April 2014 Moms
AmberLiz99
member
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Would you fight or give in? (Vent warning)
AmberLiz99
member
Ok, this is kind of a vent followed by a question. I've mentioned before how I agreed to have a bigger family party for dd than I wanted to because it was important to dh and his extended family. I started planning a simple way to decorate and food, etc. But this weekend dh informs me that it's the same weekend as his nephew's birthday, so it's going to be a joint party, and his sister will brig her own cake, and dh and her agreed that we will make carnitas for the food. Pluss we are paying for dh's family from NY to stay in a hotel (at least they won't be in the house, but hotels here are not inexpensive). Basically the whole thing was planned without me, and not in a way I'm super happy about.
So here's my delima. Do I stand up and fight to get a few things that I want, which is likely to make everyone mad at me, or do I just give in and have a bad party and do something for dd on her actual birthday, which is the day after the party? Right now I'm just mad about the whole thing, but I'm worried making a big deal out of it will be worse. I don't even want to invite my parent to my daughters birthday party because I know it will be all about dh's family (and they always bring extra "cousins" that none of us have ever met).
So here's my delima. Do I stand up and fight to get a few things that I want, which is likely to make everyone mad at me, or do I just give in and have a bad party and do something for dd on her actual birthday, which is the day after the party? Right now I'm just mad about the whole thing, but I'm worried making a big deal out of it will be worse. I don't even want to invite my parent to my daughters birthday party because I know it will be all about dh's family (and they always bring extra "cousins" that none of us have ever met).
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Re: Would you fight or give in? (Vent warning)
diagnosed with unexplained infertility, regular cycles
Baby #1: ttc naturally for 3 years, 6 yr old daughter
Baby #2: ttc naturally for 2 years, 2 yr old son
Baby #3: ttc naturally since August 2016
I would be frustrated and upset if I were in your position! It seems like your DH didn't consider your thoughts/feelings when making these plans. Hopefully your ILs don't stay long!
March siggy challenge: Dream job = Playing with wolves
LO is your child too, so I would ask why these decisions are being made without you. Sounds like his family takes over when they're involved. If it's not okay with you, it's time to start speaking up. DH has to be your ally in this.
I would not be okay with what they are doing, but my in-laws (and my own family) know better than to pull this shit. I think maybe his family knows you won't push back, so they steamroll you and do what they want. Well, you gave birth to that child, you are her mother, so YOU and DH say how you will celebrate her birthday. Who cares if they get mad? Obviously they don't care about your feelings or they would have talked to you first.
TTC #1 since 2011
Me: 36, anovulatory PCOS; DH: 34, fine
How bad would it be for me and the kids to not show up for it? Lol
Last night MIL was telling dh how that week is also someone's sister's birthday and we should celebrate that too. And that they were bringing all these people (who we don't know). I think dh realized how crazy it all was. So Saturday will be a big group party (hopefully at a park) for all the birthdays in their family, and Sunday we will invite my parents over to the house after church for cake, gifts, and a simple celebration just for dd. Not perfect, but a lot better.