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October 2015 Moms
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Husband is driving me nuts.

littlehawk2015littlehawk2015 member
edited April 2015 in October 2015 Moms
I feel horrible saying this but I really need to vent. Recently my husband has literally been driving me crazy. A little back story as for the reason why... We just got married last August and have had a very stressful past year as my mom and stepdad have been going through a very ugly divorce. My mom found out my stepdad had been cheating on her for the past 20 years they've been together and for some reason my husband has taken my stepdads side in the matter and thinks my mom is in the wrong. This has caused a lot of fights and tension between my husband and I because I obviously think that what my stepdad has done to my mom is terrible. His name cannot even be said in this house as it only turns into a fight. My husband still works for my stepdad so he feels like he still needs to uphold a relationship with him. I don't understand why he would want to so that sets the tone for a lot of our arguments. I used to work for my stepdad also but was literally driven into resigning because he made me feel so uncomfortable. Long story short, my stepdad is not a nice person and I just wish my husband would see it and just understand where I am coming from. Instead my husband thinks I am the manipulative one. So there's back story one. Back story two has to do with the fact that we own a house and our loan is through my stepdad. In order for us to get away from my stepdad altogether we have decided to sell our house. My husband wants to move out of the state to get away from all the negativity with the divorce, however it's so hard for me to even think about leaving the city when I'm pregnant, have great insurance through my work (whose going to hire a pregnant lady), and am so close to my mom I would hate living far away from her especially when the baby is born. My husband is so one sided and doesn't care about any of these things. So the past month or so it's been about fixing up our house and getting it ready to sell. I honestly feel like he's become obsessed. He has a control freak personality to begin with. So when I want to rest or enjoy my weekend off, he's constantly making me feel bad for it. His bossing me around literally doesn't make me want to help him at all. I feel like he's gone crazy over this whole thing instead of just going with the flow. I do my fair share of house work, in fact he makes it seem like he does so much but I'm the one who takes care of everything. I don't want to clean when someone is yelling at me to or forcing me to. I clean because I enjoy it. As of recently my husband and I just can't see eye on anything. And it's mostly because he's such a control freak and won't see things my way, it's only about what he wants. Quite frankly I'm tired of it. We can't even talk to each other without fighting. A lot of the time he does or says things that set me off, and I think we all know how hard it is to control emotions when you're pregnant. The other day he told me to "go F myself" and called me a B. All because he was bossing ME around and making me feel bad for forgetting to unplug my flat iron instead of just unplugging it himself and moving on with his day (yeah so insignificant right?) well he's been bossing me around quite a bit recently so I said "oh shut up it turns off on its own" (not meaning to say shut up) and it ended up in him calling me names. I have asked him to please stop cussing and name calling (while admitting I was wrong for saying shut up) and yet again today he said "F you" to me twice in a row after I told him not to. He pushes my buttons so much. After he said that I told him I was leaving the house and that I wasn't going to help him with anything today and that he could do everything himself then I ran to the bathroom to take a shower and he literally cornered me in there and wouldn't leave me alone. My emotions were so heightened that I couldn't control anything. Finally he left me alone and I started sobbing in the shower. I literally had a feeling of hated towards him. And I love my husband dearly. He came back and tried to get me to talk to him while I was crying and trying to have some privacy and then finally left the room. I'm just to the point that I'm tired of his criticism, he controlling ways, bossiness, and name calling. I don't know what to do anymore. I left the house because I just needed space and he made me feel bad for leaving so I came back home. But now that I'm home I don't even want to be here.
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Re: Husband is driving me nuts.

  • gabrielafrnqyepezgabrielafrnqyepez member
    It sounds like you are both stressed! New marriage new baby and then the situation with the step dad I too was in a situation like that just that not as tied up like with the job situation but I see your point your husband has no right in calling you names he's waaiiiiii out of line mb it would help if you both calmly try to talk about it on a quiet day not on a day that an argument has staryed, your feeling for your mom and that's more then understamdable, mb your husband is just trying to be professional you figure if your step dad is his boss at the end of the day as " the man" of the house ( and I use the term lightly because the way he's acting Hes not too deserving of the tittle) he's just trying to keep a income coming with a baby and all. He needs to get his head out of his ass and remember that you are preg and that over anything is more important, I do recommend that you try and keep your cool more for the baby and you then for anything else no need to wreck your marriage because someone else's isn't working out, You are more important then annnnnnnyyyyy drama !!! Try and take it slow! And I hope I don't hurt your feelings with anything I'm saying I myself have learned that as much as I want to help my family they need to deal with their drama and not let it consume me ,I mentioned that this kinda happened to me with my mom and step dad but what I saw because at the time I lived in their house was that my mom wasn't to good of a wife either, and I'm not saying that your mom wasn't but I am saying that there is no real way of knowing what goes on behind closed door. Granted in my case they were only together for 6 yrs not 20 tyhats harsh and unforgivable ! I hope you find your peace so that your once calm and. Happy family stays that way!





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  • littlehawk2015littlehawk2015 member
    Just wanted to say thank you, you definitely didn't hurt my feelings! It's nice to hear from someone who can relate. At times I feel like I am a crazy person lol
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  • StarrkleStarrkle member
    noooooooo. I can tell from the way you speak that you're a sweet, fair person. But you've got to pull a little bad ass out in this situation. You, as the mother of his child as well as the spouse he chose and committed to love and care for in sickness and in health, you should NEVER have to suffer him calling you those names.
    If possible, take a duffel bag, get some things you'll need for work and stay at your mom's or somewhere else for a night or two. Don't apologize for it.
    When he guilts you about it say "honestly, honey. I love you and can't imagine my life without you. But the way you spoke to me the other day and the way you've been treating my for a while now actually make me feel emotionally (and maybe even physically?) Unsafe in my own home. I'd usually just suck it up and be a little miserable for a while, hoping it'll get better. But right now isn't usually. I have a huge responsibility to care for this child and to make my body a home that will nurture it. Stress and mistreatment can greatly affect baby growth. Not to mention how if im sad and angry, I may not be able to properly eat or sleep which will fur th er affect the baby.
    I love you. I will be back.
    In the meantime, I suggest you think very hard about your behavior and what you want from yourself and from me. Think about the kind of environment and home you want want to welcome a child into and then think about how you can make that possible.
    This is bigger than you and I now and you need to be an even more amazing Man than you've always been. You need to realize that. You have multiple lives depending on you."

    Be fair when he apologizes, and give him validation for the good he does/did. Acknowledge that he's trying to get away from the negativity, but let him know what you Need/are thinking. You sound like reasonable people. Tell him how frustrating the bosiness has become especially because he can't Even imagine the nausea exhaustion, and emotional stuff you're going through.

    Honestly, he sounds just as stressed by everything he's gotta do and decide as you. Life's tough, especially during seasons of change. Let him know the thing that Can Not change is your ability to trust that he will always do what's best for you and your child.
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  • LhesseydvmLhesseydvm member
    Both great advice... I second the idea that you can't let their ruined marriage ruin yours. Obviously you guys are stuck due to the job and mortgage, but try to separate the personal and professional life. This is a time when you should be celebrating milestones in your pregnancy and getting excited about the future ahead. Don't let your parents past ruin your present and future. Maybe it's time for that baby moon so you and your husband can reconnect!
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