Husband and I don't agree on circumcision

alf0318 · April 2015

I'm 12 weeks, and circumcision came up. He is very against it, as he is not circumcised himself, not for religious reason. It turned into a big argument. I don't know what to do. He is to the point of separating over it. Has anyone else had this issue? Please help!

naka92 · April 2015

Personally, im against as well. The idea stems from a time where hygiene was really bad. That whole "easier to keep clean" argument? That stems from times before showers were a normal thing.
May i ask, why do you want to cut off the foreskin, which has most of the nerve endings in it? Its a very dated thing which in this day and age doesnt really have any medical benefits, and isnt done anymore in most of the first world countries.

If i come off hostile, i most certainly don't mean to! Id just really like to know why its something youd want to do, as to me, it seems like a cruel precedure seeing as theres no real benefits and quite a few drawbacks.

aah1013 · April 2015

As a recovery room nurse, I can only tell you the agony the men who must have it done later in life due to infections, etc experience post surgery. Soooo much worse as an adult. Not all of them have problems as adults (obviously), but when there are problems, it's extremely painful.

I hope you reach some common ground. Maybe you can both research each side (pros/cons) and discuss it honestly and without argument. Good luck!

BooBerry137 · April 2015

Are your reasons for wanting to circumcise religious?

kgregson411 · April 2015

@aah1013 couldn't agree with you more. I work as a ER nurse and my SO is a RN as well and we are all for circumcision for the same reasons too.

nsaid4u · April 2015

For religious reasons my family DOES believe in circumcisions, both my sons are circumcised. Are your reasons religious?? That is a hard situation, and i think dads want their sons to "look" like them. Do you know if you are having a boy?

sbeltre · April 2015

My husband is not but I got it done to my son. His family complained but I didn't care.

I don't think there is anything wrong be being uncircumsised, my husband has never had a problem.

Just wanted to do it for my son, maybe for cleanliness idk don't remember anymore lol. He's 4 now. And we haven't had a problem yet.

sbeltre · April 2015

If you did choose to do it, just make sure you take care of it well while it's healing.

nycqueens36 · April 2015

If we have a boy, I'm leaving this up to my husband. I don't have one so I'm thinking he has more experience. We are going to know in a few weeks and he will be tasked if research is necessary and I totally trust him to decide with the information what the right thing will be for our child.

bgriest · April 2015

Thankfully my fiancé is all for circumsizing our boy which is personally what I want to do as well.

I work in the medical field and have seen and heard of patients getting circumsized as adults (for whatever their reasons for doing so as an adult) and have heard that it is much more painful and worse to go through as an adult.

My brother and his girlfriend had my nephew circumsized and my brother figured that if he was going to put his son through it that he would stand there with him while they did it. He was only 1 day old. My brother said the way they do it is borderline barbaric. They strapped his arms, legs and everything down (for obvious reasons) and clamp the foreskin. He said his son was screaming bloody murder and was squeezing my brother's finger so hard that my brother's finger turned purple.

With that being said, if their next child is a boy (she's due in July) they will have him circumsized as well.

Like someone else mentioned, maybe you can each research the pros/cons to each others view. This may seem like a dumb or obvious question but have you asked him why he feels so strongly against it?

No matter what it's a personal choice for you two to make together. It's just one in many, many choices you will have to make together regarding his health and how he is raised in the future.

Be sure to have an open mind and really listen to his thoughts, concerns and reasons. Ask that he do the same for you.

gabrielafrnqyepez · April 2015

I feel like this is a barbaric, unnecessary procedure. I didn't want my son to have to endure such pain on the first few days of his life ! I guess if religion is that important in your life its your choice but wow those religious roots have to be truly deep because I don't see any reason for it.

It is something that you both need to discuss and find some resolution to as a couple because as much as its your child its also his, the child will have to be cared for and the risk of infection or smtn going wrong can happen.

DeidreHarr · April 2015

Sweetie, if he'd leave over that, he wanted to be gone anyway. Do whatever YOU want to do. I have heard of it causing problems later in life, so just weigh the pros and cons. Your husband need not even be a factor, if you ask me. He's no medical professional.

jenhaug · April 2015

Mmm I disagree. He's your husband, if he's that passionate about it then do what he wants. There will be bigger battles later

DeeGreer · April 2015

My boyfriend isn't but we've both agreed that if it's a boy we won't circumcise. There's nothing unclean about having foreskin and it's a known fact that it's where the majority of nerve endings are. Most men with E.D. ARE circumcised. There's no medical need to have it removed. I guess if the aesthetic is that important by all means it's your decision to make.

BooBerry137 · April 2015

DeidreHarr said:
Sweetie, if he'd leave over that, he wanted to be gone anyway. Do whatever YOU want to do. I have heard of it causing problems later in life, so just weigh the pros and cons. Your husband need not even be a factor, if you ask me. He's no medical professional.

That's ridiculous. He's the father. His feelings are just as important. Of course he's a factor.

aliguertin · April 2015

I would listen to the women with a medical background. Also, if not cleaned properly..it's not good for anyone involved. Why give him the extra work? My husband is happy and circumcised and I don't get the nerve ending argument because he seems pretty happy to me and has no recullection of a traumatic experience as an infant so people can lose the dramatics. If we have a baby boy they will too! Way out the pros and cons and maybe he has a valid concern with a circumcision but I haven't seen one in a reply yet!

DeeGreer · April 2015

Why do people keep saying "if it's not cleaned properly.." Gross. Any man, circumcised or not, should not have a hygiene problem and that's a different issue entirely.

tracij12 · April 2015

I somewhat agree that if your DH would threaten to leave you over this, then there are bigger issues at play. That said, I plan to completely leave this decision up to my H.

furelise93 · April 2015

I'm leaving this decision up to my husband, if it's a boy. He said without hesitation that we will circumcise our child. I would much rather do it now, when my child won't even remember the ordeal, than something happen and results in being circumcised at a much older age when it's a much larger ordeal.

jenn2132 · April 2015

My husband isn't circumcised neither are my boys and we've never had issues with cleanliness, infections , etc. Initially I was for it but my husband was always against it and encouraged me to research. I quickly came to the conclusion that it was an unnecessary practice. I also watched a YouTube video of the procedure and it seriously scarred me for life, I decided I couldn't put my baby through that. I'm happy I decided to hear out my husband on this one.

momma+street · April 2015

My husband is NOT circumcised. He never had any problems with poor hygiene.

Second, allow me to address the religious reasons. If you are Jewish (in belief, not genetics) to be circumcised set you apart from the Gentiles. Meaning holy, a set apart people. That is it! However, there came a time when Jesus -whom came to die for us, freed us from the old religious laws. That included circumcision. The OT Jews still believe in circumcision as being set apart, but I will tell you, like any tradition, it has become just a part of life. Correct or not.

Third, there is NO medical reasoning for a male to be circumcised. It is an extra procedure, extra cost. Hygiene is important, and needs to be established regardless. Pull the skin back to pee, wipe, the skin goes back. Easy. The foreskin is meant to protect the head of the penis, and to keep infection causing irritants out.

Last but not least, it provides extra pleasure for men during intimacy. The nerve endings are extra sensitive. when erect the foreskin is pulled back, causing a sensation in and of itself by relieving the sensitive area (the head) of all the tension built , for an effective release. (If ya know what I mean)

Back to my husband. He is the head of our home, a decision like this needs to be discussed at length. Respectfully. He is the final decision maker in our home. It was mentioned earlier that there will be bigger battles to fight. Fight them together, as a team. Don't let this separate you.

tpete12 · April 2015

I think a lot of decisions are made depending on if the dad is circumcised or not. I am personally for circumcision, but each their own. Good luck on your decisions.

Mommajones0315 · April 2015

My son who is 12 was circumcised as a newborn. My husband is not and he HATES not being if our baby Is a boy he will have it done. I am a pediatric nurse and YES there are extra cleaning that need to be done with the uncircumcised penis. Again you are the parents and research and read and in the end do what is best for your child.

erinboehme · April 2015

I have 4 boys. My sister in law works at a pediatric hospital where she sees children come in needing to be circumcised later and it truly does scar them for life at that point. As a mom of a pre-teen, I can tell you that no matter the shower and bathing hygiene I have taught him, he gets in and out in about a minute. Did you wash your hair? Uh, no. Did you wash your armpits? Uh, no. One more thing for him to clean? No thanks.

ksully1776 · April 2015

Having worked for 10 years in the medical field, I can tell you that the availability of showers and first world hygiene is not always enough... especially as a man ages. In my experience, a circumcised penis is a far happier and healthier penis.

edehe2389 · April 2015

I know you don't want to think about your precious baby boy having a love love life but someday he will and it will benefit him not to be circumsized. Now medically it is no longer necessary, if you teach your son to have good hygiene and how to clean properly there won't be a problem. And think about the pain. Just because he's a baby doesn't mean it won't hurt him. I wouldn't purposely hurt my baby like that. I heard of many times when a baby's diaper is being changed and the gauze rips off when you pull the diaper away and it hurts them. Ouch.

xpaperx · April 2015

I'm Jewish so will be circumcising this baby, just like our first. However, consider two options. First, don't let your obgyn do it. Get a pediatric urologist or a mohel (if available). I know that might sound crazy to someone not Jewish, but mohels are experts. It's literally the only thing they do. They are much more gentle and it can be done in your own home.
Secondly, consider (also a Jewish tradition) waiting a week. Baby will not be so tiny, his blood will clot, and it won't be quite as traumatic for either of you. Good luck with your decision!

leah665 · April 2015

I'm leaving this one up to my partner. I don't really feel strongly one way or the other.

OctoberBaby10615 · April 2015

I have not had this issue (we both agree on the choice that we are making). I wish I could give you more advice on what to do but I think just sitting down and talking about it and maybe saying why you want it done and why he doesn't. Then maybe come to an agreement that way? I wouldn't leave him out totally but it's no reason for you and him to be separated over... Good luck, whatever the choice is will be best in you and your husbands opinion!

curfam4 · April 2015

My husband and I are having this same argument, except he is for it and I am against it. I just don't feel it's necessary, and I can't imagine putting a tiny infant through something so painful! However, my husband himself is circumcised, and feels like he wants his son to be too. Honestly, I'm just hoping this one is another girl, as neither of us are willing to budge right now. If this little one is a boy, I honestly don't know how we'll come up a decision

Rikki_5 · April 2015

I was wondering about this too...it is rarely done in Europe but widely done in the USA. However, I have heard that boys can get more UTIs with not being circumsized. I'm leaving this one up to my husband if it's a boy. I heard though that hospitals do use medication to numb the area before it's done now so it doesn't hurt so much.

amberrmariee20 · April 2015

Hmmm... My son will be 4 in September I never had him circumcised because his father wasn't and didn't want him to be, so we argued black and blue over it, I gave up and said fine we won't circumcise him... He's almost 4 now and his foreskin is really tight, I've seen my Dr and she said it's okay for now because even though it's tight it can still be pulled back, but she said he may have future problems with it, and need to be done, I regret not having him done at birth, my bf now is circumcised, and we plan to circumsize our boy if we have one, to avoid future complications like my other son has !!

Desiserata13 · April 2015

If your husband is that passionate about it perhaps you would listen. If my partner wanted to circumsize our son I would seriously need to reevaluate our relationship - so I don't blame your husband. He probably doesn't want to leave you, he's just trying to express the importance of this.

The whole ' old men with dirty penises ' thing is the most absurd argument. Why would I perform an elective cosmetic surgery on my newborn son without pain relief, JUST IN CASE, 80 years from now he may need assistance keeping up with his hygiene ? Female circumcision prevents UTIs too but I don't see anyone wondering if they should cut off their daughters labia...

amberrmariee20 · April 2015

Rikki_5 said:
I was wondering about this too...it is rarely done in Europe but widely done in the USA. However, I have heard that boys can get more UTIs with not being circumsized. I'm leaving this one up to my husband if it's a boy. I heard though that hospitals do use medication to numb the area before it's done now so it doesn't hurt so much.

If done at birth its a very simple procedure, sometimes they don't even need stitches ! Takes maybe 10-15 mins !

If done later in life, it's very painful, can get infected twice as easily, if done when older they do put you to sleep for it, at least here they do ! But healing takes time !

yoopermom824 · April 2015

I've been going back and forth about it, too. I just hope it's a girl so I don't have to think about it, haha...

wildbutterfli2001 · April 2015

We're team no way. With our first we opted to not circumcise, he's 17 months and we've had no issues. There is no extra cleaning, just cleaning as you would any one, you aren't supposed to pull the foreskin back,it separates on its own. If you force it you can tear his skin.

For us it just seemed cruel and unnecessary. USA is really the only country that swears by circumcision. My husband was not born in this country and none of the men in his family are. Have never had any issues. My father also is in tact and has had no problems.

There are possible complications on either side. As much as people say infection for an uncircumcised child, what about the children who do have it done and the skin grows back and you have to get it redone. No thanks! To each they're own but it's not for our family.

One more thing,I didn't even realize my husband was uncircumcised until it came up in conversation. It looks like any other penis. Normal.

Good luck op, I hope you and your husband come to an agreement that you both stand by

amberrmariee20 · April 2015

wildbutterfli2001 said:
We're team no way. With our first we opted to not circumcise, he's 17 months and we've had no issues. There is no extra cleaning, just cleaning as you would any one, you aren't supposed to pull the foreskin back,it separates on its own. If you force it you can tear his skin.

For us it just seemed cruel and unnecessary. USA is really the only country that swears by circumcision. My husband was not born in this country and none of the men in his family are. Have never had any issues. My father also is in tact and has had no problems.

There are possible complications on either side. As much as people say infection for an uncircumcised child, what about the children who do have it done and the skin grows back and you have to get it redone. No thanks! To each they're own but it's not for our family.

One more thing,I didn't even realize my husband was uncircumcised until it came up in conversation. It looks like any other penis. Normal.

Good luck op, I hope you and your husband come to an agreement that you both stand by

We were told not to pull the foreskin back until age 2, and after that we were told it needs to be pulled back or the risk of infection sky rockets !

wildbutterfli2001 · April 2015

From the research I did when I was pregnant with him said it will separate naturally between 2 and 4 years old and then you clean it,but not before. It's been awhile so I will be doing some more research.

With that said, whether circumcised or not, wouldn't you keep your child clean and teach them proper hygiene anyways?

SweetnSassy23 · April 2015

I'm team do whatever works for you. But it doesn't have to be as barbaric as PPs have described. Ask for a numbing cream to be applied before the circumcision.

vamomtobe · April 2015

xpaperx said:
I'm Jewish so will be circumcising this baby, just like our first. However, consider two options. First, don't let your obgyn do it. Get a pediatric urologist or a mohel (if available). I know that might sound crazy to someone not Jewish, but mohels are experts. It's literally the only thing they do. They are much more gentle and it can be done in your own home.
Secondly, consider (also a Jewish tradition) waiting a week. Baby will not be so tiny, his blood will clot, and it won't be quite as traumatic for either of you. Good luck with your decision!

I'm sure the two of you have your own, well-thought-out reasons for your positions, so I won't try to encourage you one way or another - it's your decision! Just wanted to echo this thought above in case you choose circumcision - we used a moyel, too. I'm not Jewish, my husband is, but I was way more comfortable having the procedure done in our home, while we were all together and my father-in-law held him, by someone who literally does nothing but this for a living and could do it in his sleep. It took two seconds, no medication was necessary (I'm not sure how they do it in hospitals), and I was able to nurse him immediately afterward (probably more of a comfort to me than him - he was fine). He literally let out a single squack, and it was over. My first attempt at cutting his fingernails was way more traumatic!

I hope you are able to reach a decision you are both comfortable with - it's hard when you both feel strongly, but take time to listen to each others' reasoning and feelings, and then give it some time and though. Good luck!

BlueWaffleSpeshul · April 2015

I think I've said this before, I float around so I can never remember where. But for those saying it is a barbaric procedure, that may depend on your provider. My son had it done at 1 month old and he slept through the procedure and only cried when the diaper started rubbing a bit. Not trying to sway you either way, but I have to disagree with saying it's always painful and/or barbaric.

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