Is It Just Me?

mrscate88 · February 2015

I get annoyed when someone asks me if this baby was PLANNED. It's always that clueless or brash friend or relative that puts me on the spot. Funny thing is, this baby was planned, but I just don't think that is anyone's business. I know what causes a baby, and if I'm not preventing it, then the baby is as good as planned! I just don't understand why this is a conversation starter for some people?? Am I just being bratty, or do any of you ladies find it a little annoying?

sugarmagn0lia · February 2015

I think how you're feeling is totally understandable. When you think of it, it is kind of weird for someone to pretty much say "were you getting it on because you wanted a baby or did that part just happen?" Haha. I think I've only been asked once or twice so far, being that I got pregnant at 20 most go ahead and assume it wasn't. Truthfully when it happened - by an aunt I'm fairly close with - I was almost a tiny bit flattered, only because more people assume irresponsibility based on my age. However, with how difficult and trying it can be for some couples especially, I really do agree with you that it isn't really anybody's business. It's almost like prying into your finances and letting them judge if you're "ready," asking if it was planned.

mariessa02 · February 2015

Yikes... No I don't think you're overreacting. That is such a rude/inappropriate question... Especially when you are married and well into adulthood. This is a sensitive & personal subject for me... I haven't gone public yet with this pregnancy - beyond close family, and I'm not looking forward to facing this question. Considering that our baby was planned and the fact that we tried for several months after a miscarriage in Feb. of last year. Not many people outside of close family & friends knew about the miscarriage... if someone who didn't know about it decides to ask me if our baby was planned, I think I'd be caught off guard and get offended. You are completely right, it's not their business and they most likely lack tact if they're asking such a question... But we all know those people, even family and friends who ask tactless questions regularly... So I guess I just need to prepare for it now! >_<

Nessy430 · February 2015

Hahaha, omg my husband was SO mad the other night because several people have asked that. We are 29 & 30, and have been married for 4.5 years lol. My dad even made some stupid comment about my "unplanned pregnancy" a few weeks ago!! Ok no I didn't think it would happen this quickly so the timing has been a little crazy, but I wasn't on the pill so I knew it was a possibility. I always thought I would have a hard time getting pregnant because my periods are not super regular. Anyway...totally feel you... It's an annoying question.

iamk4y · February 2015

People seem to assume that because I'm 19 and my partner is 22 that our baby was unplanned. However, after loosing our first (which was unplanned) at 18w last year we knew what we wanted in our lives. I just thought that because people knew about what happened to our daughter, they'd have more sense than to ask.
And those people that say "I hope this one turns out" piss me off royally! Argh!!!! Xx

needaprince · February 2015

The midwife I saw asked me that and when I said no, she said, "well were you trying to get pregnant? " I said "no" then she asked what I used for birth control. I said nothing for a period of time and she gave me this librarian look over her glasses and said, "that's trying to get pregnant!" I just felt she was rude about it. I mean is not like it has anything to do with the development of my baby and my husband and I both have other children. She's lucky I have respect for my elders anyway, because my sarcasm was lingering at the edge of my tongue.

nflan16 · February 2015

I agree, I think it is so rude and just weird for people to ask. Why do they care? I got it a lot with my first baby and I can only imagine how my people will ask when I announce that I'm pregnant again, since my two will be 14 months apart

Unknown · February 2015

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baker1jm2 · February 2015

I've been asked that by nearly everyone with the exception of our close family. It is really annoying and kind of rude. We've been married almost 6 years and are both 27... I'm pretty sure we can handle a baby at this point in our lives haha!

twinamato · February 2015

People ask me, what did your mom (your parents) say?? Like.. She (they) would be mad or something.. Granted, I am not married and have only been dating my boyfriend for 8 months, but I am also 33 years old!! I could understand that question if I was 16 but COME ON.. Mom and dad are so happy for us and they know I am more than capable of being a mommy!!

TracyYoung819 · February 2015

I agree. My husband and I weren't actively trying but we weren't preventing either. So when people ask if we were planning it is like, well yes and no. Either way we are beyond excited.

Another response that I don't like is "is it an exciting thing?" Or something along those lines. If i wasn't excited about it I wouldn't be telling people.

19gem87 · February 2015

Totally understand! I hate when people say congrats as a question. Like maybe I'm upset about being pregnant. I don't get it! People can be so thoughtless.

jlawson23 · February 2015

I agree! Given that I am 23, the question is always posed as... "Were you trying to get pregnant." As if I have no business being pregnant. I find it offensive because whether trying or not has no bearing on being a good mother. And furthermore that is not anyone's business like you said!

orwillard · February 2015

Not bratty at all! My husband and I have been together for 10 years and married for 4. Not exaggerating- 90% of the people we told, wanted to know if the baby was planned. Are you kidding me? *sighh*

irenejean · February 2015

That would really annoy me! My husband and I got married last October, and I was worried people would ask us the same, but everyone seems to have expected us to start a family right away, ha! It could be our ages, I'm 33, he's 45.

v1wwo · February 2015

I have friends that asked, " what particular thing made you decide on a baby... Like what was that moment.... Like how do you know this would be it and you will try from now and not later......."
Granted they were really excited about the news and the girl really likes kids. But I didn't know how to answer that because my husband (33) was ready to have a kid and I (28) still wanted to party like its 1999.

jenboston22 · February 2015

My family hasn't said anything like that, although we've only told very close family so far, and they probably knew we wanted to start a family relatively soon. Most of my first office visits about the pregnancy did lead to that question, though. I didn't think much of it; I guess I assumed that they wanted to tactfully find out if I wanted the pregnancy or not (of course, if I said it wasn't planned, they would have needed to follow up with questions to determine how I felt about it). I also currently see a practice associated with a university, as my husband is an MBA student, so I'm guessing that they often see young college women with unexpected (and perhaps unwanted) pregnancies?

mrscate88 · February 2015

Well I'm glad I'm not the only one! I'm 26 and married, but even if I was 18 and unmarried, what can you gain from asking such a foolish question other than embarrassing a poor pregnant lady? We need to think of a great comeback that will shock their rude butts right back into their proper place!

v1wwo · February 2015

Office visits, like at the doctor? They ask to find out how long have you been trying. So if it's planed the next question I bet they asked how long have you been trying and the they should ask if you had any mc in the past.

mrscate88 · February 2015

Yes that is true @viwwo and that doesn't bother me at all. Doctors need to know more details (in my opinion). Mine didn't ask if it was planned, just asked if I was using any birth control, which was a more tactful way to go about it for a doctor.

lexyan · February 2015

I'm 26 and married. I informed a friend of mine that I am pregnant and he asked, "are you going to keep it?" I know he didn't mean anything by it, but it still hurt. Of course we're keeping our baby! He congratulated us soon after that. It was a tad awkward for a bit.

mrscate88 · February 2015

That made me laugh @twinamato ... What did your mom say?! How rude. My friend is pretty young and has 5 kids, so people always say to her, wow, you must LOVE babies! She just responds, no, I just like sex, babies are sometimes the consequence! It makes everything nice and uncomfortable really fast haha. I couldn't do it, but found it pretty funny.

mrscate88 · February 2015

Whoa, that's pretty crazy @lexyan I'm sure it was just a completely thoughtless comment that he wished he didn't say. If someone went that far, I would have to let them know you DO NOT ask a pregnant woman that question.

beansideirae · February 2015

I'm 31 and we had been getting the "when are you having kids" question for a while (another annoying one!) so most people knew we had been trying for a long time, and no one is asking us if it was planned. ironically it sorta wasn't, we were taking a break after a loss, but weren't using protection so I guess in that sense, we were trying.

Cnesvig32 · February 2015

My sisters and mom knew that we had wanted another someday. Since this is our 5th:) I'm sure that will be a lot of peoples reactions if it was planned and are we crazy??? That was actually one of my biggest worries before we decided to start trying is what people would say. Then I decided that that reaction shouldn't keep me from having my dream of a big family!! Anyways when people find out now I'm sure they are shocked and want to ask, but right after they say congrats, I say RIGHT AWAY and in a very happy tone (because I am) We are really excited! and we are

twinamato · February 2015

lexyan said:
I'm 26 and married. I informed a friend of mine that I am pregnant and he asked, "are you going to keep it?" I know he didn't mean anything by it, but it still hurt. Of course we're keeping our baby! He congratulated us soon after that. It was a tad awkward for a bit.

I mean... I would imagine a woman who wasn't going to keep the baby wouldn't be telling all their friends about the pregnancy!! What an awkward moment indeed!!

outdoorsyinoregon · February 2015

I haven't gotten that one yet, but I did get "Since you're pregnant now are you going to keep living in sin or get married finally?"
First of all, I am married and have been with my husband for 7 years so I'm not sure where that comment even came from.
Secondly none of your damn business either way!
This was from an older volunteer at my office, always nosey and very uppity.

MiromiM · February 2015

I am on the complete opposite end having gotten pregnant after my SIL, cousins, and several of my coworkers. People think the only reason I am pregnant is because I had nothing better to do with my life than the copy them. I have no problem saying "Actually we were trying to have a baby before you even met your husband. We just needed medical help." Either way, people assuming you did or did not plan for a baby is rude.

twinamato · February 2015

outdoorsyinoregon said:
I haven't gotten that one yet, but I did get "Since you're pregnant now are you going to keep living in sin or get married finally?"

Wow... just wow. I would have wanted to backhand this bible thumper!!!!! That OBVIOUSLY is none of their business!!

outdoorsyinoregon · February 2015

@twinamato It took a lot of self control not to reply with something along the lines of: Actually our devil worshiping cult married us last year so I guess we're good!
I'm not that ballsy, and like my job so I managed to refrain.

cjstats87 · February 2015

Our first and now third were not planned and I'm ok with saying "Not planned but very much loved!" or "this one did shock us but we can't wait!" Our second was planned and when people asked I was offended bc we worked hard for him! I think people are just curious why you want to have kids or so close or so many but don't know the right way to ask. My mil was terrible when we chose to have our firsts 2 years apart...she thought we were too young to get married when we did, too young for kids when we did and then they were too close...I DREADED telling them we are having #3..she actually was nice about it! You can never guess what people will say!

twinamato · February 2015

Lol yeas... probably best to keep it kosher at work!! Damn, that was your boss??? A co-worker???

lexyan · February 2015

@mrscaterosales I think he definitely felt as though he put his foot in his mouth. I've definitely explained it to him now that it's not cool. He is now wiser than yesterday. Hah.

steph256 · February 2015

The question that gets me is "Do you know what causes that?" This is our 3rd pregnancy. My answer has started being "Yes, we know and we like to practice a lot." People stop talking after that. Lol

PreggersinParis · February 2015

Yes, it's totally rude. Or how about when people say, "Oh, I didn't know you guys were trying." Why would we announce that?!

outdoorsyinoregon · February 2015

preggersinparis said:
Yes, it's totally rude. Or how about when people say, "Oh, I didn't know you guys were trying." Why would we announce that?!

My sister in law announced they were trying. Had everyone over for dinner, including our mother in law and told us that they were trying for a baby. She needs a lot of attention though.

surprisepkg31 · February 2015

Hmmm, I think your allowed to feel however you want to. Me personally don't think it is a big deal for anyone to just simply ask. People are all in so many different places in their heads and as pregnant women all consumed with what's going on with us I think that it's easy to be sensitive about anything. A simple yes or no to the question is not a big deal. I for one was totally shocked I was pregnant. I had pretty much decided I wasn't going to have kids and a month later I was pregnant. My husband and I have been together 12 years married for 5, I'm 32 he is 37. I have had this question alot and it just doesn't bother me at all. I guess if you don't discuss that type of thing with friends and acquaintances at all then it would be a valid question don't you think? I mean as much as I agree it's nobody business I think outsiders should be given a little break..... as people's reactions are all so unique.

mrscate88 · February 2015

Haha, loving hearing all these crazy questions you ladies are all getting from people. I really feel like most people just don't think ahead and are just trying to make conversation, so I'm not mad about it, it just gets annoying because when you think about the question logically, you're basically asking me if I was using protection or not. If you aren't using protection, then you must know it will eventually lead to a baby, so when I announce I'm pregnant, there is no need to inquire about how it came about. We had sex and got pregnant, plan complete! Haha. I'm just going to start telling people the condom broke haha, that ought to end the inquiries. Interesting new stage of life I'm dealing with!

PhoenixJewels · February 2015

My daughter (10) from a prior relationship was not planned and I was only 20 and unmarried at the time. My husband and I got married this past June 6-13-14. Due to numerous medical issues I have we didn't think I could have another baby but we were hoping. Unfortunately a few weeks after the wedding we both lost our jobs so we were focused on figuring out finances and new jobs. Just a blessing our wee one was conceived 12-13-14, our 6 MO wedding anniversary and just after I start a new job XD So I do get the question and it does agitate me because it sort of implies (to me) that they don't think we can handle having a baby. Whereas my younger sister who is unmarried, unemployed has 1 kid who is 7 and 3 who are under 3 and keeps having more until "the good Lord Jesus stops giving me babies"...so what if my baby is or isn't planned? He/she is wanted and loved.

MrsPyrowiz · March 2015

preggersinparis said:
Yes, it's totally rude. Or how about when people say, "Oh, I didn't know you guys were trying." Why would we announce that?!

OMG, my entire family! Well, we thought about telling you that we have been having non stop sex for the purpose of procreating, but then thought you maybe shouldn't be public information. Like what the eff??

followinJesus · March 2015

outdoorsyinoregon said:
I did get "Since you're pregnant now are you going to keep living in sin or get married finally?"
First of all, I am married and have been with my husband for 7 years.

I've been at my job for a few years and I guess because I'm only 22 a coworker of mine asked me yesterday when I was gunna get married now that I'm pregnant. I almost laughed out loud and I think his wife almost smacked him lol. I smiled as I reminded him that I got married in September and showed him a wedding picture. He didn't say much after that nor did it take him long to get up from the lunch table lol

I'm guessing you were probably more caught of guard than I was though as I've only been married 5 months and you have been for 7 years...Congrats to all the new moms!

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