Baby shower question

Mousemama · March 2015

I have a baby shower question for everyone. I never actually had a baby shower for my son because he was born 6 weeks early and I ended up being discharged from the hospital (with my baby still in the NICU) on the exact day my shower was scheduled to be held. So here's my question. Is it appropriate for my mom to throw a shower for baby #2? We don't need anything (and I doubt I'll even be registering for anything since my son is only 2 and we can reuse nearly everything we already have), but I kind of wanted the experience of the baby shower and having a fun party. And yes, I know that it's kind of an etiquette breach to have my mom host the shower, but I don't have any sisters or aunts and my best friend lives 4 hours away in another state. Or is it too much of a violation of the rules of good manners to have a second shower (even if it would really be a first shower since the first one was cancelled)? I don't want to appear gift-grabby (like I said, we have everything we need) and I'm willing to just suck it up if it would seem really rude or ill-mannered. Everyone's thoughts and opinions would be appreciated, please!

MrsPyrowiz · March 2015

I understand wanting the party. I have no experience, but my suggestion would be to have the shower and either put "please no gifts" on the invite or something like, "instead of a gift, please bring a baby book with a little note from you inside". Some people will probably bring a small gift anyway, but then you won't seem gift grabby.

Mousemama · March 2015

Thanks for the idea! I was thinking of putting "please no gifts" on the invite but wanted other people's opinions.

KYmama9286 · March 2015

I don't think it's weird. I ended up having my baby shower in the hospital in a nurses lounge because I unexpectedly got put on strict hospital bed rest from 27-37 weeks with baby #1. I was only allowed to go for an hour and had to stay in my wheelchair the whole time. Definitely not the experience I was expecting but I was thankful nonetheless.

If you feel funny about your mom hosting you could always have your bff co-host with your mom. My bff lives 3 hours away so she helped co-host with my mom.

Cupcakequeen1000 · March 2015

Personally where I am from most people have baby showers for every kid, i had never heard of it being gift grabby until I joined TB and some people said that. Most "already parents" have the major things they already need. It really depends on your social circle i guess. I have never been to a baby shower when the already parents registered for the major essentials again...they have always been small and gifts like clothes or toys and for a fun celebration. But again every situation ia different. I think putting no gifts is a great idea if you feel uncomfortable.You could also plan a sex reveal party or Books and BBQ party

BeachBabe22 · March 2015

I think it is perfectly fine for you to have a baby shower for your second. You had a shower planned for your first and had to cancel due to your baby arriving early so I don't think anyone would have an issue with you have a baby shower this time.

Mousemama · March 2015

Thanks for all the input and opinions, ladies! I guess that not being able to have the first shower kind of wrecked my confidence.

mrscate88 · March 2015

Everyone I know has baby showers for every kid (I'm in San Diego, CA). I wouldn't throw my own shower because that's a little weird, but I honestly never knew it was considered bad etiquette to have a second baby shower. If someone throws you a shower, you just attend it appreciatively and it isn't considered gift grabby around here. I never even know that was a thing until I joined the Bump. I also married into a big Latino family and they all say the same thing, they usually have a big party or shower for every new baby, no big deal. If your mom wants to host a baby shower for you, I say let her do it. Good luck!

Mousemama · March 2015

Thanks! San Diego sounds a whole lot more relaxed than New Hampshire.

WDDCH · March 2015

Perhaps you could rename it. Baby shower implies showering the parents with gifts. Maybe call it a Luncheon to welcome baby or a Baby Blessing or even a Baby Sprinkle. I know someone who did the book thing and it was so sweet! I've also heard of diaper showers or co-Ed BBQ where men and women come, admission is a pack of Diaps or wipes (instead of beer lol!).

It's cool if your mom throws it. I think that's sweet too.

Mousemama · March 2015

I love everyone's creative ideas - thanks, all!

mrscate88 · March 2015

Mousemama said:
Thanks! San Diego sounds a whole lot more relaxed than New Hampshire.

It is crazy how cultures between states can be so different huh?

mrscate88 · March 2015

Oh and I love @WDDCH ideas for doing diaper showers or bbq (you'll always need more diapers no matter how many baby showers you have had in the past haha!)

This is baby # 1 for me but we're doing a co-ed baby-q so that my hubby can be there with his friends and have it kind of casual. I don't like girlie things at all! Good luck with your ideas!

adtaylor2015 · March 2015

2nd showers are not considered gift grabby or poor etiquette where I live either. I've been to several showers for STMs and never once thought it was unusual.

Mousemama · March 2015

mrscaterosales said:

Mousemama said:
Thanks! San Diego sounds a whole lot more relaxed than New Hampshire.
It is crazy how cultures between states can be so different huh?

Totally! I used to live in Los Angeles, and it's a completely different world.

Mousemama · March 2015

@mrscaterosales - good luck with your baby! the girly aspects of showers kind of terrify me, too. the co-ed baby-q is an awesome idea, maybe we'll do that, too!

insomniack17 · March 2015

This is my second baby and I will be having another baby shower. My mother in law loves to throw parties so she always offers to throw it.

In her crazy italian family they throw a party for every little thing and that includes every child born into the family. Yes, I too have everything I need that is major such as a carseat, stroller, crib and so forth. Clothes? If I have a girl I have none and I need clothes. Boy? I have hand me downs but they are worn and I did donate a lot of my son's clothes over the years to the less fortunate mothers. I did make a registry but I included a ton of diapers and wipes.on this one because I already have everything else. So I guess this would be a diaper baby shower! I have never heard the term "gift grabby" as well until now. Momma needs as much help as she can get! If that means throwing a party to get some diapers then heck, I'm all for it!

LoveLee85 · March 2015

Normally, I would say no to multiple showers because in my circle they are a no-no! BUT you didn't get your first one! I don't see anything wrong with a diaper party since you stated you have everything you need. Maybe some cute wording like: first shower timing didn't work out, second time lets hope for a PARTY!!! 'Diapers & Dessert Party' to honor mommy. Idk. Lol. Just trying to think of cute sayings.

mamabearlife2boys · March 2015

I'm from so cal and we have baby showers for every baby born so I don't think that's weird at all have fun and accept those presents! Lol

mrscate88 · March 2015

I'm beginning to think us Californians just love to party haha! @mommytobe0001

Mousemama · March 2015

Thank you all so much! I feel so much more comfortable with the idea now!

kayleesky · March 2015

Go for it !! And it doesn't matter who throws the shower for you, have a great time !!

insomniack17 · March 2015

@mrscaterosales we did a co-ed baby shower too. ROCK-a-bye Baby themed! Beer bottles looked like baby bottles and everything was served on vinyls. The boys had as much fun as the gals! We gave out cigars and rock candy for party favors. Lol. That was a great party. I'm not into the girly theme either. Might be a Cali thing. JK. I was born and raised in Oceanside (North County San Diego) and I am always proud to call it home!

mrscate88 · March 2015

@insomniack17 Awe, I used to live in Oceanside too, I still go to the Oside beach almost every weekend! I'm still in North County. I love the rock-a-bye baby idea, will have to throw that into the mix of possibilities

folc4evernaday · March 2015

My friends are doing a Sprinkle instead of a shower just to celebrate the little one due to it being a baby after a loss. I don't think it'd be gift grabby to have a party to celebrate. Every baby should be celebrated in my opinion you can ask everyone to bring diapers or a book or small necessities if you want. Congrats!

vmcarbone · March 2015

I would definitely do a sprinkle! They're very common in my area for baby #2.

prettyesq08 · March 2015

I'm glad you ladies are more relaxed than many I have seen on the baby shower issue. I never knew second baby showers were an issue either until I got on TB. I live in Atlanta. I have a 2 year old son and the day I found out I was pregnant and told my best friend she said she couldn't wait to throw my shower. For us it's just about love and celebration. If I declined I think my best friend and my mom would actually be a little disappointed.

kimrich81 · March 2015

I had a co ed shower for my second daughter

kimrich81 · March 2015

do whatever you are comfortable with

PhoenixJewels · March 2015

I'm having a shower for my second (my firstborn is ten years old and I have NO baby stuff) and my mom's hosting because I trust her to not mess up (love my friends but they're not always...proper). Rules have changed too so just do whatever you feel comfortable with. You could always do a meet and greet after the baby's born too.

PreggersinParis · March 2015

Wow, I just learned here that it's in poor etiquette to throw yourself a baby shower. I actually went to one a month ago where the mom-to-be threw it herself and it didn't occur to me that it was tacky. I also didn't have a bridal shower and have been to only a few of these since they are not a tradition here, so I guess it makes sense why it wouldn't have caught my attention. I'm curious as to why it's considered in poor taste. I see the term gift-grabby used in re to this, is this the only reason?

insomniack17 · March 2015

@preggersinparis I reread all the comments and no one mentioned anything about throwing yourself a shower is poor etiquette. Only thing I saw was "I wouldn't throw my own shower because that's a little weird..." and that was a personal preference, not a general statement (at least that's what I got out that comment). Nothing is wrong with throwing your own shower. Some actually prefer it that way depending on their situation. I will be going to one in a few months by a member of my family throwing it herself. The term "gift-grabby" was new to me and it was just something that most of us really didn't understand and was clarifying if having a "second baby shower" was into that reference. It was not in reference to "throwing yourself a baby shower". Hope this helped clear things up.

KissMeImScottish · March 2015

I'm from the North East (split time growing up between Rhode Island and New Hampshire) and no one ever thought it strange to have multiple showers for multiple babies. It's a celebration of the impending birth! The idea that people see it as gift grabby or tacky is honestly a bit irritating to me and a bit selfish on their part. You should absolutely be allowed to celebrate the excitement of adding to your family, especially if the EXPECTATION of gifts is not there. I really think that's the big difference.

But especially in this case, where you didn't have your first, you absolutely, 100% should have a shower.

bigbobdole · March 2015

If you do have a shower for this baby please do not make it a diaper party or a book party. It is extremely rude to dictate how your guests spend their money.

And before anyone jumps in and says "a registry is dictating gifts," a registry is a list of suggestions and things the parents plan on buying for baby. Nobody has to follow the registry.

Not trying to be argumentative, just wanted to offer a piece of etiquette.

Good luck!

PreggersinParis · March 2015

@insomniack17
Perhaps I read it on another thread, but got the impression it was implied on this one (but perhaps I'm mistaken). I asked solely out of curiosity as I had seen it referenced several times. I don't have an opinion I'm defending, as I have very little experience on showers, I was just curious.
Is it a matter or tradition? Any other ladies want to weigh in on this? Opinion? Experience? I find it interesting...

LoveLee85 · March 2015

preggersinparis said:
@insomniack17
Perhaps I read it on another thread, but got the impression it was implied on this one (but perhaps I'm mistaken). I asked solely out of curiosity as I had seen it referenced several times. I don't have an opinion I'm defending, as I have very little experience on showers, I was just curious.
Is it a matter or tradition? Any other ladies want to weigh in on this? Opinion? Experience? I find it interesting...

I have a big reasons I can think of. It is to honor and spoil the new mom to be! It's like a 'welcome to motherhood' party. It's not actually for the baby. Lol. It's for the mommy to be. In my circle, you usually get mom a little something that has NOTHING to do with baby, then you get her something to help her take care of her baby.

That is why some would say it seems gift grabby. If you honor and spoil yourself by inviting everyone to buy you gifts, seems a little jaded than if mom to be was 'the guest of honor' and it was hosted by someone else. Also, (again it's in my social circle and how I grew up) the whole point is to help welcome the new mommy into motherhood. So, if you already have kids, you are already very well acquainted with motherhood.

I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT OP. Just responding to someone wanting opinions on why you don't throw your own shower, or have multiple baby showers. In my circle, the shower isn't about the baby, it's allllllll about the mommy to be!

needaprince · March 2015

Anyone that has known you long term should understand that you didn't get to experience a baby shower the first time around. If you have most of the essentials maybe just have you're mom list some stuff you do need as ideas for people (that's what a registry is anyway really ) or make it a diaper party. That way you can still have the get together and the games, not to mention food....yum. I don't understand what's the big deal about having your mom host either. My mom gave me my first shower, but maybe I'm just out of the loop on etiquette for stuff like this. My second was thrown by a Mexican woman my dad was seeing at the time and no one spoke English and I don't soak Spanish, now that was different but I still appreciated it. People like celebrating babies, and buying baby things, it's not being gift needy at all.

Elizabeth043086 · March 2015

I've heard of people a baby sprinkle instead of a shower, kind of says that not to shower you with lots of big gifts, but to sprinkle you with the little necessities that you won't have even if you already have kids, diapers, wipes. I 'm sure there are invitations with the correct wording to ask for the things one might need with a second child.

klpie · March 2015

We do 'sprinkle' showers or luncheons in my social group of women for their second or more babies. Everyone wants to celebrate the mom and new baby. It usually a cute outfit or something small, not the typical registry items per say. But, we always celebrate!

PreggersinParis · March 2015

Thank you @LoveLee85 so much for explaining in such detail! I get it. It makes total sense.

Mousemama · March 2015

Thank you all so, so much for all your ideas, opinions, and reassurances that I'm not a tacky, society-ruining monster for possibly having a shower/sprinkle/party for baby #2! I appreciate all the creative ideas and understanding!

Want a personalized experience?

Baby shower question

Re: Baby shower question

Choose Another Board

Search Boards