I totally understand how you feel! My MIL is so dramatic and not really emotionally available. She was like that with all her kids, i didn't grow up that way. She and I don't have much in common either. We live in Arizona and are delivering at mercy Gilbert, they only allow one person in the delivery room with you once it's pushing time. But an unlimited amount while laboring. i plan on only having my mother, my husband and my prenatal massage therapist there (for pain management).
That being said, she gets her feelings hurt easily, and we have a double wammy for her. She hasn't actually asked if she's allowed in, which we plan to let them stop by and say hi while I labor but not stay for long. But at our hospital they don't allow any family members to meet the baby until you are in your postpartum room, they keep you in the delivery room for 1-2 hours for skin to skin and an initial feeding with your baby ^_^
I would just tell her the facts:
A- You want it to be private (and are using your mom for extra support)
B- they only allow a certain amount of people
C- It's your laboring experience and no one can change that so make it what you want (it's not about everyone else)
Hope this helps a bit !!! Best of luck to you and all you ladies here during your deliveries !! =]
She is going to continue to work your husband and lay the guilt on thick. You may need to be the one that needs to say to her that it is not a competition between her and your mother. Your mother taking you to appointments and being in the delivery room is really more about supporting you.
I agree !! Lots of times mother in laws try to pull a fast one & play pity party with their sons. Because most of the time it works !! Boys have a soft spot for their mommies no matter what age they are! I don't blame you one bit for your decision & I think it is completely reasonable !! Best of luck to you and sweet baby. You have to fill us in afterwards
You have my sympathy for this situation. I couldn't and wouldn't even entertain the idea and your husband needed to b the one to step up and tell her it's too much of an invasion of privacy. When I had my first I knew my mil wanted to b there and might come even tho she's been asked not to so I spoke to every member of staff asking them not to let her in! Sounds cruel but seriously giving birth is personal and why should u have an audience that u don't want! Stay strong, she'll getbover it when bubba is in her arms. Good luck!
My doctors office let me know they were more than willing to be the "bad guys" and make sure my MIL won't be in the room. They said they'll make up an excuse about limited people or whatever I want. Mine was saying how she was holding her other DIL's legs open during labor and she expected to do the same for me and I said "absolutely not." Now out of respect for your husband you'll probably not be able to make her not be in the waiting room (it's his child too) but you CAN make sure she's nowhere near you for the delivery process and make her wait until you say so to see you and the baby.
I wouldn't even allow her in for the epidural. This time is about YOU safely bringing you and your husbands baby into the world! I don't know many people who allow in laws in at all! My partner and mum will be there as it's MY choice not my partners but he would not expect his mum to be there!! My hospital wouldn't allow another either. I would totally tell her straight it's a no, don't push it, I'm frightened as it is it's all new to me. You will see your grand child when she is born. Simple as that. She actually sounds like (sorry) a pathetic child!! I would not tolerate this at all. x
Also, you don't want her waiting around the hospital! It's not a show! And you don't need the pressure of someone hanging around! She will be kept updated via phone and text. And wen visiting times are on, she can be first up. She's being unreasonable and selfish. Hope you get it sorted!
With my son I had no choice in my mil being there or not. I wanted my dad and husband but he wanted his mom. Luckily I ended up getting a c section so it was just my husband and I but up until then she was with us ever since we arrived at the hospital until the day I went home. Definitely make what you want clear. This time around I have and I feel so much better about it.
No, no and no. You are giving birth and it is a very intimate and personal. If you don't want her there, then you should be the final decision maker. Not your DH. Sorry, when he births the baby he can decide. Your MIL will have to get over it. I wouldn't even debate this. And if she wants to wsit around in the waiting room then I guess that is her choice.
DS born 10/25/11 ** DD born 6/24/13 ** DS born 4/20/15
I don't even plan on having my own mother in the room. I want it to just be about me and my husband and the baby. My MIL hasn't even shown a moment of excitement since we announced the pregnancy. And she always gives us a guilt trip about everything. I'm to the point where I could care less if she even showed up at the hospital the entire time we are there. My husband doesn't have the best relationship with her either so hopefully we won't have to much trouble. I'm a FTM and stressed out enough with the drama that I don't want it anywhere near us when giving birth.
With my son I had no choice in my mil being there or not. I wanted my dad and husband but he wanted his mom. Luckily I ended up getting a c section so it was just my husband and I but up until then she was with us ever since we arrived at the hospital until the day I went home. Definitely make what you want clear. This time around I have and I feel so much better about it.
Problem solved . Due to blood pressure issues and boarder line preeclampsia , I will be having my baby girl sometime tommorow! There will only be allowed 1 person in the delivery room which will be my husband . And I can only have 1 visitor at a time
It's just sooo frustrating for me because she did not want a relationship and after I got pregnant she all of a sudden wanted to be besties lol . And I have been the bigger person I've invited her to go shopping... Look at furniture ... Drs appts etc and she's always to busy . I'm just a firm believer in ok your busy but you make time for what's important . And it's so irritating to me that she blames everything on the my brother/sister in laws . My mother is raising my niece and nephew ( my sister passed away almost 7 years ago) but my niece has a crazy rare terminal illness that requires a lot of care , drs appts etc. And she still managed to coordinate a baby shower , make my daughters baby bedding because I couldn't find anything I liked .get the nursery together after I got put on bed rest , take me to appts cuz I can't drive right now I could go on .
Also she told my husband that she's heartbroken because I don't want her in the room during delivery ( she's not my mom I won't apologize for that ) and because my mom gets to do everything with olivia (my unborn baby ) lol but like I said she does not make time when we try to include her .and the only person who really gets to do things with my daughter is me because hello she's not born yet! Lol .
I'm willing to compromise I told my husband she can come after the epidural . But will not be allowed in the room during delivery .im not sorry for having a good relationship with my mom though and wanting her there during delivery
I have a very similar relationship with my MIL. She was totally absent for our wedding for unknown reasons, and now she's pulling overtime trying to make up for it now that we're having a baby. I know she still doesn't really care much for me, but is playing nice to make sure she has access to our daughter. Anyway, I feel your pain, and all I can suggest is that you stand your ground with her AND your husband. You've given her every opportunity to be a part of her life. She doesn't just get to decide when and where she can butt in. Good luck!!!
With our daughter I was completely against my MIL being the room and I made that very clear to my husband, we ended up making a compromise and since I was not okay with her being present, no one was present until after she was born and we called and let them know visitors were okay. This go around we have a better relationship and we told her she could be in the room, my husband then informs me that since she is coming his step dad will be coming with her and will be hanging out until it's time to deliver....ummmm no. I also feel like I am not there to entertain anyone and I would prefer that unless they were asked to be in the room they stay at home until they are asked to come to the hospital. I don't need ten people in the waiting room bombarding me minutes after my LO arrives and he doesn't want to hurt their feelings so he has yet to deliver the memo.
I feel your pain my mil wants to sit in the waiting room, I've told her she can't see the baby until visiting hours just as I have told everyone else, she said she just wants to be there to give hubby and kiss and a cuddle and see a pic of the baby, so that means he's going to have to leave us to go out to entertain his mum! Anyway I'm trying not to stess if she wants to waste her time that's up to her, she's probably hoping she can sneak in but she's not, I'm going to make the midwife clear on that! Regardless of who is buttsniffing around in the waiting room I fully intend to have my golden hour with my baby skin to skin and trying to breastfeed, so annoying though, I know she is just excited but I want time to get myself together and decent!
I understand not wanting her there while your pushing, but I cant support you not having her there at all. Your husbands mother is just as important to him as yours is to you. You may have issues with her but that is still her son your married to and her grandchild your delivering. My relationship with my mother in law isn't perfect but I would never intend to put a wedge between my husband and her or our child and her unless she was someone who would put my child's well being at risk. I think you should fairly compromise with your husband.
I completely disagree with you, @Dvine21. Whoever is doing the baby pushing gets to decide who's in the room or not. If MIL must go, she can chill in the waiting room until they're ready for visitors. Otherwise, she needs to stay out of the hospital until instructed otherwise.
@divine21 until the baby is on the outside SHE is the patient. She even has the legal right to ask the father to be removed if he acts up. Even once the baby arrives it is up to her and her husband and I guarantee if she says no, she will win out. I can't stand when extra folk want to bombard their way into your life when it's convenient for them! Glad it worked out for you, though. Now you didn't have that stress over your head while you deal with giving birth.
@devine21 it is not my job to be considerate of my in laws feeling all the time as they are not concerned with mine , if their was any wedge she has caused it . She completely disrespected my wishes and came up with All 5 kids right after I had my c section Sunday I was still kinda shell shock because it was an emergency one she barged in recovery ( while my husband was talking to my mom ) and was trying to see the baby and then she told my 16 year old sister in law to come back which I strongly said I did not want . And the I believe it was the lactation consultant came back and checked my breasts and was talking to me about how to fry my baby to latch on so my 16 year old sister in law saw all my up top glory .
@mrscasey306 I probably would've told her to leave and pointed out how disrespectful she was being. I feel like the nurses should of been on top of that and made sure you didn't have a lot of visitors. I'm sorry you are going through all that. I have a very tough mil as well who doesn't listen to me who won't be finding out baby boy is coming until he is here.
Congrats on the baby! Sorry your MIL was so overbearing...now you can forget about all that and lock your doors, turn off your phone and just worry about LO only!
I can't imagine having a MIL bust into my room! I am usually pretty good about keeping my mouth shut when it comes to my soon to be ex MIL but if she busted in my room id have some choice words. When you are exposed like that you are the patient and have the right to decline people visitation! This time due to my situation I have made my visitor list VERY specific! The social worker at the hospital told me I had the right to turn anyone away who did not comply with my wishes! So if you have to go there, you can!
Re: Mother in law in delivery room
When I had my first I knew my mil wanted to b there and might come even tho she's been asked not to so I spoke to every member of staff asking them not to let her in! Sounds cruel but seriously giving birth is personal and why should u have an audience that u don't want! Stay strong, she'll getbover it when bubba is in her arms. Good luck!
I completely disagree with you, @Dvine21. Whoever is doing the baby pushing gets to decide who's in the room or not. If MIL must go, she can chill in the waiting room until they're ready for visitors. Otherwise, she needs to stay out of the hospital until instructed otherwise.