Intended Parent support

salica7 · April 2015

I am an intended parent and my husband's cousin is our surrogate. I am 32 and I can't carry. I have no problem getting pregnant, but never have made it past 6w4d. We even did a round of IVF because of suspected issues with my uterus after 3 months of lupron injections. I got pregnant but ended up miscarrying again. After multiple tests, surgeries, exams, and opinions, our RE recommended using a surrogate as they could not identify why I continue to miscarry. We had our transfer March 6 and it was confirmed that we have twins (one girl, one boy) at our first ultrasound on April 3. Although I am thrilled, I can't help but feel like I am missing out on the pregnancy process and looking for support around this. My surrogate lives in another state, so we are trying to fly back for ultrasounds, but it gets even more costly for an already costly process. I am just not sure how else to feel involved in the process. I am feeling alone and sad. Today we are 8 weeks 1 day. Next ultrasound is this Friday 4/17.

mm29 · April 2015

Congratulations x 2! There are a few IP's. Consider joining our weekly *third-party reproduction check-in*

I am not a IP, but there are some amazing women here that are, @IRR and @KevinandJesse

GL on Friday with your next ultrasound!!!

KevinandJesse · April 2015

@salica7

My husband and I are the IP via surrogacy as well. I can relate to how hard it is feeling somewhat removed from the day to day pregnancy experience. It really is hard sometimes. Happy to offer any support and advice I can give... and congratulations! Soon those babies will be in your arms and this hard time will be a distant memory... untill then, we can lean on each other for support

salica7 · April 2015

It's great to actually meet/talk to someone going through a similar experience. What is the hardest part for you? Is your surrogate through an agency? Are you participating in appts? How far along are you? How come you guys needed to use a surrogate?

CinciSurro · April 2015

Congrats!! I'm a first-time gestational carrier and my IPs are in Europe so it's been really tough on them as well trying to feel connected. I'm carrying their twin girls, about 25 weeks along. They will come here when I'm about 32 weeks, and stay through about 4 weeks after the babies are born.

I send them a weekly update on Tuesdays with probably way too much information, but it includes how I'm feeling, baby activity, any cravings I'm having, what we've been up to as a family, a pic of my bump, and any upcoming appointment info. It's kind of like a journal. They usually respond with random questions, nursery progress pics, travel plan changes, baby name list changes, and we just chit chat throughout the week through email. My husband also emails with them, probably photos and some of the things I wouldn't normally tell them like my hormone swings and the times I keep him up at night tossing and turning. I think they appreciate it since they really wish they could experience all of this themselves but can't (same-sex couple).

I've sent them videos of my belly moving around, and I record every ultrasound I can for them. I get a short one every regular appointment because the dr checks their heartbeats that way so that's fun for them to see the girls moving around. For the long growth ultrasounds I get monthly, I scan them all the pics they give me because they don't let me record that one.

The parents also send me audio files once in a while of them reading books to the girls and I play them through headphones on my belly so they are exposed to their dads' voices and home language.

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask your surrogate to do some of that stuff, whatever she's comfortable with. If this is her first time, she may not have even thought of it. I really feel for you guys, it must be really tough to feel connected and part of the process when you're not there. Congratulations again, and let me know if I can do anything!

salica7 · April 2015

cincisurro,

thank you so much for your response. it was incredibly helpful. i got a lot of good ideas from you. my husband and i really appreciate it.

przemosbabe · April 2015

Congrats!

I just wanted to ask if you have had immune panels ran to see if you have immune implantation dysfunction that is keeping you from carrying? It's a very real diagnosis. I have if myself. There are women who have had 15 miscarriages or more that had success after seeing a reproductive immunologist. Just something to consider for next time.

salica7 · April 2015

all of that has been tested and come back normal, but thank you.

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