This is going to come off bad and I know it...

on_the_move · March 2015

It can be hard not to be jealous when someone seems to be just handed what you desperately want, but in my honest opinion teen pregnancies are just as tragic as those of us who struggled to TTC. Think of all the things you were able to do that they won't without a ton of struggle: go to college, get married and strengthen your marriage with your husband. We are all dealt different struggles, don't compare your behind the scenes to their highlights reel.

MamaOwl15 · March 2015

I don't think you're an awful person, though I do think you're being a tad judgemental. That being said, I see where you're coming from.

Before my now husband and I conceived our son, at least 3 of his friends got pregnant. Two kept their babies, though one ended up giving the baby up to the father. One had an abortion so she could resume her life of partying and smoking weed. (Not saying all women who choose to terminate are doing it for these reasons but I knew this girl and I knew she did). The third girl was in an abusive relationship, and she got married to the guy, divorced him, had another baby with him . . .

Watching all this broke my heart, because I BADLY wanted a baby and DH and I (he was my BF at the time) thought he was sterile and it would never happen. Adoption was years and years away. Then, Surprise, we found out we were expecting our son. Now a wedding, two years, and a miscarriage later, we're expecting #2. None of these pregnancies was entirely planned, but it's not like #2 or 3 were surprises. I wish we could do everything "right," but if we waited that long, I'd be 40 before we could have another kid. So the house, the bigger car, separate rooms and college funds for the kids, all that will come later. For now, we get by on what we can.

All that to say, OP, you are allowed to feel however you want, and I totally get how much it hurts to see someone so careless with something you worked hard for. But don't judge someone if you don't know their story.

taboo1981 · March 2015

I completely understand and have always felt that i was just being bitter as well. I waited to do things the right way, fall in love, get married then try for baby. My husband and i have been married for 4 yrs and tried from day one. We had 2 miscarriages and are now pregnant again. I get it because its what we wanted so much and after trying for so long and going through the pain of losing i almost didnt want to try again. I dont think my bitterness was toward just young girls but women even who didnt have to try or didnt want it. Believe me i do not by any means feel that any woman should go through a loss because it really is so devastating but i just didnt understand how it just wasnt happening for us. So please dont feel like a bad person. Were all entitled to our feelings and pain

izzymiraj · March 2015

I don't know if I'm more shocked at this thread or more shocked at the amount of people who encourage threads like this.

Audranb87 · March 2015

I was so incredibly jealous that all of my friends and everyone I knew in Highschool had at least 1 child, some 4-5 children. Even though I wasn't trying I was envious of their little families. Since ive been off BC and wasn't getting pregnant I was very discouraged. But I went through helping my teen friends raise their babies and I would have never ever wanted that struggle. Its way harder than trying to get pregnant and being prepared financially, mentally and have a home of your own. I see both sides of this but I prayed and asked god why I wasn't worthy of making children and no longer than 1 week later I conceived. Miracle! But as a former Bully, these things said can really hurt some ladies. They shouldn't be punished verbally for things that have already happened that they are stepping up to the plate and taking care of their mistakes. I could understand being pissed if they kept getting pregnant and aborting, then by all means be pissed. but I would consider this BULLYING. Please feel free to read the bump terms and conditions. This is a friendly site to all expecting. What if these teens have questions to some of the older moms and are now afraid to ask because of posts like this. Not okay in my eyes.

abkenyon · March 2015

It's not like I want to feel like this and i would NEVER say anything or act on my feelings but I can't help how I feel. It's not just teen moms, how about people even in their late 30's early 40's that have a baby to save their marriage or relationship. Who does that?! I don't think sleepless nights and a screaming infant is going to help your marriage! I just wanted to know if anyone else has felt the same way. Thank you to those that admitted that you had/have some of the same feelings and those that countered so nicely to give me the other prospective. I can't say that it won't bother me in the future but I know I can keep my mouth shut and my feelings to myself (or at least to share with only strangers on a message board).

izzymiraj · March 2015

@abkenyon why are you so concerned with other people's choices. If someone feels their marriage is crumbling and decides they want to have a child maybe it is comforting to them maybe it will bring joy into their lives. If a young lady has 3 kids by age 21 and is raising them again what is it to you. I'm not trying to be rude but I really feel as though your thread is spewing negativity as mentioned above this is a friendly forum to help support one another and not to judge making some uncomfortable. I hope you can find peace in your heart and not busy yourself with others life choices.

Kitta+1 · March 2015

The only negativity I see are those crying 'bully' when grown women are just sharing their feelings. You'd rather shame these women for legitimate feelings than face the fact that girls having children before they are financially able to support them is disgraceful then I think I've found the problem with this society.

No, I don't think teen moms should be shamed for the rest of their lives for one mistake, but you know what - I don't think they should be coddled either. All this PC "we cant say anything bad about anything ever" sentiment is what's causing poor morality to start with.

The only bullies I see, are those that try to 'shame' those of us that worked hard to be ready before we had kids and now get too see little teen moms reaping the same reward just by spreading their legs. I don't see anything wrong with feeling a little frustration at that point.

ravenbird007 · March 2015

First of all congrats, but unfortunately I can only half agree with your sentiments. I'm 19 years old (DD is a day before my birthday so who knows if I'll be 20 yet). My boyfriend and I didn't plan this. We used condoms, and the night one of them decided to break, we spent the $50 on Plan B the next day. We understood that we weren't in the perfect situation, but now that were here, we've stepped up. We're not well off, and we'll definitely struggle, but between supportive families, and determination to give this child all we possibly can, we'll pull through. That shouldn't make us terrible people. My friends sister recently gave birth. That baby girl was born with multiple addictions, and her mom just abandoned her. She had the audacity to tell her own mother she couldn't care less if the baby dies. THOSE are the people you should be bitter about. The ones that could care less, and run from the responsibilities you so badly wanted.

anaprice15 · March 2015

Kitta+1 said:
The only negativity I see are those crying 'bully' when grown women are just sharing their feelings. You'd rather shame these women for legitimate feelings than face the fact that girls having children before they are financially able to support them is disgraceful then I think I've found the problem with this society.

No, I don't think teen moms should be shamed for the rest of their lives for one mistake, but you know what - I don't think they should be coddled either. All this PC "we cant say anything bad about anything ever" sentiment is what's causing poor morality to start with.

The only bullies I see, are those that try to 'shame' those of us that worked hard to be ready before we had kids and now get too see little teen moms reaping the same reward just by spreading their legs. I don't see anything wrong with feeling a little frustration at that point.

Watch yourself. You could easily be broke, divorced and a single mother by next year. Saving up and "preparing" means nothing. Everything can change in a moment. You too spread your legs lol!
Super judgemental so high & mighty! Get off your high horse.

MamaOwl15 · March 2015

I have no ill feelings towards anyone who worked her ass off to be financially stable before TTC, especially those who ended up experiencing infertility. I wish I'd made better choices in my 20's so my kids would have the life the deserve.

I just dislike being judged or seeing others judged by people who don't know the whole story. (btw, not saying anyone on here us judging me.).

It makes me sad to see girls having babies before they're old enough to vote or drink. But as long as you're stepping up to the challenge of parenting, I have no judgement for you.

mnturk · March 2015

You're not an awful person, you're a human being and you feel things.

However, I can attest to the fact that accidents aren't always just irresponsible people getting knocked up. I am 25, I have only been w my boyfriend for a year, and I am still working on my PhD. It's not the ideal time to have a baby. But I was on birth control pills, which my OB has since told me are the ones that work w less consistency than others (too bad my Gyno didn't tell me, right?). However, my boyfriend and I are both excited, and even though we are unmarried and we weren't trying, we are about as stable as we can be for where we are (I own two houses, he owns one, we have savings, and we work hard).

I also know I look 16, so...

Just remember things aren't always as they seem. But you don't have to like the accidentally pregnant just because you know our stories--it's still human to be upset by things like this.

kjacks6347 · March 2015

Every women is different. Just because you have a hard time believing in accidents does not mean that they don't happen. I was on the pill and took it every single day and now I'm pregnant and it was 100% unplanned. I would be careful not to judge others so harsh. It is only causing stress and negativity into what should be a happy time for you. Relax and enjoy the experience. Stop focusing on other people!

ikpmomc4 · March 2015

I see both sides of this. I get pregnant very easy (#5) and had my first at 20, second at 21 & third at 23. They weren't planned but they weren't prevented. I wanted them. Now my baby is 9 months. It was the same situation although I have since divorced my three boys dad and am remarried. We did plan this last one and got pregnant first try. I do get frustrated when I see people with a bunch of kids living off of the government. We raise ours with no help. But it isn't just young people I see people of all ages with lots of kids and government help. I get people run into hard times but I'm talking about the ones with food stamps but have fancy manicures and hair extensions and coach purses. That frustrates me not their age so much. I get how ur struggle to conceive was so hard while others like me have no problem is frustrating. I can get pregnant but I don't go into labor so I've only had caections and that's hard, I feel like my body let me down or I failed. I also do not produce milk so I can't bf it's kinda the same frustration you have. Good luck and congratulations.

BunnyyMama · March 2015

I totally understand where you're coming from with this statement. That being said, I, myself am 18 and pregnant. However my scenario was slightly different. Being told I was completely infertile since I was 15, as well as being on 2 forms of birth control (required for a skin medication I was going to be taking), I still got pregnant. Seems impossible, right? When I told my partner, he said without a worry "we made a little miracle sweetie." Sometimes things happen for a reason, without explanation. I am now happily 11w and looking forward to having my first, no matter how young I am

Everybody is a little different, and some people have to work for things harder than others. But it's all worth it in the end, is it not? Xo

FatPony · March 2015

We should all revisit this post in 2 years. I wonder if and how these opinions would change......

ChristyD6 · March 2015

izzymiraj said:
I don't know if I'm more shocked at this thread or more shocked at the amount of people who encourage threads like this.

Right?!?! I do think it is kinda awful to hate on people that have gotten pregnant easier than you, whatever their age.

Eta: Oh and I am almost 31, have a doctorate degree, a husband, decent retirement savings, and a college fund for my DD so I think you should be ok with my pregnancy

Kitta+1 · March 2015

You have a doctorate? That's cool - I bet you worked hard for it, right? Wouldn't it be a shame if they just started handing them out left and right for no reason, regardless of training or requirements? Like, they just started appearing in random people's mailbox's, fully legit degrees right - no skill necessary, just do the jobs as best you can! But hey, I bet you'd just be happy for all those new graduates that did absolutely nothing to gain that degree right! An upstanding citizen like yourself wouldn't possibly feel slighted at the least that your hard won accomplishment that you spent years on is now just something teens do accidentally? Because to have any feeling at all about that would automatically make you a horrible person, of course.

ChristyD6 · March 2015

Ummmm I'm pretty sure that higher education is different from getting pregnant. As far as I know of there's isn't a competency requirement to get KU.

Be jealous and have all the feelings you want but it's pretty ugly to be mad at people who didn't struggle as much as you. Maybe OP shouldn't complain about it taking 8yrs to get pg bc some people are never successful.

Someone else getting fat doesn't make you skinny.

KLopez33 · March 2015

Ignorant.

abkenyon · March 2015

ChristyD6 said:
Ummmm I'm pretty sure that higher education is different from getting pregnant. As far as I know of there's isn't a competency requirement to get KU.

Be jealous and have all the feelings you want but it's pretty ugly to be mad at people who didn't struggle as much as you. Maybe OP shouldn't complain about it taking 8yrs to get pg bc some people are never successful.

Someone else getting fat doesn't make you skinny.

Don't think I ever said mad, frustrated and annoyed yes.

ashhay87 · March 2015

I don't think that you're awful for saying this.

I was a teenage mum. My mum didn't give me the birds and the bees talk, and I was a little naive thinking it wouldn't happen to me. I was surprised, but I have still done everything else my friends (who don't have kids) have done - just a few months later. I work full time, am studying two degrees at uni, my kids both go to private schools and I make sure that their needs come first - the same as any mum.

I think that young women who become parents as teens often don't know the power of their own bodies, and that getting pregnant and having a child isn't as glamorous as it looks. But I also think that teen mums get slapped with the label that we all went out and did it deliberately or whatever.
If my own mother had taught me about puberty, sex ed and my own self worth, things might be different. As it stands, I wouldn't change my life for anything.
I hope I haven't offended anyone in saying this.

At the end of the day, mums need to have respect for mums. If we spent half the time cutting each other down, a lot more of us would have more confidence in what we're doing and less insecurities about ourselves.

ChristyD6 · March 2015

abkenyon said:

ChristyD6 said:
Ummmm I'm pretty sure that higher education is different from getting pregnant. As far as I know of there's isn't a competency requirement to get KU.

Be jealous and have all the feelings you want but it's pretty ugly to be mad at people who didn't struggle as much as you. Maybe OP shouldn't complain about it taking 8yrs to get pg bc some people are never successful.

Someone else getting fat doesn't make you skinny.
Don't think I ever said mad, frustrated and annoyed yes.

Oops. I guess once I got the gist of your post I only skimmed.

ladylbb · March 2015

ashhay87 said:
I don't think that you're awful for saying this.

I was a teenage mum. My mum didn't give me the birds and the bees talk, and I was a little naive thinking it wouldn't happen to me. I was surprised, but I have still done everything else my friends (who don't have kids) have done - just a few months later. I work full time, am studying two degrees at uni, my kids both go to private schools and I make sure that their needs come first - the same as any mum.

I think that young women who become parents as teens often don't know the power of their own bodies, and that getting pregnant and having a child isn't as glamorous as it looks. But I also think that teen mums get slapped with the label that we all went out and did it deliberately or whatever.
If my own mother had taught me about puberty, sex ed and my own self worth, things might be different. As it stands, I wouldn't change my life for anything.
I hope I haven't offended anyone in saying this.

At the end of the day, mums need to have respect for mums. If we spent half the time cutting each other down, a lot more of us would have more confidence in what we're doing and less insecurities about ourselves.

Amen sister!!!
Why does it matter that it took mama A 4 years but it took mama B one romp in the sac?! Who the hell cares?! We are all in the same damn pregnant boat, no matter how we got there! Can we just celebrate that we are bringing life into the world and be happy for one another?! Damn Gina! All these mama's on here miscarrying left and right and we complainin about how long it took to be with child. Get over yourselves and be happy with what God blessed you with because it could be a lot different.

gabrielafrnqyepez · March 2015

Why are others peoples accomplishments or lack there of of any matter to any one !!!! How about focusing on what you do have ?!? What if one day you just lost it all because you didn't appreciate it...any one who worries about total strangers that much is pathetic and any one who hates on those close to them for their good fortune is a twofaced now you pick, what are you! This thread should be stopped I refuse to even look here or entain it any longer ... I though it was a moment kinda vent because I'm hormonal but no this is how a lot of individuals feel and that is a sad way to go through life!

Rixende · March 2015

I can't even believe this post is here. We should all be happy for each other and not putting each other down.
Mine was an "accident." I got home from the ER and stared at a wall for over an hour scared to death of telling my boyfriend when he got home. I didn't know of he'd be happy or pissed. He was sort of in between but he's been very supportive.
I'm sorry it took you so long to conceive. But hey I'm happy for you !

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