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September 2015 Moms
needaprince
member
non pregnancy rant.... my 20 year old step daughter is lazy
needaprince
member
I have 4step daughters and I love them all very much. My oldest However, who is 20, has been getting on my nerves since she turned 18. She doesn't help with anything. Comes and goes as she pleases. Leaves her room a pig stye (which doesn't make sense since she's hardly there) and anything she does do, she does half ass and messy, which in turn leaves more work for me. I really wish my husband would say something but he just "let's her live her life as long as she stays out of trouble"
What a crock of shit. Last night I asked her to buy our turtles some food, but she said she was broke. Broke how? She doesn't have a car or bills. Oh wait she said she does have bills, she just doesn't tell us about them. Whatever, buying clothes and weed are not bills. I ask very little of her because it's more of a pain then it's worth but she has no problem running to me for rides. But when I ask for something super simple it's a huge hassle. I hate being fed bull shit especially from someone who literally has it made at her age. I Hate To Admit It But I love when she's not home. Makes my life so much less stressful.
What a crock of shit. Last night I asked her to buy our turtles some food, but she said she was broke. Broke how? She doesn't have a car or bills. Oh wait she said she does have bills, she just doesn't tell us about them. Whatever, buying clothes and weed are not bills. I ask very little of her because it's more of a pain then it's worth but she has no problem running to me for rides. But when I ask for something super simple it's a huge hassle. I hate being fed bull shit especially from someone who literally has it made at her age. I Hate To Admit It But I love when she's not home. Makes my life so much less stressful.
Re: non pregnancy rant.... my 20 year old step daughter is lazy
When I was 20 yeah, I was less responsible, but I'd be damned if I even to this day treat my parents like they're a convenience to me. Being responsible and helping out isn't torture. She tells me it's human error haha! How can being lazy and ignoring very simple repeated instruction be human error. It's being lazy plain and simple. I could care less what she's doing when she's not home, she's of age and responsible for herself but don't treat my house like a convenient refuge to act like a lazy pig. She's in school and works which I'm proud of her for doing, it's her lack of respect and appreciation that I can't stand. It's not like we're charging her rent. The very least she could do is pick up after herself and do the dishes once in awhile or take out the trash. It's dad that I have to ask my friends to go check on our pets because she'll just let them starve.
When I was 20 I knew that if I didn't keep myself straight that my parents would lay down the law on my butt. That included keeping my room orderly, completing chores, keeping good grades, and staying out of trouble. Personally, I think that whole let them do whatever but stay out of trouble is crap and is doing everyone involved a disservice. She is an "adult" and should start acting like one instead of a child. She needs to realize her actions have consequences.
Good luck, I know it's a tough situation, but if you and your husband become a team on this and be consistent, I think you'll see the change you want.
Good luck!
No advice. At 20 years old, I was in college and effectively supporting myself.
Being a step-parent is hard. In fact, I think it's probably harder than being a parent of your own children. I think the best course of action is to probably talk to your husband, as he'll ultimately need to be the enforcer of whatever you decide.
Good luck!
I am of the opinion (and it IS an opinion, so make of it what you will) that unless a child is paying rent to their parents to live under their roof, especially at 20, then they have to respect the rules of the house. This includes keeping areas clean (yes, even their room) and helping out around the house when needed. If they don't, then the parent is well within their rights to ask them to leave.
William Alexander born 18 September, 2015
Harper Grace born 9 June, 2017
Colton Miles born 9 June, 2017
Bowen James due 19 June, 2019
Not to be a bitch but seriously, 20? I had to pay rent to my mom from 18 on, which helped me in the long run. I had moved out by 19, and I bought my condo on my own at 24 because I appreciated the value of a dollar and a chore. Bye Felicia.
Unfortunately, he is pushing 30 and still lives with them, even though he has a better job now and is slightly more responsible.
I don't think you're doing yourself or her any favors by allowing her mooch like that. Create a plan with your husband for her to either pay rent or move out and support herself. That way you can talk to her about it with a united front. Good luck!
1999- Dx Prolactinoma
8-25-2012 - Lucas born via C-section at 38 Weeks 2 days
My luck, by the time this baby is old enough for wifi, the whole US will be one big free hot spot. Lol. I'll have to come up with a new plan. :-p
I've tried talking to my husband on several occasions but he thinks I'm just out to kick her out. (although I wouldn't stop her moving out if she wanted to) I'm definitely not trying to be the evil step mother, I'm actually the one who helped her get the courage to ask to move in to begin with because her mother was so awful to her and we use to be super close. I just don't think she's a good example for her younger siblings either. Parents are supposed to raise our young to become successful responsible respectful adults and since I wasn't in her life as a child she treats me like I have no say and I already know the "OK daddy" game she plays with my husband.
For the record, I'm not anti-marijuana. I used to smoke regularly in college.. but if its illegal where you live, then she is breaking the law in your home!
As for the rest of it, I agree with all the pps who have said that you and your husband need to get on the same page. There is nothing wrong with expecting her to pull her weight at home. If she wants to be treated as an adult, she should act like one.. "rebellious stage" or not.
She was snappy with her little sisters which triggered my anger and it just got worse and worse. I've asked my husband several times to have her clean her room but no. "He's never home to tell her" what a load of crap. Text her!
She storms into the house only tells dear daddy bye and leaves. He can see that I'm irritated, knows why and when I start to calmly talk to him about it he says, "he doesn't see it" boggled my mind! How do you not see how she treats this house and everyone in it like a convenience and like we owe her something. She's been making rude comments about my pregnancy too and then trues to touch my stomach. Um no! Uh, I'm so posed I wish I could figure out some this to do that would make him realize how miserable she's making others feel in our own home.
It is a tricky dynamic as a step parent but I would take that out of the equation and simply view her as your daughter and you as her parent. It's our responsibility as parents to teach our kids responsibility and to prepare them for real life. It's not real life to have no expectations, be able to blow money on whatever we want, break the law (I.e. marijuana) with no consequences.
If it were me I would right up a rent agreement, start charging her rent and include in that what her responsibilities are. For example, since she can't drive you could barter that in return for rides she's expected to do xyz around the house (and it should be something beyond her normal responsibilities of just maintaining a clean living space, etc.) If she can't keep up her end up the agreement than she needs to find a new living arrangement. If she doesn't want to sign the agreement, again she's more than welcome to find somewhere else to live (where she will more than likely realize very quickly she had a pretty sweet deal at mom and dad's as compared to the real world).
My husbands parents did this as soon as Dh turned 18 and graduated high school. Part of their agreement even included a curfew. He didn't like it and didn't think it was fair so he moved out. He was fine on his own because he was working full time and what not but it did give him a new appreciation for his parents and helped him take more pride in things. It's easy to be a slob when it's your parents house, it's a different story when it's stuff you had to buy and maintain with your own hard earned money.