"Was it planned?"

Petunia21 · February 2015

I'm at that point where I'm starting to tell more people about my pregnancy. A question I hear a lot is "was it planned?". This question is really starting to bother me!! I would NEVER think to ask anyone that! Why does it matter if it was planned? I thought people would be able to figure it out since I'm almost 30, been married for over a year, and just bought a bigger house. I guess people are just nosey.
What other questions have you ladies been hearing that you're tired of answering?

ittybittybaker09 · February 2015

"Oh already?" - yes. We got married in march... have been together 5 years and I have 2 step boys who are already 8 and 6. We didn't want a larger age gap.
"You already have 2 boys, you need to have a girl." - of course I am happy either way... but if I could choose I would prefer a boy. We have boy clothes, boy toys, and I am so familiar with girl stuff!
"You're fat, so it must be a girl" - I'm sorry but you should never say that to someone. Last year I dropped to 92 pounds due to illness. J Am Embracing My Pudgy and Are Excited I Am Finally healthy.
"Can I tough your belly?" - unless you are immediate family or close friends, no you may not. It's not hardly baby right now anyway. Would you still want to rub it if you knew it was poop cause I haven't gone in 5 days? No? Didn't think so.

KristinaD217 · February 2015

How about "are you sure"
I got the "was it planned" a lot, and it sucks having to say "no, I was lucky, I was the .01 that got pregnant on birth control!"

jesigirli · February 2015

Mostly people are shocked that we're expecting. Usually they say things like "Oh I/we didn't think you were going to have kids" I assume this is because I'm 30, DH is 36, and we've been together for 9 years and married for almost 6, and we live in a rural place where people usually get married and start having babies right after HS. We've also gotten "Oh we thought you were just going to have wiener dogs/dachshunds/dogs." Like it's one or the other? We have gotten a few "was it planned," and I try to put on my best are-you-seriously-asking-me-that face when I say yes.

I never understand the question "Do you want a boy or a girl?" Umm...I'll just take what I get, thanks, I just pray for a healthy baby.

ashorkey · February 2015

Our pregnancy was not planned. We haven't told anyone yet outside of family but I'm not looking forward to the "was it planned" questions and the "oh I didn't think you guys wanted kids" statements that I know we're going to get from a lot of our friends that have zero filter.

ashorkey · February 2015

I'll add to my comment above we've been married for 5.5 years and get the "oh you must have gotten married young!" Comments all the time too. I don't think the comments will ever stop no matter the topic!

whenweawake · February 2015

I hate the was it planned or were you trying... RUDE!

cleblanc18 · February 2015

"We just LOVEEEE having sex so much and often, we made a baby"

prairiedreams · February 2015

Not so much a question I get but or DS is asked all the time if he wants a baby girl or baby boy. Like he has a choice. Honestly he is three, he is just figuring out that boys and girls are different- and could care less.

Robin910 · February 2015

I've gotten the 'was it planned' question. Even my doc asked. I was like wtf, yes. SUPER planned because I had an iui not for fertility issues but because it's really hard to get pregnant when you're in a same sex relationship lol.

taylorharber1108 · February 2015

My MIL told me since by butt has grown I am having a girl. I was so happy when we were told it is a boy, just so I could rub her sorry comment in her face.

Another one that pisses me off is "Was this a honeymoon baby?". My husband and I got married in November and pregnant, but it was NOT on our honeymoon!

bumpuser10704024 · February 2015

We get that all the time! My hubs and I went thru a rough patch last year (7 yr itch/crazy) and things have been back on track since last summer - so people are constantly wondering if it was planned. We have a dd that is 6 and we didn't want them to be too far apart, so yes it was planned. My coworkers are the worst! One of my managers actually asked me if I was happy or mad. I told her a baby was a blessing and if she could keep a man longer than a month she may be able to experience that on her own some day. Whoops - hormones. We also recently found out that we are having another girl, so we also have been getting the "oh I'm sorry...are you going to try again for a boy?" My new fav response to that is that we are planning on just trading someone for a boy in the hospital.

bhargrave88 · February 2015

I got "you had to be trying!" "Was it planned?" "That was stupid, seeing how your first is autistic, you will be taking away from her now by having another one", and my all time favorite "how are you going to handle school and a baby?" ... They seem to have forgotten that I got pregnant my second semester into college, I continued to go and graduate (just graduated in July!), decided to Persue business for my BA, and 2 days after orientation I found out I was pregnant. We weren't trying, it wasn't planned. Our protection methods failed us lol. And I find it incredibly rude for people and family to call me stupid for having another baby just because my first has autism. I'm sorry but my life already is consumed by therapy for her but I'm not going to STOP my life because of it! Geez!! And she isn't like low functioning either, she just doesn't talk.

Some people... They just say what comes to mind. It's not like I have any help anyway from these people with their opinions so I don't see how it concerns them

my life, my family. You don't like it, don't try and stick your nose in it

just my opinion lol

ann_jeremiah · February 2015

Yea.. People ask ridiculous things.. We also get comments about our children being close in age.

irohspupil · February 2015

My MIL has asked twice while we got together as a family in a restaurant, "So what? Did the condom break or did you just forget to take your pill?" Really? You are asking that in your loud-ass voice in a public place? No, baby wasn't planned, but why can't people understand that those questions are entirely inappropriate?!

My MIL has also asked, upon finding out that I was having a girl, "Doesn't that kind of upset that you aren't having a boy then a girl? So the big brother can be protective over his little sister?"
:-w She had a son and then a daughter--four years apart. My husband never got along with his little sister. My older brother would hold me down and fart on me until I passed out. I don't know where she got this Hallmark version of brothers and sisters.

xcitdmomma · February 2015

We've gotten this, but it doesn't bother me. Most of our family thought we didn't like children. We sort of bolstered this opinion because we were uncomfortable talking about our fertility issues. But now we're open about them.

SHieb · February 2015

I've gotten: "was it planned?" "How old are you again?" (I'm 22 and have been married for over 2 years) "Are you going to vaccinate/other procedures?". I'm just like seriously, how does any of this concern you? I also hate unwelcome belly touchers...ugh.

SHieb · February 2015

@bhargrave88 I'm so sorry to hear anyone would call you stupid for having another child because your first is autistic. Both of my siblings are autistic and I've worked in ABA with autistic children, all I've ever seen is siblings of autistic children enrich each others lives. I'm sorry some one would say something so ignorant and mean to you. Keep your head up!

nks27 · February 2015

I had someone ask me that when I was pregnant with my first. It was the owner at a B&B we were staying at. I went into a crazy hormonal blunder over it and was really insulted. I'll never get why anyone would think to ask that!

heath3er · February 2015

I hate the questions. Or the gender guesses. I really love the I thought you were pregnant. I look bloated! Love my female co-workers.

I hate the are you getting tests done, you know you should Incase baby has a problem.

First off I love children no matter if they perfectly healthy to a puzzle we have to work with.

I am almost done with my masters in ABA.
We are not gettin. Testing done, and are ready for whatever God blesses us with.

I love the "eating for 2"

I eat when I am Hungary, I try small meals and so have gained a pound. I think I'm doing well for being almost 14w.

kelseyrayay · February 2015

You have no idea people accused me of getting pregnant before I was married and the only reason I got married is because I was pregnant! I had a freakin honeymoon baby! Sheesh get off my back! I got married in November 22nd In December I found out I was pregnant! But regardless if it happened before I got married it's none of their business!

sschwege · February 2015

Surprisingly nothing so far. But I remember soon after DS was born my cousin's Aunt told me, "You have a girl and now a boy, so you can be done!" Uhhhh, boy or girl has no bearing on how many children we will have.

ChristyM87 · February 2015

So far the only person who asked me if it was planned was one of my graduate instructors. I got the impression that she wouldn't choose to get pregnant while in grad school and working but it wasn't her decision

AshleyM0125 · February 2015

My kids will only be 20 months apart so the planned questions is always first. We were not preventing anything. It took us almost 4 years and countless medical procedures/medications to have our first. Who would have thought the second would come so quickly? We are blessed and excited and everyone who doesn't get that has no place in our lives.

I love the "Do you know what you are having?" question. Well, we were hoping for puppies but it's probably just another human.

missmarissa711 · February 2015

I would ignore anyone who asked me that. its none of their business! I was very honest with my close family and friends and told them that it wasn't planned, but we couldn't be happier with the pregnancy

planned or not planned, its a wonderful thing, and as long as you are happy who cares what anyone else thinks!

pabeybaby · February 2015

AshleyM0125 said:
My kids will only be 20 months apart so the planned questions is always first. We were not preventing anything. It took us almost 4 years and countless medical procedures/medications to have our first. Who would have thought the second would come so quickly? We are blessed and excited and everyone who doesn't get that has no place in our lives.

I love the "Do you know what you are having?" question. Well, we were hoping for puppies but it's probably just another human.

I've replied with the puppy comment before! Haha

malamaza · February 2015

I understand that certain questions can be really inappropriate and sometimes downright mean such as those regarding weight gain and size, but I really don't find anything offensive with questions such as do you know what you're having, would you like to know, was it planned, how far along are you, etc. especially from friends and family Or even coworkers if you are with them every single day and usually share some info regarding your personal life, family, etc. Sure, sometimes someone can stick their foot in their mouths but I like to look at it as them caring enough and being interested in this part of my life enough to ask questions and be curious...

stow2009 · February 2015

AshleyM0125 said:
My kids will only be 20 months apart so the planned questions is always first. We were not preventing anything. It took us almost 4 years and countless medical procedures/medications to have our first. Who would have thought the second would come so quickly? We are blessed and excited and everyone who doesn't get that has no place in our lives.

I love the "Do you know what you are having?" question. Well, we were hoping for puppies but it's probably just another human.

That's so exciting that you got pregnant so fast the second time!! I've heard of that happening. Also, I don't think the "Do you know what you are having" question is a bad question- that's clearly a question of "boy" or "girl", right? I think answering "human" would sound a little rude.

kellylkb · February 2015

I was actually asked by a coworker, "were yall trying long or was this a surprise?" I didn't really know how to respond. It just made the question seem twice as rude! Btw my response was "ummm, not really"

Starynightsky24 · February 2015

BIL said "is that when (DS) started saying uh-oh?" I was furious but too stund that I didn't even respond. Just game him a death stare.

ckoenig87 · February 2015

"OMG I was wondering when you two were going to get pregnant.".... Really? we got married on November 8 and found out we were expecting on December 7... you couldn't have been wondering long....

and have gotten the reaction, "Oh....is this ok? like, are you ok?" . I started taking prenatals months beforehand. I'm good.

tarheelgirl8 · March 2015

Yes! I have been really surprised by the number of people who've asked "were you trying?" Also, several people have asked how long it took for me to get pregnant. Really?! And these are not close friends and family. These are acquaintances and coworkers. Granted, it did not take us very long to get pregnant, but still....If it had taken months or years, I really wouldn't want to discuss my fertility issues at the water cooler!

nettefirstlove · March 2015

"What's the sex* i just finally said im not sharing im keeping it to myself. Its annoying especially when they say what they hope im having which REALLY pisses my off lol cause they're not going to babysit my baby or try to hang out as much after i have it so stop hounding me.

" is the father involved" (DF and i are not together byt have good communication) this the most disrespectful question why must it be assumed that the father of my child doesn't want his baby this question always hurt my feelings for the both of us because he really is happy about this baby

hitcj4687 · March 2015

Anyone who asks if I'm showing... Nope, just chubby thanks for asking... Or "do you hope it's a girl or a boy" like... I am not "hoping" for anything other than a healthy baby. My other favorite is girls asking my best friend if I did this on purpose.. Yes, I'm in my third semester of college, work full time, and am not married.. But I attempted to have a baby. Lol so silly. I just shake off the ignorance of people

jakira92 · April 2015

SHieb said:
I've gotten: "was it planned?" "How old are you again?" (I'm 22 and have been married for over 2 years) "Are you going to vaccinate/other procedures?". I'm just like seriously, how does any of this concern you? I also hate unwelcome belly touchers...ugh.

I am also 22 and married. People keep saying, "but you're so young!" I have a BA, a job, a fantastic husband with a job, a nice place to live.... sorry if you, random person, are not ready for me to have a baby (two, actually). In most of the world's cultures women still start before age 20. It's a biologically normal thing.

ChristyM87 · April 2015

jsportiello said:

SHieb said:
I've gotten: "was it planned?" "How old are you again?" (I'm 22 and have been married for over 2 years) "Are you going to vaccinate/other procedures?". I'm just like seriously, how does any of this concern you? I also hate unwelcome belly touchers...ugh.
I am also 22 and married. People keep saying, "but you're so young!" I have a BA, a job, a fantastic husband with a job, a nice place to live.... sorry if you, random person, are not ready for me to have a baby (two, actually). In most of the world's cultures women still start before age 20. It's a biologically normal thing.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Indeed. I am a 27 yyear old FTM and every FTM I know is in her 30's. My goal was always to start my family before I was 30

kettlekitten · April 2015

'Were you trying for long?' from a work colleague has been my personal favourite...

mrsb30 · April 2015

ChristyM87 said:

jsportiello said:

SHieb said:
I've gotten: "was it planned?" "How old are you again?" (I'm 22 and have been married for over 2 years) "Are you going to vaccinate/other procedures?". I'm just like seriously, how does any of this concern you? I also hate unwelcome belly touchers...ugh.
I am also 22 and married. People keep saying, "but you're so young!" I have a BA, a job, a fantastic husband with a job, a nice place to live.... sorry if you, random person, are not ready for me to have a baby (two, actually). In most of the world's cultures women still start before age 20. It's a biologically normal thing.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Indeed. I am a 27 yyear old FTM and every FTM I know is in her 30's. My goal was always to start my family before I was 30

I'm with you both. I would have happily started my family in my early-mid twenties, but it just wasn't in the cards for me then. I'm a 31yr old ftm.

kat+1 · April 2015

I get thi because my kids will be 13 months apart. Even my doctor said " You know breastfeeding isn't birth control" as of it wasn't planed. We had decided to not prevent pregnanacy after we were married and had DS in July and now DD will be born in August. And if anymore children come they will come in Gods timing not ours. The other question I dislike is " is this your first?" I have come up with a few clever answeres when people really annoy me.
1. Nope this is number 5

2.Tell people that this isn't mine I am a Just carrying for a friend..
My cousins a surrogate and when she told people they were weirded out so I like to think I am helping to open people's mind and close their mouths

But I just keep those for the people who ask way to personal questions

april42007 · April 2015

My MIL asked me what she was supposed to say when people ask her if the pregnancy was planned or not. I told her to tell them our sex life was none of their business. You've never seen someone shut up so fast......

ittybittybaker09 · April 2015

I know I've responded before, but something crazy happened the other day at the store and I had to share. Mind you, I'm short. I say 4'9 and that's sthe truth. My best friend was buying a puppy and I went with her. The owner of the store told me to "make sure I continue school and enjoy life after the baby comes..." I literally open mouth stared at her. I then pulled out my license and showed her that I will be 25 by the time the baby comes. I enjoyed high school ad college thank you. I'll also have been married a year and a half before he arrives. I could not believe she thought to tell me to "enjoy school and my life" like I made some huge mistake.

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