Me and my husband have decided to not have any visitors with this one. With my first lo it was WAY TOO overwhelming for me to have people come in and out every 5 minutes. I want us as a family to have bonding time and everyone else can wait is the way I see it.
I don't expect I will be able to predict how I might be feeling after labour, so I'll let the family know we will call them when we're ready for visitors. It seems like the safest bet, then you don't feel obligated to invite anyone in to meet LO before you're ready for them too.
I don't blame anybody for telling family to stay away. My first child I got to hold from or to my room till nurses got Pisces and kicked people out. I learned my lesson about being nice. This time I am making a no visitors sign for my door. I don't really care what grandparents think I deserve to be left alone to recover and bond with baby.
Omg !! Similar problem , I don't want anybody in delivery room with me except baby's father and MAYBE my mother , but my sister and best friends really have their minds set on being in the room with me, I don't like being around people when I'm in pain or angry , they don't take me serious when I tell them it's not happening ... I'll show them... #evilpregnantLadylaugh
One thing to keep in mind is who you want there when you are being discharged... When my sister had her first my BIL didnt have his drivers license yet, so my parents and his parents went to the hospital to pick them up. The nurses were trying to talk to my Sister and BIL and get everything together while they had our parents and his parents asking questions. One thing my sister recommend to me was to have no one there when we are being discharged. My DH has had his drivers license since the day he turned 16 so the driving thing wont be an issue. and it will just be the three of us and when we come home it will just be the 3 of us. The only person I want waiting for me at home is not a person at all but its my dog. He has been so protective this whole pregnancy and not seeing me for 3 days will kill him!
I don't think you're being weird because we've all had these feelings too. I'm a FTM and this will be the first grandchild on both sides so no one really has any expectations.
We are inducing since the closest family we have is 3 hours away and I want my mom to meet my daughter before her next chemo treatment. Everyone is coming into town the night before, we're all having dinner together, and they've agreed to hang out in their hotels until we give them the green light. I know I'd be super uncomfortable trying to learn to breastfeed in front of my in-laws.
TIP: My hospital does not have the specific hours for visitation on the baby floor on their website, so when people ask, I tell them the window I would prefer and they never know the difference.
You're not being bratty at all! With my first, we didn't even tell anyone when he was born (at 9:45 at night) until 8 am the next day. We had no visitors until later that day. Our families are out of state and we made it clear no houseguests for 2 weeks. It would have been different if they were close and could have popped by for an hour and then left.
For baby #2, I'm planning on being induced early but we're not telling our families. I know they're excited, but if their presence causes me stress, then they can wait. In case you can't tell, our families are high maintenance.
DH will take me to the hospital for my scheduled c-section. My parents will be at home with the boys. I am planning on having them take the boys to Build a Bear to make a bear (or more likely a TMNT or something Star Wars related) for themselves and for their new baby sister. They will bring the boys to visit once DH and I have a couple of hours to bond. I wouldn't mind if ILs visit at that time too! I probably will have any other guests visit the very next day. With my last c-section, I was extremely sick for the whole day.
I don't want anyone there the first day at all, and probably not until we bring baby home.
There will be plenty of time for relatives to bond at home, and my husband and I bonding is priority one at the hospital.
Babies breech so I may need a c section, if so then I'll have to tell family when I go in. Otherwise, I probably would have hubby call from hospital during labor. No one lives local, so they'd all have a drive ahead of them.
DH will take me to the hospital for my scheduled c-section. My parents will be at home with the boys. I am planning on having them take the boys to Build a Bear to make a bear (or more likely a TMNT or something Star Wars related) for themselves and for their new baby sister. They will bring the boys to visit once DH and I have a couple of hours to bond. I wouldn't mind if ILs visit at that time too! I probably will have any other guests visit the very next day. With my last c-section, I was extremely sick for the whole day.
My parents and my in laws are completely different! My parents don't even want to know when we go to the hospital (which they may not have a choice in since they may have to take care of our dog) and his want to camp out at our house (they live out of state) to make sure they are here for the delivery and camp out at the hospital!
My parents and my in laws are completely different! My parents don't even want to know when we go to the hospital (which they may not have a choice in since they may have to take care of our dog) and his want to camp out at our house (they live out of state) to make sure they are here for the delivery and camp out at the hospital!
This is my situation. My mom is like, "Let me see baby when you're all comfortable." My MIL originally said she wanted to be in the delivery room! Thankfully it only came up once (before I was pregnant, or even married) and hasn't come up since. I've convinced my husband to just give people a heads up when we go into labor, just a text saying something along the lines of "baby's on her way, no news is good news, we'll let you know when we are ready for visitors." I feel like this gets the point across that we (especially I) do want some privacy without being mean about it. If people choose to ignore the last part and camp out in the waiting room anyway, that's on them and they just will have to deal with waiting till we're ready for them.
After I'm cleaned up and we get some bonding time, I really don't care who visits at the hospital, but once we're home I wanna be left alone to figure out some kind of schedule with out people being up my but about how I should be doing things. My mom has no problem staying away, but my boyfriends mom wants to stay with us for the first week or two. She lives about 2 hrs away so I understand her wanting to be there, but we don't get along as it is, let alone when I'm tired, stressed and trying to take care of my new little life. I ask my boyfriend to think about letting her stay for a day or two and then cone back a week or two later once we've had a little time to settle. But she's so set on taking all her vacation right off the bat that she's going to be really offended if we ask her to come back later. She'd also have grandma (her mom) with her and their 2 cats. I just don't want all that in the house with a brand new baby.
My lactation consultant said its very good for you and baby to wait 25 hours for visitors to ensure proper bonding and breast feeding....that being said my family including my mother and sister would kill me, so I am saying no on there for the first 2 hours and immediate family only....and actually to ensure this happens were going to call everyone about an hour after birth to tell them she has arrived since my mother and sister have some boundary issues. As much as I love them and want them there it's more important for me to bond and start breast feeding right away t
It's the first grandbaby for us on both sides, so I know our parents will be excited.
I did tell my mom that I may want or need her for support during labor, and then when we're ready to push, it'll just be me and DH.
My mom has done this before, and has been amazingly supportive during this pregnancy, and calm, and loving. My SMIL doesn't have children of her own, so I don't see her being helpful to me during labor, despite how loving she is.
We'll do our hour or two of bonding time and then message the four of our folks when I'm up for visitors and ready to introduce him to them.
If I have a c-section, I want to wait until I'm awake and ready before introducing little one. This may seem selfish, but I want to see the look on their faces when they see their grandchild for the first time.
@karaelaine1991 I like your text! I might steal it for when the time comes! What makes matters also a little more interesting for us is I have 2 MILS since his parents are divorced, this will be both of their first grandchild (it's actually my parents first also) we're having a girl (which is also a big deal since my husband only has a brother and my step MIL has two sons too) out of my BIL and my husbands step brothers we will be the only people having kids so they are both super excited "for the girl they never had" I know they only mean well but it's a little overwhelming, especially when my parents are so opposite, which I appreciate. at least everyone gets along on his side! After we have bonded as a family with her for an hour or two I really don't care who comes.
I have heard that the best sleep you will get is 2 hours after baby is born. Baby will enjoy kangaroo, stabilize, and then go into a deep sleep (labor is hard for them too)! That's when people often have visitors, but sadly, they miss out on the sleep while baby is sleeping!
Our plan is to have our sweet girl, kangaroo for 2 hours, then as soon as she goes to sleep, we'll follow suit! Family (as in immediate... parents and siblings only) will come the next day.
It's not bratty at all. These are precious moments and your baby's first experience in the outside world! You want it to be smooth, calm, and special for you and DH. Don't feel guilty at all to put your foot down! People might get cranky, but they'll forget their crankiness once they see that sweet face... Several hours or days later.
I think everyone is different. I think if you don't want any visitors for a little while or even not at all while at the hospital then that's fine too. I don't mind having visitors (I think haha, this is my first so we will see). The hospital I am delivering at is the one I work at, along with my dad who is a cardiologist there and my mom is a nurse there and then the list just goes on so it's easy for people to just walk over and pop in and visit. Of course my significant other's family will be coming too, but I don't know a lot of his family (outside of his immediate family) so we will see how that goes. I guess I need a decent set of pajamas if I'm going to have a lot of visitors X_X
If you don't want to be the bad guy, talk to your nurses. With my first, they were more than happy to be "birth bouncers" or just run interference with difficult visitors. Ours even said if we wanted to put a time limit on visitors, they would ask people to leave so we didn't have to. Visitors are much less likely to argue with hospital staff. Maybe not all nurses are willing to do this but it doesn't hurt to ask!
@karaelaine1991 I like your text! I might steal it for when the time comes! What makes matters also a little more interesting for us is I have 2 MILS since his parents are divorced, this will be both of their first grandchild (it's actually my parents first also) we're having a girl (which is also a big deal since my husband only has a brother and my step MIL has two sons too) out of my BIL and my husbands step brothers we will be the only people having kids so they are both super excited "for the girl they never had" I know they only mean well but it's a little overwhelming, especially when my parents are so opposite, which I appreciate. at least everyone gets along on his side! After we have bonded as a family with her for an hour or two I really don't care who comes.
Thank you! I'm honestly really worried about his family camping out in the waiting room the whole time and I'm hoping this text will circumvent that. And when I say "whole family," I mean all local aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, etc... I'm thrilled that they're excited, but a) that's extremely overwhelming to me, b) his cousins are younger and one has Aspergers (sp?) and I know I'm not going to be at all ready to deal with their rambunctiousness right away, and c) I want to minimize the germs LO's exposed to on day 1. When we do send his mom the text saying it's okay to come over, I plan on asking him to send something along the lines of "We're ready for you, SIL, and BIL to come!"
I know this may seem a bit controlling, but with this particular family situation, this is what I feel will be best for my post-delivery mental state. At least for the first 24 hours.
If you don't want to be the bad guy, talk to your nurses. With my first, they were more than happy to be "birth bouncers" or just run interference with difficult visitors. Ours even said if we wanted to put a time limit on visitors, they would ask people to leave so we didn't have to. Visitors are much less likely to argue with hospital staff. Maybe not all nurses are willing to do this but it doesn't hurt to ask!
Yes to this! The nurses asked us about visitors after the baby was born. Not only can they run interference, your room number could be listed as private in the system. That way no unexpected guests show up and you can streamline who visits.
If you don't want to be the bad guy, talk to your nurses. With my first, they were more than happy to be "birth bouncers" or just run interference with difficult visitors. Ours even said if we wanted to put a time limit on visitors, they would ask people to leave so we didn't have to. Visitors are much less likely to argue with hospital staff. Maybe not all nurses are willing to do this but it doesn't hurt to ask!
Yes to this! The nurses asked us about visitors after the baby was born. Not only can they run interference, your room number could be listed as private in the system. That way no unexpected guests show up and you can streamline who visits.
I will have to talk to them about this. When our nephew was born via csection a few years ago the local relatives took off work and camped out. It seemed overwhelming. My husband is very close with his brother, the father of said child, and we didn't plan to stop by for more than a minute on our way home to see if anybody wanted food. When we got there, there were at least 7 people besides the siblings and father of the child camped out waiting because surgery got delayed.
I would have punched somebody if that was me, but some relatives are expecting the same this time. This is our first and that was their third. Things are different and I'm much more private when sick or uncomfortable.
With my first birth I WISHED we had put our foot down and told everyone to stay home. Now with our second we have made it VERY clear that we will see everyone once we get home.
@karaelaine1991 I'm also having my husband tell his parents what the plan is. I'm not getting into it. After our prep for birth class he was even more on board with it since he could see where potential problems might arise. We have even refined it since the class where we are asking his dad (he's the more relaxed and understanding of the two) to leave for a week or two after she is born to give his mom the time that she wants and take his 5th wheel to the coast. We are also making clear that they just don't get to hold the baby and get to be entertained by us...they are there to help us also take our dog out for a walk, help with the house, cooking etc. I'm lucky they live out of state and all of my relatives except for my parents live at least 5 hours away. So they have to plan ahead to see us!
Re: Hospital visitors?
For baby #2, I'm planning on being induced early but we're not telling our families. I know they're excited, but if their presence causes me stress, then they can wait. In case you can't tell, our families are high maintenance.
There will be plenty of time for relatives to bond at home, and my husband and I bonding is priority one at the hospital.
Babies breech so I may need a c section, if so then I'll have to tell family when I go in. Otherwise, I probably would have hubby call from hospital during labor. No one lives local, so they'd all have a drive ahead of them.
My moms upset but my MIL is fine.
I did tell my mom that I may want or need her for support during labor, and then when we're ready to push, it'll just be me and DH.
My mom has done this before, and has been amazingly supportive during this pregnancy, and calm, and loving. My SMIL doesn't have children of her own, so I don't see her being helpful to me during labor, despite how loving she is.
We'll do our hour or two of bonding time and then message the four of our folks when I'm up for visitors and ready to introduce him to them.
If I have a c-section, I want to wait until I'm awake and ready before introducing little one. This may seem selfish, but I want to see the look on their faces when they see their grandchild for the first time.
Our plan is to have our sweet girl, kangaroo for 2 hours, then as soon as she goes to sleep, we'll follow suit! Family (as in immediate... parents and siblings only) will come the next day.
It's not bratty at all. These are precious moments and your baby's first experience in the outside world! You want it to be smooth, calm, and special for you and DH. Don't feel guilty at all to put your foot down! People might get cranky, but they'll forget their crankiness once they see that sweet face... Several hours or days later.
I would have punched somebody if that was me, but some relatives are expecting the same this time. This is our first and that was their third. Things are different and I'm much more private when sick or uncomfortable.
https://www.xojane.com/issues/childbirth-is-not-a-spectator-sport
Enjoy!!