This is going to come off bad and I know it...

abkenyon · March 2015

so if you want to bitch at me go somewhere else. I am so frustrated at those (especially teens) who "accidentally" get pregnant. My husband and I were married for 8 years before we decided we were stable enough to care and support another human. We tried for months to get pregnant, temping, ovulation sticks, sex every other day, on your back, feet up for 15 minutes. We are finally pregnant and due in October but it took A LOT of work. I know everyone chooses different paths in life and who am I to judge but it is a punch in the gut when I was working my butt off to get pregnant and it wasn't working but going to the dr office to see teen moms pregnant with toddlers running around their feet or hearing about the lady in the grocery store that totally didn't know she was pregnant until she was 5 months along and what is she supposed to do with a baby now? Anyone else felt this way? Am I an awful person? Maybe don't answer that last question.

jkarayusuf · March 2015

I don't feel that way but I understand the frustration. For teens getting pregnant a lot do not have the proper sex education or an adult to inform them about protection. Teenage girls are also more fertile than anyone over the age of 25, so I can see how they accidentally can get pregnant. For others who do not realize that they are pregnant for a few months, it can be because they had irregular periods and did not have a monthly visit. So if you don't expect a period, they probably didn't think it was due to pregnancy. Also a lot of the first trimester symptoms are similar to the flu, so they may have thought they were ill. I understand your frustration, but it is very judgmental especially since you do not know the circumstances around others pregnancies.

naka92 · March 2015

I am going to answer that last question: NO, you are definitely not an awful person.

Its only natural for you to be frustrated! Hell, if that were me I'd be pissed off everytime I saw someone getting pregnant without planning it. It'd just feel so unfair that you, someone that wants it and has planned ahead for it, are unable to get pregnant for so long while people that arent as prepared and hadnt planned it can just get pregnant without trying.

Thats not to say I agree with you, because things just happen sometimes. My best friend was using birth control as well as condoms and she still fell pregnant. He ran for the hills but she's one of the best moms I've ever met

I still totally understand how you feel though! As I said, its only natural to feel that way.

HUGE congrats on conceiving though!!

abkenyon · March 2015

I guess I should say I have a history of being frustrated with teen moms too as I worked my ass off to pay my way through college and considered myself as 'doing it the right way' (college, marriage, good job, house then baby) and my brother in laws girlfriend was on their second kid and got not only her college paid for but her childcare while she was at it too. I am 31, 32 when baby gets here so while I don't want to admit that I am old and waited to long to have kids, I guess over 25 makes it harder.

kmama37 · March 2015

I was 18 when I got pregnant with my first taking birth control considered an aaccident. Some really are accidents but I think its a lot more girls saying oh oops! I forgot I wasn't on birth control.

ClaireBear90 · March 2015

I don't think you're awful. I'd probably feel equally frustrated if I had tried hard for a baby. But I also don't think getting pregnant without trying is inherently irresponsible. You waited 8 years, I had a surprise pregnancy positive after 8 months. I didn't get married (or become sexually active, which were one and the same for me) until I was okay with the idea of getting pregnant. I also decided that I wasn't okay with most birth control methods, including anything hormonal. Is my way better? No. We just have different values, different timelines, different lives.

AshleyEH1 · March 2015

I think it's natural to feel pretty bitter about something you had to work really hard for that may have come easily or even as an accident for others, no matter what their situation is, but it's kind of a waste of energy.

My husband and I tried for over 5 years before resorting to IVF - a long and painful process - before finally conceiving in January. During that time, I thought I was going to explode if I saw another pregnancy announcement on Facebook, especially from friends who didn't really have that much interest in having a child or it was kind of a happy accident situation. But I also knew my feelings were ridiculous and I was being completely self-indulgent about it.

Trying to focus on your own happiness will probably feel a lot better for you.

MirandaC1984 · March 2015

You are not alone. It's a totally normal feeling. I miscarried in October of last year and shortly after a close friend broke the news that she was pregnany with TWINS and wasn't trying then a month later a friend announced she was 33 weeks pregnant and had no idea until she felt the baby move. I had the same type of feelings. They are normal.

plumpous · March 2015

I get the frustration so don't feel bad, and in general I'm bothered by that kind of irresponsibility. However, my view is that you can't ever be happy when you compare yourself to others. You made choices you're proud of, your journey was longer and harder and now your joy is stronger and deeper.

sierranicole1997 · March 2015

I am currently pregnant and I am only 17 but I know for a fact it was no accident I chose to use no protection along with my boyfriend And granted I am young I have the 2 most happiest soon to be grandparents in october that have a lot of health problems. God bless there hearts. Yes , I am still a baby myself but I grew up taking care of my brother and sister. I think this baby is such a blessing to my boyfriend and I especailly his parents. I know this is going to be hard seeing as I ak young but I am super excited about our little miracle .

ajhellmuth · March 2015

You aren't a bad person & have every right to be frustrated! But remember not to judge every other mom so harshly. I was a teen mom, unmarried & unprepared but my daughter is here for a reason & pushed me to care about my future! I went to college & received financial aid but still in the form of loans I have to pay back. Me & the father stayed together and married. We eventually wanted another baby & had a very hard time getting pregnant & also suffered a loss. So I understand that side of it too. Everyone has different circumstances & everything happens for a reason! Oh and I was on bc when I got pregnant so I wasn't just some teenage uninformed idiot....these things happen!

naka92 · March 2015

I'm 23 myself, and I kind of lucked out. I was forced to drop out of highschool because of a family situation I wont get into, so while I dont have the college part done, I found myself an amazing husband with a really good job. We too waited until we were financially stable and were able to move into a home where we'd have the space for a little one. We may be considered "young", but I feel the same way about that as you do. I feel like we did go in the right order, be it without me finishing school and getting a good job. We decided that since we can afford to, I'd be a stay at home mom. If I get too stir-crazy, I can always go volunteer somewhere

I can relate to it being highly annoying to work your ass off while others are handed things. I tried to go to college after dropping out of highschool, and I had to work multiple jobs to be able to do so. Sadly I couldnt keep that up, as I never had time to rest and it just burned me out. Meanwhile, my cousin fell pregnant at 16, got government funding, finished school and pretty much got a house for free. Only reason im remotely ok with that is because of the child. Child deserved a good place to live, his mother however.. She literally got pregnant to get out of having to come to school. She shouldnt be getting handouts because she PLANNED this whole ordeal. She planned a baby to get out of things. Its just... no words.

shianthomas · March 2015

I do not think your an awful person by any means but my husband and I have three baby girls 3, 2, and nine months and now one on the way. While I wouldnt say even one of them was close to an accident or we were trying to prevent pregnancy...not one of them was planned. I am a stay at home mom and my husband works very hard to support our family. I would say we tried to do it the right way to...college, marriage, house and babies!! We, however, just ended up being extra fertile I would say, as we dont feel right about birth control! I have never experienced fertility issues so I cant pretend I know what thats like ( congrats on conceiving by the way) but I would say planned or not planned a baby is blessing no matter how much or how little thought was put in to it. I think the real concern would be more of are these teen moms or the moms that conceive without a big plan ahead going to embrace motherhood for all it is and bend over backwards to give that baby the life each child deserves? Raising children is a full time job in itself but regardless of our situation or how we got here, I think each of us need to be extremely grateful the Lord has blessed us with the gift of motherhood!! Im so happy you and your husband are finally able to experience this amazing journey together

KMKaiser07 · March 2015

I understand the frustration. We are waiting for our second follow up ultrasound to see if our baby is growing or not and it's beyond frustrating that there are people who have such a high disregard for the preciousness of the life of a baby who can get pregnant with no problems time after time when DH and I want this baby so much but can't guarantee we will ever get to meet this one.

anorthro · March 2015

Your feelings seem human and normal. They don't make you a terrible person. That said, they say more about you than they do about other people...so try to remember that just because you feel righteously angry, it doesn't mean someone else is doing something wrong.

JaqiDec04 · March 2015

I understand your frustration as well. My husband and I are 31/33, and have been married over 10 years. Our DD was a "happy surprise" and she totally changed our lives. We really struggled with wether to have another one because of finances (I'm a SAHM, and He's self employed). So when all my 19/20 year old cousins had three babies in the last four years, none of which they could afford, and they are all struggling. It frustrated me too. Frustrated me that they could have babies, and the "responsible" part of me, wouldn't allow us to make the same decission.

Rikki_5 · March 2015

I can understand how you feel but I wouldn’t waste time getting upset over other people’s circumstances and how easy it was for them or irresponsible they were. You ARE pregnant now and that is the most important part. My sister-in-law has wanted to become pregnant for 2 ½ years and even with fertility treatments she still has had zero luck. Count your blessings.

KLopez33 · March 2015

Because this is a public forum, I will not "go somewhere else." However I will say this, to base your feelings off of what someone else does or does not have must be a hard life. There will always be someone who has it harder and there will always be someone who has it easier.

Chippercjm · March 2015

It doesn't make you an "awful" person, but I'd be careful to judge and ask yourself why it upsets you so much... I mentor teen mothers and I am so proud that they are pro life and chose to carry their baby into this world even though some of them have no family, no resources, and are struggling to finish school. I even have a girl that was gang raped and struggles daily with worth and purity issues. I would suggest working on your heart and compassion towards other women as we are all in this together. Judging is hurtful... You never know the struggle others have faced.

cantsitwithus · March 2015

This thread rubs me the wrong way.

sallyg85 · March 2015

I don't think you should look at someone and judge based on what you see. Just because you see a pregnant teen, doesn't mean she wanted to be pregnant..something may have happened against her will and it's against her nature to abort..you don't judge if you don't know. I've lost 2 babies and then finally gave birth to my son and now pregnant again..I worked hard too to conceive..but i don't use my losses or the fact that it was hard work to conceive to turn into a bitter woman and judge everyone just because they're pregnant with another baby in their arms. It mad me furious when my sister was going through a miscarriage and she told me there was a baby in intensive care been weaned off heroin. ..now that's where I can judge because it's obvious what happened..but just because you see a pregnant woman who's young doesn't mean all is glory. Focus on yourself and be thankful that you have actually conceived because there are people out there that will never be able to have their own children.

abkenyon · March 2015

It is completely my issue and that is why I base this more on myself that everyone else. I would never blame a child as they are always innocent and it is the adults that made the decision to have sex. I see women accidentally getting pregnant and when my husband and I decided to get pregnant it didn't happen without a lot of trying and work so I found it had to believe in accidents.

Baby&Ash · March 2015

I don't get annoyed about accidental pregnancy but I'm 19 years old I've been with my partner 6 years we've been engaged nearly a year we've got our own home and jobs yes we wanted children some point but this pregnancy wasn't as planned out as one yours was I do get annoyed by people at any age who have a child more annoyingly planned if they know they are not stable enough to have or look after a child. Growing up I knew being a mom was all I wanted out of life (call me sad or immature whatever I know I'm neither of them things) but the fact I knew I wanted it so made made me appreciate it more now and makes me better than I would of been if I didn't want it so bad. We all get annoyed by things and pregnancy makes it worse but please before you get annoyed with 'mostly teens' don't put all under 20 year old in that category because yes I I didn't plan my baby but I love my baby more than life itself and just because you planned doesn't mean you're going to make a better mother than me or any other teenage mother

KCreech12 · March 2015

I felt the same way when me and my husband tried for over 2 years and couldn't get pregnant but all these people around me wgo were single one night stands and ect got pregnant fast! It messes with your emotions for sure!! So no your not a horrible person

cantsitwithus · March 2015

I was married for 5 years and it took my husband and I 3 years to have a baby. DS is amazing and perfect and I am beyond grateful for him. I get your jealousy issues.

My husband and I split a year ago. My boyfriend and I are expecting and I was taking the mini-pill. There was absolutely no way that I wanted to get pregnant. I don't want to be a single mother of two and I am working my way through nursing school. Really bad timing.

So I have experienced both sides of the spectrum and I think you're being kind of harsh in your judgement.

Taylor56stein · March 2015

I am 9 weeks pregnant, I am also 22 it was an accident. My partner and I were irresponsible. But we are excited now. People like me can't help that you had a hard time getting pregnant, I am sorry to here that. But I am not a teenager either and my fiancé is 28 years old so he is very excited. I got pregnant because I am young and very fertile, not that I am saying your old. But that's way it happens to me so young. Babies are blessings so you should feel bitter about young mothers well, maybe the one that keep it and are terrible mothers but don't judge young moms because it took you longer. I don't think ur a terrible person. I just think your upset that it took you a little more work and took a little long than u wanted it to be. It also seems like it didn't take long for young mothers because they weren't trying so they don't know who long it really took to get to that point. Just take it easy and don't worry about other peoples lives. You will have a beautiful baby and a great family.. I hope I didn't sound mean either , I didn't mean to!!

gabrielafrnqyepez · March 2015

I think that we all choose the path we take u CHOSE to have your career your education and. Your home before. A baby , no one made you wait ,I believe that babies come when they are needed most and it might not seem so but there is a porpuse to them let's not. Judge other for their choices! Hope you. Have a wonderful baby and a beautiful family!

cantsitwithus · March 2015

P.S. I don't think you're an awful person btw. I'm sorry for your long journey on getting pregnant. Congrats on being KU.

FirstTimeMamaAricka · March 2015

I have felt this way, Not so much for the exact same reasons but I had always been told I could never have children and I always desperately wanted to be a mother. It annoyed me when i would see people that couldn't or wouldn't care for their children the right way or put themselves and others before their children. I can't say i did things the "right" way but i feel I did them the right way for me. I am 24 a college student (all online) and though i have more things to do in life i am happy to have this baby as it came as a surprise. My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years but we are not married and i refuse to get married because i am pregnant. He is 39 and has been married once before and he only got married because she was pregnant. I don't think you are an awful person at all. I think that your feelings and emotions are completely reasonable.

curfam4 · March 2015

I can totally understand where you are coming from. DH and I tried for two years before getting pregnant with DD, and took us nearly 3 years to get pregnant with this little bean. I had so many dr's appointments, temping, charting, meds, injections, etc, and it was really hard watching others get pregnant...especially those who really weren't in a great place at the time. However, that being said, I try very hard to remind myself that every baby that is conceived is conceived for a reason, and that there was a greater purpose to everything.

babealertz · March 2015

First of all, congratulations!

I've never felt the way you do about young mothers, but I've struggled with similar feelings when it comes to my career. Like, "I've done everything the 'right' way and paid my dues, so why are these other jerks more successful?" I think of this as a sense of entitlement, and I really hated feeling that way. It took a few years of conscious thought to really accept the idea that other people's success has nothing to do with me, and that I am ridiculously lucky in so many other ways.

I think what you're feeling is totally a part of human nature, but a kind of ugly part that perhaps we should try to suppress!

Lexie Marie · March 2015

Totally not a bad person. With my first and second it took us a few months of trying (temping/OPKS, sex every other day) while it didn't take a crazy amount of time or any fertility treatment, it was still frustrating hearing/seeing those "irresponsible in my eyes" getting pregnant when that was all we wanted ourselves.

The roles have slightly reversed on me now, as we were not trying for #3 and to be 100% honest, I was very upset the day I found out I was pregnant (with #3). I was still nursing (so I wasn't on BC) we mostly used condoms and had an accident and, well... here we are now. It is and has taken me some time because I know there are ppl out there who try and try (even a handful of ppl I know) that have no success, and then we get pregnant with #3 not planning. The fact of it is there are reasons in this world we will never know or understand and it is ok to feel the way you do.

A close friend of mine shared this quote with me recently and it has really hit home.... "Man plans, and God laughs".

BabyRolls · March 2015

You are definitely not an awful person. I agree with you 100%. After my miscarriage last July my bosses daughter got pregnant by accident with her boyfriend that she had just gotten back together with. Over the past few months I've had to hear about the cute clothes she's buying, and the shower, and buying the furniture. It made me so angry that someone could just POOF! get pregnant without trying and I had lost mine.

Mrs.Slick · March 2015

I've had jealousy issues in the last, it did take us 5.5 years to get pregnant after all.

But remember their being pregnant has no bearing on you. Someone else's fertility does not impact your own.

But I do understand the frustration.

anaprice15 · March 2015

Lol. This entire post is about me. I was pregnant at 16 and here I am again at 23. HOWEVER:

I've had it both ways. 16 was an accident. Guess what? I've been with the same man (now my hubby) for TEN years. We became financially responsible the moment we discovered I was pregnant. Fast forward to the now where we have earned amazing things and have a great life (sometimes things are thrown our way, but who doesn't get dished some shit along the way!?)

Here's the deal it took me FOUR years to conceive again. Half of what it took you but still a LONG time! And I'm not complaining about teen moms and women with unexpected pregnancies. You see, I've been in both boats. You either suck it up and accept tough things happen and be GREATFUL that you are pregnant now, OR you bitch about everyone else and live life as a sad competition.

Congrats on your pregnancy, learn to lighten up & let go of what you can't control.

earthtomom · March 2015

I tried for 2 years for DD (now 6) and 5 years with this one, due October 12. I COMPLETELY understand your feeling. My biggest pet peeve was people getting pregnant when not trying, trying to get pregnant for "2 months" and complaining about it taking so long or worst of all younger woman telling me to "just relax, stress won't help". Please, I know more about infertility/fertility than they did and wanted to slap them lol. And I promise you, I am one of the nicest people ever

Kitta+1 · March 2015

I struggled with this a lot myself, because I'm generally a caring person. Kids having kids has always been very irritating to me. My pregnancy was an accident, like many others - but I am financially stable and we can support a child. I didn't have sex in HS and college because that would have irresponsible - don't gamble if you can't pay for it! Even on birth control you know there is always a chance, so keep it in your pants until you can afford the consequences. I wanted a baby more than anything else so bad since I was a teenager - like, you-probably-have-a-psychosis-and-should-see-someone type bad, but I held off because it was the right thing to do. Now there's these giddy little teens having babies that the rest of society is going to have to support, either by family or welfare and it's just not fair to those of use that waited until we were financially secure enough to support a child. It's infuriating. Not to mention, I wonder if these young moms that lack the emotional maturity to properly raise a child but 'accidentally' getting one doing things no girl should be doing at that age are the reason why the current generations are so selfish and immature.

Yeah, bleeding hearts are likely going to go off about that, but it's a free country and frankly I think if we were all a little thicker skinned and had a little more common sense discussions like this would help stay a few tragedies in the making.

BbyCastillo · March 2015

Before anything! congratulations on your pregnancy!

October cannot come soon enough for all of us on this board especially to those like you who have TTC for a very long time! Second, you are not an awful person! You're human and have feelings, good and bad but you're not awful

none of us are! I can see why you have that frustration going, but it's not the teens fault or the lady at the grocery store's fault you've been working so hard for this baby. And maybe they didn't have to work as hard as you did. I'm not saying you're blaming them but maybe because of your hard work you've learned to be more appreciative of what's been given to you. Maybe the teen chose to have more than 1 kid at a really young age because that's what she and her partner want, or maybe she got pregnant against her will but still kept her 1st child and her life changed and decided to have more because her life went from being hard to living in a dream, or she quickly stepped up her game matured and took care of her first and found being a mother is what she is best at and wanted more children, maybe the lady at the grocery store was just "venting" about not knowing what to do with a baby now, many of us pregnant women have that one day or phase where we question our self if we will even be good parents to our babies and freak out and many others don't experience that feeling ever! I mean we really don't know! Life isn't always "Fair" and that is the #1 rule I am planning to teach my children. We are all fighting our own battles and we shouldn't judge based on what we see or hear. I wish us all the best of luck and for a happy healthy baby(ies) to make our home a warmer one with those coo's we all will soon be hearing

anaprice15 · March 2015

Kitta+1 said:
I struggled with this a lot myself, because I'm generally a caring person. Kids having kids has always been very irritating to me. My pregnancy was an accident, like many others - but I am financially stable and we can support a child. I didn't have sex in HS and college because that would have irresponsible - don't gamble if you can't pay for it! Even on birth control you know there is always a chance, so keep it in your pants until you can afford the consequences. I wanted a baby more than anything else so bad since I was a teenager - like, you-probably-have-a-psychosis-and-should-see-someone type bad, but I held off because it was the right thing to do. Now there's these giddy little teens having babies that the rest of society is going to have to support, either by family or welfare and it's just not fair to those of use that waited until we were financially secure enough to support a child. It's infuriating. Not to mention, I wonder if these young moms that lack the emotional maturity to properly raise a child but 'accidentally' getting one doing things no girl should be doing at that age are the reason why the current generations are so selfish and immature.

Yeah, bleeding hearts are likely going to go off about that, but it's a free country and frankly I think if we were all a little thicker skinned and had a little more common sense discussions like this would help stay a few tragedies in the making.

Some of these teenage moms, that seem so "lowlife" to you can raise their kids better than women 25+

You are putting a stereotype on ALL teenage moms in your comment. I've seen you disagree a lot on threads, but you do it so rudely. Maybe choose your words a bit wiser.

amberrmariee20 · March 2015

We have also been TTC since August and just got pregnant, my son will be 4 in September, and I got pregnant with him because my dr kept changing my birth control because the birth control would have negative effects on my body, like one pill put my blood pressure through the roof, the needle made my ovaries change to the point it was thought I was infertile, and my iud after my son had to be removed because my ovaries would triple in size, I didn't plan my first pregnancy, I came off the needle and was on the nuvaring, and it came out while I was using the bathroom and never even noticed it was missing until 2-3 days later !!! Every one is different with their bodies !

sierranicole1997 · March 2015

16 or 35 age does not have to do with your maturity level what so ever . Damn , im 17 im having a baby and I know I am ganna be a good mom to my baby no matter what . I will give my baby the life I never had . You guys are turning this all on teen moms . Be grateful that you are having the chances to have the miracle you thought you couldn't have don't hate on everybody else . This whole conversation is rediculious there is no reason to judge other moms because it took you more time to conceive .

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