June 2015 Moms

More Scared Than Ever After Childbirth Class!!

angelak126angelak126 member
edited March 2015 in June 2015 Moms
Attended our first birthing class today. Ugh. I wish I had listened to my gut and not gone to a birthing class. First, I am not knocking prenatal education classes. I think they are wonderful tools for those who feel like they benefit from them, and I know that is a lot of people. I am simply saying that mine scared the sh** out of me, as I thought it might...and my husband for that matter. While I did learn a few helpful hints about relaxation and what to pack in my hospital bag, the videos that they showed us were absolutely horrifying. There were several short stories about several different women and their individual birth experience and let me tell you that their birth experiences all looked exactly the same to me and my husband...like the worst experience you could ever have in your life. Yes, the part where they put the baby on your chest is of course very blissful, but WHY do they show these types of videos to first-time expectant mothers? Women are screaming and moaning and writhing in pain and sitting and squatting in the most awkward and embarrassing positions. omg. All I could think of was that I hope my labor and delivery goes NOTHING like what I am seeing here. I am now more scared and tense than ever about giving birth after attending a class. Anyone else have a similar experience???

Re: More Scared Than Ever After Childbirth Class!!

  • Loading the player...
  • angelak126angelak126 member
    edited March 2015
    Thanks, I do understand what you mean. I know it's not going to be all sunshine and roses, I know it's hard. I just wish I wouldn't have seen these videos, or at least that there would have been more diversity in them and not just all videos of the same (terrifying) labor experience. I can't wait to meet my little boy but I want my labor to be as fast, as modest and as pain free as possible. I'm sure you can understand how some people just don't take pleasure in the "miracle" of the process of childbirth itself. Everyone feels a different way about it. I definitely respect women who find the pleasure and beauty in it but that is just not me. I just want it to be over and done with quickly, I don't want to see it, and frankly don't want to remember it! Its not really a matter of "sucking it up" as you suggest, It's just how I feel. It's finally having our beautiful son outta there and holding him in my arms that I want to remember!! :-)
  • I appreciate your advice!!! Thank You >:D<
  • In my birthing class, the nurse chose not to show a video of it for that reason... She told us if we really wanted to see it we could watch it on our own but her experience was that it just unnecessarily increases fear and was not super helpful in preparing...

    I found the birthing class last time around really boring and not helpful enough to warrant wasting my whole weekend by sitting in a hard chair... And am completely skipping this time around ... I am sure others have better experiences than me. Believe it or not my best relaxation for labor advice came from my super hippie yoga instructor :) I would sign up for that kind of class if it was offered :)
  • There's a good quote about how certain things are hard. It's not meant to be easy. If it were everyone would be doing it. I think this applies to both pregnancy and labor.

    I agree with PPs. I'm a FTM and went to my child birth class last weekend. I'm glad they showed the videos. Yes it is intense but it's also important to note that the women got through it and that the pain is only temporary.

    Have you considered a doula? DH and I decided to hire one so that she can help us with pain management techniques and also so we can have someone who is knowledgeable about the labor process with us since doctors and nurses will be in and out often.

    I also recommend reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and Birthing without Fear. Those are two good reads and it's helpful in viewing labor as just a natural process.

    Good luck!
  • amark11 said:



    I am not kidding myself that childbirth will be roses, but my approach to life is you can psyche yourself up or psyche yourself out. I know I will be writhing in pain, but I also know enough women have found ways, like @klkonwi says, to make it through one hour at a time and stay focused on the goal.

    Good luck, lady! We can do this. Our bodies were made for it.

    This. I'm realistic and aware its not going to be a pleasant ride. But I'm just going to remember women have been giving birth since forever, and my body is made to do this. Tackle it as I would any unpleasant experience, and just deal with it as I go along. I'm a strong person, and I'll probably end up crying and whimpering, but whatever. Whatever I need to do to get it done, is what I'm going to do.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • We chose not to go to any birthing classes given by the hospital and instead we are doing Bradley classes. It is more expensive ($350) but it is 8 weekly classes, held in a calm yoga studio, with only three other couples. We discuss everything from nutrition, to relaxation, to stages of labor, but the overall attitude is embracing labor, because fear causes tension, which increases pain. I look forward to the class each week- even if you don't plan on having your partner be the birth coach, it's worth the money just to have individual attention and time to have all your questions answered!
  • i actually agree that you shouldn't watch those videos and scare yourself. The anxiety won't help you through the process. Just know that you'll be fine despite the pain because you have no other choice. I'm sure you're preparing yourself, so don't make it worse by watching other women.

    My first time I would always complain that those videos made my vagina hurt. I watched very few. They don't prepare you as much as scare you. You'll be fine once you're in there because it doesn't last forever (even the horrible part....pushing!) and the pain is immediately gone once the baby comes.

    P.S. If you want the easiest, most pain free delivery possible...get an epidural! Lol ;)
  • Thanks ladies! I definitely don't expect labor to be "pain free" not in the slightest. I am actually a pretty tough cookie when it comes to pain. I just found the videos to be very off-putting and more damaging than helpful for me and my husband, personally. A lot of others in the class felt similarly. Appreciate everyone's advice! But I'll say it again...I am hoping and praying that my birth story is quite opposite of what I saw in the videos!! Might not go that way, I understand that, but at least know I know what I DON'T want! Hey, silver lining!! :-)
  • jessieR358jessieR358 member
    edited March 2015
    Am I the one that didn't enjoy Ina Mays book? It was a little too out there for me in some parts and as a medical provider it irritated the crap out of me that she says you don't need to give your baby vitamin K. If you want a head bleed then by all means skip it. sorry...rant over.
    I'm not doing a birthing class for a couple reasons, 1 I have a rotating schedule that doesn't allow me the same day off each week and 2 I think it would cause more anxiety than good. I've read some books and I'll just deal with the pain when I get there hoping I have an awesome l and d nurse for support.

    Edited: maybe it was mindful birthing that went on about vitamin K? I can't remember now but neither of those books were for me.
  • I found the birth experiences featured in "The Business of Giving Birth" to be both true to my experiences and encouraging. Regardless of what one thinks about the motives of the film these births are worth watching. There is pain, yes, but staying calm and focused helps because you aren't letting yourself get crazy. And trust me, when you're in labor you won't worry about what you look like in the positions you naturally move yourself into - you'll be focused on doing what feels right for your body at any given moment and likely thankful for the relief that accompanies certain positions. My best advice is to talk yourself down from this fear ahead of time, look for accounts of births that are less scary to you, and be very open with your doctor and ask as many questions as you need to feel more confident and prepared. You can do this!
  • @jesshrou don't get me started about Vitamin K...I'll go on the same rant that I do about vaccinations and it's too early on a Sunday for me to get riled up!

    I find Ina May's books to be very anti-establishment. I love nothing more than beautiful, non-intervention birth (when appropriate), but I find many who blindly follow Ina to be anti-intervention for the sake of anti-intervention without exploring the reasons why we are telling them what they MAY need and the risks. At the end of the of the day it's your body and you can refuse anything and everything but I love to educate on the reasoning behind the intervention with research to back it up. I hate being demonized and often feel like Ina May does that to hospital births and workers :(

    I agree. I get pissed off when I see similar things where women are reassured that birth is natural and if you "trust birth" then nothing can possibly go wrong. Most of the time everything goes fine but birth can be dangerous too, and I think that should be respected. (And I find the "trust birth" thing really disrespectful to those people who did have complications - as if it's their own fault for not trusting enough).
    Nothing on this thread or in that book indicate "nothing can possibly go wrong" if you trust the process. Your level of anger over this suggests you may have some personal issues to work on. No woman should be made to feel anything but elated to be done, and supported in recovery after birthing a child.

    I think it's great that Ina May cautions women about interventions for the sake of interventions. Statistics strongly support that this education is sorely needed. That shouldn't make you defensive as a medical professional - it should make you do exactly what you're doing: have clear reasons and research to back up your suggestions for interventions. Sounds like you're awesome at your job!

    The medical community would be doing itself and its patients a disservice if it didn't get introspective about current practices. Every industry and working professional should be learning about alternative views and constantly readjusting itself to ensure the best possible practices are being used.

    I am a big fan of Ina May but am also choosing to birth in a hospital with an NICU. It is a low intervention hospital, and I've been warned they like to use foreceps and avoid c-sections to a fault. So I will be aware of that and discussing that beforehand with my doctor. No approach is perfect for every woman. But if one approach is scaring the bejeezus out of you, then by all means, seek different ways to educate yourself. That's not wrong, that's smart. If that makes you defensive, offended, or angry, take it to a therapist because none of this should be perceived as personal.
  • amark11 said:

    @jesshrou don't get me started about Vitamin K...I'll go on the same rant that I do about vaccinations and it's too early on a Sunday for me to get riled up!

    I find Ina May's books to be very anti-establishment. I love nothing more than beautiful, non-intervention birth (when appropriate), but I find many who blindly follow Ina to be anti-intervention for the sake of anti-intervention without exploring the reasons why we are telling them what they MAY need and the risks. At the end of the of the day it's your body and you can refuse anything and everything but I love to educate on the reasoning behind the intervention with research to back it up. I hate being demonized and often feel like Ina May does that to hospital births and workers :(

    I agree. I get pissed off when I see similar things where women are reassured that birth is natural and if you "trust birth" then nothing can possibly go wrong. Most of the time everything goes fine but birth can be dangerous too, and I think that should be respected. (And I find the "trust birth" thing really disrespectful to those people who did have complications - as if it's their own fault for not trusting enough).
    Nothing on this thread or in that book indicate "nothing can possibly go wrong" if you trust the process. Your level of anger over this suggests you may have some personal issues to work on. No woman should be made to feel anything but elated to be done, and supported in recovery after birthing a child.

    I think it's great that Ina May cautions women about interventions for the sake of interventions. Statistics strongly support that this education is sorely needed. That shouldn't make you defensive as a medical professional - it should make you do exactly what you're doing: have clear reasons and research to back up your suggestions for interventions. Sounds like you're awesome at your job!

    The medical community would be doing itself and its patients a disservice if it didn't get introspective about current practices. Every industry and working professional should be learning about alternative views and constantly readjusting itself to ensure the best possible practices are being used.

    I am a big fan of Ina May but am also choosing to birth in a hospital with an NICU. It is a low intervention hospital, and I've been warned they like to use foreceps and avoid c-sections to a fault. So I will be aware of that and discussing that beforehand with my doctor. No approach is perfect for every woman. But if one approach is scaring the bejeezus out of you, then by all means, seek different ways to educate yourself. That's not wrong, that's smart. If that makes you defensive, offended, or angry, take it to a therapist because none of this should be perceived as personal.
    I think that I wasn't clear in my post. My annoyance (not anger - possibly the phrase "pissed off" comes off stronger in the US than it does in Ireland where I am from) was certainly not triggered by opinions expressed in this thread. Instead it was to do with the culture I see in many places of the Internet where women are given misinformation about the risks of birth and too much emphasis is sometimes put on having a "natural" birth. I have no problem with women choosing a natural birth or wanting to avoid interventions if possible but I do think that they should be given accurate information to help them make that decision.
  • angelak126angelak126 member
    edited March 2015
    @aliciaspinnet I agree with you completely and I think that is one of the reasons I freaked out and started this thread to begin with. All of the videos that were shown in our class were "natural birth" scenarios. Why not also show some videos that have medicine related pain management and interventions so that we can see a balance??? That's what really got me I think. And if anything, it steered me far, far away - as far as freaking possible - from having a natural childbirth! Lol
  • @aliciaspinnet I agree with you completely and I think that is one of the reasons I freaked out and started this thread to begin with. All of the videos that were shown in our class were "natural birth" scenarios. Why not also show some videos that have medicine related pain management and interventions so that we can see a balance??? That's what really got me I think. And if anything, it steered me far, far away - as far as freaking possible - from having a natural childbirth! Lol

    I'm not a midwife or an obstetrician, and I haven't given birth myself so I won't paint myself as an expert, but when I was training I did observe women going through labour both before and after getting an epidural and I was very impressed by how peaceful and relaxed the women became afterwards so I can certainly say that effective pain relief is available which I find quite reassuring.
  • @klkonwi I love the mirror! I plan on using it haha a lot of women accept it for me when they get disheartened thinking that they're not making progress (usually primip if it's a slow push). Sometimes it really is a motivator..really, I love it! Butttt definitely not everyone's cup of tea (same with asking if they want to feel the head when they're pushing, haha!
    TTC: 1/2014 BFP: 9/24 EDD: 6/8/2015 Sorry for the poor man's siggy...ticker won't load regardless of how many tips I read.
  • If it was so horrible I wouldn't be having #5 lol

    I had two natural... Two epidural.. I'm going for meds again ;)
  • We went through a hypnobirthing class, and the videos we watched were all of these amazingly calm, natural births. I was not able to achieve that level of peace during my birth, but seeing that it was possible was really encouraging. Most of these videos weren't too "up close and personal" either, so it wasn't too disturbing. Maybe do a search for some hypnobirthing birth videos, just to show yourself the other side of things. The book is really helpful, the class is even better. I think I'll be able to use the techniques even more effectively this time, since I'll have a better idea of what is going on. Try not to worry, you can do it!
      Blessed Mama to the sweetest boy in the world (11/9/13), one angel baby, and two fur babies: Mattie Dog and Stanley Cat.
  • If it was so horrible I wouldn't be having #5 lol

    I had two natural... Two epidural.. I'm going for meds again ;)

    This is what i keep telling myself. I'm a FTM but seriously if giving birth was the most painful, awful thing ever, people would stop after their first kid. I know it's going to be painful and while i'm still very scared to experience this for the first time, I HAVE to keep telling myself to look around me. There a zillions of people on this planet and they're not all only children. While it seems like the craziest thing that will ever happen to me, it happens pretty much every minute of every day to women every where. For some reason, that thought seems to help me take a deep breath and tell myself that I'll get through it despite my fears.
  • We had a couple come into our childbirth class last week who had their baby 3 weeks ago.. She was like "honestly it is the weirdest phenomenon but I cannot remember the pain. I know I was in pain but I have zero recollection of it." Definitely a primal thing, otherwise we'd all be only children!! At least that was encouraging to me.
    TTC: 1/2014 BFP: 9/24 EDD: 6/8/2015 Sorry for the poor man's siggy...ticker won't load regardless of how many tips I read.
  • This is my third and it is painful but you get something out of it. I would much rather give birth without pain meds than have another ear infection where they have to open your ear canal back up. This happened to me a month ago without meds and I was in intense pain for about a week. My coworker said she would rather give birth than have another kidney stone.
  • If it was so horrible I wouldn't be having #5 lol

    I had two natural... Two epidural.. I'm going for meds again ;)

    This is what i keep telling myself. I'm a FTM but seriously if giving birth was the most painful, awful thing ever, people would stop after their first kid. I know it's going to be painful and while i'm still very scared to experience this for the first time, I HAVE to keep telling myself to look around me. There a zillions of people on this planet and they're not all only children. While it seems like the craziest thing that will ever happen to me, it happens pretty much every minute of every day to women every where. For some reason, that thought seems to help me take a deep breath and tell myself that I'll get through it despite my fears.

    What helped me was counting things on the wall.. Or singing a song in my head.. Anything to get my mind off of the pain. But to be honest right after the delivery you don't remember the pain.. It's weird.
  • I try to remember that while a mother's birth experience may look awful from the outside, she may be experiencing it in a very different way. Birth videos can't really really give you the overall impression of what birth was like for the mother.

    What great advice! It really is hard to explain that birth isn't as scary as it looks but this is such a perfect way of saying that.
  • nicolec3 said:

    This is my third and it is painful but you get something out of it. I would much rather give birth without pain meds than have another ear infection where they have to open your ear canal back up. This happened to me a month ago without meds and I was in intense pain for about a week. My coworker said she would rather give birth than have another kidney stone.

    OMG I had an ear infection pre-pregnancy and they had to put a wick in my ear. I thought I was going to pass out. I definitely cried. A lot. I am curious if it'll turn out to be more or less painful than labor!

  • Haven't started our birth class yet but my dad is starting to ask questions like: are you nervous? I've seen birth videos before, they haven't bothered me in the past..but I bet it's different when you are pregnant! :)
  • Agreed! Those videos are scary!! Even worse than that was when I was induced with my first and I had to listen to a woman scream her head off in the delivery suite next to mine the entire night before it was time to hook me up to pitocin! Ugh. Talk about psyching myself out...I was sure I was going to die. I've had two now, was induced with both, didn't have any pain meds with either and yeah the whole business hurts. A lot. But it hurts and then it's over and you have a little baby! And to that woman who screamed all through it...serious credit to you because I would never have been able to muster the energy to scream that much! Haha!
    Pregnancy Ticker

  • Some helpful advice that people have already touched on is that labor creates intense surges of energy/pain. You will experience this in waves (contractions) and then it goes away. Not going to lie, they hurt, but also vary in intensity. I used hypnobirthing techniques to ride the waves. Others use breathing techniques, screaming, moaning, movement, etc. Basically these techniques help you release this energy from your body and help you progress. While you are watching these "scary" videos realize that the moaning, screaming, cussing or whatever was that women releasing the energy surge. I used hypnobirthing techniques and movement consistently for 33 hours without experiencing unmanageable pain. I chose pitocin and and epi after not progressing. Even with the epi I felt pain while pushing. I was exhausted, loosing focus, and having back labor. I chose cussing, moaning, and some screaming to get through it. Mind you my babies head was in the 95th percentile so it took some time to get him out. It will be scary at times, but honestly you will find yourself being stronger than you can imagine. You will forget about the pain because it's only temporary. Arm yourself with a variety of techniques and know that you will have an amazing team of nurses to help you get through it.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"