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September 2015 Moms
BrianaJ0917
member
Has anyone been disappointed by gender?
BrianaJ0917
member
So Iam 16 wks and we went tonight to find out what we were having..I wasn't worried because I just a knew it was a girl...I have been convinced it was a girl from the beginning (just by my symptoms and the way Iam carrying), and even other peoples reactions (the first thing everyone has said when I told them I was pregnant and they looked me was that it was a girl!). All I've ever wanted in regards to kids was a little girl! Well needless to say...it's not a girl and I feel like a horrible person for saying this but I am so disappointed..all I have done is lay here and cry. I have no idea how I am going to do this! I am happy it's healthy and doing well don't get me wrong but still...not what I was hoping for! Now my question is who else has found out they are having something other than what you expected/wanted? And how did you deal with the disappointment? Because I just don't know how to deal!
Re: Has anyone been disappointed by gender?
It just seems pretty dramatic to be SO upset about a healthy baby just because it's not the sex you expected.. It's one thing to be a little disappointed but you're being extreme. You can't even get up from laying in bed inconsolably crying because your healthy child isn't the gender you expected? I guess I'll just never understand how anyone can be this disappointed with a healthy child... I'm just not built that way I guess.
Focus on all the positives - there are definitely advantages to both girls and boys! There are really cool boy nursery themes, boy clothes have gotten to be stinkin cute, and I've always heard boys bond with their moms so well. You two will have a special, loving relationship, and someday you will wonder what you were so disappointed about, I promise!!!
I have a friend that so badly wanted another girl for her second. She found out at 18 weeks that not only was it a boy, but he also had a clef lip and palette. She was beside herself upset, but got herself together and made appointments to have specialists take care of her son when he was born. 2 days after her due date she realized she didn't remember him moving that day. He was not longer alive (he had a knot in his cord) and she still blames herself for wishing he wasn't a boy when they found out his gender. They did not find out the sex of their 3rd baby.
Aside from that I'm sure you are gonna adore that little boy. It takes awhile to adjust when your mind goes far ahead and had you picture life with your little girl. Thank God you and your baby are healthy and keep praying for health also pray to overcome your disappointment quickly and that it may be replaced with excitement.
I saw an awesome article on facebook on the page "Being Mommy" on gender disappointment. As women sometimes we feel we would better connect with girls especially when we are girly. Your disappointment certainly doesn't make you a bad mom! Google search fun games and activities for baby boys and see that there's still a lot of fun things you can do! *hugs*
I don't think it's right that other moms to be make some feel bad about topics like this... Some moms to be are single should we (yes I am included) come on threads where women complain about their SOs and tell them some moms to be really wish that they had the father of their child around whether it means he has to be resurrected or slapped to his senses? Come on be a bit more sensitive... This is supposed to be a supportive forum. Don't judge people because they don't respond to situations like you do!
Ugh, well aren't you just perfect?! LOL
Gender disappointment is a 100% normal and valid emotion!!!!! She wasn't saying she's running off to get rid of the baby because it's a boy....I actually feel like your answer was dramatic, not her question. When someone posts an innocent post like this, why is there always someone who tries to make them feel terrible and bring up losses?? We all know losses are the worst case sanerio that nobody should ever have to experience. Losses were not in question here. Why even try to guilt her or make her feel bad for such a NORMAL response to an emotion??
To the OP: you are fine. Give yourself some time to adjust to a new view on life! One of the beautiful things is that life is so unexpected..now you have a new adventure and there is such a special bond between mommy and son. :-) I'm a FTM who has tried to remain super nutral on the boy or girl thoughts until we find out for this exact reason. My sister was the exact same way as you when she had two boys before her girl finally arrived. Some of the sweetest little babies and toddlers I know are little boys!!!! Your feelings will pass, I promise! Just let yourself experience them, express them, and they will soon fade. Life can be difficult when we have our heart and thoughts set one way and recieve the other way. Like PP said, look up gender disappointment in the search bar for a few conversations from a few weeks ago.
I actually believe the opposite when finding out the sex. I know so many who were set on boy, it came out girl and they were shocked/disappointed for a few weeks!!! You think for 9 months you are having a boy and then it's a girl. Of course she loved her child from day one, but she was still having to adjust to the girl vs. boy life style. Not to mention returning all the boy baby gear & clothes they purchased!!!!! :-)
I love this thread because it makes me realize that sometimes boy mamas are disappointed as well. I guess in my world every mom wants a boy. Can't wait to have my baby in my arms.
I was SO sure I was having a girl on #3 and it's a boy. To be honest I didn't feel disappointed, just shocked. Then worried. Not about the immediate future but the long term daughter inlaw/mother inlaw crap shoot. I think TOO much
A good friend of mine really wanted a boy on her first and it was a girl. She was very upset at the time but as she got closer to the due date her feelings readjusted.
And I guess that's it. You had in your mind one idea and now that picture and landscape has changed. It's ok to grieve what might have been, but also focus on the amazing that is still to come. This is how your family is meant to be
I am married to a guy and I have a step son. He lives with us full time and we spend the majority of our time at sports events, games.. Practices etc.
Movie nights consist of every superhero and athlete based movie you could imagine.. I've seen them all x 10!
With this pregnancy I am really hopeful it will be a little girl to balance out the household! Team pink! I'm praying. If I find out its s boy I will be happy no matter what I'm sure but I will sure need a little to digest! Lol
Not understanding how someone can be so upset over a healthy child is a valid emotion too. Apparently that makes me conceded and over dramatic. Ok. Again, I respect your opinion.
I'd like to think no one would need to "bring up losses" in a forum like this considering we see them posted on here often, almost daily at one point.
I'd hope that would make us ALL a little more thankful for what we have but, when I see posts like this one I am reminded how we can forget that and get caught up in our own little bubble of things that don't REALLY matter and act like it's the end of the world. Hence, why I mentioned how it could much worse.
I just read this and felt for the women who've left this forum (there were MANY) because of actual tragedies. It's one thing to be a little disappointed, I really do understand that. But to be acting like it's the end of the world just seems disrespectful to the women who've had to leave this group, considering everything we've witnessed over the last couple months together on this forum.
With that said, I'm not trying to make her feel "terrible" or "guilty" I was just giving perspective because that's the first thing that popped into my head after reading this post.
Saying I feel she's being "dramatic" and "extreme" and that "I don't understand" why are valid opinions. I'm not trying to attack anyone here.
I appreciate how we can disagree and not get really nasty with each other. I enjoy how we can be respectful in our disagreements. I love this group and I think you ladies are all great and will make amazing mothers, if you aren't amazing mother's already.
Edited for spelling
Also don't you think saying
"I started a thread and people went in on me about whose lost a kid! Should I tell them get over it because they were telling me the same!"
And then following that statement with
"Stop the insensitivity!"
Seems a bit contradicting, no? You can't really compare the loss of a child to gender disappointment, they are on totally different levels.
I feel like this is exactly what you did in your OP. You brought up losses when she was talking about gender disappointment. Like many PP have mentioned, that wasn't necessary.
The attack on the OP or on anyone who has initially had preferences/disappointment bothers me greatly.
Yes OP was disappointed with the news initially. She's allowed to have her feelings in that regard. We don't know her full story. She just wanted reassurance that those feelings would go. Which they will - in time. At least she has the time to deal with the news.
I've seen my friends go through it. I thought I would go through it. It's a very normal thing. You build things up in your mind in one direction and then you get the news it's going another way and you need time to readjust. Which OP will do.
I don't believe one of the ladies on the board regrets having the baby they're having. After all it's the way their family is going to be. They are thankful for their health and their child's health. What they are sad about is the change is what they though was going to happen.
My sister had one chance only to have a baby after multiple miscarriages and she was absolutely hoping for a girl. It's what she knows and she's a step mom to a boy already. I'm SO thankful for her that she had her girl. I know she'd have had gender disappointment with a boy but I also know she'd have been an amazing mother to a boy. Like all these women here - there are reasons why people feel how they feel. We're all human. But the great thing about being human is that we're also adaptable.
This is a time when hormones are all over the place and emotions run high. Please be kind.
"Should I tell them get over it", meaning get over their losses, "because they were telling me the same!", meaning to get over her gender disappointment, is incomparable.
Telling someone to be thankful for whatever gender they were given, and telling someone to get over the loss of their child is COMPLETELY different and incomparable.
The fact that PP feels that because she was told she should be thankful for her healthy child gives her the right to tell women to get over the loss of their children is ridiculous.
You think this is exactly what I did? No. I was giving perspective as to how things could be much worse, by using loss as an example, not downplaying loss.