I think those of us who are having baby showers should be super grateful. Not everyone has someone volunteer to throw them one. And everytime someone buys a gift for our babies, we should be really grateful. It shows that they really care about you and about the baby and they've gone out of their way to show it. For the record, I think it's really weird to throw a shower for yourself and I can't imagine doing that or knowing anyone who would do that.
I do get that when you register for what you really need and people buy you gifts that they chose for you instead that you might have preferred that they bought you something off of your registry. I think that nobody can fault you for having that preference. However, preference or not how can we complain about someone giving the baby a gift? Not everyone likes to buy from a registry and there's no rule that says they have to. It can be more fun to pick something out for the baby yourself, and it can feel more meaningful. They might even prefer to shop at a different store for so many different reasons! The way that I look at it, the registry is there in case anyone is stuck for ideas, or wants to make sure nobody else is getting you the same thing, or to get some ideas of what you want, or if they prefer to get you something that you picked out yourself. It's their choice!
I would recommend to anyone not to buy too much baby stuff for yourself before the shower. The less you buy the more grateful and appreciative you feel when someone gives you a gift. And be open-minded- don't try to control everything- it's ok to let your friends and family choose some things for your child that you may not have chose yourself. A lot of parenthood is out of your control so might as well start getting used to it.
If you are given something that you feel is unsafe, developmentally inappropriate, or you are sure for any reason it will never get used then of course I understand you will donate it or pass it along to someone who can use it. We should still be grateful. It's the thought that counts.
Bottom line is I don't judge anyone who would have preferred more people bought items from the registry- but hopefully if you're in that position you can still manage to be grateful, appreciative and understanding. My two cents!
"It's always better when we're together."
-Jack Johnson
I get you I am having my baby shower today and I really wanted what i register for this my the 3rd baby 1st girl. Hope they at least saw it and got an idea what I need
I was lucky at my first shower almost everyone one stuck to the registries and some people went on together to buy some of the bigger items. But I got a couple ridiculous/ugly things too, I just smiled and said thank you because I did appreciate the thought and the fact that they took the time to buy anything at all.
My mom is insisting that I have a shower this time as well and once again she is going in with her sisters to buy me the one big ticket item I need, a double stroller, my first is only 15 months old. Beyond that I don't expect anyone to stick to the registry, not that it matters too much this time around since I still have most of the stuff I need. I'll just be grateful that people want to take the time to come to this shower and celebrate my upcoming little one. I honestly don't care if I don't get any gifts at all.
A lot of people don't have anyone to throw them a shower like pps have said, you should just be grateful for what you got.
I think it's disgusting that people are actually upset about the gifts that other people took their precious time and hard earned money to buy for your child. Just gross.
my shower was last weekend and not everybody stuck to the registry. It was very frustrating to open clothes clothes and more clothes but at the same time some of my favorite gifts I got weren't on my registry! A guest cross stitched a Noah's Ark blanket for dd, another got me a book all about cloth diapering, and another invited me over her house the next day and gave me space bags upon space bags full of clothes that her dd outgrew from nb to 18mos so our dd pretty much won't need any clothes until then! I understand your frustration, but look at the bright side of things! All of the outfits you got are more money that you can put towards diapers and wipes and lotion and soap and all of the necessities! Plus if you registered at target, they'll send you a bunch of coupons for use after your shower that give a discount, yes it's not free, but 15% off adds up!
Frownyface, you sound like a normal human being. I had the exact same thing happen to me. So what if it sounds ungrateful- you're hormonal and worried about paying for your essentials!! Babies R Us does this amazing thing where they will basically take back anything that they sell- no questions asked- and give you a store gift card. We wound up with a huge credit, and we're able to supplement what we needed.
People honestly mean well, but I think that, unless people are old ladies and not used to registries, it's PRETTY much common knowledge that if a registry exists, you should use it. Hands down!
I don't think I could ever be upset that someone took time to purchase something for me and my child. Whether I use it or not, they opted to give to my baby.
I'm glad people took time out of their day to spend a day with me at my showers. I didn't register for a handmade quilt or the perfect decoration for the room but they are perfect and something I never would have had otherwise.
We started stocking up on other things a month ago. We knew it would be expensive. We saved gift cards or cash we received from other occasions.
I could care less what you think of me to be honest! I didn't ask for or want a shower. People kept asking so a friend said she wanted to do it. My husband and I said we didn't want her to be put out, so we just decided to combine it with a house warming so no one felt obligated either way as we are not wanting house warming gifts either. As a dual doctor, I can fully afford EVERYTHING my child needs, so begging isn't in my repertoire. And yes it is my third child. My last one, he is six and this time it's a girl. Not that that matters because if it were my twelth son and I wanted to have a shower there is no one who should think they are God and can tell me I can't. Didn't ask you to host, attend, or BEG YOU FOR A GIFT!
My village statement comes from the fact she is a ftm and may not realize all the necessities a child needs and could feel overwhelmed with the cost. So if friends really mean well they would think of HER. But most don't. They want the cutest gift at the party...which is fine. Til she realizes oh my God I still need everything.
Again, put your self righteous, we know all things etiquette, attitudes back I'm your pocket cause I don't care. Every single mother gets necessities from me because life gets hard and a cute book ain't gonna help when you're low on funds due to life and your child has no pampers. You do know what life is right? Well that is what she is thinking of. And she has the right to feel frustrated because it is scary trying to provide for a baby.
I could care less what you think of me to be honest! I didn't ask for or want a shower. People kept asking so a friend said she wanted to do it. My husband and I said we didn't want her to be put out, so we just decided to combine it with a house warming so no one felt obligated either way as we are not wanting house warming gifts either. As a dual doctor, I can fully afford EVERYTHING my child needs, so begging isn't in my repertoire. And yes it is my third child. My last one, he is six and this time it's a girl. Not that that matters because if it were my twelth son and I wanted to have a shower there is no one who should think they are God and can tell me I can't. Didn't ask you to host, attend, or BEG YOU FOR A GIFT!
My village statement comes from the fact she is a ftm and may not realize all the necessities a child needs and could feel overwhelmed with the cost. So if friends really mean well they would think of HER. But most don't. They want the cutest gift at the party...which is fine. Til she realizes oh my God I still need everything.
Again, put your self righteous, we know all things etiquette, attitudes back I'm your pocket cause I don't care. Every single mother gets necessities from me because life gets hard and a cute book ain't gonna help when you're low on funds due to life and your child has no pampers. You do know what life is right? Well that is what she is thinking of. And she has the right to feel frustrated because it is scary trying to provide for a baby.
I always buy off people's registry. There IS a reason why couples make a registry people! At least I know my money will be put to good use and appreciated by the expecting parents as opposed to tossed into a bin of more crap not needed and sold with tags on on through FB lol. When guests don't buy off registries it screams how selfish they are. Yup that's right, you are being selfish by NOT buying off registry. The point of a shower is to help out the couple. Not just to give guests a reason to go out and feed their shopping addiction, nor because people particularly enjoy cheezy games and finger foods. Comments on here make me smh and realize that common sense is not so common.
I always buy off people's registry. There IS a reason why couples make a registry people! At least I know my money will be put to good use and appreciated by the expecting parents as opposed to tossed into a bin of more crap not needed and sold with tags on on through FB lol. When guests don't buy off registries it screams how selfish they are. Yup that's right, you are being selfish by NOT buying off registry. The point of a shower is to help out the couple. Not just to give guests a reason to go out and feed their shopping addiction, nor because people particularly enjoy cheezy games and finger foods. Comments on here make me smh and realize that common sense is not so common.
I believe this is getting off topic. Grateful or not someone is just looking for support and advice, not judgement. If you don't like the post and can not provide constructive advice do not post. Get out of your feelings.
I could care less what you think of me to be honest! I didn't ask for or want a shower. People kept asking so a friend said she wanted to do it. My husband and I said we didn't want her to be put out, so we just decided to combine it with a house warming so no one felt obligated either way as we are not wanting house warming gifts either. As a dual doctor, I can fully afford EVERYTHING my child needs, so begging isn't in my repertoire. And yes it is my third child. My last one, he is six and this time it's a girl. Not that that matters because if it were my twelth son and I wanted to have a shower there is no one who should think they are God and can tell me I can't. Didn't ask you to host, attend, or BEG YOU FOR A GIFT!
My village statement comes from the fact she is a ftm and may not realize all the necessities a child needs and could feel overwhelmed with the cost. So if friends really mean well they would think of HER. But most don't. They want the cutest gift at the party...which is fine. Til she realizes oh my God I still need everything.
Again, put your self righteous, we know all things etiquette, attitudes back I'm your pocket cause I don't care. Every single mother gets necessities from me because life gets hard and a cute book ain't gonna help when you're low on funds due to life and your child has no pampers. You do know what life is right? Well that is what she is thinking of. And she has the right to feel frustrated because it is scary trying to provide for a baby.
Frownyface, you sound like a normal human being. I had the exact same thing happen to me. So what if it sounds ungrateful- you're hormonal and worried about paying for your essentials!! Babies R Us does this amazing thing where they will basically take back anything that they sell- no questions asked- and give you a store gift card. We wound up with a huge credit, and we're able to supplement what we needed.
People honestly mean well, but I think that, unless people are old ladies and not used to registries, it's PRETTY much common knowledge that if a registry exists, you should use it. Hands down!
I believe this is getting off topic. Grateful or not someone is just looking for support and advice, not judgement. If you don't like the post and can not provide constructive advice do not post. Get out of your feelings.
As much as you have the right to post your thread, we have the right to comment how we see fit. You cannot dictate how we respond. Everyone clearly has different options, and that's ok.
The only time I use registies (bridal, wedding or baby) is when it is someone I have fallen out of touch with, don't really know or the event is in a different city and I am not attending. Otherwise I am putting a lot time and thought into the gift. My close friends know me and the gifts we give are personal.
Maybe it is that my circle of friends had already started their careers and were pretty much set up when they got married and started having babies, but our registries were created more for out of town aunts and uncles who would have no idea what to get us.
OP, sorry for the snark, but you stated you went crazy with excitement buying baby girl all the cute clothes. Perhaps you should have spent your money on the essentials and let your guests enjoy buying all the fun stuff.
@wiley05 , it is not off topic, just like IRL conversations take tangents. Sorry that not everybody on here wants to give out hair pets. The constructive advice was be grateful that people bought you a gift.
I also didn't buy a lot of other things because I got told by everyone to wait until the shower . But this is our first child we're starting out from that end . It's just frustrating because now we're having to hurry and get everything we were told not to buy with only a month until my due date .. , I'm glad some of you are already established and are financially sound .. Not everyone is . I'm not sure how I'm sounding ungrateful or it's my fault I will never register again so I don't " expect " people to buy everything for my child like apparently I do ..
I also didn't buy a lot of other things because I got told by everyone to wait until the shower . But this is our first child we're starting out from that end . It's just frustrating because now we're having to hurry and get everything we were told not to buy with only a month until my due date .. , I'm glad some of you are already established and are financially sound .. Not everyone is . I'm not sure how I'm sounding ungrateful or it's my fault I will never register again so I don't " expect " people to buy everything for my child like apparently I do ..
I am a SAHM expecting our third and I know what it's like to live on one salary and stretch a dollar. Here's my advice, first you say your daughter now has a fully stocked wardrobe, if it hasn't been washed return all of it and any other items you don't think you will need. Take that money or store credit and buy what you need. Babies do not need a lot in the beginning, a safe place to sleep (could even be a pack n play), diapers/wipes and a car seat those are the major things. If you plan to BF, you might not even need bottles in the beginning. Most of the stuff you can wait to buy until later and who knows maybe you will decide you either don't need it or someone will give you some hand-me-downs. I say return all the clothes that can be returned because that is so easy to purchase secondhand, plus you may have more gifts like that coming after the baby is born. Seriously almost everything I buy for the kids I get second hand and it saves us big time. Our nursery was pieced together, with a crib and rocker from a friend and a dresser we bought second hand. Does it match perfectly? Nope, but I didn't want to spend the money. Everything my kids wear other than Easter/Christmas outfits were either gifts, hand-me-downs or I bought secondhand. There is very little I can justify paying full price for.
You say everyone told you not to buy anything and yet you went crazy when you found out you were having a girl and now you have a fully stocked closet. You probably had a lot of fun picking out all those little girl outfits, but you know what I bet a lot of other people did too. Why should they be expected to buy the mundane stuff that you need for your child, while you buy all the fun stuff?
There really is no obligation for anyone to buy you a gift from your registry. If they want to buy you a baby gift they can buy you whatever they want to. It's not actually rude to buy something that's not on the registry.
I totally get when some of you say you always buy from the registry for others. I totally get when some of you say that you'd prefer that people stick to your registry. You lose me when you seem angry (outraged? offended?) that someone would dare buy a gift for an expectant mother that she didn't put on her registry.
"It's always better when we're together."
-Jack Johnson
It's not that I'm out raged or offended that someone bought me things not of the registeries.. This whole conversation started because alls I was basically asking was why do people ask over and over and over about your registry and not go look at it . And everyone else has jumped on me for no reason I am grateful I do appreciate for what I got . I loved some of the things that people made and we're not on the registery . What I am annoyed about is getting attacked , which is where some of the outrage or offended , annoyance whatever sounding is coming from .
OP, I think your post was fair. You said you just wanted to vent that you would have preferred more people used your registry but that you're still grateful. I totally get that.
There are other posts in this thread that I can't get behind- being angry or offended that someone bought you something you didn't register for seems like the wrong attitude. I didn't mean to make you feel like I was referring to your post.
"It's always better when we're together."
-Jack Johnson
Many ungrateful women on this post complaining over people not buying off a damn registry. Registries are simply ideas of what you want. Does it matter if you get tons of clothes? Your baby will have a nice closet full of clothes. I use my registry simply as a shopping list of what I need to get. I only send my registry out to distant family and friends and I appericate the gifts they give just because its the thought.
I had my shower yesterday. My family members who have tons of medical issues and bills to pay cause of those bought tons of diapers and clothes for my son. I was happy having a very small baby shower. It's not about the gifts but the thought of the people coming in to welcome your baby into this world. One of my favorite gifts that I teared up from was the blanket my grandma gave me. It was my baby blanket that I haven't seen in forever. My grandma also sewed some burp clothes and changing clothes for him.
Some of you women seem mad cause no one bought those big ticket items (cribs, changing tables, gliders, strollers). It's not your family or friend's responsibility to provide everything for your child. I'm grateful for the giftcard I received to help me pay for the pack and play I plan to get soon. If some of you ladies are really struggling on providing for your child, there are pregnancy centers out there that give you baby bucks for attending parenting classes and other classes to get those big ticket items. Look up some local charties that can help you out. Intill then the ladies that complained about the gifts, I wish your family and friends saw your nasty ungrateful posts.
Sorry @yellowdaisies84, just annoys me that I'm getting attacked for asking a question for venting .
Most of what was said was constructive criticism. What do you expect people to say when you put your thoughts out for the public to read? Everyone is going to have an opinion.
I registered just to get the discount. I had my shower this weekends and half didn't bring a gift or brought DH beer since it was a his and hers shower. I don't care if they didn't buy us anything, it was nice to see everyone.
Wow people are intense on here. I never write on these boards but felt compelled to because of all the negativity- For what it's worth, I don't think you sound ungrateful at all. I would feel the EXACT same way. In my opinion, showers are meant for your friends & family to celebrate with you and also to generously help you share the burden of supplying what you need. Pretty clothes aren't a necessity. But burp cloths, bottles, & diapers are. I'm sorry that it didn't work out that way for you. Hopefully you can return a couple of things. Not like this is helpful now, but we don't know the gender of our baby so I think we got off lucky shower wise- since people didn't know, they didn't give us hardly any clothes! Definitely a huge plus of keeping it a surprise till the end...
Wow people are intense on here. I never write on these boards but felt compelled to because of all the negativity- For what it's worth, I don't think you sound ungrateful at all. I would feel the EXACT same way. In my opinion, showers are meant for your friends & family to celebrate with you and also to generously help you share the burden of supplying what you need. Pretty clothes aren't a necessity. But burp cloths, bottles, & diapers are. I'm sorry that it didn't work out that way for you. Hopefully you can return a couple of things. Not like this is helpful now, but we don't know the gender of our baby so I think we got off lucky shower wise- since people didn't know, they didn't give us hardly any clothes! Definitely a huge plus of keeping it a surprise till the end...
There is no negativity. It's a debate, that's ok. We all don't have to agree with each other. That's what the real world is like.
Secondly when you decide to start a family, why should your friends or family share the burden? Did you consult these people prior to falling pregnant to see if they wanted or could afford to share the burden? The financial burden falls on you, not everyone in your circle.
Wow people are intense on here. I never write on these boards but felt compelled to because of all the negativity- For what it's worth, I don't think you sound ungrateful at all. I would feel the EXACT same way. In my opinion, showers are meant for your friends & family to celebrate with you and also to generously help you share the burden of supplying what you need. Pretty clothes aren't a necessity. But burp cloths, bottles, & diapers are. I'm sorry that it didn't work out that way for you. Hopefully you can return a couple of things. Not like this is helpful now, but we don't know the gender of our baby so I think we got off lucky shower wise- since people didn't know, they didn't give us hardly any clothes! Definitely a huge plus of keeping it a surprise till the end...
Showers are meant to present the mother with gifts for the baby. As I said before, this used to be actual sentimental gifts. It has somehow turned into things the baby needs. Showers used to be gifts of homemade items such as knitted blankets & clothes. They were not intended to supply the parents with what they need for the baby. If you cant afford new items go to a 2nd hand store. 90% of our baby items are hand me downs or thrift store items.
This is definitely one advantage to being team green. I am sure I didn't get more than 3 outfits at my shower for DD since we didn't know. Still not a lot of things were purchased on my registry, but the things I got from new moms were extremely handy, and the other things that were close enough to work, we just went with. We absolutely took some things back to the store and got things we really needed off of the registry though. I have more hand made blankets than I could ever use though. I definitely won't ever make one for someone having a new baby.
I could care less what you think of me to be honest! I didn't ask for or want a shower. People kept asking so a friend said she wanted to do it. My husband and I said we didn't want her to be put out, so we just decided to combine it with a house warming so no one felt obligated either way as we are not wanting house warming gifts either. As a dual doctor, I can fully afford EVERYTHING my child needs, so begging isn't in my repertoire. And yes it is my third child. My last one, he is six and this time it's a girl. Not that that matters because if it were my twelth son and I wanted to have a shower there is no one who should think they are God and can tell me I can't. Didn't ask you to host, attend, or BEG YOU FOR A GIFT!
My village statement comes from the fact she is a ftm and may not realize all the necessities a child needs and could feel overwhelmed with the cost. So if friends really mean well they would think of HER. But most don't. They want the cutest gift at the party...which is fine. Til she realizes oh my God I still need everything.
Again, put your self righteous, we know all things etiquette, attitudes back I'm your pocket cause I don't care. Every single mother gets necessities from me because life gets hard and a cute book ain't gonna help when you're low on funds due to life and your child has no pampers. You do know what life is right? Well that is what she is thinking of. And she has the right to feel frustrated because it is scary trying to provide for a baby.
You sure are long-winded for someone who claims not to care.
I'm with you on this. Yes I'm grateful people are even buying me anything. My shower is this Saturday & I'm expecting a lot of just clothes because "its cute" & "people want to watch you open cute things" but let's be real clothes are cute but its a rapidly growing baby. That cute onsies may not even get worn before hes already to big for it & that's a waste. I put cost friendly things on my registry also. Of things I still need I feel people can at least take the time to look at it & see the stuff I like, want or need. I took the time to make it. I feel like I'll be taking a lot back to purchase what I need. May sound bitchy but I'm just being real.
Re: Registeries frustration/ baby shower
I do get that when you register for what you really need and people buy you gifts that they chose for you instead that you might have preferred that they bought you something off of your registry. I think that nobody can fault you for having that preference. However, preference or not how can we complain about someone giving the baby a gift? Not everyone likes to buy from a registry and there's no rule that says they have to. It can be more fun to pick something out for the baby yourself, and it can feel more meaningful. They might even prefer to shop at a different store for so many different reasons! The way that I look at it, the registry is there in case anyone is stuck for ideas, or wants to make sure nobody else is getting you the same thing, or to get some ideas of what you want, or if they prefer to get you something that you picked out yourself. It's their choice!
I would recommend to anyone not to buy too much baby stuff for yourself before the shower. The less you buy the more grateful and appreciative you feel when someone gives you a gift. And be open-minded- don't try to control everything- it's ok to let your friends and family choose some things for your child that you may not have chose yourself. A lot of parenthood is out of your control so might as well start getting used to it.
If you are given something that you feel is unsafe, developmentally inappropriate, or you are sure for any reason it will never get used then of course I understand you will donate it or pass it along to someone who can use it. We should still be grateful. It's the thought that counts.
Bottom line is I don't judge anyone who would have preferred more people bought items from the registry- but hopefully if you're in that position you can still manage to be grateful, appreciative and understanding. My two cents!
My mom is insisting that I have a shower this time as well and once again she is going in with her sisters to buy me the one big ticket item I need, a double stroller, my first is only 15 months old. Beyond that I don't expect anyone to stick to the registry, not that it matters too much this time around since I still have most of the stuff I need. I'll just be grateful that people want to take the time to come to this shower and celebrate my upcoming little one. I honestly don't care if I don't get any gifts at all.
A lot of people don't have anyone to throw them a shower like pps have said, you should just be grateful for what you got.
People honestly mean well, but I think that, unless people are old ladies and not used to registries, it's PRETTY much common knowledge that if a registry exists, you should use it. Hands down!
I'm glad people took time out of their day to spend a day with me at my showers. I didn't register for a handmade quilt or the perfect decoration for the room but they are perfect and something I never would have had otherwise.
We started stocking up on other things a month ago. We knew it would be expensive. We saved gift cards or cash we received from other occasions.
My village statement comes from the fact she is a ftm and may not realize all the necessities a child needs and could feel overwhelmed with the cost. So if friends really mean well they would think of HER. But most don't. They want the cutest gift at the party...which is fine. Til she realizes oh my God I still need everything.
Again, put your self righteous, we know all things etiquette, attitudes back I'm your pocket cause I don't care. Every single mother gets necessities from me because life gets hard and a cute book ain't gonna help when you're low on funds due to life and your child has no pampers. You do know what life is right? Well that is what she is thinking of. And she has the right to feel frustrated because it is scary trying to provide for a baby.
:-@
My Ovulation Chart
Maybe it is that my circle of friends had already started their careers and were pretty much set up when they got married and started having babies, but our registries were created more for out of town aunts and uncles who would have no idea what to get us.
OP, sorry for the snark, but you stated you went crazy with excitement buying baby girl all the cute clothes. Perhaps you should have spent your money on the essentials and let your guests enjoy buying all the fun stuff.
@wiley05 , it is not off topic, just like IRL conversations take tangents. Sorry that not everybody on here wants to give out hair pets. The constructive advice was be grateful that people bought you a gift.
You say everyone told you not to buy anything and yet you went crazy when you found out you were having a girl and now you have a fully stocked closet. You probably had a lot of fun picking out all those little girl outfits, but you know what I bet a lot of other people did too. Why should they be expected to buy the mundane stuff that you need for your child, while you buy all the fun stuff?
My Ovulation Chart
There are other posts in this thread that I can't get behind- being angry or offended that someone bought you something you didn't register for seems like the wrong attitude. I didn't mean to make you feel like I was referring to your post.
My Ovulation Chart
FTM & TEAM BLUE!!!
Secondly when you decide to start a family, why should your friends or family share the burden? Did you consult these people prior to falling pregnant to see if they wanted or could afford to share the burden?
The financial burden falls on you, not everyone in your circle.
Factor V Leiden Homozygous, Advanced Maternal Age
TTC #1, 5 yrs, PCOS, Femera + Ovidrel.
IUI#3 BFP, DD 5/31/2012
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