine. But there's a reason that some of us are here instead of Babycenter or TwoWeekWait.
Also, just because you read it on the Internet doesn't make it true. People should engage in these questions and determine what's best on them both by scientific evidence and by anecdote. Fertility isn't the most well developed of sciences and still has a way to go. I'm not here for scientific information cause y'all aren't doctors. I'm here to hear about what others are going through.
Also, the bolded is probably a reason you feel this board isn't welcoming - you're not here for scientific information, as you say. And that's what we do here. We rely on science and facts. Anecdotes are great, but it's not factual data. You could talk to 100 women who got pregnant and they could all have the same symptoms as you, but you still may not end up pregnant. You could find a dozen people who have tried that herbal supplement that said it worked for them. Doesn't mean it will work for you.
While fertility medicine certainly does have a way to go (as do many other types of medicine, such as oncology...) there are still certain facts that are just that - facts. They've been proven over and over and over.
I can see the difference. Just a little devils advocate, though: it seems like stress can affect your cycle, and despite all of the personal stories here, some people do actually have very regular cycles. What's working for someone shouldn't be so offensive to everyone else. Me having additional stress in my life only makes my patience strained and adds strife to my marriage. Additionally, I don't have a schedule that would allow for temping even if I had a personality that would work for it. I've only been lurking about a week but I've seen a lot of stuff that makes this board seem super unwelcoming. I thought it would be something like talking to a best friend, but I've yet to see any post actually related to the process of TTC be welcomed with open arms and without judgement.
I'm going to be as nice about this as possible - can you give examples of someone being unwelcoming? I'm relatively certain that the only people we've asked to leave are those who have been incredibly rude (i.e. name calling). There's been no flaming, no name-calling, no insults. Referring someone to the guidelines for the community and suggesting that they read through some of the threads from the last day or so to find an answer to a very VERY common question isn't rude or unwelcoming, it's doing our best to help you fit in with an established community that operates a certain way.
I expect my best friend to tell me when I'm acting the fool. I expect her to judge me for my stupidity. That's what a best friend is for. This community does have open arms - but we're not going to blow glitter around and squee with every single person who shows up thinking they might be pregnant but wont take a test (or has taken a test but refuses to believe it's true). We deal in straight forward facts and science.
Some people don't want that. And that's cool. But why should we have to change for new people, when we like things the way they are?
I totally understand being straightforward. This thread is a great example though -- if everything is so straight forward (the collective voice seems to be anyone not temping is holding themselves back) and all the information can be googled or look back on previous threads then what exactly is the point of the board?
I'll also explain why I came here. I'm TTC, and I honestly believed that it would be fast and simple. It didn't happen the first month and I was heartbroken. I had no idea I would feel that way, but I honestly believed I was pregnant. My friends aren't at the TTC stage and my mom conceived me basically as soon as they started trying. I wanted to come here and ask people how they deal, what they suggest, etc. The first post I saw was one about things you wish people know coming on the board and it basically just flamed up my experience like I was an idiot for having phantom symptoms or being hurt after a month. That's not welcoming.
The only things I've seen that haven't just directed people elsewhere or given those "straightforward" answers is people posting pictures of their pets, and equally unrelated stuff.
Also, just because you read it on the Internet doesn't make it true. People should engage in these questions and determine what's best on them both by scientific evidence and by anecdote. Fertility isn't the most well developed of sciences and still has a way to go. I'm not here for scientific information cause y'all aren't doctors. I'm here to hear about what others are going through.
Then you're probably not going to fit in well with this board. Not trying to be rude, but each board has their own personality. Here we like science, don't symptom spot, and expect people to have some amount of patience because it can be rude to those who are struggling. There are lots of boards, however, that enjoy symptom spotting and will encourage false beliefs that you're pregnant or whatever. They won't spout science. Feel free to locate one of those.
Me: 28, DH: 28 Diagnosed with PCOS: Summer 2007 Married: July 2013 Began TTC: June 2015
I can see the difference. Just a little devils advocate, though: it seems like stress can affect your cycle, and despite all of the personal stories here, some people do actually have very regular cycles. What's working for someone shouldn't be so offensive to everyone else. Me having additional stress in my life only makes my patience strained and adds strife to my marriage. Additionally, I don't have a schedule that would allow for temping even if I had a personality that would work for it. I've only been lurking about a week but I've seen a lot of stuff that makes this board seem super unwelcoming. I thought it would be something like talking to a best friend, but I've yet to see any post actually related to the process of TTC be welcomed with open arms and without judgement.
I'm going to be as nice about this as possible - can you give examples of someone being unwelcoming? I'm relatively certain that the only people we've asked to leave are those who have been incredibly rude (i.e. name calling). There's been no flaming, no name-calling, no insults. Referring someone to the guidelines for the community and suggesting that they read through some of the threads from the last day or so to find an answer to a very VERY common question isn't rude or unwelcoming, it's doing our best to help you fit in with an established community that operates a certain way.
I expect my best friend to tell me when I'm acting the fool. I expect her to judge me for my stupidity. That's what a best friend is for. This community does have open arms - but we're not going to blow glitter around and squee with every single person who shows up thinking they might be pregnant but wont take a test (or has taken a test but refuses to believe it's true). We deal in straight forward facts and science.
Some people don't want that. And that's cool. But why should we have to change for new people, when we like things the way they are?
I totally understand being straightforward. This thread is a great example though -- if everything is so straight forward (the collective voice seems to be anyone not temping is holding themselves back) and all the information can be googled or look back on previous threads then what exactly is the point of the board?
I'll also explain why I came here. I'm TTC, and I honestly believed that it would be fast and simple. It didn't happen the first month and I was heartbroken. I had no idea I would feel that way, but I honestly believed I was pregnant. My friends aren't at the TTC stage and my mom conceived me basically as soon as they started trying. I wanted to come here and ask people how they deal, what they suggest, etc. The first post I saw was one about things you wish people know coming on the board and it basically just flamed up my experience like I was an idiot for having phantom symptoms or being hurt after a month. That's not welcoming.
The only things I've seen that haven't just directed people elsewhere or given those "straightforward" answers is people posting pictures of their pets, and equally unrelated stuff.
Also, just because you read it on the Internet doesn't make it true. People should engage in these questions and determine what's best on them both by scientific evidence and by anecdote. Fertility isn't the most well developed of sciences and still has a way to go. I'm not here for scientific information cause y'all aren't doctors. I'm here to hear about what others are going through.
Then you're probably not going to fit in well with this board. Not trying to be rude, but each board has their own personality. Here we like science, don't symptom spot, and expect people to have some amount of patience because it can be rude to those who are struggling. There are lots of boards, however, that enjoy symptom spotting and will encourage false beliefs that you're pregnant or whatever. They won't spout science. Feel free to locate one of those.
I feel like this is a good point. Not every single human being on Earth will be happy in every single online discussion board. And that's okay! Just find whatever is most helpful to you. It's a gigantic waste of your time to try to change the personality of an established community. If this isn't helpful to you then don't waste your time! If you find it is helpful then stay
I can see the difference. Just a little devils advocate, though: it seems like stress can affect your cycle, and despite all of the personal stories here, some people do actually have very regular cycles. What's working for someone shouldn't be so offensive to everyone else. Me having additional stress in my life only makes my patience strained and adds strife to my marriage. Additionally, I don't have a schedule that would allow for temping even if I had a personality that would work for it. I've only been lurking about a week but I've seen a lot of stuff that makes this board seem super unwelcoming. I thought it would be something like talking to a best friend, but I've yet to see any post actually related to the process of TTC be welcomed with open arms and without judgement.
I'm going to be as nice about this as possible - can you give examples of someone being unwelcoming? I'm relatively certain that the only people we've asked to leave are those who have been incredibly rude (i.e. name calling). There's been no flaming, no name-calling, no insults. Referring someone to the guidelines for the community and suggesting that they read through some of the threads from the last day or so to find an answer to a very VERY common question isn't rude or unwelcoming, it's doing our best to help you fit in with an established community that operates a certain way.
I expect my best friend to tell me when I'm acting the fool. I expect her to judge me for my stupidity. That's what a best friend is for. This community does have open arms - but we're not going to blow glitter around and squee with every single person who shows up thinking they might be pregnant but wont take a test (or has taken a test but refuses to believe it's true). We deal in straight forward facts and science.
Some people don't want that. And that's cool. But why should we have to change for new people, when we like things the way they are?
I totally understand being straightforward. This thread is a great example though -- if everything is so straight forward (the collective voice seems to be anyone not temping is holding themselves back) and all the information can be googled or look back on previous threads then what exactly is the point of the board?
I'll also explain why I came here. I'm TTC, and I honestly believed that it would be fast and simple. It didn't happen the first month and I was heartbroken. I had no idea I would feel that way, but I honestly believed I was pregnant. My friends aren't at the TTC stage and my mom conceived me basically as soon as they started trying. I wanted to come here and ask people how they deal, what they suggest, etc. The first post I saw was one about things you wish people know coming on the board and it basically just flamed up my experience like I was an idiot for having phantom symptoms or being hurt after a month. That's not welcoming.
The only things I've seen that haven't just directed people elsewhere or given those "straightforward" answers is people posting pictures of their pets, and equally unrelated stuff.
Also, just because you read it on the Internet doesn't make it true. People should engage in these questions and determine what's best on them both by scientific evidence and by anecdote. Fertility isn't the most well developed of sciences and still has a way to go. I'm not here for scientific information cause y'all aren't doctors. I'm here to hear about what others are going through.
Then you're probably not going to fit in well with this board. Not trying to be rude, but each board has their own personality. Here we like science, don't symptom spot, and expect people to have some amount of patience because it can be rude to those who are struggling. There are lots of boards, however, that enjoy symptom spotting and will encourage false beliefs that you're pregnant or whatever. They won't spout science. Feel free to locate one of those.
I feel like this is a good point. Not every single human being on Earth will be happy in every single online discussion board. And that's okay! Just find whatever is most helpful to you. It's a gigantic waste of your time to try to change the personality of an established community. If this isn't helpful to you then don't waste your time! If you find it is helpful then stay
Just to clarify.... you don't find the PP to be rude or insulting to anyone and you think that it's an appropriate way to respond to someone? Good luck to yall. If the science was so simple, you wouldn't being wearing your months of TTC/Temping as a badge of honor.
Re: Anyone not temping? + Intro
Eta because why should I look at what I'm typing and not trust that swipe knows what it's doing?
Any doctor who tells you to relax or not stress is a fucking idiot.
Yep, thanks for clarifying for me @firebaby688. I was calling the doctor a quack based on the statement that stress could bring down chances to conceive. I would question anyone who says that, most especially a medical professional. That's great that you like him a lot, but that has no bearing on the fact that he's giving you really lousy information. As to the whole sex as a job/temping being stressful, I'm sure I can't truly appreciate it causing more stress for anyone as I (and I'm going to go out on a limb here and say most women on here) find it does the complete opposite, so I was just trying to explain that in perhaps another way to help you see that you don't need to see it that way. Many women have come here claiming temping is stressful, having sex turns into a job, etc... and really, that's all about perception and how you look at the whole process. You take your temp. It is what it is. You plug it into FF. At some point your temp goes up and ovulation is confirmed. I struggle to see how this can be stressful or something to fixate on, but clearly there are people who find that it is.
2010: Infertility
October 2015: missed miscarriage #2 at 11 weeks (trisomy 22)
The little bit of snark or frustrated comments you get here is nothing compared to six months ago, and yet people still complain about it. Yeesh.
To give you an idea of how it used to be, to get on the leaderboard for the week, you used to have to have thousands of points, not hundreds.
DD born 1/24/16
TTC #2 - Jun 2017
BFP on 8/24/17
LFAF February Siggy Challenge - "Favorite TV/Movie Couple"
DD: 10/17/13
TTC#2 Actively: 10/14, NTNP: 01/14
Left-Sided Hydrosalpinx (cause: genetic abnormality, TREATED 11/16)
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/396b04
BFP #2 3/21 EDD 11/28/16
10/2014 - Started TTC #1
8/2015-Clomid with TI - BFN
9/2015 - Clomid with IUI #1 - BFN
10/2015 - Clomid with IUI #2 - BFN
11/2015 - Clomid with IUI #3 - BFN
1/2016 - Gonal-F with IUI #1 - BFN
7/2016 - Laparoscopic surgery - stage 1 endo removed
9/2016 - Gonal-F with IUI #2 - BFN
10/2016 - Gonal-F with IUI #3 -BFN. Diagnosed with elevated anti-sperm antibodies.
12/12/16 - Egg retrieval w/ICSI - 4 5-day embryos (2 grade A, 2 grade B.)
12/17/16 - Fresh transfer of one embryo; 12/27 beta = 141; 12/29 beta= 285. EDD 9/4/17 - MC 1/26/17
I did not start out temping but wanted to see if I was "regular" I found out that I'm ovulating about 2 days later than I originally thought.
It's worth playing with if ur curious, but you really need a few months of regular data, so be prepared to not want to stop when you start.
Everyone went over to the Dark Side after that.
LFAF February Siggy Challenge - "Favorite TV/Movie Couple"
DD: 10/17/13
TTC#2 Actively: 10/14, NTNP: 01/14
Left-Sided Hydrosalpinx (cause: genetic abnormality, TREATED 11/16)
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/396b04
LFAF February Siggy Challenge - "Favorite TV/Movie Couple"
DD: 10/17/13
TTC#2 Actively: 10/14, NTNP: 01/14
Left-Sided Hydrosalpinx (cause: genetic abnormality, TREATED 11/16)
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/396b04
It's one thing to say stress may delay ovulation by a few days and quite another that it causes difficulty in actually having a baby.
I expect my best friend to tell me when I'm acting the fool. I expect her to judge me for my stupidity. That's what a best friend is for. This community does have open arms - but we're not going to blow glitter around and squee with every single person who shows up thinking they might be pregnant but wont take a test (or has taken a test but refuses to believe it's true). We deal in straight forward facts and science.
Some people don't want that. And that's cool. But why should we have to change for new people, when we like things the way they are?
It's like people latch on to the few times that we're irritable because someone asks a question that's been answered a few times THAT DAY and decide that's all we are.
I'll also explain why I came here. I'm TTC, and I honestly believed that it would be fast and simple. It didn't happen the first month and I was heartbroken. I had no idea I would feel that way, but I honestly believed I was pregnant. My friends aren't at the TTC stage and my mom conceived me basically as soon as they started trying. I wanted to come here and ask people how they deal, what they suggest, etc. The first post I saw was one about things you wish people know coming on the board and it basically just flamed up my experience like I was an idiot for having phantom symptoms or being hurt after a month. That's not welcoming.
The only things I've seen that haven't just directed people elsewhere or given those "straightforward" answers is people posting pictures of their pets, and equally unrelated stuff.
Also, just because you read it on the Internet doesn't make it true. People should engage in these questions and determine what's best on them both by scientific evidence and by anecdote. Fertility isn't the most well developed of sciences and still has a way to go. I'm not here for scientific information cause y'all aren't doctors. I'm here to hear about what others are going through.
And honestly? The few times I've seen people tell someone to look elsewhere or google it are when someone comes to us and says "Oh my, I have (list of symptoms). Anyone else had these symptoms before their BFP?" Telling you we have or haven't isn't supportive, in our opinion. What we see as supportive in that case is to tell you either a) it's not possible for you to have symptoms yet or b) you're far enough along that if you have symptoms you'd turn a test positive. We don't dispense false hope.
But seriously - people intro and everyone says Hi and welcome and good luck. People have a loss and everyone's there for them. People get a BFP and we're over the moon with joy. Need someone to talk you down from the TWW crazies and remind you it's too early to test? We've got your back. Need someone to console you on CD1? We're here. Need advice on a good prenatal vitamin? Got a list a mile long.
Want everyone to tell you're definitely pregnant, or you're some sort of special case who should totally take powerful fertility drugs after only trying for 3 months? That's not us. That's one of a thousand other "getting pregnant" communities. The best thing about this place is that no one gives out false hope, just facts and realistic support.
So, if that makes us unwelcoming, fine. But there's a reason that some of us are here instead of Babycenter or TwoWeekWait.
While fertility medicine certainly does have a way to go (as do many other types of medicine, such as oncology...) there are still certain facts that are just that - facts. They've been proven over and over and over.
Diagnosed with PCOS: Summer 2007
Married: July 2013
Began TTC: June 2015
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/58d258