@karaelaine1991 so nice you got to include your grandma! Mine lives two hours from where my shower was held and didn't feel comfortable to make the trip She's also in assisted living. This will be her first great-grandchild. She's good with Skype though and makes me call her and show her the bump. Grandmas are the best!
Thanks @mellymar! @hoodoll82 that totally stinks that your grandma couldn't make it, but thank goodness for Skype! Technology seriously is the biggest help with keeping in touch with family members!
I'll have mine on May 9th being thrown by a family friend and my mom. Both my MIL and step-MIL are coming from CA (we live in WA). We will have a work one on the May 14th (we work at the same place) during lunch hour. I think my MIL is stalking the registry and trying to get me to look because she keeps on saying that "nice things" are being fulfilled! We have told her to stop saying anything since we want to be surprised! But she actually hasnt said what is being bought...but still. My mom is driving me crazy about RSVPs...
I haven't posted about this bc I know some ladies are sensitive to the topic of showers since not everyone gets one. I think that is very sad, but I'm a little frustrated with SMIL and need to vent a little... (Please don't think I'm an ass. I know I'm probably a little sensitive right now, and that this is small potatoes...)
I'm having my 3rd baby shower this Sunday. I had one back home in GA in late March with my mom and her best friends (which are like my other moms), and it was amazing and I felt so loved. Mom got to be the star of the show, too, which was so special since she's a first time Grandma. My grandma could not travel in for the shower, but that was semi-expected, and FIL had a big work weekend so SMIL stayed in Florida.
Don't get me wrong. I feel very blessed to have had one shower for me and baby, let alone 3, but there's been some drama surrounding them, which makes me feel very uncomfortable.
SMIL (DH mom has passed away) decided to have a coed shower after the first two showers were announced and being planned. Again, don't get me wrong, it was very fun and appreciated, but it took the wind out of the sails of my best friend who is hosting this weekend's shower.
Early on, best friend asked SMIL for assistance with planning and suggestions and potential dates, and was discussing cohosting. I gave friend a list of Florida ladies to invite and was excited to see what these two loving and creative ladies came up with. It was a great way to involve SMIL, since she doesn't have kids of her own, and is also becoming a grandma for the first time.
Well, SMIL took half the guest list and decided she wanted to host her own shower, without mentioning anything to my friend. SMIL asked me what I thought of a barbecue get together with family to honor DH. I initially agreed to a coed barbecue, not a shower (because DH hates being the center of attention), and because I was already having a Florida shower.
Next thing I know, I get an invitation for a shower Easter weekend. It ended up being fun, despite DH's cousin coming and giving me the flu/bronchitis, we appreciated it, and it was a huge party with family and hubby's friends and their girlfriends. Love all around.
My frustration currently is this: Personally, I have felt gift-grabby and uncomfortable with 3 showers. Also, my best friend has spent her hard earned money to throw this weekend's shower for me. I feel terrible that she found out that SMIL went ahead and planned her own shower when saw an invitation to SMIL's shower on my fridge. I explained to her that I thought it was a barbecue and was surprised. I tried to make it seem like we were just having a family thing, but pics were posted all over FB that weekend. Oh well.
I love this friend so much, and am so happy to have a good time with my in town friends that I haven't seen, and for my mom (first time grandma) to come in town one last time before baby and to celebrate with my friends and in laws. Mom is making a big deal out of driving to Florida to make sure I'm ok health wise since DH travels a lot, and because we are both just so excited to spend time together before baby comes and things change.
So... I find out yesterday that SMIL told Grandma that this weekend wasn't a big deal and that it was a casual get together with my friends.
What? Um...There's an invitation to a shower, and I know my friend has done her best to include SMIL in planning and discussed the theme and fun things to do! (Peter Rabbit! How cute is that?)
I'm insulted on behalf of my best friend for one. And two... my mom is driving 9 hours to be here and have a fun family weekend with in laws,(which we've talked about multiple times). Mom is excited to see me 32 weeks pregnant, see my DH whom she loves, have a cooking freezer food fest to prepare for baby, and enjoy the shower. My feelings are a little hurt about this shower being written off since day one.
In-laws haven't seen my folks since August 2012 (our wedding) and we all get along great! We have an amazing family and are blessed, so why the passive aggressive comments or disinterest?
I just don't understand why SMIL hasn't listened/remembered when I have said that my mom is coming in town (I always talk about how I miss her-she's awesome), how excited I am for all the family ladies to be together since the wedding, and how touched I am that my sweet friend is putting on a shower for my Florida friends. I am trying to be so gracious, but every time I bring up either the GA shower or this Peter Rabbit shower, she gives it the cold shoulder.
This is such a stupid problem in the grand scheme of things, but I don't know how to politely respond to passive aggressive comments like "oh, I thought it was just your friends having lunch", when she knows it's not.
I don't want to come off like an ass, or entitled, but darnit, just because it's the third shower, and she's not hosting it, doesn't mean it should be given the shaft or be "second rate". Anyone have any tips to deal with passive aggressive comments? I am so grateful to have the friends and family I do, and they ALL deserve thanks and praise and excitement. I don't want to be defensive or say anything that isn't gracious.
This is kind of some weird behavior from your smil. Maybe she is feeling jealous/insecure about her role in your new life? I suppose you could sit down and try to have a real talk with her about it, but if you aren't comfortable with that/ don't feel it would be productive I would try to just ignore the comments. It sounds like your friend hosting the shower is a good friend. I would personally just tell her how frustrated the whole situation makes you, and how much you appreciate her efforts in throwing you a shower. I would think this would be enough that a close friend would understand... but I totally get how irritating this must be.
@mcknzzee@mellymar Thank you so much for validating my feelings on this!
The shower on Sunday ended up being so lovely. I cried when I saw the room decorated and how much effort my best friend put into it. We had some great quality time with my mom and SMIL actually was quite lovely and supportive.
I found out that she was trying to keep me from worrying about Grandma's health over the past week or so (two hospital visits, but everything is ok). Annnd she and my mom had a good talk about me which I think was really sweet. My mom expressed her gratitude for SMIL being so closely and available in case my health tanks again or I need her, since my mom is 8.5 hrs away. Very kind.
I'm definitely emotional and sensitive, but I'm glad we had a good time, and that the showers are over, and everyone is calm again.
Here's a pic of me crying over my diaper cake lol:
I'll have mine on May 9th being thrown by a family friend and my mom. Both my MIL and step-MIL are coming from CA (we live in WA). We will have a work one on the May 14th (we work at the same place) during lunch hour. I think my MIL is stalking the registry and trying to get me to look because she keeps on saying that "nice things" are being fulfilled! We have told her to stop saying anything since we want to be surprised! But she actually hasnt said what is being bought...but still. My mom is driving me crazy about RSVPs...
My MIL did something similar, she first told DH one of the things she bought us and then called to tell us a certain family member wasn't going to make it but that they got us our swing. He told her to stop and when he told her to stop she was just like well Anna can't hear me (I could-she's very loud). He proceeded to tell her that I could hear her and even if I couldn't the gifts were as much for him as me and that we would see the gifts at our shower. I will admit I check the registries, but I don't know who bought what or what shower I'm getting it at.
I had my family shower the 25th it was super cute my sister did Mickey Mouse theme and I loved it. Had a great turn out and it was fun to see family and friends.
Had my work shower today and am having my friend/family shower Saturday! Today I got a wonderful painting done by the art teacher at my school, which I LOVE! Also thought the diaper tricycle one of the first grade teachers made was too cute.
My boss and coworkers threw me a baby shower at work on Thursday. I was expecting it but the way they carried it out was a surprise. I work in a nursing home, so some of the residents came also. It was a lot of fun! One of my coworkers brought "lumpia" (little egg rolls) which were so delicious I couldn't stop eating them. My boss made me a "cake" made of diapers and toys.
I'm so touched and overwhelmed by the generosity and kindness of people. I've only worked at this place for a year and a half, and I'm planning to quit at the end of August, but they really treat me like family there and I'm grateful:)
The next day one of the residents, who is in her 90s and hard of hearing, told me, "I didn't really get the 'baby show'. I thought people would bring their babies there." No wonder it looked like she wasn't having a good time! But the others seemed to enjoy it!
This is my 3rd LO and as soon as I found out it was a girl My SO and I went out and brought everything we would need but his mom still insisted on a shower (this is the 1st baby in their family in 17 years). . . I didn't have the heart to say no so instead I just told them if they wanted to buy gifts get diapers so I could give them to a friend of mine that needs them way more then I do.. but I will be eating the food lol
I had mine yesterday. It was wonderful and my mother did an amazing job decorating. I was so surprised how almost no one got us anything off of the registry. I appreciated all of the gifts, but My mom, MIL and maybe 2 other people were the only ones that got stuff off the registry! It was a lot of clothes. I'm a FTM so I had to go out to babies r us today and spend over $500 to buy the rest of the baby items we need right away. I've been wanting to buy stuff along the way but my mom kept saying "wait until your shower!" Why don't people like to use registries?
I had my shower yesterday and it was awesome! I'm really grateful for my mom who ended up doing everything by herself. Now I just have to figure out what I need to buy before lo gets here!
@jesshrou I had the exact same thing happen. I only had bare essentials on my registry . Diapers. Wipes. Baby washcloths. Mattress cover stuff like that. Everyone bought us clothes when I told all my good friends and family we were using tons of hand me downs for clothes...... I wouldn't of minded if they gave gift reciepts but no one did. Can't even exchange for diapers!!! People can say it's spoiled but I don't care. I know it's "fun" for ppl to buy clothes but I always buy diapers for friends. I'm very practical.
I had my shower on Saturday and it was so wonderful. My 6 hostesses decorated the room so cute and I had most of my closest friends and family there. I only got two gifts that were identical that I will be exchanging for something else. We got most of the big ticket items from our registry and only need to get a few small things before baby arrives. We feel so blessed and can't wait to meet our little girl
I had my shower this weekend. It was incredible and some friends that live far away that I haven't seen in a while got to be there. I feel like I got all the essentials. Especially considering we don't know what we are having. People don't know what colors to buy for clothes. I hate to be a brat about it, but as a gift my SIL gave me this tub full of stuff she's used for her 3 kids. Like one of those jumpers you hang in a door jam and a carrier. I know she meant well, but these things were things I registered for and people already bought. It was a little awkward but I don't want to seem ungrateful. My nephews and niece are between 5 and 10 so it's not like this stuff was used yesterday. This has been sitting in her basement for years... It will be nice to say to my kid that their cousins used this stuff growing up. I know they aren't wealthy, but they can definitely afford to buy a gift every now and again. Also another weird thing, my MIL bought me diapers and wipes. That's it, diapers and wipes. Then she dropped off all this used furniture in my parents basement as part of the "gift"? We have a lot of furniture sitting in storage and are only upgrading by like 500 square feet. We are closing on a house this week and living with my parents in the meantime. I know my in laws mean well but it was just so odd to see friends that I know can't afford much buy me really nice things when I feel like my husbands family half assed it. Please don't read in that I am not grateful. I do appreciate this stuff. It's just odd. My mom and I can't wrap our heads around it!
My shower is going to be Memorial Day Weekend. I'm really looking forward to it, but at the same time have been feeling so overwhelmed. I have a huge family, as does my DH, so we ended up inviting 90 people and so far 50 are coming. We live in a decent size 2 bedroom apartment, but I tried to keep my registry realistic and only add things I needed and knew could fit comfortably in our home. I have been getting complaints about not having enough "big items" on my registry. The stroller, car seat, high chair, swing etc. were all the first things to go and now no one wants to buy the bottles or diapers or clothes. Although I feel blessed that so many people want to help us out with the big items, that doesn't mean the "small" stuff isn't as important! I also would never tell someone, especially an 8 month pregnant woman, that her registry doesn't have adequate stuff. My plan is to just take what everyone gives me and if they didn't stick to the registry because they didn't like what I had, then their stuff is going to get exchanged for the stuff I initially wanted and asked for.
My shower is going to be Memorial Day Weekend. I'm really looking forward to it, but at the same time have been feeling so overwhelmed. I have a huge family, as does my DH, so we ended up inviting 90 people and so far 50 are coming. We live in a decent size 2 bedroom apartment, but I tried to keep my registry realistic and only add things I needed and knew could fit comfortably in our home. I have been getting complaints about not having enough "big items" on my registry. The stroller, car seat, high chair, swing etc. were all the first things to go and now no one wants to buy the bottles or diapers or clothes. Although I feel blessed that so many people want to help us out with the big items, that doesn't mean the "small" stuff isn't as important! I also would never tell someone, especially an 8 month pregnant woman, that her registry doesn't have adequate stuff. My plan is to just take what everyone gives me and if they didn't stick to the registry because they didn't like what I had, then their stuff is going to get exchanged for the stuff I initially wanted and asked for.
Could you register for some stuff that you'll need much later in the process - toddler items etc.? Just to give people some options. You can still return for credit and use for diapers etc. but at least guests will feel like they are getting something nice that you really want (they don't need to know that you don't want it now and won't store it). Also books are great, and you can never have too many. You could start another registry at a nice local bookstore, a good independent store could probably make the list for you so you don't have any extra work. Good kids books are expensive - $12-$20 each and such a great thing to have that doesn't take up too much space.
Co-workers threw a lovely shower for another teacher and I this morning. We are due a week apart (I'm on the left) and are both having girls. It was so incredibly sweet and absolutely made my day!
My shower is going to be Memorial Day Weekend. I'm really looking forward to it, but at the same time have been feeling so overwhelmed. I have a huge family, as does my DH, so we ended up inviting 90 people and so far 50 are coming. We live in a decent size 2 bedroom apartment, but I tried to keep my registry realistic and only add things I needed and knew could fit comfortably in our home. I have been getting complaints about not having enough "big items" on my registry. The stroller, car seat, high chair, swing etc. were all the first things to go and now no one wants to buy the bottles or diapers or clothes. Although I feel blessed that so many people want to help us out with the big items, that doesn't mean the "small" stuff isn't as important! I also would never tell someone, especially an 8 month pregnant woman, that her registry doesn't have adequate stuff. My plan is to just take what everyone gives me and if they didn't stick to the registry because they didn't like what I had, then their stuff is going to get exchanged for the stuff I initially wanted and asked for.
I had the same issue with my family! I ended up upgrading the bigger items on there to more expensive models (I'll be the first to admit that I look for the best deal over all else) and keeping everything else as is. I did also register for a few "convenience" items like a diaper genie and sound machine. Like you, I live in a 2 bedroom apartment and I was told that these items would be very useful for our living situation. Space is an issue for us too, so I only registered for items that I knew we either needed or would be extremely helpful to us, plus a few books and toys. If people continue to give them a hard time, just ignore them! I ended up finding that most of my guests bought clothes anyway and the only ones who bought off the registry were the ones complaining, so there were plenty of bigger items for them to choose from.
@jesshrou I had the exact same thing happen. I only had bare essentials on my registry . Diapers. Wipes. Baby washcloths. Mattress cover stuff like that. Everyone bought us clothes when I told all my good friends and family we were using tons of hand me downs for clothes...... I wouldn't of minded if they gave gift reciepts but no one did. Can't even exchange for diapers!!! People can say it's spoiled but I don't care. I know it's "fun" for ppl to buy clothes but I always buy diapers for friends. I'm very practical.
My shower is in two weeks & I did the same thing & I am SO WORRIED about this. I keep making vague comments/statuses on FB about how much clothes we have, so people know to use the registry. They prob won't. Ugh.
@JessBee410 I had people tell us the same thing about our registry not having enough. I ended up making a "List" on Etsy.com of things I liked for baby girl (blankets, nursery art, onesies that are personalized, bows, etc) & made that public & let those people know that it was an option too...
I didn't have one for second pregnancies supposedly its non traditional. I guess it's non traditional to not buy the second baby a gift either way. Not that I expect anything I was just really surprised. My registry has basically been untouched.
I had one shower and one sprinkle (25 vs 8 people) I have to say that the sprinkle by my in laws was much more relaxed and fun. My mom and sister get all crazy train on stuff and kind of ruin it My SIL did make me this awesome Paleo cake
I just had my shower this past Saturday (the 23). My mom and bf's mom collaborated on it and did an awesome job! It was in a party room at a community centre and some of the men came, but most of them were watching the kids and taking them swimming, so I got to hang with mostly the women. There wasn't really a "theme" but my mom said they wouldn't let her put stuff up on the walls or ceiling. It was so nice either way. We played games (I got my belly measured as part of a game) and the got a tear away cake from one of my favourite places (looks like cake but its cupcakes). And most of the stuff people got me for gifts were things that I would not have thought to get myself, like bowls, toddler cups, feeding supplies. And there were a couple things my aunt got engraved with her name. So it was sweet that people were able to find unique things on their own without the help of a registry. It was really great, here are a couple pictures. The last one is with my dad and grandma
Just had a beautiful nautical/coastal shower this weekend (yes, we were a little late at 36wks haha). It was absolutely wonderful and so much fun to celebrate with everyone! I can't wait to organize and unpack everything and thank everyone for their amazing generosity.
The theme was "Welcome Aboard Grace!" And we had a lifering as a guestbook that will go on her nursery wall. The favors were OPI's "It's A Girl" nail polish. My MIL made the centerpieces and my best friend made the beach/nautical cupcakes (I just want a vat of the icing). My husband showed up at the end and surprised me with flowers because he is adorable.
I hope you ladies had wonderful showers - it was great to see friends and family that I don't get to spend as much time with!!
I had my shower over the weekend. It was thrown for me by friends and family in the private party room of an adorable chocolate store in Soho. Most people gave us gifts from the registry and had things shipped straight to our house, which was super convenient. The whole thing had a very "Marie Antoinette" feel, and we enjoyed a lunch of salads, quiches, and crepes
Re: Baby showers/ sprinkles
Thank you so much for validating my feelings on this!
The shower on Sunday ended up being so lovely. I cried when I saw the room decorated and how much effort my best friend put into it. We had some great quality time with my mom and SMIL actually was quite lovely and supportive.
I found out that she was trying to keep me from worrying about Grandma's health over the past week or so (two hospital visits, but everything is ok). Annnd she and my mom had a good talk about me which I think was really sweet. My mom expressed her gratitude for SMIL being so closely and available in case my health tanks again or I need her, since my mom is 8.5 hrs away. Very kind.
I'm definitely emotional and sensitive, but I'm glad we had a good time, and that the showers are over, and everyone is calm again.
Here's a pic of me crying over my diaper cake lol:
I'm so touched and overwhelmed by the generosity and kindness of people. I've only worked at this place for a year and a half, and I'm planning to quit at the end of August, but they really treat me like family there and I'm grateful:)
The next day one of the residents, who is in her 90s and hard of hearing, told me, "I didn't really get the 'baby show'. I thought people would bring their babies there." No wonder it looked like she wasn't having a good time! But the others seemed to enjoy it!
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I hate to be a brat about it, but as a gift my SIL gave me this tub full of stuff she's used for her 3 kids. Like one of those jumpers you hang in a door jam and a carrier. I know she meant well, but these things were things I registered for and people already bought. It was a little awkward but I don't want to seem ungrateful. My nephews and niece are between 5 and 10 so it's not like this stuff was used yesterday. This has been sitting in her basement for years... It will be nice to say to my kid that their cousins used this stuff growing up. I know they aren't wealthy, but they can definitely afford to buy a gift every now and again. Also another weird thing, my MIL bought me diapers and wipes. That's it, diapers and wipes. Then she dropped off all this used furniture in my parents basement as part of the "gift"? We have a lot of furniture sitting in storage and are only upgrading by like 500 square feet. We are closing on a house this week and living with my parents in the meantime. I know my in laws mean well but it was just so odd to see friends that I know can't afford much buy me really nice things when I feel like my husbands family half assed it.
Please don't read in that I am not grateful. I do appreciate this stuff. It's just odd. My mom and I can't wrap our heads around it!
We played games (I got my belly measured as part of a game) and the got a tear away cake from one of my favourite places (looks like cake but its cupcakes).
And most of the stuff people got me for gifts were things that I would not have thought to get myself, like bowls, toddler cups, feeding supplies. And there were a couple things my aunt got engraved with her name. So it was sweet that people were able to find unique things on their own without the help of a registry.
It was really great, here are a couple pictures. The last one is with my dad and grandma
The theme was "Welcome Aboard Grace!" And we had a lifering as a guestbook that will go on her nursery wall. The favors were OPI's "It's A Girl" nail polish. My MIL made the centerpieces and my best friend made the beach/nautical cupcakes (I just want a vat of the icing). My husband showed up at the end and surprised me with flowers because he is adorable.
I hope you ladies had wonderful showers - it was great to see friends and family that I don't get to spend as much time with!!