Not excited to be pregnant anymore

melissaanne2727 · April 2015

For as long as I can remember I've always wanted a child. I'm 34 years old and even though we weren't really ready to start trying, my age started to scare me. I' also had an early miscarriage 2 years ago. We discussed starting now in case it took the average of a year and a half to get pregnant. Of course I got pregnant in the first month. I was over the moon with happiness for the first few weeks. Now I've lost all excitement and I can't help but think of all the negatives that go along with preganancy and raising a child. I've been nothing but bummed out about my pregnancy for 3 days. Feeling like a pretty terrible person. Could this be a phase?!

yl1m32015 · April 2015

I can understand that. Having a mc takes the naivety away from being excited. I envy women who haven't had a mc and can just be thrilled and not know how it feels to lose that. I almost 6 weeks, but I'm still not letting myself get too excited. I take everyday one day at a time and try to be happy that I didn't wake up in a pool of blood. Sorry, tmi, but if you've been there you understand! Hopefully if things progress we can get to a point where we can breathe and enjoy the ride.

lovinlifeinutah · April 2015

@melissaanne2727 I feel like you just wrote my story, except I haven't had the experience of mc. We are the same age. I had the same fears about my age. I gave DH the greatest pep talks about how we could still go on adventures with a baby. How if we wanted a baby, we should start before we got too old to conceive. Etc. One of my most poignant tear filled speeches was in snowshoes, on the side of the mountain, with other people passing along on the trail. Magnificent.

We got pregnant the first month--like one of the first 2-3 times we didn't protect. My heart dropped when I saw the second line. I was incredibly excited but at the same time, I was a mess of emotions. And I felt horrible about feeling that way. I hadn't expected it to happen so soon!

I am more excited now but I am also still feeling a little anxious about the life changes. For me, this is what makes me excited and helps me know it will be ok: we are saying goodbye to a phase in life and I think it's normal to mourn that a little bit. If it becomes prolonged or more than just a little bit, it might be worth seeking counsel. But this is a big change and if you have a life and routine you love, it's normal to feel uneasy about changing it up. Also, we want this. Our long term goal (from the time we married) has been to have a family and this is how we get one. We have to give something to get something. What we are going to get is amazing!!!! And then I remember how difficult it could have been for us and I feel grateful that we didn't have to go through the struggle, meet with specialists, etc. While I am surprised by the timing, I am also grateful for it.

I hope this doesn't sound preachy or anything. I just thought I'd share what makes me excited when I am feeling uneasy

ali27duncan · April 2015

I totally understand too. I've already got twin girls so you would think I would be all ready for this since it is not like the big life changing experience when you first become a parent. But after a few mc in a row I have started to get used to the idea of just my twins and hubby. So now I'm nervous and anxious again when all I could dream about before hand was that little addition to our family that I felt needed to be there and was missing. I don't think there is anything wrong with it. I think it is partly because it feels so surreal right now- I just don't know what life will be like yet with that new addition. But when they get here I am sure we will all feel like we wouldn't want to get along without him or her. And we've got time to get used to it for some months before they get here too. We can still be excited and unsure at the same time- I think both emotions can exist and be okay together.

Wallisimpson · April 2015

My acupuncturist (specialises in pregnancy) has told me not to underestimate the power of the hormones in influencing your emotions. She said prenatal depression is something to keep an eye on. Tell your doc if your spirits do not improve it may be they could support you to talk to someone about it.

melissaanne2727 · April 2015

Thank you all so much. I'll certainly keep attentive to my mood and any sudden down swings. @lovinlifeinutah not preachy at all. That was so comforting to here. You're absolutely right. It's hard to accept the milestones in life without the bittersweet notion that something has passed and you'll never be the same again. Thank you ladies for your kind words.

AshleighDB · April 2015

I think this is totally natural. Having a baby literally means your entire life is going to change and that's a big, overwhelming idea in itself. As happy as I am to be having a baby, I keep thinking of all the things that will be different. There are going to be things that we miss out on in order to have children. And I feel like even though we all know that, when we're actually facing it in the near future, it's scary and can make us sad. Don't beat yourself up for feeling this way

12815AEEA · April 2015

@melissaann2727 and @lovinlifeinutah I'm in the exact same spot...I'm glad I'm not alone in my feelings.

LeighPA · April 2015

It's scary, being pregnant and being a parent. It never stops being scary, no matter how many you have. But the little joys of pregnancy tend to gradually take the place of the fears.

Melissadmag · April 2015

This is a completely normal reaction. It just hit you all of those stories of sleepless nights, expenses that never end, the endless possibilities for problems to arise, and being responsible for someone's life are coming at you and fast. What if you have a child that just wont listen? You may have even ran across a really annoying child in the last week that spooked you. Or maybe you were super hot and you're worried your body will never look the same again. This is all enough to freak anyone out. The thing is, when you see your baby, and hold him/her all that is going to melt away and dissapear because you will see how completely worth it it all is. Yes your life will be permanently altered and there will be good days and bad days but just try to focus on the good that will come from all of this. Also, if you think you're having a more serious problem like falling into an actual depression because of it, seek professional help a.s.a.p.

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