Shared room advice

dhuggins91 · March 2015

I had half brothers and sisters. He didn't. His brother is 5 years is junior so I've been trying to get him to understand that communication is very important. I do not want to fight or argue or have his son be left out. Nor am I looking for anyone to tell me that he is being unreasonable. But Idk how to get through to him. We didn't discuss this as being his sons room. He's telling me it's theirs n then he tells his son it's his. If she gets something girly he son has to get something boyish. He doesn't want the baby in our room either. I never said his son can't have anything boyish but there is no room for the specifics of what he wants. He is not including me or this unborn child into any discussions he has with his son. So I feel like she is being left out and no one is preparing for her arrival. I've made it a point to always tell

dhuggins91 · March 2015

dhuggins91 · March 2015

I had half brothers and sisters. He didn't. His brother is 5 years is junior so I've been trying to get him to understand that communication is very important. I do not want to fight or argue or have his son be left out. Nor am I looking for anyone to tell me that he is being unreasonable. But Idk how to get through to him. We didn't discuss this as being his sons room. He's telling me it's theirs n then he tells his son it's his. If she gets something girly he son has to get something boyish. He doesn't want the baby in our room either. I never said his son can't have anything boyish but there is no room for the specifics of what he wants. He is not including me or this unborn child into any discussions he has with his son. So I feel like she is being left out and no one is preparing for her arrival. I've made it a point to always tell

dhuggins91 · March 2015

dhuggins91 · March 2015

I had half brothers and sisters. He didn't. His brother is 5 years is junior so I've been trying to get him to understand that communication is very important. I do not want to fight or argue or have his son be left out. Nor am I looking for anyone to tell me that he is being unreasonable. But Idk how to get through to him. We didn't discuss this as being his sons room. He's telling me it's theirs n then he tells his son it's his. If she gets something girly he son has to get something boyish. He doesn't want the baby in our room either. I never said his son can't have anything boyish but there is no room for the specifics of what he wants. He is not including me or this unborn child into any discussions he has with his son. So I feel like she is being left out and no one is preparing for her arrival. I've made it a point to always tell

CateOfChicago · March 2015

Being a girly girl myself, I get that you want your DDs nursery to be perfect. Unfortunately, you're going to have to make the room work for both and no go too extreme either way. 3 days a week is quite a bit. Look on Pinterest and projectnursery.com for boy girl rooms. They have great looks. You guys can pick stuff together.

dhuggins91 · March 2015

I haven't picked out any decorations for her at all. I feel completely left out and as though I have no say so for myself or my unborn because if it wasn't for this baby we wouldn't be moving at all and there will be no second bedroom. But again I don't know how to come together with him on this if his view point is all about his son and not his daughter hence why I am feeling very upset and territorial as well. He is more concerned about this sticker and video games and toys whereas my only point to him was that we will need to move in the near future in order for each child to have their own. He wants to stay in this 2bd for 5 years, he doesn't want the baby in our room...5 years from now my daughter will be 5 and his son 14....

curlylaura617 · March 2015

Did you point that out to him? The age gap and gender differnce is going to become an issue fairly quickly.
Where does your son stay now when he stays with you if it's only a one bedroom?

dhuggins91 · March 2015

I did point out the age gap and gender difference and the fact that soon his son will really need his own space. And that's when he brings up the letters vs this fathead so I got upset and it turned into a big argument. His son currently sleeps on a pull out.

dhuggins91 · March 2015

@curlylaura617 see above...

curlylaura617 · March 2015

Any one else that might be able to talk to him? Maybe he thinks it is us vs them too so he is just defensive when he talks to you? Would his family be any help?

dhuggins91 · March 2015

@curlylaura617 He is a private person and to an extent I am as well..so I wouldn't bring it to his family....there is a friend of his that I know can get through to him. Unfortunately I don't have that friends number anymore.....its just all falling apart.

curlylaura617 · March 2015

Hang in there.

When he sees that lil girl he'll want her to have everything his boy has. I think it's hard for men to "get it" sometimes that a baby is coming.

dhuggins91 · March 2015

well right now we aren't speaking...its bad and we are supposed to be moving this wknd but with me being a hot head I agreed to move and then we'll just have separate rooms until I find another place :-S @curlylaura617

lola2bee · March 2015

dhuggins91 said:
well right now we aren't speaking...its bad and we are supposed to be moving this wknd but with me being a hot head I agreed to move and then we'll just have separate rooms until I find another place :-S @curlylaura617

Oh no!! I hope you guys can work this out. Maybe give it a few days and try talking again. :-(

dhuggins91 · March 2015

hopefully @lola2bee

curlylaura617 · March 2015

Tough situation and tough decisions. Good luck!

sephora468 · March 2015

I understand what you're trying to say. I'm also in a blended family yet trying to lessen isolation as we are adding another baby to our family. Good luck to you.

JC714 · March 2015

I skimmed a lot of the replies, so forgive me if I'm being redundant, but you are going to run into a lot more issues than wall space...a 9 year old and an infant room sharing is not ideal...I would really look into your options for setting up separate spaces for both children, even if your daughter has to share your room for a while.

beaseg · March 2015

a few things:

1. Him saying "It's my son" is a bad sign. It might be true, but he can't expect you to love the child equally as your own and treat him equally if he won't give you equal say in parenting him. Not saying you should be called "mom" because he already has one, but I grew up wiht my half brother (my half sister lived with her mom) and my full blood brother. My mom always called them both my "brother", never "half". But my dad used to always use that line on her "He's MY son" when they had parenting differences. My half brother ended up on the streets with a terrible relationship with our dad and my mom. He was really scarred by the way he grew up, and I"m not saying that is what happens even the majority of the time- but these years are formative years. So while it may seem drastic- you should consider setting up like a 6 session counselling session with a family counselor where you can go and learn some new ideas/ways to handle things. Your partner needs to understand what he's doing isn't right, and he won't hear it coming from you. Needs to be someone else.

2. In many states, DCFS doesn't allow children of the opposite sex to share a room after a certain age. Look into this just so you are both aware of it

3. My half brother is 9 years older than me. He was MY HERO. My parents were broke when we were young and so I shared a room with my 2 brothers. I would cry every other weekend when he would go to his moms. I was scared to sleep in a room without him. When we moved into a house and each had our own room, for years if I had seen a scary movie or if there was a thunderstorm, I slept on the floor outside his room. When I was picked on by neighborhood kids, my big brother would come out and scare them all off. He taught me how to ride a bike (bc I didn't want to learn from mom or dad, but from my cool big bro). We had such a special, beautiful relationship. I loved him so dearly. So sharing a room may not be a downside for your daughter at age 5.

4. I can understand your partner wanting to save money by staying in smaller apartments. I'm not saying it's right or what's best for your family, but I can at least understand it.

5. Maybe you can take your partner's son on a date. Dinner where he wants, ice cream and a trip to target to pick out one outfit or blanket or toy for baby sister. Your partner doesn't want his son pushed out. So unite with his son and make him realize that's not an option on the table.

Good luck!

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