September 2015 Moms
lmcissne
member
shot gun wedding?
lmcissne
member
Hey all I am new here! I'm a FTM at 28 and officially not married. Not a big deal to some but I'm from the "south" and it's still a big deal here with my old Baptist family lol So... despite the fact that I have been with the Father for 10 years, we both have excellent jobs, and planned on all of this happening next year. (I'm half way through my LPN to RN bridge program..like I'm not stressed enough right!) We have decided to go ahead and get married before the baby comes. Our initial plans have been running off to Eureka Springs or to a court house and then next October after we celebrate the babies first birthday we will have a "real" wedding with our friends and family. But now our families are upset because they want to be there for both. My MIL wants me to have a dinner and a cake afterwards but we are afraid if we have too much our real wedding won't be as special to us. Any thoughts or opinions on the matter are greatly appreciated yall!
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Re: shot gun wedding?
I'd just do the one before the baby comes. That is what I did actually. Just a small backyard wedding. It was NMS but same deal, my parents were all "you can't go to the courthouse!" And I was a pushover & did what they wanted.
Anyways, I don't think dinner & cake would take away from the big wedding if you go that route. Good luck whatever you decide!
I am a wedding photographer so I am around weddings a lot and many people do that now a days. Also, civil weddings don't have to be stressful at all.
smh... And what do you think a wedding is? Well let me look that up for you... 1.
the act or ceremony of marrying; marriage; nuptials.
I agree. I'd be very hurt and pissed if I attended a wedding in which the bride and groom were already married but didn't tell anyone and then later found out.
You could plan a quick and beautiful wedding before baby. Or wait until after baby is born. Are you considered "common law" anyway right now?
Bluntly, weddings cost money which takes time to save up, require planning and take more time to set up, especially with out of town guests, than many military families have available to them. Therefore, many military couples will have a courthouse wedding, followed by their true, religious wedding some time later.
My husband and I certainly went this route, and it certainly facilitated things for us. We had our true wedding nine months later, and even that was on the fast side, made possible by my event planning mother and the blessing of an annuity my husband's grandmother had set up for him when he was two for just this purpose, which allowed us to fund it without saving.
To me, thre is a line drawn between civil and religious ceremonies. To say that the day you are married is the day you are married is a very insular view. My husband and I are both practicing Episcopalians, and we value our union in the eyes of God. Our civil ceremony, if you can even call it that, did not even involve the exchange of rings. It was cut and dry, because we wanted it that way, and as far as we were concerned, it simply tied us together on paper for legal and tax reasons required by the government and allowed me base access and information about when my fiance would be home or away, which otherwise would have excluded ne. Our true wedding, in the eyes of God and our families, was the one where we exchanged rings in front of our Reverend and said our vows, and that took place, as I said, nine months later, and it was most certainly not a vow renewal. Our Reverend agrees with us on this point, even going so far as to say during our premarriage counseling that she wished more people considered this route, since we were CHOOSING the marriage in the eyes of God, as for us, it clearly was not legally necessary.
Sorry for the novel, but I do see a very distinct difference between the two ceremonies and think it should absolutely be an option, especially as OP states, that they are marrying for religious reasons and not political. I think you should absolutely go for it. Having done this myself, and honestly having it be more of the norm in the military culture I exist in, it will make your wedding no less special. I would advise you to perhaps keep the courthouse ceremony as unceremonious as possible, if that makes sense. The less ceremonial it feels, the easier it is to really, truly enjoy your day later down the road.
I would also say that it most certainly was NOT gift grabby, as we did not acknowledge our courthouse ceremony (and again, I'm struggling with that term, as it was more of a signing paperwork day, rather than anything even remotely resembling a wedding) at all unless necessary and, while most friends and family were aware of it, I can assure you that none of the 100 guests was insulted that we had already signed the paperwork. What they came to witness was a religious union, not a document signing for the purpose of filing our taxes jointly.
William Alexander born 18 September, 2015
Harper Grace born 9 June, 2017
Colton Miles born 9 June, 2017
Bowen James due 19 June, 2019
I don't consider my civil wedding as the big day because I don't see anything romantic about waiting in line at a government building just to sign some papers. To me my real wedding was 9 months later when my friends and family came together and our dog was the best man (there were about 8 dogs there lol.. A mad house.) So September 28 2012 is what we and all that know us view as the day we were married and December 9 2011 was what helped us pay for our wedding.
A couple should be able to do what they feel is right with out being judged or pressured in to doing something they don't want to. And if people would role their eyes or get in to fights because of how we got married then I don't think I want them to be there or be part of my life.
My cousin did something sort of similar, married his girlfriend soon after they found out she was pregnant. My uncle, his dad was friends with a judge so he just had the judge over and immediate family came over to see them get married. Then they had a big wedding a few months later about a two months before baby was due. But the reason they got officially married very quickly is so his girlfriend could be on his health insurance, her insurance was pretty bad and being Type I diabetic and pregnant can get expensive fast. But you said you are all pretty well established, so I really don't get the need for both here.
My situation is a drop different but I had two weddings: one in France and a smaller one in New York a year later and I certainly didn't call the second one a vow renewal. It was what it was billed as: an intimate stateside wedding and no one was pissed because we were technically already married in another country. People in general aren't that petty.
Congratulations and have fun with the planning! This truly is your year!
Edit: spelling!
My wedding day is not my marriage day. My wedding day is the day I celebrated my marriage (as is another definition of a wedding). It is also the day we celebrate for our anniversary. And you know what? It was wonderful!
In the end, do what's best for you.
Love the Petty Betties
We got married after 4 months of knowing each other; we went to the courthouse. That was our wedding day bc we became husband and wife. That's what it meant to us. A year later, we had friends and family for a super low key "party" bc I wanted to wear a white dress for my husband.
That was our story. We loved it. We didn't care what our family/friends thought...and our families absolutely LOVED it. (We told everyone no gifts) Get married for the reasons YOU want.
Don't listen to all of this "why do you want to do that" stuff. YOU two are the only two in that marriage.
Big big big congratulations!!!