Why are we so mean to each other?

FeroceFamily · March 2015

I'll likely get tarred and feathered for this but I feel it needs to be said.

I am fairly new here and have made a few posts, responded to a few, and read a lot. The one thing I've notice to be consistent is the way a lot of women are caddy, mean, sarcastic, and down right ugly to the original poster. 99% of the time the OP has said nothing to deserve the jabs sent her way and it's disheartening in my opinion.

Again I haven't been around long but I highly doubt the intention of this board is to be completely rude to people seeking advice from a community of fellow prego women. I've noticed this on all types of posts from second showers to baby names. The terrible thing is the women that needs help, advice, and someone else to lean on are likely seeing the same thing and not posting bc they don't want to be torn to shreds.

We are all in this crazy, uncomfortable, scary, unknown situation together. Why not be kind, supportive, and understanding to the other women in this group? What would that hurt?

Sure it's the Internet and you can hide behind your anonymous screen name and say what you want. I'm not oblivious to this. But instead of tearing someone apart don't say anything. Just. Keep. Scrolling.

Just my two cents this Thursday evening.

marthaudani · March 2015

I hear you on this one.

I'm generally of the opinion that it is better to be silent if you cannot be kind. That being said, I have refrained (many times) from posting my opinion because I have not found a nice way to say it.

I get that we all have hormones and that we all have stress but no one needs to have their ass chewed on for asking a question or having an opinion that not many agree with.

We come from all walks of life and we should be blessed to be able to learn about others and the way they live instead of judging them for being different from ourselves.

Have a little humanity and a sense of humor, get off your high horse and store your ego at the door. This motherhood thing only starts with pregnancy. A lot of us, myself included, still have lots to learn. It would be nice to have a forum full of women who share similar experiences and give advice and guidance in a non judgemental manner.

TBsquared · March 2015

You should have seen it a month ago....is quite nice around here actually. I don't think anyone is ripping anyone to shreds...people can have a difference of opinion, it's helpful to hear all sides. But that's just my
Two cents.

khaleesi123 · March 2015

If you think we are mean you should have seen it a month back. I haven't seen people being nasty some of us vented together about things annoying us on a post together we haven't been nasty to anyone.

lola2bee · March 2015

I agree this is one of the better boards to be honest but I think it's not just about the Bump it's just women in general.

I'm very much a girls girl so I don't understand cattiness. But there are so many types of women on here with so many backgrounds people are bound to disagree.

One thing too I see is the wide variety in age that makes a difference. People complain about how people should know their bodies and you know guess what when I was 17 I didn't "know my body". Some people don't have friends or parents to talk to about sex or health. Get a grip people your experience is not everyone's.

danibii · March 2015

It used to be heinous. It's been much nicer lately, but I have noticed a slow trend of people getting a little catty again. I think it's a nice reminder that we don't want to go back the way it was, so let's find ways to be funny/entertaining without getting too "bitter snatchy"

jerseymommatobe · March 2015

I don't think anyone here is even close to as nasty as it was before. 75% of the posts made here have been either previously addressed or are things that someone should ask their doctor. I understand the need for some people to "vent" but we are not your "girlfriends" and are strangers. Obviously you should expect a variety of responses. If this months board is too harsh for you there are about 10 other pregnancy apps that you can post to.

lola2bee · March 2015

daniellesiegel said:
It used to be heinous. It's been much nicer lately, but I have noticed a slow trend of people getting a little catty again. I think it's a nice reminder that we don't want to go back the way it was, so let's find ways to be funny/entertaining without getting too "bitter snatchy"

100% this - if it gets bitter snatchy I'm out of here!

khaleesi123 · March 2015

I like you @lola2bee you have your hormones in check lol yeah I don't want it to go back to how it used to be I think my hormones are in over drive this week I'm just getting sick of the same questions over and over i might just post less as I can't find much I want to contribute to anymore.

backwoodsbarbie2k15 · March 2015

If you take people being real as mean then i guess. Most of the people take offense to what other women say on here because its not coated with fairy dust. I dont think there's anything wrong with people just being real with one another.

laurexx · March 2015

khaleesi123 said:
I like you @lola2bee you have your hormones in check lol yeah I don't want it to go back to how it used to be I think my hormones are in over drive this week I'm just getting sick of the same questions over and over i might just post less as I can't find much I want to contribute to anymore.

Lol thinking the same thing! I think we are all peaking in the hormone department at this point in our pregnancies, but so far I've only seen us really complain to each other and haven't seen us yelling at the newbies or treating them like the old bump would. Of course none of us want it to turn to that again and it definitely hasn't people here are still a whole lot nicer than our previous BMC. If you need further proof go venture out to other BMCs or trimester boards and you'll see we are the nice ones!

Tabbi8486 · March 2015

I agree I have seen some extremely mean things said to some women on here. There is a difference between being honest and just being downright mean. Honestly who cares if people were more mean a few weeks ago! It's still ridiculous that people can't just treat each other with respect. There are some woman who are single and experiencing this pregnancy all alone and when they post stuff people are rude to them. That's just childish. Who cares if the issue has already been addressed?! If you don't want to talk about it again then don't. Just because an issue should be talked about with a doctor does not mean that a doctor is available when the issue pops up. I've had a couple things happen during my pregnancy that scared me half to death and my doctors office was closed so I couldn't get an opinion from a doctor right then and there. It turns out I had nothing to worry about but my point is there is not reason that woman should have to fear posting questions on here. This is meant to be a support system not a place to bully other pregnant woman just because you are having a bad day.

lola2bee · March 2015

jerseymommatobe said:
I don't think anyone here is even close to as nasty as it was before. 75% of the posts made here have been either previously addressed or are things that someone should ask their doctor. I understand the need for some people to "vent" but we are not your "girlfriends" and are strangers. Obviously you should expect a variety of responses. If this months board is too harsh for you there are about 10 other pregnancy apps that you can post to.

Some people don't have girlfriends. Not an excuse just giving you the flip side.

khaleesi123 · March 2015

Again no one is being nasty to people we are venting together that's all .... Surely there is no way people can be this sensitive it is crazy !!

The old bump would have swearing, name calling, getting told you are stupid and need an education, saying people are unfit to be parents, pages and pages of memes paying people out.... If this isn't nice enough then I'm officially a bitter snatch

laurexx · March 2015

@khaleesi123 I am trying to figure out who they're talking about because like we both said everything we complain about is amongst ourselves, right? Lol as long as the gifs And memes are gone forever I'm happy.

DMEL · March 2015

I don't think people are mean on here at all. I don't see why it's ok to start a thread calling people mean but it's not ok to give someone blunt honest opinions when they ask for it. We are all entitled to our own opinions.

xxyourstrulyxo · March 2015

bean8213 said:
Stupidest post ever.

You clearly got the point of this thread...

You probably argue with your reflection every morning.

MissRissx3 · March 2015

You think this is bad? You should have seen this place in January. You would have hated every minute of it.

blitzy23 · March 2015

I agree to being nice. There are, however, some posts where I think people need some reality and a swift kick in the butt! When children are involved, parents need to get their acts together!

MissRissx3 · March 2015

I definitely think some posts need to be thought through before posted.

And the repeats should be slimmed down because it really isn't fair to the other women who might have a serious question, or thought. The baby daddy drama shouldn't be posted, especially if you're not ready for some honest advice.

It's not being mean, it's being realistic.

mamadeuce · March 2015

I couldn't disagree more with you OP.

I feel like I'm pretty active and I hardly see anyone come out and say anything extremely disrespectful to OPs. There has been an occasional post where I might think it could be worded a little differently but in the end nothing I would feel like I personally need to address or remark on for the sake of civility. That being said do I read ever thing thats posted? No. So I don't see everything. But I believe the overall vibe of this forum is positive and supportive.

Let's also be honest there are posts that are annoying or repetitive so I ignore them and I'm sure that many other bumpies do the same. As for the ones that don't ignore them and post what you might think of as the rude/mean comments. That is their ability and prerogative. Just like it was well within your right to start the thread addressing what you feel is an issue.

I'm done. No tar. No feathers.

>-

FeroceFamily · March 2015

I'm glad I'm not crazy and some of you agree with me. I completely understand giving ones opinion, being realistic, and people being sensitive. I guess where I come from we are able to give opinions while being considerate of the other persons emotions (which for most of us are a mess).

I am so glad I wasn't around when things where much worse bc I would have left shortly after joining and missed some great things. I do feel that this website/app has wonderful articles and other helpful boards so I'm certainly not going to let some cranky women run me off.

FeroceFamily · March 2015

@mamadeuce I can completely respect this post! We have different views on posts we have read and you communicated your point without being rude. Thank you for sharing your opinion and view points with this on my post.

louloutte87 · March 2015

Compared to 3 months ago this is heaven on the bitchy front.

However those of us who have been here a while... Spare a thought for us reading the same things over and over.

Pain in my xxx area, HELP! Are these contractions?! What do you think of my baby name? HELP NEEDED IMMEDIATELY! I HAVE DISCHARGE! Is xxxx normal? Worried!

Plus many more.

It's SO easy to scroll back and see if there's previously been a post and read that but people don't. I can totally understand if people get hacked off. There's support, then there's google...

That being said, there's no need for rudeness and I don't condone that.

mb1383 · March 2015

I miss how this place use to be. I feel like it's gone to the shitter for the most part. I am a part of the new board just haven't been very active over there. But I much prefer honesty over getting a pat on the back.

Some of the posts on here have been ridiculous. I choose to ignore them because if I participate I would be a bitter snatch all the way.

mrswynn2014 · March 2015

I agree that this board is a much nicer place to be now after the throw down a few months ago, now I feel that I'm "allowed" to post or (even though I haven't) start a discussion. But you have to admit it's not as entertaining anymore. We went from everybody hating everyone, to everybody agreeing with everything. For a while I think everybody was being so "nice" because they were afraid of being a bitter snatch. I feel like it's finally getting better in the fact that people are getting honest opinions! If you post something do you want honesty, or someone to agree with everything you say? I want honesty! And if I get an answer that comes off as rude or not what I wanted to hear, shame on me for asking!

scdsutton · March 2015

When you're asking for someone's advice, it's not always going to be what you want to hear. Throwing your own baby shower, names, and cheating spouses are going to get lots of opinions and replies... Not everyone is here to hold your hand and pat you on the head. If you ask about what someone thinks on a baby name that sounds asinine (princess is a title not a first name, as is king, jester, queen), I will tell you my opinion. Throwing your own shower is tacky as is complaining that people aren't buying off your registry. These are all issues that are going to have a varied group of responses. Put on your big girl panties and get over the fact that every woman on here doesn't share your thoughts on a third shower for your third kid.

P.S none of these were directed at the OP, just using "you" in general terms.

kateamart · March 2015

I've been following this board since my BFP in September, and truthfully, as many of the other women have pointed out, it used to be a million times worse! Albeit much more active and many more discussions going on, you seriously couldn't post a single thing without anticipating some sort of snarky comment. And then the bump re-booted, kicked a lot of people off, and it's quieted down substantially. I actually think this board is very tame compared to what it used to be!

lovelleisgolden · March 2015

I was lurking in april and march 2015 boards and let me just say I have never felt more happy to be apart of this board with you ladies. Our board is one of the nicest on this site! I am just saying despite the one or two individuals who are having a bad day I appreciate the lot of you! the grass is not greener on the other boards!!

ali0608 · March 2015

It is really interesting how people see things differently. Other than the baby showed post that got a little nasty at times, I haven't seen any other post that was down right mean. Unless I'm missing something...

I agree that we shouldn't compare to how it was, but honesty is sometimes hard to take. It's not trying to be mean. This board is overall very forgiving with really stupid questions. Many people are very nice and answer them gently.

laurexx · March 2015

lovelleisgolden said:
I was lurking in april and march 2015 boards and let me just say I have never felt more happy to be apart of this board with you ladies. Our board is one of the nicest on this site! I am just saying despite the one or two individuals who are having a bad day I appreciate the lot of you! the grass is not greener on the other boards!!

Yes girl. That's what I'm saying other BMC are still brutal. Thankful we were one of the lucky BMCs to get rid of the mean mamas.

HSTeacherHeidi · March 2015

scdsutton said:
When you're asking for someone's advice, it's not always going to be what you want to hear. Throwing your own baby shower, names, and cheating spouses are going to get lots of opinions and replies... Not everyone is here to hold your hand and pat you on the head. If you ask about what someone thinks on a baby name that sounds asinine (princess is a title not a first name, as is king, jester, queen), I will tell you my opinion. Throwing your own shower is tacky as is complaining that people aren't buying off your registry. These are all issues that are going to have a varied group of responses. Put on your big girl panties and get over the fact that every woman on here doesn't share your thoughts on a third shower for your third kid.

P.S none of these were directed at the OP, just using "you" in general terms.

This!!!!

I like that people aren't "scared" to post anymore, but let's be real here and not just give fluff bs answers to make people feel good. You can be real without being mean, but people also need to understand that when reading.

If a post asking "can I register for only giftcards and cash??? Is it tacky??" Is put up and everyone is like "YES!!" "Do it, I wish I would have" gets responded...what's the point-right?? Let's be real here ladies

greks84 · March 2015

Omg it used to be waaaaay worse. I stopped coming on here because of it and randomly came back on to lurk and saw the new rules. Women were acting like teenagers and Newbies were bullied, and harassed with gifs. It was such a toxic environment. It's really much better now. It will never be all peachy though because people are opinionated. Just be glad you weren't here a couple months ago...

nicolemummyof2 · March 2015

2 reasons.

#1 we are women. It just comes natural.

#2 we are hormonal. And we are at the miserable stage. Nice is not in or vocabulary.

Lol

saric83 · March 2015

Did you see that post from the lovely person asking who the father of her baby is? That's the kind of crap that causes people to be "mean". I'm not going to coddle some idiot who is on the internet asking who the dad might be after having unprotected sex with someone other than her husband! Nope - nice goes out the window at that point.

sevillanagal · March 2015

I don't know why we need to bring hormones into the discussion, many posts would irk anyone regardless of their hormone levels. Just to give one example, someone asking about pumping weeks/months before giving birth to save and freeze for future daycare use should be told to go educate themselves on pregnancy. There are so many ridiculous posts and I mostly just bite my tongue or ignore. Several months ago the breast pumping chick would have been torn to shreds.

MissRissx3 · March 2015

I'd like to know why so many people claim we're being mean. It's honestly not being mean, mean left two months ago. This is just being honest, with no sarcasm, gifs, or name calling, Stop posting things that don't relate to this site. Asking who the baby daddy is like we know? Now that's ridiculous, I mean come on..

laurexx · March 2015

If I never have to see another mean gif again it'll be too soon lol. Mean is what this site was before, being nasty to all FTMs and newbies, name calling, and calling people stupid, then telling everyone they need to grow a thicker skin. Lol new girls here really don't know how good we have it here on our BMC. Seriously it's like night and day.