Host is sick. To cancel or break etiquette? — The Bump
Baby Showers

Host is sick. To cancel or break etiquette?

I moved to a new area after college graduation and haven't made a lot of friends yet. A close friend of DH offered to host the baby shower for us. The shower is supposed to be next Sunday and obviously all the invites have went out but the host is sick with bronchitis and a sinus infection, cancelled on the trip today to get much needed decorations, and has been pretty flaky in general about planning. We ended up sending out the invites after she still didn't have them even bought in the middle of February. I understand being sick sucks but there isn't anybody else to step in last minute. Should we just cancel as it is too late to reschedule (I'm already 35 weeks) or should we break etiquette and host ourselves as the invites have already gone out? I don't mean to sound ungrateful but I feel like she hasn't really contributed much anyway (except stress about last minute changes). We're paying for it all as she doesn't have a job atm. Her only role was to help pick out invites (bailed on that), pick out decorations (bailed on that too), help set up/clean up (I've already got back up help from my brother for that in case she is still sick or bails again), think of some games, and keep things flowing smoothly at the shower.

Re: Host is sick. To cancel or break etiquette?

  • She did have a job when she first volunteered (before thanksgiving) and her flakiness has only been a problem when planning requires more than just coming up with ideas. We were hoping she'd step up now that it's close. I tend to try to think the best of people and she had insisted that she'd be good to host but just couldn't do the invites the weekend I wanted to send them out. She had told me that she didn't want me too involved so until she bailed on decoration stuff today, I was trying to not worry too much. At this point, I'm more worried about which is "worse," hosting ourselves since she's probably going to bail or canceling on such short notice after some of our guests have already made travel arrangements or gotten the day off. I didn't think I'd have to worry about the etiquette aspect until she bailed for the second time today.
  • VORVOR
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Photogenic
    member

    I'm not 100% behind this advice - but is she listed as the hostess on the invitation?  If she is and your guests really won't know any different, I'd consider just moving forward and having it. 

     

    Bliss+Berry
  • Did this person offer to host the shower? Honestly it sounds more like you and your husband wanted to plan a shower but asked a friend to pose as the "host" so you wouldn't look bad.

    You're already the host so I'd just have the shower. If anyone asks just say that the "host" got sick at the last minute. I mean if you're going to plan your own shower anyway you may as well just own that decision.
    Me: 36 DH: 36
    Married 5-31-14
    DD1 born 6-21-15
    DD2 born 6-11-17
    DS born 9-5-18

    Bliss+BerryCatsAreShadyAmstreaglebbiutmcph
  • She is listed as the hostess on the invitations and she did offer to host without coercion. My sisters and a friend from high school are hosting a shower for me down home (4 hours away) but our hostess knew that none of our local friends here would be able to travel to that one (it's Easter weekend). We told her it wasn't necessary as we're already having one in my hometown but we're the first of their friends to have a baby in over 5 years so they're all pretty excited by it. Things changed though when she lost her job. She told us that she couldn't really contribute financially but still wanted to be hostess. We were fine with that since we're more financially secure. It was definitely not my intention to host the local one on my own from the beginning. I wasn't even going to have one here since I'm in the situation where I'm multiple hours away from my female family members and my own girlfriends from up here either all have small children of their own and couldn't commit to the task or live much further away.
  • But I definitely appreciate the advice. In hindsight, we probably should have just cancelled when she lost her job. I'm just gonna try to not worry too much about it and enjoy the yummy cupcakes.
  • I think this is a grey area here.

    I would say, given your situation, it should be alright to go ahead with it since the invites have already been sent out, and it'd be more rude to those guests to cancel out now.
    LoveLee85berry8844
  • Just have it anyway and enjoy
  • Since the invitations have already gone out, I think it would be rude to cancel the party at this point rather than just go with it.  I'm sure no one will even question it.  If anyone asks about her, just let them know that she was ill and wasn't able to make it.  People are there to celebrate your pregnancy, not the hostess.  

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