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Baby Registry Blues

aklove14aklove14 member
in May 2015 Moms
Hi Bumpies,

I need a little advice here. I'm having my baby shower this Sunday and it's looking like not only are people waiting to the very last minute to buy things, but a lot of things on my registry are not being purchased. I'm a first time mom and don't have much of anything for my baby girl so the things I registered for are things I really need. Is this the norm? Do people just do whatever the hell they want when it comes to gifts instead of buying from your registry? I'm trying not to get to pissy about this because I truly will be grateful with everything we get but is it wrong of me to just want people to try and purchase things I've registered for? I'm so afraid that since we're having a girl all we will leave with is a bunch of little cute outfits that she probably will never wear.

Thoughts????
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Re: Baby Registry Blues

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  • cpage2211cpage2211 member
    You should never rely on other people to purchase what you NEED for the baby. I've been getting what I need slowly and am preparing to purchase the rest of my needs after my shower this Saturday. If I receive a double of what I've already purchased, I'll try and exchange it for something else on my list. This is my first time with a registry (third baby) and not that much has been purchased and I'm not expecting it either.
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  • SmrBrd2012SmrBrd2012 member
    JennyDee88 said:

    Some people can't afford to buy everything that they need. I understand where you are coming from @aklove14
    The first poster is right about the clothes, though. If you get too many outfits she'll never wear, I'd return them for other things. I honestly wouldn't worry too much about not getting what you need, though. People will actually get you a decent amount of things you need even if they're not exactly the things you have picked out.

    I'm not trying to be rude but they shouldn't be having a baby if they can't afford to buy the bare essentials that baby needs. Sure, the crib, stroller, car seat CAN be expensive, but they don't have to be. There are cheaper options out there. At any rate, I wouldn't worry about it til after the shower. You never know what you'll end up with.
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  • marthaudanimarthaudani member
    Wow. I was being sarcastic. Which is better than being a bitch, I guess.

    She never said she can't afford to get the things her baby needs. She just said people may not be buying the things she wants.

    Easy killer.
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  • JennyDee88JennyDee88 member
    I wasn't referring to myself as I have also gotten most of what I need even though I can't work right now. My fiance doesn't have the best job, but yeah. We plan, and I do get help from my parents as they are very excited about their first grandchild. I was just trying to say some people can't just go out and get everything they need because I've had friends in that situation, and they're amazing mother's who worked their asses off to be able to support and love their child. Anyways, I won't try to be supportive or anything anymore.
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  • lola2beelola2bee member
    This happened to me too - only two people bought off my registry. I didn't read your post as ungrateful but more like what is the point of the registry? I wondered about this too. I think in some circles people are quite religious about using the registry but in others people look at it and if they don't really care for those items they just buy whatever is more fun for them. It's just hard to predict what your circle will do until you have the shower.

    Now that I'm having my second I'm not having a shower but people have asked where I'm registered. Since I know better I just tell them if you'd like to get something for the baby that's great but I don't need anything specific. Hope that helps!!
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  • marthaudanimarthaudani member
    @chambersbaby2015 I agree, however, there are those that ask about a registry and then ignore it completely.
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  • justkeeptryingjustkeeptrying member
    Absolutely. However even when I tell those friends and family that I have a registry that doesn't mean I expect them to get something off of it. And we really don't know if the people ignored it or not. I have looked at people's registries before and been disappointed that I couldn't afford to get them something off of it because all that's left are big ticket items. Or quite frankly I do not really like anything on their registry so I leave it for someone else to purchase for them rather than me buying them something that I really don't like myself.

    I know many people who use the registry to determine the types of things mom and dad want but then still get their own thing. We put some items on our registry (car seat, crib, etc) even though we knew we were purchasing it ourselves. Now friends and family who haven't seen our nursery know our colours and style which may help them in figuring out what they want to get us.
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  • marthaudanimarthaudani member
    Dang. I forgot to use my expectation management. lol. Oopsie.


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  • walker14walker14 member
    I understand where you're coming from, @aklove14.  I think especially with little girls, people really enjoy picking out cute outfits and it's fun for them to give a gift they're excited about.  That said, it can be really frustrating when there are things you need and you're not getting any of them.  And I agree, that stuff can be expensive, even if you are financially stable.  Sure, you can find it probably second hand or cheaper, but it is nice to have people give you some of those items you need at your shower.  Before we were expecting, I would generally go rogue and buy gifts off registry that I liked.  Now that I've been on the other side, I will definitely stick to the registry in the future! :)
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  • cpage2211cpage2211 member
    The OP didn't say she couldn't afford to buy the items herself, that topic somehow came up after the fact. But I think the bottom line is that, while it is annoying that people do not buy off of the registry it's also not a requirement.
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  • carajeanp37carajeanp37 member
    I can totally relate OP! We have no issue paying for baby necessities ourselves but we are still struggling with generous family going off-registry! I live outside NYC so as you can probably imagine I'm not working with a ton of space! Between the crib, changer and dresser the nursery is pretty much full and we are practically out of storage throughout our apartment with the baby stuff we already have - so as nice as it is that our families want to buy us cute toys etc. the whole reason we had a registry was to make sure we didn't get too much unnecessary stuff! I feel awful having to return stuff that people spent so much time picking out, but I don't have space for 3 bouncers and swings and giant toys that people seem to love buying!
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  • cpage2211cpage2211 member
    I can't believe I'm even feeding into this as I said what I believe to be true, but I never said it was a privilege of the rich to have a child. My point was that you should not rely on others to buy your necessities off your registry for you. Babies are expensive and hoping someone else foots the bill won't help your cause as raising children is quite expensive.

    I also understood that it wasn't the OP that called any kind of hardship and not being able to support their child. Someone else brought something up and I went with that.
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  • peteresapeteresa member
    Throw ALL EXPECTATIONS out the window! Go ahead and use your completion discounts to finish getting what your baby NEEDS! If people get you these items last minute you can just stock them up or exchange them for more diapers! Don't get caught up in your hormones and be a babyzilla!!!! Relax momma :)
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  • mhilpisch10mhilpisch10 member
    I ended up getting way more from my showers than I ever expected. Most of it was from my registry. I have found that most people just don't take it OFF the registry or it doesn't work. Just be patient and see what you get at your shower and go from there. Most places are really good at returns. We would just go into target with random stuff that we got doubles of from showers and they would at least try to scan it for in store credit. 
    Married 6-1-13
    Sebastian 3-11-14
    Simon 5-2-15
    Baby #3 Due 9-29-16
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  • MrsWhiteToBeMrsWhiteToBe member
    I never said that parents should expect others to buy everything they need for their child, but I also don't think we should shame people who are doing everything they can and still coming up short. I'm not talking about people looking for handouts. If someone needs help there is nothing wrong with them asking for help. You're not obligated help them. But someone else out there might feel generous enough to do so.

    I don't think OP sounded ungrateful, I think she is worried about taking care of her baby just like the rest of us and wanted a little clarification. She was asking about etiquite, not on how to get free stuff.
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  • DMELDMEL member
    OP- it would suck to get a bunch of pointless outfits, but people aren't always practical with gifts. Exchange them for the things you need. Unfortunately not everyone wants to go by the registry and there's nothing you can do about it but return return return
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  • brittburckbrittburck member
    I always buy off of people's registry. Our shower was a mix between registry gifts and lots of clothes. Like PP said a lot of people don't think buying certain things you may need ( diaper genie refills or diapers) are fun so they prefer to pick out clothes or books.

    If you get items you won't use accept them graciously and return for something you can if you're really in need.
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  • a316ba316b member
    Some people don't give the person at the register your name when they purchase items. I once went to a Friend's shower where she got:
    3 identical strollers
    2 identical bouncers
    4 identical high chairs
    Etc
    Etc

    All still showed on her registry as "not purchased"

    Don't go in to the shower with expectations. But I agree with PP that you should return what you don't like/don't need and buy things that you do need.
    For example- of the 120 ladies at my baby shower, I didn't get ONE bottle! Lol! I think I walked away with 120 dresses, size newborn.

    Totally grateful, and you could tell people really shopped around and put thought/love into their gifts, but there was no way my daughter was going to wear all of those, so we ended up exchanging for other things (such as bottles).

    I hope your shower is enjoyable! :)
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  • JordanTomtenJordanTomten member
    Remember, a lot of people don't reserve the items off the registry or put that they purchased the item. I had only 4 items reserved on my registry of over 30 items but once we opened all our gifts at the shower people had actually purchased us a lot of things we needed. My annoyance was people not reserving items, but in the end it worked out well. Don't stress too much and don't let people get to you who are telling you you shouldn't have a baby because you can't afford it. It's just a huge financial relief when people help you out.
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  • HG2HG2 member
    Some people buy off the registery but forget to hand the paper to cashier so it never shows up as purchased.
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  • seamama525seamama525 member
    You also have to remember some people might give you a gift card or even cash. We also got a couple of items twice. There will be an opportunity to return some things you may not want. We got a good mix of things we registered for and other gifts that were very thoughtful. I appreciate everyone who bought us something.
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  • khaleesi123khaleesi123 member
    Only 2 things were bought off my registry and I have to admit it was a little frustrating because people who had my registry details would ask me what I needed and it would make me think what is the point of a registry if people are just going to ask me anyways? I'm not sure what has been bought or not I need everything :-/

    But... Even though 2 things were bought off it I was greatful as all the blankets and clothes etc that got bought well you really do need it and I was given money aswell and was able to buy what ever else I didn't have which was great.. We were very lucky with what we were given for this baby and have everything we need. Wait till after the shower you will see that even though it's not what you asked for it is exactly what you need.
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  • jcaffarijcaffari member
    edited March 2015
    @bean8213 You need to settle down. She was asking for advice on her registry, nothing more. Good Lord, some people can be so touchy!

    MOVING ON
    OP: people are weird! My registry kept saying nothing was purchased up until the last day before my shower. It's frustrating, and completely understand. I ended up with blankets galore, and barely any essential items such as bottle, diapers, etc. I'm having a second shower in a few weeks, and I'm going to wait and see what I get there..then, I will go and return all duplicates, and excessive items all at once, and get the necessities that were missed. Have a great time!
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  • laurenbrnwedlaurenbrnwed member
    My shower was this past weekend and I was a huge brat about the registry-only behind closed doors to my DH.

    I'm a ftm and totally a planner/control freak so I was really hopeful that people would use the registry.

    For the most part, we got great gifts both on and off it. Kind of a bummer that we can't return a lot because we didn't get receipts but my sister suggested just holding onto some clothes to regift down the road.

    I think it ended up being nice to get things that weren't on the registry because experienced moms bought things that they'd suggest using-id never even thought about. Plus, target sent me 5 "15% off registry completions" and bbru sent 1. So now I can see using it more as a tool for myself to purchase necessities at a discount.

    BUT don't ask me "what do you want for your shower" after I've spent hours creating a registry. That drove me nutso.
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  • mandapanda806mandapanda806 member
    I had my shower last weekend and will admit my registry was rather huge. I put necessities on there as well as wants for our LO.  One thing I noticed was that my friends and family waited to the last minute to shop, so it's possible this may happen to you too!  Also, it's possible they are looking at your registry but shopping elsewhere for gifts due to prices, or that they don't have the store I registered at nearby.  Also, I received quite a few gifts that I didn't even think of that are good essential items to have!

    If you need to, return items that you don't need or get duplicates of.  Either way, expect to still need to buy quite a few items.  I have a few shops in the area that are selling clean used baby items.  I stop in every few days (and sometimes call) to see if they have anything that I need.  Facebook often has rummage sale sites for your area too.  Just make sure if you purchase ANYTHING have them meet you in a public location for safety reasons.

    Enjoy your shower! 
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  • katiebug66katiebug66 member
    As a TTM, I often buy things that I LOVED that are not on their registrar. Things I know a FTM wouldn't know about. People did it for me and I loved having their feedback.


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  • DMELDMEL member
    I'm trying to hold back any snark here..... But in the words of frank underwood, you aren't entitled to anything!!!!!!!

    People can gift you whatever they please!!!! We've all gotten silly or thoughtless gifts before, but my parents taught me to say thank you anyway. Would t be nice to only get registry items? Yes. Is it the law for shower guests to buy only from the registry? No.

    Despite anyone's intentions, you sound bratty and ungrateful complaining about what people gave you as a gift. Especially to strangers who don't know you and thus can't decipher your true intention from an Internet post.
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