Worst Advice Ever! — The Bump
Snarky and T-TTC

Worst Advice Ever!

Hi All,

So I am new to the boards and TTC. I have been trying for 7 months and I am so over all the unsolicited and crazy advice. 
Top Three Crazies are:

"Are you doing it right? Gah I am going to have to go over there and show you!"

"Just have sex in a car...thats how all the teens do it"

"Just quit wanting it and it will happen"

I could just murder them! And each piece has its own soap box rant!
So whats the worst advice you've recieved? How did you restrain yourself?

Re: Worst Advice Ever!

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  • Yes! "Relax" is the worst piece of advice ever! Apparently it goes back to the dark ages where our bodies were built to be infertile in times of stress (no food, no babies??) - I was told this by a counsellor. I didn't see that counsellor again. "It will happen when you're not thinking about it" - well, if that's true I'm ruled out for the next 20 years! Just yesterday I wrote a list of my top 10 worst pieces of advice on my blog http://implacablyinfertile.blogspot.com.au
  • Lol, these are great!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • My hairdresser told me, in the wake of two consecutive miscarriages, just start wearing maternity clothes now. Yes what could be more aspirational than wearing maternity clothes and shopping in a maternity store while not pregnant. Some people dont get what its like.
  • This board just made my day! I am loving these comments from everyone. I have heard a lot of these things too. Just makes you want to pull your hair out!!
  • I feel like the worst is "Stop stressing cause your body won't let you get pregnant if you keep thinking about it" I hear it every day! Ugh if you tell me that I won't get pregnant from stressing then obviously I'm gonna start stressing! They make me go from being excited for trying to terrified that I'm shooting myself in the foot!
  • Made My night reading these! Yes, yes, yes! Gotta love a close friend telling me "why do you want a baby so bad right now anyway?" Ummm. And yes the just relax, just don't try. People do not get it I unless they've been in our shoes, but it's amazing how insensitive they can be.
  • My mother constantly tells me that we have to bd one day before af no matter how many times I tell her that would never work
  • My MIL tells me I stress and exercise too much and my poor sleep doesn't help either.
    A friend also advised we get drunk and relax. I said we were NTNP our whole marriage before officially TTC.
    I've also been told I'm not in a good place and when I find inner peace and love Jesus we'll conceive.
    I'm very outspoken and when told ignorant things I have harsh responses.
    I love my DH. We're smart and successful, have good jobs and are ready and willing to have a baby.
  • I love all these! I really needed this today. The one I hate most is... Well you are technically taking care of two kids now (useless father in law, and grandmother in law). I don't find that funny and they are not my children!!!! Why must I feel compelled to take care of two grow adults who refuse to do for themselves.... Sigh!

    ME:37 DH:30

    MARRIED: 07/19/2010, TTC #1: 07/19/2010

    DX: PCOS, First IUI: 10/01/2015, BFN

  • My fav is being told to just stop thinking about it. Ok! Thanks for the magic cure! I turned off the magic switch and will no longer think about babies. Ha! Stopping thinking about will surely make my husbands sperm be made shaped correctly and increase his testosterone. I wish we had thought of that!
  • Definitely Relax is my all time worst, I have not been stressed for over 5yrs! I definitely wasn't stressed for the first years when we were NTNP!

    Also had "you need to pray" first of all you don't know if I'm praying and second I believe there are many many MANY women who have prayed non stop and too have had fertility issues!
  • thanks ladies for sharing. This is exactly why I have NOT any of my family and friends about going through 2 failed IVFS. They are already bombarding me with all questions as to why we don't have kids yet (been married 3 years and TTC for 2). I'm ar the point of hiding at home because I can't take another pity look and some BS words of 'encouragement.' If you're not going through what I'm going through then you CANT possibly begin to understand [-X
    TTC for Baby #1 for 3 years. After 2 failed IUI's & IVFs, God blessed us with our miracle :).  FET 12/17/15 (transferred 2 embryos at 5days). First Beta 12/29/15 = 354. Second Beta 12/31/15 = 694. Third Beta 1/7/16 = 6,695.  Finally heard his heartbeat (126)  on 1/14/16 @ our 1st US.  2nd US on 1/21/16, HR was 159.  The most beautiful sound ever :) 
  • Oops I meant TTC for #1
    TTC for Baby #1 for 3 years. After 2 failed IUI's & IVFs, God blessed us with our miracle :).  FET 12/17/15 (transferred 2 embryos at 5days). First Beta 12/29/15 = 354. Second Beta 12/31/15 = 694. Third Beta 1/7/16 = 6,695.  Finally heard his heartbeat (126)  on 1/14/16 @ our 1st US.  2nd US on 1/21/16, HR was 159.  The most beautiful sound ever :) 
  • It took me 5 years to get pregnant while all of my cousins were popping them out like a Pez dispenser. Every family get together, visit, and holiday I was flooded with questions or comments about when I would have a baby and why am I waiting so long. I'd get poked and told that I'm next. It was frustrating! I'd get unwanted tips and advice. I was told that in God's time I'd have a baby. I was told I was over thinking it and once I stopped I'd get pregnant.

    I know they were offering support, but in my opinion I'd rather them silently support me.
  • The very worst advice I recieved was more of an alternative idea....

    My brother in laws flavor of the month girl friend suggested that since this (while indicating my tummy) isn't working for you, I can carry you baby with your husband for you!

    Needless to say, someone actually had to step in and redirect my focus because my hormones were already out of control...

    Some people simply have no idea how badly their words/suggestions can hurt.
  • This is the best board!
    We had a situation where another family member had struggled ttc a few years before we even thought about kids. I was sure that I didn't want anyone to know we were ttc so we didn't tell anyone. At 1 year ttc we had already found out that I had a septum in my uterus so I was scheduled for surgery. That's when we told the family...
    I did't get any stupid advice for a while but now I've been cleared for ttc on our own and I've had 2 chemical pregnancies in a row. Somehow people don't know how to be sympathetic to this. I've gotten the "relax" advice and I'm all, "seriously, I have a full time job and 100 other thing going on in my life as well as infertility issues that take a ton of time and money so, you realx and thank God you didn't have to do this!"
    I love the "just do something stupid like buy a car so that you can't really afford having a baby, then it will happen". Well, darn it, DH and I have spent the last 6 years of our marriage becoming financially stable, I'm not going to spend our savings on something stupid...I'm already spending it on the fertility specialists. But I'm glad mindless spending knocked you up, I bet that will work for me! Oh wait, I can afford to buy a car...hmmm
  • edited December 2015
    This is annoying for a slightly different reason, but it's similar...when I was recovering from my miscarriage, my friend tried to give me a bunch of advice on how to get pregnant. I'm like um...the getting pregnant part is not exactly the problem, clearly I can get pregnant if I had a miscarriage.  
  • For me I got told by my FMIL, that I'll get pregnant when we finally get married... Yeah! That's the be all, end all to conception, marriage. Grrr! 

    Me:28 (PCOS, DOR), DH: 32 (low morphology)
    TTC since March 2012
    2013-2014 - 6 rounds of Clomid - BFNs
    3 failed IUIs in 2015
    October 2015 - wait listed for IVF #1
    IVF #1 March 2016 - bfn, zero frosties!
    Femara cycle 1 May 2016 - POAS starting May 21st / beta testing May 25th....

  • "now that you're fostering and plan to adopt you'll be pregnant in a year."

    And the smug faces that they were right. I know we're blest, but it's still frustrating. No, that's not the reason. 
  • VastraVastra member
    "If you'd started trying before you closed on the house you'd be in your third trimester by now!"
    Married: 2011
    TTC #1: 3/2016
    Me 39 - DH 44
    BFP 5/27/16 EDD 1/30/17
    DD born 2/3/17
  • My partners friend told him"just keep dumping it in her"
    TTC since May 2015 with domestic partner of 13 years. Me 33 OH 33.  No ovulation or natural menstruation. Normal SA.
    Diagnosed PCOS February 2016
    First cycle 50mg Clomid 5/3/16, O'd CD 19 BFN
    Second cycle 50mg Clomid 6/1/16 O'd CD 18 BFN
    Third cycle Clomid 6/29/16 O'd CD 16 BFP @11dpo!
    EDD April 3 and praying things work out!
  • zigzag8412zigzag8412 member
    edited June 2016
    Love this thread! Some of my personally experienced favorites are:
    "Just get drunk"
    "Stand on your head after"
    And the all-star winner from my unmarried baby sister (21) who got ku her first time and then had a mc (all after she'd broken up with the guy): "Just get pregnant already- it's not that hard!"  :D:D:D
    (I suggested to her that that probably wasn't the best thing to tell someone who had been trying for 12 months and has a medical condition that actually does make it "that hard.")  :p #blessit
    Me:27 (diagnosed anovulatory May 2016)  DH:29 (normal)
    Met 2008 | Dated 2010 | Married 2012
    TTC#1 since June 2015
    June 2016- 50mg generic clomid CDs 5-9 w/TI | 2 follies (14 & 12), thin (2.45) lining | BFN
    July 2016- 1mg estradiol CDs 1-7, 50mg generic clomid CDs 5-9 w/TI | 2 follies (14 & 10), thin (~4) lining | BFN
    August 2016- 1mg estradiol CDs 1-7, 50mg generic clomid CDs 5-9 w/TI | BFN | Referred to specialist, visited once, was told we have less than a 3% chance even on medication, recommended to IUI for up to a 50% chance, decided not to pursue at this time | Stopped "trying"
    October 2016- We became licensed foster parents
    November 9, 2016- Arrival of DD#1, 4yo
    March 1, 2017- 1 day late, feel like crap (low fever & exhausted) | Mom suggested test before taking meds, I laughed but did it anyway | BFP! *shock*

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    BabyFruit Ticker

  • This. Thread. Is. Everything.

    Married: 8/23/2014
    DX PCOS: 4/2016 - Metformin 2x daily
    IUI #1: 6/29/2016 - Letrozole CD 3-7, HCG Shot CD 14, Ovidrel CD 15, IUI CD 16 - BFN
    IUI #2: 7/30/2016 - 
     Letrozole CD 4-7 (doubled up CD 4), Ovidrel CD 12, IUI CD 13 
    Me 36 - DH 39

  • "Eat more egg and womb shaped foods! Like eggs and eggplants!"
  • After we sat DHs family down and told them that we would be exploring IVF, after telling them it was physically impossible... My FIL told us to put some plant (I forget the name) under my side of the bed to increase my egg supply. And some other plant under DHs side of the bed to help sperm count. Meanwhile, my egg reserve is high and hubs sperm is perfect! My tubes were ruined by endometriosis!

    March 2017 August Siggy Challenge-  Summer Fails

    formerly known as theabels

    Married to DH since May 2009
    TTC Baby #1 since October 2012
    Dx with Stage 3 Endo December 2013
    IVF #1 Retrieval: February 27- 21 eggs retrieved, 16 fertilized via ICSI 
    March 4: 1 egg transferred. 10 embies on ice!
    March 17: BFP!!

    FET#1 Transfer: 6/30/16
    7/7/16 BFP
    Initial Beta 396! 
    Beta 2- 1007
    Beta 3- 2952

    Official Due Date 3/18/17!

    BabyFruit Ticker

  • My MIL is great with the superstitious advice... Plant this in your garden, eat this, smell this before bed at night, carry a card of this saint in your pocket... She's convinced it will all work and the only reason we're not KU is that we're refusing her advice.  

    My favorite is the criticism though... You're too skinny/not eating enough/not eating the right food/working too much/driving too much/exercising too much/watching too much tv/whatever.  Sure, even though my doctor tells me different, I'm going to believe you, Dr. MIL.  
  • My brother's wife had some procedure (I think it was HSG) that my mom describes as blowing air into the uterus. My mom now insists about twice a week that I just need to "get blown up" and that'll work. My sister-in-law says it was so painful she passed out, so I'm not too anxious to try it unless my doc says I should. 


    Me 34 DH 34 

    DS1 born September 2017
    Baby number 2 due 4/11/20
  • When we told my sister in law our about our impending IVF she said if it was me when I had your first abnormal pap smear 3 years ago I would have started worrying/trying. 
    We have been trying that entire time except for the times when we haven't been allowed because of impending/recovering surgeries or tests. 
    She also has a kid and doesn't understand ANYTHING about fertility. She was surprised to hear a normal woman only releases 1 egg a cycle and didn't understand when ovulation happens. She just had sex throughout the whole month and got pregnant 1st flipping cycle. 
  • This is my first post but I thought this would give you a chuckle. My friend's mother told him he should kill a goat for me to bring me a baby. Cos apparently that works in her country.....
  • To me, the most offensive is always "it'll happen when you stop trying so hard." 

    Or frankly, "oh it was hard for me too! It took 6 whole months but we stopped trying and did something fun and Boom, pregnant." 

    Umm no. 2.5 years, lots of drugs, doctor's visits, blood draws, ultrasounds, etc later; "not trying" is not going to work. 

    Me: 30 DH: 31
    2 Dogs / 2 Cats 
    IUI #1 07/2016 BFN
    IUI #2 10/2016 BFN
    IUI #3 11/2016 BFN
    IVF #1 03/2017 - 23 Retrieved / 22 Fertilized / 11 at Day 3 / 1 Beautiful Embryo tf on Day 5 / 7 Frozen on Day 6 - Beta #1 4/5/17: 104 Beta #2 4/7/17 224
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    BabyFruit Ticker

  • This is why we donto tell anyone when we decide to ttc!!! 
    Our friends, more like acquaintances, got pregnant their first month of trying.   at Christmas  (they're kinda distinctly related) they were bragging about how easy it was to get pregnant. we didn't stay long because I was almost in tears!!!
  • For the record I just had mine done on Monday and I felt absolutely no pain and no discomfort even with a blocked tube. Slight minor period like cramps on the drive home. And mine took twice as long as three times as much dye because of the blocked tube. Just thought u would like that input.
  • That was for bridgeandwall sorry
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