Really need advice :/

vickie1308 · March 2015

Hi everybody it's a long one so I'll try and keep it simple. I'm on baby number 5 .. A very big shock as we were not trying. My other 4 children are to a previous relationship and all have my surname but have a good relationship with their dad. My new partner wants our new baby to have his name but I feel it will be the odd one out at school and stuff am I being silly ? He says it's important to him but I can't help feeling our new lil one needs the same name as me and his brothers and sisters .. Any advice in this would be great ! X

parenthood4 · March 2015

I think it would be strange for the new baby to have the last name of a man he or she is not related to. I understand that you don't want the new baby to feel left out, but I don't think that is the solution. Plus you don't want your new partner to be left out either. Plenty of people have blended families now with different last names mixed in. Your new baby will know how much his or her siblings love him or her even with different last names.

koriemo · March 2015

kh1824 said:
I think it would be strange for the new baby to have the last name of a man he or she is not related to.

Her children have her surname, not their father's.

Honestly, if this is the man that you think you will be with forever, I would use his last name. But if you are unsure how long the relationship between you too will last, I would probably use my last name. Choosing your last name might send that message, though, so I would be careful with what I chose. It's a big deal for some men to carry on their family name.

jennygirlmt · March 2015

I don't think there's an issue having a blended family with different names. I assume your children have your maiden name, and not the name of their father?

Is your partner your husband? I'm a traditionalist so my first inclination is to say this man is the father and thus the baby would take his name. However, my feelings change when you aren't married, and in that respect would say the baby should have your last name if that's how you feel....

Honestly, it's a hard one. But I wouldn't make the decision based on any feelings of being left out, confusion at school, etc. I would make it based on your relationship and an agreeable decision between you and your partner. What about a hyphenated last name with both of your names?

parenthood4 · March 2015

Oh...my misunderstanding! Sorry about that!

That's a little different then. I can still see your new partner's perspective, but I understand your dilemma a bit more. That seems like it could go either way...I agree with what pp's said. Good luck!

magsugar13 · March 2015

Give the baby both

Your name going last

He is not your Husband but is the babies father. So put his name-your name on certificate

You said new partner so who knows how long it will last.

I just dont go along with the whole baby gets dads last name ideal, not in this day and age.

MamaWren919 · March 2015

I think not using his last name sends a very strong message about your relationship. I would only not use it, if things are basically over. There are so many blended families now last names are nbd. I always had a different last name than my mom, and it never seemed weird to me, because half of my friends were in the same boat.

wassuphoes · March 2015

My husband and his brother were both given their mothers surname at birth.

When their parents got married (H was 8) later, they changed the names to his fathers surname.

If you are not married and all your other kids have your surname, then this new one should have your surname as well. Your partner can either man up or boy out.

4N6s · March 2015

I'd use the fathers surname.

g8trkim · March 2015

MamaWren919 said:
I think not using his last name sends a very strong message about your relationship. I would only not use it, if things are basically over. There are so many blended families now last names are nbd. I always had a different last name than my mom, and it never seemed weird to me, because half of my friends were in the same boat.

All of this. If having your last name is important use it as the middle name. I think a child should have their father's last name unless he's not going to be in the picture which doesn't sound like the case here.

I'm curious though, is there a reason your other four children didn't take their father's name?

vickie1308 · March 2015

Thanks for all yor replies

the other four children have my maiden name - I haven't really got a reason it just sounded better than my ex name and he didn't see a problem with it. When I say new partner we have been together 5 years so I guess he isn't new lol . I'm very commited to him although I can't help feeling my child should have my name and in the future if we get married then change it however he feels I'm pushing him out ? It's all very confusing .. Step families ! Now my daughter who is 8 said well if the baby is having Paul's name ( my partner ) then I want it to !! I'm worried that this would obviously upset their "real" dad if all the children changed .. The plot thickens ... Xx

mommabird77 · March 2015

I have half brothers and sisters who do not share the same last name as me. I really don't care, and see this as a non issue. You don't become more or less of a sibling to someone based on what your last name is.

holli0801 · March 2015

mommabird77 said:
I have half brothers and sisters who do not share the same last name as me. I really don't care, and see this as a non issue. You don't become more or less of a sibling to someone based on what your last name is.

This

leahmary82 · March 2015

I would suggest hyphenating the two names if it doesn't sound too strange.

VesperLove · March 2015

You feelthat your baby should have your name. My assumption is that so does he. Jst because you carried the child does not make it any less his. Basedon your statement, you feel pushed out by him wanting his last name. Turn that around and thats how.he is feeling. My choice would be to hyphenate and please both parties and then the kids also share part of their name as well.

mizDusty · April 2015

I don't feel that having a different last name than your sibling is a huge deal. You always know who your family is, regardless of their last name!! I grew up with 2 siblings that had a different last name and 1 that had the same. I didn't know why for a very long time, and it never even crossed my mind or bothered me in the slightest. I was given the option to change my last name to my dad's (the man who raised me, not my biological father) when my mom and him were married. I was 7 or 8 at the time, and I chose not to. Not because I didn't want to, but because his last name is silly!
The only time I could see a problem arising is when you are travelling outside of your own borders. Having a different last name than the parent that is travelling with the child, can make leaving the country a challenge. For example, if you live in Canada and want to go for a day trip to the US, the border security can make a fuss about it.

I wouldn't want you to hurt your new partner's feelings by not using his last name for your guys' baby. Have either of you considered changing his last name to yours? It is fairly untraditional but it seems like the easiest solution to me. Then you don't have to go through the hassle of changing 4 little ones names to match and then your own.

Or or or, he could even compromise and have his name hyphenated with yours and have the new baby with the same hyphenation. IE dad and new baby are both HisLastName-YourLastName and then everyone else is still YourLastName. That way everyone is almost the same and he still gets to "carry on his family legacy" per say.

Good luck to ya!

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