tips to stay optimistic with a BFN

angelique0209 · April 2015

We have been TTC for 9 months now with no success. It seems like every time I "feel pregnant" or am late I get a BFN and a day later, AF.

this always puts a big damper on the day and sometimes days! Any tips or suggestions to stay optimistic and motivated when another month passes with no luck?

Appreciated!

yl1m32015 · April 2015

Wish I had some advice. Just keep on keeping on and if you get to a year with no luck, see an RE. As long as you're temping and doing all you can do for yourself, than that's about it. Best of luck.

27alex · April 2015

Have you been temping? Do you know 100% you've been hitting your fertile window?

TheBorg7of9 · April 2015

My advice would be to learn about charting your temp, so you can make sure you are hitting your fertile window. You'll also know when to test. Don't symptom spot, it just causes more heartache.

Jessie42613 · April 2015

Ok this might rub some people the wrong way, but hear me out.

Every month, month after month, all 15 of 'em, when I got my BFN, I'd count my blessings. I'd look around and purposely try to see all the beautiful things in my life: my wonderful husband, our families, great friends, a job I enjoy, good health, etc etc.

Yes, we obviously wanted a baby. But (for me) when I focused on all the things I already have to be grateful for, it made the disappointment a little easier to take.

I truly hope this isn't coming out in a condescending way at all. I'm not AT ALL saying to just be satisfied with what you have. I'm simply saying that for me, reminding myself of my blessings helped to balance the disappointment of not being pregnant.

27alex · April 2015

Jessie42613 said:
Ok this might rub some people the wrong way, but hear me out.

Every month, month after month, all 15 of 'em, when I got my BFN, I'd count my blessings. I'd look around and purposely try to see all the beautiful things in my life: my wonderful husband, our families, great friends, a job I enjoy, good health, etc etc.

Yes, we obviously wanted a baby. But (for me) when I focused on all the things I already have to be grateful for, it made the disappointment a little easier to take.

I truly hope this isn't coming out in a condescending way at all. I'm not AT ALL saying to just be satisfied with what you have. I'm simply saying that for me, reminding myself of my blessings helped to balance the disappointment of not being pregnant.

I agree. I've always taken one day to get over it and move on.

I've temped from day one and I think that's helped me keep my calm. Most months I havent tested because of the temping, and not seeing a BFN is helpful. You will have a cycle that might eventually be worse than others, this was mine, mostly because this was my last chance at a 2015 baby and that hit hard. But today was my day to wallow and tomorrow is a new cycle.

Jessie42613 · April 2015

Aww sorry to hear that @27alex.
*creepy internet hugs* :-<

angelique0209 · April 2015

I have been charting my cycles but ive beem fairly irregular my entire life. Iv never heard anything about temping. What am I looking for? My doc said that taking ovulation tests is pointless because they would be wrong more times than not and so I was always advised to chart and keep track of mucus etc etc.

angelique0209 · April 2015

27alex said:

Jessie42613 said:
Ok this might rub some people the wrong way, but hear me out.

Every month, month after month, all 15 of 'em, when I got my BFN, I'd count my blessings. I'd look around and purposely try to see all the beautiful things in my life: my wonderful husband, our families, great friends, a job I enjoy, good health, etc etc.

Yes, we obviously wanted a baby. But (for me) when I focused on all the things I already have to be grateful for, it made the disappointment a little easier to take.

I truly hope this isn't coming out in a condescending way at all. I'm not AT ALL saying to just be satisfied with what you have. I'm simply saying that for me, reminding myself of my blessings helped to balance the disappointment of not being pregnant.
I agree. I've always taken one day to get over it and move on.

I've temped from day one and I think that's helped me keep my calm. Most months I havent tested because of the temping, and not seeing a BFN is helpful. You will have a cycle that might eventually be worse than others, this was mine, mostly because this was my last chance at a 2015 baby and that hit hard. But today was my day to wallow and tomorrow is a new cycle.

Jessie42613 said:
Ok this might rub some people the wrong way, but hear me out.

Every month, month after month, all 15 of 'em, when I got my BFN, I'd count my blessings. I'd look around and purposely try to see all the beautiful things in my life: my wonderful husband, our families, great friends, a job I enjoy, good health, etc etc.

Yes, we obviously wanted a baby. But (for me) when I focused on all the things I already have to be grateful for, it made the disappointment a little easier to take.

I truly hope this isn't coming out in a condescending way at all. I'm not AT ALL saying to just be satisfied with what you have. I'm simply saying that for me, reminding myself of my blessings helped to balance the disappointment of not being pregnant.

angelique0209 · April 2015

That is some great advice! A baby is the biggest thing in the world for us! But we should be enjoying our lives as it is until it happens...easier said than done but lifes never "easy" I suppose!

ecmb · April 2015

I've also decided to quit counting ahead and being like "if we conceive this cycle our due date would be xx"

I try to live in the moment and be grateful for my marriage and the fact that my husband wants a child just as bad as I do.

27alex · April 2015

angelique0209 said:
That is some great advice! A baby is the biggest thing in the world for us! But we should be enjoying our lives as it is until it happens...easier said than done but lifes never "easy" I suppose!

Download the app Fertility Friend or create an account online. They have great tutorials that explain it all and all you need is a thermometer, a basal body thermometer is best, you can find them at most big box/drug stores in the family planning section.

Another great tool is the book taking charge of your fertility by Toni w., you can get it used on Amazon or eBay for less than $5.

DaphneMoon1 · April 2015

I agree that some months are harder than others. I'm only a few months in this round. I like @ecmb advice to not plan out the what ifs. I do that a lot and that's when I'm most disappointed. "We'd have a baby before Christmas" or before my next birthday, or whatever.

angelique0209 · April 2015

I will try these. Thank you!

concreteayngel · April 2015

Counting your blessings is good advice. Sometimes it's hard to keep things in perspective when you have baby tunnel vision. My husband reminds me from time to time that the best things in life take time. It's a baby, not a pop tart, right? It took me 6 years of dating ALL the wrong guys before I met my DH. At times it felt hopeless, and I wanted to meet my partner in life just as obsessively as I want a baby now. But now those 6 years feel like a tiny blip in time compared to the lifetime that we have ahead of us. And I feel like this anxious time of TTC will feel just the same when we finally get our little one. Hope that helps! Best of luck!

jolynhobson · April 2015

What is BFN?

concreteayngel · April 2015

jolynhobson said:
What is BFN?

Wow you're new! Lurk around and learn. Bfn is big fat negative, as in negative pregnancy test.

VesperLove · April 2015

jolynhobson said:
What is BFN?

Bfn = big fat negative.

Also, if your username is your real name you should think about changing it. Use the search function and search for "psa change your username". Itll bring up a post on how to do it.

kbru88 · April 2015

Well I just got a BFN this morning and responded by eating all the Easter chocolate...

missteacherlady16 · April 2015

kbru88 said:
Well I just got a BFN this morning and responded by eating all the Easter chocolate...

Oooh, you just reminded me to go to the store to shop the after-Easter sales! Thanks

principepio · April 2015

It must be really frustrating to go through that month after month, and I'm sorry that things aren't working as quickly as you'd like them to work. I also get frustrated because I work as a language teaching assistant here in Madrid, and I'm only contracted September-June (so, if I were to give birth after March, I wouldn't get to take advantage of my full paid maternity leave, which is around 3-4 months here in Spain). I see the months clicking away and it makes me nervous, but it really helps to talk to my DH about why I feel pressured for things to happen. Sometimes, I feel like we want to keep in our negative experiences, but remember that your partner will support you through it all.

Good luck for next month!

LoveLucy0413 · April 2015

For those of you TTC baby #2 or more like me...I went and bought my little girl a toy and new shoes. Best to focus on the wonderful things you have in your life right now. If it is a puppy or kitty...go get them something special. Why not do something special for dh or another family member? Doesn't have to be something big. I'm betting you will feel a bit better to have brightened someone's day

hugs to all my TTC sisters who got AF or bfn recently. Hoping and praying we get the bfp we desire next cycle

Pmommy0416 · April 2015

Jessie42613 said:
Ok this might rub some people the wrong way, but hear me out.

Every month, month after month, all 15 of 'em, when I got my BFN, I'd count my blessings. I'd look around and purposely try to see all the beautiful things in my life: my wonderful husband, our families, great friends, a job I enjoy, good health, etc etc.

Yes, we obviously wanted a baby. But (for me) when I focused on all the things I already have to be grateful for, it made the disappointment a little easier to take.

I truly hope this isn't coming out in a condescending way at all. I'm not AT ALL saying to just be satisfied with what you have. I'm simply saying that for me, reminding myself of my blessings helped to balance the disappointment of not being pregnant.

I love this, great advice.

angelique0209 · April 2015

Such wonderful support! Thank you all!

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