intro/loss/still have pregnancy symptoms and got confusing advice

Mela5 · April 2015

Hi,

I went for my first appointment today - at 10.5 weeks. No heartbeat. Went for a u/s - 3+cm yolk sac, 2 mm embryo. One doctor estimates that the embryo stopped growing around 7 weeks and is being resorbed. The other begged me to not proceed with medication or d/c, so she could see if any growth might happen in the next 7 days. I haven't had sex in 9 weeks - so the idea that something might emerge from 2 mm and a hypotonic yolk sac in 7 days is a fantasy as far as I can tell. Her primary justification appears to be that I still have morning sickness. In fact, I have had it the entire time, along with tender breasts, bloating, exhaustion and round ligament pain - none of that has been alleviated over the last few weeks.

I was very, very surprised by the news so I didn't ask a lot of the questions I should have. I don't really know what's next. I feel like I'm setting myself up for a great deal more pain by hoping that something changes. Frankly, I'm not really sure what the risks are of trying to undergo this naturally. I don't even know how long we should wait before trying again. I am 39. I don't feel like I have 3 months free to just recover - but I don't even know if that's the recommended wait. My doctor is incommunicado...so, I really don't know what's next.

I feel like I can't talk about any of this out loud in RL. There doesn't seem to be sufficient words to describe what is happening.

Anyway, I'm here. I'm sad to be in the position to be here, but I'm happy that this is a place I can be. The idea of going through this alone, without people around who know what this is like is just too much. Thanks for reading my post. I feel a little bit better for knowing someone somewhere knows that this little being was here and is now gone.

So this is sort of wandering post. I'm happy for any insight any of you may have regarding anything I said -particularly what is next.

thistle8677 · April 2015

I am so sorry you are going through this...

I'm 38 and have a very similar story to yours. Had my first appt today (8wks) and no heartbeat, fetal pole but looks like baby never really grew..or did but is being reabsorbed. I even had 5 hcg blood readings (due to history of miscarriage), and they were all doubling wonderfully.
I'm shocked and desperate to move on.
I'm waiting for the surgery dept to see if they can fit me in for a d&c tomorrow.
It's hard to know what to do and I can completely get why you are not sure what to do right now...
Sending love and support....xo

Mela5 · April 2015

Thanks so much for your note. It is confusing and an enormous shock - particularly because I still have morning sickness.

Again, I'm so, so sorry. I think many walk into that appointment with nice tests and clear symptoms, thinking this is it - this is the day I get to see this child. To lie down and find nothing, to see it disappearing - it's like some strange corporeal affair - like finding out that someone has been stepping out on you. It's just so sudden, and so gutting. It feels like a betrayal. Like you, I want to be done with it. I want to grieve, but I want the mc over with. Time is ticking.

My thoughts are with you. I know you said you have been through 4 other times. I imagine each time is different, and comes with special pain. I'm very sorry for your loss. Big hugs and much support to you.

thistle8677 · April 2015

I too have morning sickness, and sore boobs, and frequent urination. It's exactly as you've described. A betrayal.
Feel free to private message me of you need or want to.
Either way, keep me posted.
Sending lots of support your way too xo

nerdymama15 · April 2015

So sorry to hear of both your losses. It sucks any way that a baby is lost. It is hard no matter what. We lost ours on 02/28/15 heartbeat had stopped. It was our first ever pregnancy. Luckily (or maybe unluckily depending on how I feel from day to day) we got to see it and hear the heartbeat. But now s/he is gone. It is devastating no matter how it happens. Best of luck to you both on future sticky babies. My thoughts and prayers go out for both of you.

KMKaiser07 · April 2015

So incredibly sorry for your loss. I believe we were both on the October board. I lost our baby at almost 8 weeks a couple weeks ago and I can say that it does get easier. We will always be sad about losing this baby but are looking at it as opening another spot for another child whether biologically or through adoption. Hang in there!

carrieandr · April 2015

I'm so sorry you're here, but you're not alone. In answer to your questions, I too had morning sickness for quite a while after the baby stopped growing. And I waited two weeks to see if I would miscarry naturally. The doctor said I could wait up to four weeks if I wanted to, or have a D&E. I had the D&E this morning and it went well. I'm almost 37, so I'm with you on not liking to put things off anymore than I need to. Good luck, and you've got lots of support here. When you are ready, it might help to tell someone in real life. I felt better when my friends knew.

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