Bachelor party

v1wwo · March 2015

My husband asked me if he can go to a bachelor party today... I told him yes and right away my feeling tookover me and I stormed out of the room and locked myself in the bathroom crying.

Im hurt and jealous about it. At the same time it's his life.

I'm hurt because we talked about this a month ago and we agreed that he would not go to this bachelor part that would happen in Tijuana... Now they changed it to Montreal..... I thought we were on the same wavelength about bachelor parties anywhere around the world and leaving me while preagnet. He only thought it applied to Tijuana.

See this is not his 1st bachelor party. In fact it's his 5th (he went to the other ones.) I do trust him... All he does is get drunk and high on something and does stupid guy things with the boys. As for me I never gone to any bachelorette party's because all my girl friends are younger then the guy friends and still don't think about things like weddings. And I don't think I will ever go to one because I will be a mother.

I also like to party and go visit new places but I can't do things like that anymore (or I think I can't or I would feel guilty leving him with a kid.) So yes, I'm jealous... Very. I tried to get a few of my fiends together and have a small vacation at some tropical beach but that never worked out.

At the same time he has his own life and should do what he wants... It's just sad that he didn't think of my feeling......

Guh!!!

(Oh and we are not going to their wedding because it's somewhere in the Caribbean islands and it was too much money.... And they never said any condolences to us when I lost my 4 legged baby... )

bonniecouture · March 2015

Completely understand! What you're feeling seems completely normal to me. My boyfriend has been living in Cali doing a sales job and I'm in Boston enduring the worst winter of my life till he gets back in May. It sucks being alone and pregnant but I guess things could be worse. Can't even lie tho, I'd be pissy about it too. And same deal, none of my friends work full time and would want to go on a vaca with me either. I'll go with you hahaha

tattoosnpearls30 · March 2015

I understand as well., it's sad how we all are apart of the actual getting pregnant but we are the ones to really calm down quicker .. Sorry sweety and I'll go with you too!! Lol

BeachBabe22 · March 2015

Maybe I'm an uptight person but I would not be ok with my husband getting high. You said he gets high on something so that to me sounds like more than just smoking weed. I understand bachelor parties and wanting to have fun but it seems a bit ridiculous for him to be traveling so far for it when you're not even going to the wedding. I would have a conversation with him about your feelings and hopefully he'll change his mind.

Shundiec · March 2015

Do you have family who could watch your child for a quick get away when he/she is older? I have never let having a child or a husband keep me from spending time with my friends. Not a lot of time granted but we all need our me time. I do have a lot of trusted family members close by so I understand if you dont want to bail on DH and the LO.

Izzies · March 2015

I personally would not be ok with my husband going to that kind of bachelor party. I think a few drinks are fine but getting high is a huge difference. Your about to be parents, sit him down and talk with him and tell him how you really feel. Also it sounds like this trip will be pretty expensive? Why not put that money towards a baby moon?

mrscate88 · March 2015

My husband and I discussed this before we even got married, no bachelor parties and no getting high, we're responsible adults and we don't get into that nonsense. A few drinks are fine, a night out with the boys fine, but bachelor parties are out of the question, for both of us. I would be mad if I was you too and I'd have a serious talk with him about the responsibility of being good parents and giving you the support you need as his pregnant wife. If you don't want him involved in illegal irresponsible behavior during this complex time of your life, he should respect that. I wish you both the best and I'm sorry for your struggles

v1wwo · March 2015

High is really just with weed. Some other guys do other stuff and he tried it but it was not for him... Also, I'm much better prefer him getting high then going to a stripper club.

We did talk and he didn't know how I felt about all this... Why are man so slow....

jessbruxanova · March 2015

I would never be able to accept it. I don't mean to be like this but I don't feel comfortable with my partner going out to a bachelor party. I don't blame you for feeling this way. I'd be just as upset as you.

melewen · March 2015

I don't mind hubs going to a bachelor party but flying to Canada?! Ehhhh NO.

Kayciejoe56 · March 2015

I think you should let him go, as long as it's not too close to the due date! Guys need their time to blow off steam, even as parents. If trust is not an issue then I say he deserves this time. It stinks that you can't get some of the girls together for a trip... I am kinda in the same boat, except all my friends are already parents and won't leave their kids (even with their hubs). We are fairly young still (30) and enjoy going out, and plan on continuing to go out after LO gets here. Bachelor parties shouldn't be off limits, it's a part of this stage of life and I would hate for my DH to miss any of his friends parties... and I would hate even more if he didn't go because of me!

callistosmile · March 2015

Rationally I think he should be able to go, but I can never stay rational about stuff like this, so I totally get where you're coming from. Mostly I get jealous of my boyfriends' friendships because I don't have any girlfriends at all these days. Why don't you go too? You guys can both take a vacation and you could do a spa day or something when he's off bachelor-ing. You would feel more confident knowing that you're closer to him, and you'd get to have a fun vacation too.

Knottie62159488 · March 2015

My fiancé is having his bachelor party in Amsterdam for a week in May. So to me Montreal seems so tame. I wouldn't worry. Guy trips are going to be few and far between once these babies get here so use the weekend to pamper yourself maybe you and a friend can have a spa weekend to keep your mind off of it? That's what I'm planning on doing.

adtaylor2015 · March 2015

That would be a no go for me. Thankfully my husband has no interest in getting high, partying, or wild bachelor parties. I think it's really inconsiderate of him to think it's ok to go. I'm sorry you are dealing with that.

ETA: this has nothing to do with trust either. It's called growing up.

Cupcakequeen1000 · March 2015

It would be a no for me as well, when my husband and I were dating we had this discussion. My theory isif he thinks it's okay for him then he has to be okay with me doing the same thing... Lol he was not okay with that so win win for me I don't like that crazy type of party and he has never asked to go to a crazy bachelor party, I like all his friends they are tame and respect their wives and g/f, Their idea of a bachelor party is hunting/camping or going to shoot some pool and drinks and I am 100% okay with this..and we have our fun girls nights too such as nice dinners & drinks & pj parties and we are all in our 20's so all young but I guess a different mindset of fun than some others

excited2bmommy09 · March 2015

I'd be okay with a local bachelor party, but traveling to go to one wouldn't be okay with me for a few different reasons. I also wouldn't be okay with my SO doing drugs of any kind, thankfully that's not an issue with us since he's in law enforcement and they frown on that lol. I also am a believer that if he can go out with the boys or do bachelor parties, than I can do the same with my girls. I don't go for double standards.

sbellaro · March 2015

I feel i have a little bit of a different opinion, but my husband has been to vegas 2 times for batchlor parties. And when its not vegas they do manage to go on a small trip 2 to 5 hours distance from where we live. I am perfectly fine with him going, given that he isnt spending too much money, and is not traveling close to my due date. But he is a responsible person, doesnt drink too much or do drugs, that part would bother me if i knew he would get out of control. I do know they go to strip clubs. Honestly it doesnt bother me. But i would definatly talk to him about how your feeling. Maybe theres a compromise to be made on his part that would make you feel more comfortable with him going. And of course everyones relationship is different. If theirs reasons your still uncomfortable with him going then i would definatly make it clear to him. I hope this helps.

lochligirl · March 2015

For sure I'm against getting high - we never have and never will... but personally we like to have fun and have our boys/girls weekends and I don't see any harm in it as long as YOU get it too! Why don't you do a spa weekend with a friend or with your mom? Or even take a drive to a B&B somewhere for the weekend? I just think that both parts of a couple need to have their own separate lives and own separate fun - and I think it should continue as much as you can after you are parents (if you can afford it).

My husband and I both had out-of-town bachelor and bachelorette parties (me Vegas, him Phoenix) and they were a BLAST! We also both go on usually 2-3 weekend trips with friends - he usually goes golfing or a football weekend, and I go to a spa weekend or beach weekend with my girlfriends. I sure as heck plan on continuing that after the baby is born! We would either leave her with parents and both go our separate ways at the same time, or we would take turns staying home with the baby.

We also plan lots of trips together as well (in case anyone thinks we spend all our vacation time apart!).

I know it sucks feeling jealous and like you're missing out... but make sure you do something for you!!! My husband was just in Vegas for a hockey tournament (we live in Canada) and I spent the weekend having brunches with friends, catching up on my reading, going to movies, and enjoying my alone time before baby comes. He came back EXHAUSTED and hungover and I had a super nice relaxing weekend!

missdonnaanne · March 2015

I rationally think he should be able to go but emotionally... I don't know. My husband went to a bachelor party in New Orleans a few weeks ago, leaving me home alone for 5 days during which we got a huge snow storm and I have shovel out our long drive way of 8 inches of snow. I was pissed. And I was annoyed when he came back and complained that the house wasn't clean. I think honestly I was more jealous then hurt, I don't get to party now, I can't drink... So why should he be able to? But I also get that, that's not really his fault and not fair of me. He works hard and takes really great care of me when he is home....

So I have no advice except to say I totally understand where you are coming from and its a valid feeling.

bpv101283 · March 2015

This is a tough one. I always try to brush things off but so would obsess over him going. When we were dating I would have flipped out. Not that we are married for 4 years and I'm way older I don't know if I would care as much. I mean not pregnant me drinks too much wine, smokes weed now and again, and loves to go out dancing. I love nights when he goes out and I get alone time. I would be dwelling a bit depending on how his friends are.

I don't think its a good idea if you are having reservations about it. Would probably torture you and you don't need that. It's a sensitive time.

ericksonbritney · March 2015

My boyfriend wants to go to Vegas with his brother for a weekend and I'm pissed. It's not fair that we are stuck home and pregnant, not able to drink or anything fun like they can and they want to just leave. It makes me really mad. You have a right to be upset. They live a carefree life and have nothing to worry about while all we do is worry about the baby and our bodies and how everything is going. You have a right to be upset. I wish they understood.

lopezroke · March 2015

I guess im on the uptight side. No way i would let my husband go to that. Weve had trust issues in the past but i know myself enough to know i wouldnt be ok with it either way. Sometimes its time to settle down and as parents you miss out on a lot. Life changes and people need to adapt to those changes. If your going to be sitting at home upset that he went you should let him know now. You had already made a decision and he must really want to go cuz he figured hed try again. Men can be as bas as a child a lot of times. But if you feel strongly about it stick to your guns

mrscate88 · March 2015

For me it's not really about being pregnant and not being able to drink, I really don't care about that. It's more about keeping the marriage standard equal between us, as my husband certainly wouldn't approve of me taking a long distance trip with my girlfriends for a bachelorette party. Not all these parties are bad, but they can quickly escalate, and he certainly wouldn't want me caught in the middle of that, wouldn't want me getting high or going to strip clubs. So we both feel that it's fair for us to just avoid those circumstances. If it was a party that we could both attend and enjoy, I would feel totally different. Our rule of thumb is to never act like you're okay with something that you really aren't okay with, it will turn into a fight eventually and you don't need that negativity in your relationship.

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