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August 2015 Moms
mdaltilio
member
Baby name family drama
mdaltilio
member
I've been kind of lurking on the boards until now, but I'm running into a problem now that I feel like I need some advice with. I am 20 weeks pregnant today (yay!!). My sister, who I've always been very close with recently found out that she is pregnant as well, she thinks that she's about 7-8 weeks but hasn't been able to confirm that for sure yet because of insurance issues. Anyway, our Dad passed away almost a year ago and since then I have been hoping to include his name, or a variation of it if it was a girl, in my first baby's name especially if I ended up having the first baby that would be his grandchild, which this baby would be. When I first found out that I was pregnant I mentioned this to my sister and she got quite upset saying that it wasn't fair if I used his name as a first name and that she wanted to be able to use my Dad's name in the same way. We did argue some about how this could be done and she was wanting to basically call dibs on his name and the variations that each of us could use but eventually we resolved it that we would stick to using his name as a middle name so that we could all use it and not have multiple children with the same names (there are three of us, my other sister didn't seem to have a problem with this).
Now we are having another baby name problem. My fiancé's name happens to be the name of her boyfriend's grandfather. During this pregnancy (and a previous one that ended in a miscarriage) we have been thinking of using my fiancé's name as the first name. My sister was aware of this and told me after she asked me what names I've been thinking about (and before she was pregnant) that her boyfriend has had his heart set on using the same name. We found out that I'm having a boy two days ago now and when we found out my fiancé seemed to realize that he really does want to use his name, and since he knows about my sister's boyfriend wanting to use it he feels a little bit pressured to use it for our baby now if he's ever going use it. I love his name and it's been in his family for a very long time. My fiancé and I both feel that it's not fair for her to tell us that we can't use his name for our baby, and I can also see that it's not fair for me to tell her that she can't use her boyfriend's grandfather's name as well. I don't think I'd mind if we both used it except that it may become confusing when they are together, but it seems like she would not want to use the same name. This issue has already soured my telling both of my sisters about the sex of my baby yesterday. My other sister's first response was that it's not fair if I use the name. She says she's not taking sides, but I already feel like I had to defend myself to her. When I told my sister who is pregnant about the sex she said congrats first but then immediately asked me about the name and when I said that we have still been talking about using his name she got upset and was sulking and very quiet for the next hour or two that we spent together. We were not able to get into a discussion because we were at a store with other family looking for a wedding dress for me before I get too much more of a bump, but it made that awkward as well. This is making me very upset because it feels like they are not happy for me now that I'm having a boy (the first in our whole family in two generations). Of course, she doesn't know what she's having yet but even if she has a girl this time this will probably be a problem if she has a boy later.
Sorry for the book I wrote! I just don't know how to make this situation fair or resolve it without a huge argument (from both of my sisters and my fiancé) and I really don't want that. I've been thinking that one way is to both use the name if she has a boy and give them different nicknames (there aren't too many variations for this name that I know of though) but I don't know that she'd be ok with this. What would you do if you were in my situation?? Help!!
Now we are having another baby name problem. My fiancé's name happens to be the name of her boyfriend's grandfather. During this pregnancy (and a previous one that ended in a miscarriage) we have been thinking of using my fiancé's name as the first name. My sister was aware of this and told me after she asked me what names I've been thinking about (and before she was pregnant) that her boyfriend has had his heart set on using the same name. We found out that I'm having a boy two days ago now and when we found out my fiancé seemed to realize that he really does want to use his name, and since he knows about my sister's boyfriend wanting to use it he feels a little bit pressured to use it for our baby now if he's ever going use it. I love his name and it's been in his family for a very long time. My fiancé and I both feel that it's not fair for her to tell us that we can't use his name for our baby, and I can also see that it's not fair for me to tell her that she can't use her boyfriend's grandfather's name as well. I don't think I'd mind if we both used it except that it may become confusing when they are together, but it seems like she would not want to use the same name. This issue has already soured my telling both of my sisters about the sex of my baby yesterday. My other sister's first response was that it's not fair if I use the name. She says she's not taking sides, but I already feel like I had to defend myself to her. When I told my sister who is pregnant about the sex she said congrats first but then immediately asked me about the name and when I said that we have still been talking about using his name she got upset and was sulking and very quiet for the next hour or two that we spent together. We were not able to get into a discussion because we were at a store with other family looking for a wedding dress for me before I get too much more of a bump, but it made that awkward as well. This is making me very upset because it feels like they are not happy for me now that I'm having a boy (the first in our whole family in two generations). Of course, she doesn't know what she's having yet but even if she has a girl this time this will probably be a problem if she has a boy later.
Sorry for the book I wrote! I just don't know how to make this situation fair or resolve it without a huge argument (from both of my sisters and my fiancé) and I really don't want that. I've been thinking that one way is to both use the name if she has a boy and give them different nicknames (there aren't too many variations for this name that I know of though) but I don't know that she'd be ok with this. What would you do if you were in my situation?? Help!!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Baby name family drama
Completely agree. Tell her to get over it.
My sister to this day holds a grudge about it, and has since had 2 little boys, only one with my brothers name as a middle name instead. However, the name is pretty popular anyway as it's Michael.
I kept telling my sister who cares if the boys have the same name, they will have different last names. The important part is keeping alive the spirit of our brother that passed away. And how you remember him and if that means that multiple kids in the family have the same name, who cares!? If I am blessed with a boy, Michael will be used as a middle name. I only wish my moms name went better with other names so that I could incorporate it into a girls name, but it's Donna.
Name your child what you feel in your heart. Pick out different variations between your dad and finances names, play around with them. And who knows your little boy might come out and not look like either of those names. You never know!!
It's not worth the stress and arguments!
Perhaps you could compromise, one use 1 name as the first name and the other as the middle and vice versa. It would look good on your sisters if they both only had girls. Be strong this is a happy time for you and your husband. Don't let them ruin it. I'm sure your dad wouldn't want you guys fighting over his name.
She doesn't have a say in your child's name.